perfidy

By now, even headhunters in the highlands of New Guinea are aware that the Jesus Phone from Apple will be released on the 29th of this month. But I will have to wait a little longer to get my hands on my own personal iPhone. My current two year contract does not expire until July 17th, and I must wait until it does before starting a new one. Damn, damn, damn. Mrs. Buckethead is highly dubious of my intentions to get a new phone, especially since it costs half a grand. I have a perfectly good Motorola Razr, she says, and she's right. But the Razr doesn't have that touchscreen magic. It doesn't have the preternaturally slick interface that can only come from Apple. It doesn't have WiFi. I want an iPhone so bad I can taste it.

So check this out: a young Chinese government censor let a memorial to the victims of theTiananmen Square massacre slip past her into the paper she censors, because having grown up with censored news, she'd never heard of it.

Haw!

On the subject of the 2012 olympic logo and its relative quality, I am told by the whole internets that the prevailing opinion is "it looks like Lisa Simpson giving a blowjob."

Why yes... yes it does.

London must stand firm. They MUST NOT bow to pressure to abandon this hilarious and utterly appropriate logo! If this logo goes, the terrorists win.
 

Via CNN: Congressman indicted in global corruption case

Story Highlights

• William Jefferson faces 16 charges of bribery, obstruction, racketeering
• Louisiana Democrat's schemes reached across Atlantic, prosecutors say
• Investigators found $90,000 in Jefferson's home freezer
• Search of Capitol Hill office prompted constitutional questions

I hope that the long time between the refrigerator raid and the indictment helped the Feds guarantee this smug, smarmy, thieving fuck does hard time for the rest of his life.

It seems that Liftport, the space elevator company, is running into some serious trouble - which bodes ill for both efforts to build a beanstalk, and for friend of the Ministry Brian. Here's hoping that they get it together. I want to ride a train to space.

West Virginia is second only to New Jersey in the abuse leveled at it from the decent states. And just like not everyone can be thick-headed, rude Mafioso-wannabes living in a pestilential, polluted industrial nightmare; not everyone can be inbred, uncultured rednecks living in abject poverty amidst the wreckage of a once beautiful landscape. There is, thank heaven, only one West Virginia.

• America’s Dip Cup
• The Robert E. Byrd Memorial State
• The Mountainish State
• It seemed like a good idea at the time
• Got Teeth?
• My other car is West Virginia
• The State of Brotherly, and Sisterly, Love
• Almost Poland
• Not Just Strip Mines and Rednecks Any More. Well, Okay, Still Just Strip Mines And Rednecks.
• Because somebody has to make Virginia look good
• The Manhandle State
• Oh, honestly, people. We have a world-class orchestra. We have a university.
• Where Senator Robert E. Byrd Sends Your Federal Tax Money
• Come see our new paved roads! You paid for them!
• Now with electicity
• Where girls and grizzly bears both lick their paws
• We Figured There Was Enuff "Norths" and "News”
• Fighting Never Proved Anything, Except Who’s Better
• Where "family values" has a slightly different meaning
• One Big Happy Family
• Why’d we have to throw out the good part of the state?
• That’s “Appalachian-American” to you, fucko
• We... hey, Joe-Bob, pass me the chewin' tobakky, willya?
• New Jersey is down on its knees before Almighty God giving thanks that we are in the union
• Deliverance was filmed in South Carolina; Indeed, Our Rate of Murderous Inbred Banjoists Is Well Below That of Massachusetts
• Where cars up on blocks outnumber cars that run 3-1
• West Virginia: Better When You’re Drunk
• The non-wealthy, non-slave-ownin’, white trash Virginia
• Hateful, Talentless, War-Lovin’ Trailer Trash
• Yes, you can live in a trailer on a 45 degree slope. Why?
• Duct tape is the new chrome
• It's All Relative in West Virginia
• New Jersey is the West Virginia of the North
• Hey, we’re an oppressed minority, too
• West Virginia is the Best Virginia
• Readin’, ‘Ritin’, and Route 77 to Cleveland
• West Virginia is Bigger than France
• West Virginia Bathes More than France
• Ain’t No Lovin’ Like West Virginia Lovin’
• The Hillbilly Rape State
• Montani semper leperi
• Weird, Woebegone, West Virginia
• Semper Redneckius
• Almost Heaven, for very generous values of “almost”
• We know God hates us, ‘cause coal is so much cheaper than oil
• Just think if we was rich like them ay-rab shakes. Damitalltohell.
• The fightenest, drinkenest state in the Union
• The Moonshine State
• You ain’t a revenoor, is ya?
• The Commonwealth of Byrd
• Byrdania
• The People’s Republic of Kleegle-Byrd
• Byrdmark
• Byrdland
• Byrdatopia
• Byrdania
• Die Grosser Byrdreich

Presenting the branding icon for the 2012 games, which will encompass all marketing, communication, structures, uniforms, and all other aspects concerning the look and feel of this most significant international competition.

2012: Jagged Bits of Broken Crockery

I love a good sex scandal, probably way more than the next person.

I had to hear about Jessica Cutler from an Assistant Attorney General outside of the United States. Sex blogging is more his thing than mine (Reading them, not writing them) and he's the kind of naughty boy who'd get sucked into this sort of tale. (No pun intended.) We love public drama overspill like this. We're terrible people, which is what makes us so fun.

Anyhow, apparently she's filed for bankruptcy because she struggling to pay her bills due to a $20 million dollar lawsuit from her former paramour. He's a complete idiot for having sex with her in the first place because she's really kind of ugly. I've seen pugs with cuter faces, but who am I to compare since she's looks like a B or a C-cup in her Playboy shoot and last I checked I'm still wearing a tightly packed A. (And that's only when I'm retaining water like a dyke in the Netherlands.)

She was dumb to use their initials anyway. I give them names like 'The Chemist', 'Valentine', 'Italian Wonder Boy'. It keeps people guessing and makes men paranoid that I'm writing about them. Of course, some I don't make up, like 'Wolf'. (Of course he bites!)

Hat tip to Udandi Andi!

Patton has accused me of being overly concerned about wasting a scarce natural resource. The category tag. In this, of course, he is completely wrong. Naturally, I could have argued that over-categorizing a post dilutes the utility of tags. And I would have been right. But that wasn't the point. I was attacking him on aesthetic grounds, and just to stick a stick in his eye.

Just to prove that I am not some sort of homo-tree-hugging-enviro-commie, this post, which really is about everything, is tagged with every category we have. And, when I have a free moment, I'll add some new categories, and add them to this post.

So there.

If you're not reading The Pour, food and wine writer Eric Asmiov's blog on wine, spirits, and food for the New York Times, you're missing one of the country's leading thinkers about the good things in life, mulling over the finer points of his chosen craft from the bottom of a glass. Great, great stuff.

And, hey. If you're not "into" wine," or think beer is always at its best icy cold and mostly tasteless, then... shit. Read a little Asimov and learn something you didn't know. No pressure. But like that great drunkard So-crates said, the unexamined glass is not worth drinking.