Darwin Award Contender

General stupidity, from sub- to maximally-lethal.

Planck lengths & the SR-71

Interesting discourse on guns and gun games between Tactical Death Ninja and his interlocutor.

Tactical Death Ninja: "They can't adapt.  Only I can adapt.  This shit is proprietary and requires very special training that only I can provide, but it is also instinctive and anyone can learn it in 5 minutes.  That sounds like a contradiction until you realize just what kind of f-n' badass instructor I am.  The bad guys don't get it and as a result they must remain still in every way, and suffer a -4 to initiative and other modifications to both armor class and hit points."

Read it all here.

h/t K. Hungus

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Horror!

We received an email here in our sekrit underground bunker from a concerned reader.  Someone out there in the wild internets had mentioned pepper-infused Vodka, and perfidy.  Now, it may seem obvious that these things go together like two things that go really well together.  And you'd be right in thinking that.  But our concerned reader was unable to find the actual posts.

Given my staggeringly efficient search skills, locating the posts in question was in no way a problem.  In fact, if you're interested in putting spicy and boozy in the same place, just look here:

Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow may be tax time or something. And that would suck, you know?

and

Question and answer time with Drunkle John

But what was really horrifying was that this website has not mentioned Vodka - not even once, glancingly - since four years ago yesterday.

Well, VODKA VODKA VODKA VODKA VODKA VODKA VODKA!

There.  That's better.

Things haven't been the same since Minister Johno stopped posting.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Is that a bagpipe in your pocket?

For those who thought there was no way that bagpipes could possibly be more irritating: you are wrong.  For those who think the opposite, you also are wrong:

Make sure you watch to the end for the big finish.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

College, schmollege

The Instapundit has been thrashing the higher education bubble meme for this little while, most recently lining to a longish piece in New York Magazine, The University Has No Clothes.  As you, Dear Reader, will be aware if you've been paying attention the Buckethead clan is homeschooling its youngins.  So the idea of college and education and assorted issues is important to us.  I have mixed feelings about college education.  It is in theory capable of providing the sort of knowledge that simply cannot be gotten any other way.  And we all like to think of it that way.  But the reality is something more akin to a four to seven year long, savagely, offensively expensive binger with a light frosting of vocational training and (for the lucky or skilled) a creamy filling of consequence- and moral-free sex.  At the end, you are tossed into the world with a credential of dubious and rapidly diminishing value and a mortgage for an expensive house you can't live in or sell.

Now, I would be the last person on Earth to undervalue spending the better part of a decade drunk, high and nailing anything with a heart beat.  But I managed accomplish exactly that with a bare minimum of debt by the simple expedient of not actually attending college.  And of all the people I met in college, a fair number of them did graduate with debt ranging from inconvenient to crushing.  And only one is actually doing anything remotely related to his degree, and of the rest very few are doing work that actually requires a college degree in even the most tenuous way.  Did they get their, or their parent's, worth of the money spent or borrowed?  I have no sheepskin, but I am doing better financially than a large number of graduates from the small Ohio liberal arts school I attended.  And I arguably had a lot more fun.  Because when I was doing my real drinking, I never had to worry about midterms.

If I'm willing to keep my kids out of public schools to give them a better education, college is certainly up for discussion.  Do I want to drop $200k (or more, hyperinflation depending) to allow my son, and equivalent or greater sums for three daughters to go on a four year bender in a world completely divorced from reality and end up unemployable?

I think I can think of better ways to spend the best part of a million dollars.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 5

Resolutions: fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, fail, win!

An update on progress in resolution world.

  • Dieting.  Tragic fail.  Gained ten pounds.  There are lame excuses reasons for this one.  First was the baby. I'm starting off blaming young Anneliese for things beyond her control a little early, perhaps, but best get started now while she has no defenses.  The arrival of the baby was certainly the cause of chaos, and that made eating correctly more difficult.  Second was the diet plan itself.  Ferriss' idea is that one day a week is a cheat day, eat whatever the hell you want and basically be paleo the rest of the time.  This does not work for me.  Sure, I can cheat like all get out on Saturday, but switching back to paleo is all the harder.  There's usually leftover cheat food that I am sorely tempted to eat - after all, I picked it on the basis that it would be food I would really enjoy, but can't normally enjoy on a paleo system.  Also, throwing carbs and wheat into my body just as its getting used to not having them makes me feel sick and fatigued and a bit depressed.  So, I'm ditching the 4-hr body plan and going back to the more straightforward paleo that lost me much wait last year.
  • Blogging once a day.  Tragic fail.  Still want to go with this one - and now that the new baby is calming down, this may be more feasible.
  • Time consuming hobby.  Started accumulating stuff, but haven't had time to dive in.  I still want to carve out an evening for this, but this one's on hold.  Incomplete, abandoned.
  • Read thinky books.  Started all of the books I mentioned, but haven't finished them.  Also started reading the Great Mortality, about the Black Death.  Fascinating.  Will have reviews soon.  Incomplete.
  • Almost done with Volume I of the great books.  I hope to pick up the pace there.  Incomplete.
  • Made progress on book catalog - all the history and military history books are catalogued.  I've found digital copies for some, but some of the books are rather obscure and I'm not finding digital copies easy to, uh, find.  If anyone's interested, I'll post the list.  Incomplete.
  • Passports: tragic fail, no progress made.
  • Made a budget, win!  Following budget, win!  I will be debt free, God willin' and the creek don't rise, on or about Friday, Jul 8.  Still need to rein in random spending a bit, but things are proceeding nicely on this front.
  • I think I am definitely a better person than I was six weeks ago.  No closer to taking over the world.

New resolutions?  Well, I still have quite a list.  If I can wrap up the resolutions from last month by the end of this month - doable, certainly, then I will consider new ones for March.

I succeeded on the most important of my goals - the budget.  I consider the tragic fail on the diet to be a partial success, in that it was an experiment and I gained useful knowledge, which I can use going forward.  Three incompletes, but given time constraints and a newborn baby, not so bad - I did make some progress.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Shouldn't have teased the wife

At 2:07 this morning, #3 daughter came into the world, delivered by me.  Granted my wife did most of the work, but I didn't drop the baby, so we'll call that a win.

The midwife arrived about a half hour after the baby, and pronounced everything good.  Funny, through the years I've had a fair bit of emergency training, but baby delivery was really the last thing I expected to have to deal with.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 9

The other stupid thing that happened last week

While down in Columbus, the wife conceived a need to go to Walmart.  On the way back, waiting at a light, she was looking through her purse.  And her foot lifted off the break pedal a bit.  Since it was an automatic, she drifted forward and touched the bumper of the car in front of her.  So slight was the impact that she wasn't even aware that she'd touched the other car.

That is, until the woman got out and started screaming.

This Indian woman (dot) accused my wife of damaging her car.  Based on what I saw when of our car, there is no possibility that there was any damage whatsoever.  The woman called the police.  The officer, when he arrived, refused to right a citation to anyone since he couldn't detect any damage to either car.  My wife gave the harridan our insurance info.

I thought (hoped, really) that that would be the end of it.

But the day after the whole house thing blew up (see my previous post) I get a call from Geico about the "accident."  I had a hard time thinking of a .1mph impact as an accident - I've hit people's cars harder than that on purpose and caused no damage.

The bonus, though, is that the car my wife was driving was my dad's minivan, which we'd borrowed for the trip so we'd have more room.  So, I had to call Dad and explain that we'd been in an accident.  So while I was frantically trying to save my house, I had to deal with spending hours on the phone with insurance companies explaining the non-accident and making sure that the insurance adjustors when they get to look at the woman's 97 Toyota Camry, they take a skeptical view of any of her claims of damage.

Trying to get my insurance to pay for a new paint job or something for her thirteen year old car - and making my rates go up - is basically theft.  And forcing me to have to explain all this to my dad is just annoying.

Bitch.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Troy, like many other cool things, is in Finland

I've acquired a fair number of heretical and contrarian beliefs. I think I'll let this one slide, for now. Still, it's an interesting theory. An Italian Nuclear Engineer has assembled evidence that the Trojan War happened not in the Mediterranean, but in the Baltic.

Compelling evidence that the events of Homer's Iliad and Odyssey took place in the Baltic and not the Mediterranean

• Reveals how a climate change forced the migration of a people and their myth to ancient Greece

• Identifies the true geographic sites of Troy and Ithaca in the Baltic Sea and Calypso's Isle in the North Atlantic Ocean

For years scholars have debated the incongruities in Homer's Iliad and Odyssey, given that his descriptions are at odds with the geography of the areas he purportedly describes. Inspired by Plutarch's remark that Calypso's Isle was only five days sailing from Britain, Felice Vinci convincingly argues that Homer's epic tales originated not in the Mediterranean, but in the northern Baltic Sea.

Using meticulous geographical analysis, Vinci shows that many Homeric places, such as Troy and Ithaca, can still be identified in the geographic landscape of the Baltic. He explains how the dense, foggy weather described by Ulysses befits northern not Mediterranean climes, and how battles lasting through the night would easily have been possible in the long days of the Baltic summer. Vinci's meteorological analysis reveals how a decline of the "climatic optimum" caused the blond seafarers to migrate south to warmer climates, where they rebuilt their original world in the Mediterranean. Through many generations the memory of the heroic age and the feats performed by their ancestors in their lost homeland was preserved and handed down to the following ages, only later to be codified by Homer in the Iliad and the Odyssey.

Felice Vinci offers a key to open many doors that allow us to consider the age-old question of the Indo-European diaspora and the origin of the Greek civilization from a new perspective.

This other article has some more thoughts:

There is a well-known statement that “Homer is not a geographer”. This is due to one simple problem: when Homer describes a location, this often does not conform to reality. For example, Strabo wondered why in the Odyssey the island of Pharos, situated just outside of the Egyptian city of Alexandria, was said to lie a day’s sail from Egypt. In reality, it wouldn’t take five minutes. Places like Rhodes were never described as an island by Homer, though you would think he would describe it as such. The location of Homer’s Ithaca does not conform to reality either. Dulichium, the long island, has never been identified, for where it is supposed to be, there is nothing. Professor John Chadwick thus concluded: “there is a complete lack of contact between Mycenaean geography as now known from the tablets and from archaeology on the one hand, and Homer’s accounts on the other.”

Most observers have hence claimed that Homer never visited the locations, made the landscape up, etc. But some recognise that if Troy was not Hissarlik , Homer’s Pharos may not have been near Alexandria… and that would mean that the entire Iliad and Odyssey may not have occurred in those locations in and around the Mediterranean Sea that have become associated with them at all. So if not there, the question remains: where?

One important clue comes from Plutarch, who wrote that the island of Ogygia, mentioned in the Odyssey, was situated “five days sail from Britain, towards the west.” Indeed, such a location would make sense of Homer’s description of the site: a large number of seabirds is said to fly around Calypso’s Cave on Ogygia and the North Sea and its islands are far better known for their large number of seabirds than the rather tranquil coasts of the Mediterranean Sea. Elsewhere, Homer refers to the wild or singing swan, which is found in Siberia and Scandinavia, whereas Mediterranean countries only know the silent swan. Furthermore, the movement of the tides is often evoked by the bard, in both literal and figurative senses; but the tides are notoriously undramatic in the Mediterranean Sea, but all the more impressive along the shores of the North Sea.

This would place Homer’s epic in northern Europe, which may seem startling at first, but not to such well-respected authorities as Stuart Piggott: “The nobility of the [Homeric] hexameters should not deceive us into thinking that the Iliad and the Odyssey are other than the poems of a largely barbarian Bronze Age or Early Iron Age Europe.”

So Europe, but where in Europe? For Felice Vinci in “The Baltic Origins of Homer’s Epic Tales”, the answer is the Baltic States, along the coastlines of Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland, Poland, etc. As to the location of Ogygia, for Vinci it should be identified with the Faroe Islands, specifically the island Kalsoy.

Kalsoy

Vinci is not the first to argue for a Scandinavian setting. It was also offered by the Swedish historian Martin P. Nilsson. Others, such as Bertrand Russell, stated that the Mycenaean civilisation originated with fair-haired northern invaders of Greece. One obvious question is why a Northern European story would become the backbone of the Mycenaean – Greek – civilisation in Southern Europe. For Vinci, the answer is simple: when the climate began to change and grow colder, these people were forced to migrate south. One tribe, the Achaeans, reached the Peloponnese and founded the Mycenaean civilisation. The migrants had brought their legends with them, but the geography of the north did not transpose on the south, hence the discrepancy.

So where precisely does Vinci locate these battles? The Iliad is placed along the Gulf of Finland and the Odyssey in and around Denmark. Troy itself is Toija in Finland; Thebes is Täby in Sweden; the Peloponnese was Zeeland, in Denmark. Vinci’s argumentation is linguistic, showing similarities in place-names, but hence suffers from a potentially fatal flaw, as most of these names cannot be traced back to before ca. 800 AD. This means that a gap of two to three millennia exists; as mentioned by Vinci himself, these people left their homeland in 1000 BC, so how can we be certain where was what, as there was no continuous tradition present?

Still, it is clear that there is some connection between north and south Europe, for there was trade between these Baltic states and Mycenea, as revealed by the large quantity of Baltic amber that was found in the most ancient Mycenaean tombs in Greece.

That Ogygia is clearly not situated in the Mediterranean Sea, seems clear. Its vegetation does not conform to the Mediterranean climate. And in Homer’s epics, there are frequent references to fog, even snow, and of how the sun does not seem to set but instead lingers just beyond the horizon, a phenomenon that is typical for summer in the northern regions. In the Odyssey, we read: “Here we can perceive neither where darkness is nor where dawn is/ nor where the Sun shining on men goes down underground / nor where it rises.”

Furthermore, the sea is never described as being bright, but grey and misty. The characters wear tunics and “thick, heavy cloaks” which they never remove, not even during banquets. The sun or its warmth are seldom mentioned in the book, yet are what would immediately come to mind in a Mediterranean setting. Indeed, there is nothing in this geographical description that hints at a Mediterranean setting; even if Homer was not a geographer, he should at least have known what a typical Mediterranean landscape looked like – as he is believed to have lived there. Instead, it seems he lived elsewhere…

Though Vinci may be right, Piggott is most definitely right: the Achaean warriors used chariots to move across the battlefield, a method of fighting that was unknown in Greece. But similar chariot fighting was described by Julius Caesar when he invaded Britain; what he witnessed, seemed taken word by word from Homer’s accounts. Furthermore, the “great walls” of Troy (never said to be made out of stone) could be identical with the palisades around various megalithic tumuli and Celtic settings. The sweet wine the warriors drink may seem typically Mediterranean at first, but we now know that wine was grown in northern Europe, but that honey was added… making the wine indeed sweet; such an addition was not required for Mediterranean wines, and once again, it seems Homer’s heroes were thus fighting elsewhere. Finally, in Homer’s account, everyone drinks from bronze chalices, which is typical of Celtic customs – and largely absent from Mediterranean cultures.

There's more at the link.  It seems somewhat plausible - we know that the ancestors of the Greeks came into Greece from the north - they could have brought their tales with them.  At the end of the bronze age, there was a lot of migrations, cities destroyed across Egypt, Anatolia, Mesopotamia, some of that certainly included the proto-Greeks who took over from the Mycenaeans.  I don't know what evidence there is of bronze age ships in the Baltic - but this sort of literary detective work is what ended up in the discovery of L'ans aux Meadows in Newfoundland, all from clues in the Eddas.  Might have to read some more on this one.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Be sane. Your bizarre deaths would make me look crazy.

Aretae started up a Google group for the purpose of monkeybrain solidarity in maintaining a paleo-style diet.  I'm not actually starting the diet until Monday, due to patriotic obligations, but the group has already yielded one great quote, used in the title.

If anyone is interested in joining, go over here for the details.  If you don't know what a paleo diet is, well, google is your friend.  But in the meantime, you can see Aretae's post.  I first got interested in this when I read Gary Taubes' excellent book, Good Calories, Bad Calories.  The essential idea is that we are not evolutionarily prepared for the massive ingestion of refined carbohydrates.  The presence of these in the body disturbs the fat metabolism, causing energy to be sequestered in the body as fat, rather than used as fuel.  By restricting carbohydrate intake - moving toward protein and fat, you restore the balance, and all the fat will seep into your bloodstream as energy.

I did the diet last fall, with good results.  I lost ten pounds in little over a month, with absolutely no hunger.  And I cheated a bit even.  What killed the diet was the onset of Thanksgiving - and I didn't jump back on the wagon after.  But while I was on it, I felt better, had higher energy levels, was less sleepy at work.  I'm looking forward to getting going again.

Two great resources on paleo diet are these blogs - Free the Animal, and PaNu.  Also of interest is this article from the November, 1935 issue of Harpers.  That article alone pretty much disproves (in a Karl Popper sense) most of what we've been told about nutrition for the last four decades.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

One beer good, two beer bad

I was going to write about Formalism.  I thought that one beer would be relaxing, get me in the mood, as it were.  Two beers, it turns out, make me sleepy.  I never noticed that before because I usually have one beer, or many, many beers.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Wherein I admit that I am a reactionary

A couple years ago, I ran across - I can't remember how - a peculiar website. Unqualified Reservations is a reactionary anti-democracy advocacy site. It's pseudonymous (I hope, for it would require some truly cruel parents to be otherwise) author Mencius Moldbug argues at great length that our current system of government is irretrievably broken, and that our only hope is a complete do-over. And that when we start over, we should be leaving all the democracy business behind us.

Well, that sounds weird, doesn't it? One's natural instinct is to judge the author mad, and go about one's affairs. But if you dig in a bit, you see that there are two aspects to his voluminous writings. (Those who remember fondly the USS Clueless will not be staggered by their length. But everyone else will.) The first aspect is an incisive critique of what we have right now. The second is a prescription for what we should replace it with, and how. In the first, I find myself more or less completely convinced. The second - I have issues with.

In the time since I first happened upon UR and Moldbuggianism, I've read his entire archives. Which is a metric buttload of stuff, to be sure. Without a whole lot of exaggeration, I can say that it had a serious impact on how I view the world. This may sound cheap - but one of the reasons I've not posted much over the last couple years is that I can't comment on anything related to current affairs without thinking about Moldbug, and I wasn't quite ready to out myself as an anti-democracy reactionary. But I guess that time has come. And I find myself surprised at how much I've resisted actually admitting that, even on a little-read blog with a single digit audience.

In my discussions with intelligent and well-informed individuals over the last decade or so, I often found myself looking at problems, arguing about solutions with a distinct sense that something was missing. While I am temperamentally conservative, I guess, I as often found myself attacking conservatives as liberals. Some cases could be explained away as those politicians or pundits failing to live up to conservative ideals. Or they were idiots. Or they were just politicians of whom i shouldn't be expecting anything. Or in the case of George Bush, some would say all three. Railing against all sides of the political spectrum makes you either a libertarian, I conspiracy nut, or just bitter and confused. I was trending toward the latter, with dalliances in the other two.

I felt that there should be a unifying explanation for everything I hated. A grand unified theory of hate. The whole process was similar to what I went through with dark matter and cosmology, and like then, I found an answer.

Back a couple months ago, I went looking for people who were commenting on Moldbug in an intelligent way, and I do believe I hit the jackpot in finding Aretae, Isegoria and Foseti. (I've been reading them, and dropping a few comments here and there, for a couple weeks now, and I recommend them highly.)

To them, most of what I'm about to say is old hat. Perhaps they can add some thoughts. This is for my fellow Perfidians, and my reader. (Hi Bram!)

Okay, how to summarize Moldbug? The dude has written probably a million words in the last four years. But, thanks to the magic of the internets, we have this: Condensed Moldbuggery. And you can start where I started with "How I Stopped Believing in Democracy" or dive into the first part (of 12!) of "An Open Letter to Open-Minded Progressives" The basic idea though, is that progressivism is a cancer, descended from universalist protestantism and metastasized into a number of horrific tumors including Nazism, Communism and the US Government. Along the way, he demolishes modern conservatism, takes swipes at libertarianism, and sings the praises of people we've largely forgotten, like the nineteenth century historian Thomas Carlyle.

It's hard to digest in one lump. But his critique of what we have before us is, I think, spot on. It gives us reasons for why the left acts like a religion. Because it is. It gives us a hint as to why conservatism fails, utterly, at most things it tries to do. Because, for one, it is merely warmed over thirty year old progressivism fighting against current progressivism. And for another, it fails to understand what it is. It survives because the dominant religion needs heretics, and because it is a home for traditionalists who don't like change. It explains why the State Department behaves so oddly, why the military is not allowed to win, and any number of other things.

The short of it is that a reactionary believes that the real struggle is between order and chaos. Modern progressives are, at heart, anarchists and the enemy of civilization. True liberty can only occur after order has been secured - the emergent order of markets, networks and the like depend on an underlying real order. And the store of civilizational order that we had built up has been pissed away by ten generations of democracy, the result being the crap heap we see before us.

To take one hypothesis and use it to explain a wide array of phenomena is, to me, a good sign of a powerful theory. So I dig it. It resolved issues that I had long had with politics - and gave me a way of looking at things that was entirely outside the bipolar democratic/republican thinking that had long been unsatisfactory. Moldbug's analysis of the modern world now has a comfortable apartment in my brain.

I have more issues with what he proposes as solutions for these problems, but I'll save that for the future. In the meantime, I really suggest - despite its length - reading the open letter series. Even if you remain unconvinced, I think you'll at least be entertained.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

Truer words are rarely spoken

From Scalzi, a link to a very wise post.

Note: this chart not to scale; the red slice is unimaginably large.

Although it merits a spot in the update at the bottom of the post, I would argue that one subcategory of the Shit you don't know you don't know is really more dangerous, and important, than the rest - the Shit you think you know, but don't.  This results in active stupid, truly dangerous or offensive behavior.  Someone who doesn't know something, when exposed to knowledge of it, will usually accept that there is something to learn.  But if you're convinced that you know something you will have absolutely no motivation to learn it, no matter how desperately important it is that you do.

I also dig this characterization of Don Rumsfeld's comments from a few years back:

The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don’t know
We don’t know.

—Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 2

Guess What I'm Doing

Believe it or not, I'm redesigning Perfidy again.  I've had a whole bunch of design ideas I've wanted to play with, and I'm actually finding that I have a little bit of time and motivation to post again.

So go figure.  I've spent a whole day designing a website that I use once a month on average, and that no one else reads.  That's productivity, dammit!

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 5

Good help is exceeding hard to find

Even in a down economy, it turns out. Let me set a quick stage for you:

My wife decided we were switching from Comcast cable service to the still-somewhat-new AT&T uVerse service. Her reasons, while I'm sure good and valid, are a mystery to me.

Nevertheless, after waiting two weeks for an install, she got a visit this past Tuesday morning from the AT&T guy, ready to do his thing. He said it should take no more than two hours. We were having three cable connections in the house replaced, with the attendant three new cable decoder boxes.

Several trips seem to have been required between our house and the nearest fiber drop in the neighborhood, half a mile away. Odd, but no matter, right? It then got progressively more weird - four, count 'em, four trips were made to the house by yet another AT&T installer, each time bringing a cable decoder box to replace one of the ones that Spanky, our installer, found not to be in good working order.

Five hours after he'd started his two hour job, Spanky left, happy with the job he'd done. TV was working at all three cable boxes, and the wireless access to the internet was also working. He'd personally verified it, using one of my wife's laptop computers. I'm certain he verified it, not just because wireless worked on our other laptops, but because when I checked Gmail, he'd left himself signed in on my wife's Thinkpad, to his personal Gmail account.

It goes without saying that IQ might not be one of the top ten attributes AT&T uses in choosing its installers. More on that in a minute.

In addition to flawless TV and wireless access to his personal Gmail account on my wife's computer, he also left the rest of my network (the wired part, in the office upstairs) completely horked. It appears not to have occurred to him that anyone still uses wired Ethernet connections. Dealing with all the wires he'd casually disconnected and dropped behind the desk, while reconnecting the several switches and the router in the office after I'd gotten home from work took a solid hour of my time.

But it was all made worth it when my wife told me "the rest of the story", this evening. How she'd forgotten to tell me yesterday, I don't know, but once I heard it, the delay didn't matter.

Spanky, who reportedly had AT&T support on his most worn-out cell-phone speed dial button, was upstairs near the end of our ordeal, trying to get a good picture on the device connected to the upstairs cable box. My wife walked upstairs in time to help him with his travails, however, shortening what might have been a 7 hour install (how does AT&T make any money at this?) into "only" 5 hours.

The picture he was getting was fuzzy, and it was cycling up and down the screen, for reasons he and Albert Einstein, his telephone correspondent, were unable to determine. Mrs. Patton to the rescue - she pointed out to him that he should be connecting to the 25" TV 5 feet away from him, instead of attempting to get a good signal on my daughter's fucking 7" screen karaoke machine.

[wik] True story.

[alsø wik] Seriously.

[alsø alsø wik] I shit you not.

[wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?] On further review by the replay official, my lovely wife, they only needed to replace three of the devices, not four. And karaoke machine has only a 4" screen, not 7", which casts Spanky's ineptitude in a whole 'nother light. The author regrets any inconvenience caused by these inaccuracies.

[see the løveli lakes...] Speaking of inconvenience, this morning (2/7/2009), the service went tits-up, and they're rushing one of their MENSA candidates out to resolve the matter. Tomorrow fucking night, between 4:00PM and 9:00PM.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 3

Willie Nelson - senile retard or dain bramaged doper?

And why, of course, couldn't it be both?

Willie Nelson wants President Bush impeached

AUSTIN -- American icon Willie Nelson says he supports efforts to impeach President Bush and "throw the bastards out," adding that the administration will do anything to stay in power, including staging an event to cancel the election.

I'm down with him disliking Bush and his cohorts - it's a free country, and he's entitled to his opinions, deranged, inflated, or otherwise. The presumption that there's some secret plot, or even the possibility of such, to derail the election is pure lunacy.
...

Nelson denied earlier reports that he said no planes hit the World Trade Center on 9/11. He said he was talking about WTC 7, which fell in the late afternoon of 9/11.

His denials ring hollow - the original stories on his status as a 9/11 moron seem more credible. The same fevered stupidity that drives his trutherism feeds his certainty that the change of government is to be thwarted.

Dipshit.

He and others like him who think we live in some form of a dictatorship that quashes voters' will and free speech rights seem not to catch the irony that they've not been placed into the reeducation camps of their addlepated nightmares.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 3

Is it illegal to steal from thieves?

It occurs to me, after reading the articles about the money mules, that you could:

  1. Set up a fake paypal account, tied to one of those super-market pay-as-you-go credit cards.
  2. Set up a fake email address, and sign up on Monster.com with a fake resume, etc.
  3. Sign up for money mule scheme.
  4. Wait for them to deposit money in the paypal account.
  5. Keep the money.

Seems like it would work better than the average

  1. Collect underpants
  2. ???
  3. Profit!

schemes.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Intiate our business relations

You would think that, being unemployed, I would have lots of time to devote to blogging. Clearly, you are wrong. Why, you may ask, if I'm not working and not posting, what the Sam Hell am I doing?

Well, scouring the internets for job leads is surprisingly time consuming. So, also, is leaving voicemails for stealth recruiters. And you can spend simply hours and hours trying to find out who the hiring managers are at a large corportation.

And of course, the little Bucketheads demand attention. And need it from me since Mrs. Buckethead is trying to take up the slack, work-wise. And then there's the occasional freelance gig. Throw some seasonal affective disorder into the mix. And best of all, five repeat performances of the most annoying cold I have ever known.

What I'd like to share with you, though, is one of the amusing modern side-effects of conducting a job search. Hidden amidst the emails from Indian recruiters, there was this. Check out the prose stylings:

Dear Buckethead,

You have now received this letter because of the fact that your career profile and personal job-searching information on the recruiting resouces are suitable for our enterprise. Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is looking forward to start the mutually profitable co-operation with an efficient, diligent and reliable figure.

That is why, we would wish to see you a member of our labour collective.

Let us give you some details about PE Inc. Our company is specializing in worldwide escrow performing services. We have been conducting this business for 3 years already, and have achieved great prosperity. Since our activities are international, the clients, we are co-operating with, live in more than 20 countries all over the world (the USA, Canada, Western and Eastern Europe). Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is headquartered in Warsau, but on the US territory, there are a number of subdivisions. As the number of our customers is increasing actively, more prosperous personnel must be hired. If you are interested in apply for a well-paid, secured and fascinating job with the long-term career prospects, flexible schedule and a variety of perks and bonuses, PE Inc. would like you to join the team.

You can find more detailed information about the positions available and read through the company's bio at your earliest convenience. Our support team is ready you to provide you all the nessesary instructions and assistance.

If you want to intiate our business relations immediately or apply for help, please, put in the application mail to us.

The followings are the thorough information to get in contact with us:

- telephone: +1 (845) 704-7542
- fax: +1 (845) 519-1486
- e-mail: douglas.peinc@gmail.com

Our vacant positions are ready to be taken by any resourceful and ambitious person like you.

Best Regards,
PE Inc.

I think I'd feel more comfortable if I knew that aliens wrote that message. Anal probing might be more congenial than being assimilated into the PE Inc labor collective. The gmail account is a sure sign of a prosperous company that I would just die to work for. But, on the plus side, I just resource and ambitious people like me purely love to take vacant positions.

This email hovers right on the edge of self-mockery. It is awkward, but yet comprehensible still. A few changes, and it would be as good as some of the best Nigerian scams. Like perhaps:

Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is being headquartered in Warsau, but on the US territory. There is a great number of subdivisions. As the number of our customers does increasing vigorously, more numinous personnel must in fact hire. If you are interested in apply for a large-paid, secured and fascinating title with the long-term career prospecting, flexible schedule, a variety of perks and bonuses, PE Inc. would like you to join with you.

I think I'll tell them to give me $50 bucks for a complete rewrite.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1