September 2005

Cleveland close to a wildcard slot

This page on the Cleveland Plain Dealer lays out the possibilities for the tribe catching a ride to the playoffs this year. Here are the details:

  • If the Indians sweep the White Sox, they win the wild card

  • The earliest the Indians can clinch is on Saturday, provided they win Friday and Saturday and the Yankees take the first two from Boston

  • If the Indians drop the first two games of the series with Chicago and win on Sunday, the best they can hope for is a one-game playoff with the Yankees (at Jacobs Field) or Red Sox (at Fenway) on Monday

  • Also...

  • If Indians go 2-1 and Boston goes 2-1: Boston and New York play Monday in a playoff for the AL East with the loser playing the Indians for the wild card on Tuesday

  • If Indians go 2-1 and Boston goes 1-2: Then Indians win wild card

  • If Indians goes 2-1 and Boston goes 0-3: The Indians win wild card

  • If Indians go 1-2 and Boston goes 2-1: Then Red Sox win wild card

  • If Indians and Boston go 1-2: Then Indians, Red Sox play one-game playoff at Fenway

  • If Indians go 0-3 and Boston wins at least one: Then Red Sox win wild card

  • If both Indians and Red Sox go 0-3: Then Indians, Red Sox play one-game playoff at Fenway

Much as I like the Red Sox and hate the Yankees, I will have to be rooting for the team of evil to further my own team's chances of getting that last playoff berth.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

Bend over, if you have the strength, and kiss your ass goodbye

Or at least kiss me goodbye.

It seems that the bird flu is killing nearly everyone that gets it now, according to an aggregate of links at boingboing. Oh, shit. Remember last winter when I was sick for nearly six months with the mystery respiratory illness, gravely ill for three of them? And the winter before that when I had the six-month cold? And the winter before that and the one before that when I got bronchitis and pneumonia?

Gentlemen, I can outwit zombies, commies, and roving hordes of postnuclear mutants, but I have a really terrible, terrible feeling that when the bird flu comes knocking, my number's up. Nice knowin' ya.

[wik]I mean, seriously. This Guardian piece quotes experts estimating an 8-million death floor and a likely 200 million death worst case if this thing figures out how to transmit human-to-human. Which they think it might be doing.

[alsø wik] The comment thingy wouldn't accept a hyperlink, so I'll put it here. Because I can.

As an added bonus, it looks as if that strain of Asian Birdy Flu everyone is worried about is resistant to the primary antiviral drug, tamiflu. Everyone is stockpiling that just in case, but it looks like that won't help for jack.

A strain of the H5N1 bird flu virus that may unleash the next global flu pandemic is showing resistance to Tamiflu, the antiviral drug that countries around the world are now stockpiling to fend off the looming threat.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 2

You have been chosen

Attend! The Ministry has made crucial and important changes to the blogroll! After a long and painful probationary period involving extensive background checks, lifestyle polygraphs and a couple anal probes, Ted of Rocket Jones has been summarily promoted to the exalted status of "Crony." This act of generosity and selflessness on the part of the Ministry unfortunately has led to other, unintended acts of generosity and selflessness.

The #12 slot of the Ministry's top five list was now open. After extensive deliberations, the Ministry select committee for blog roll changes (promotions and executions sub-committee) determined that Rand Sindberg's Transterrestrial Musings should be elevated to that honorable position despite having a name reminiscent of a Futurama character. His meaty space technology goodness (and offers of sexual favors to committee members) proved to be decisive in the committee's choice.

This however, left yet another open slot, this time in the Ministry Legion of Merit. Rather than reward the obsequious pleadings of the millions of blogs who have petitioned us for recognition, the Committee has deigned to recognize a very new blog. Albion's Seedling is a group blog founded in the last month by Jim Bennett, author of the notorious geo-political tome The Anglosphere Challenge.

Thank you for your Cooperation
This Message from the Ministry of Minor Perfidy

Posted by Ministry Ministry on   |   § 4

Screw federalism, can my computer vote?

In an article for Wired News, Bruce Schneier writes of the challenges the Supreme Court will face in the future as a result of our swiftly advancing technology.

Recent advances in technology have already had profound privacy implications, and there's every reason to believe that this trend will continue into the foreseeable future. Roberts is 50 years old. If confirmed, he could be chief justice for the next 30 years. That's a lot of future.

Here are some examples. Advances in genetic mapping continue, and someday it will be easy, cheap and detailed -- and will be able to be performed without the subject's knowledge. What privacy protections do people have for their genetic map, given that they leave copies of their genome in every dead skin cell that they leave behind? What protections do people have against government actions based on this data? Against private actions?

Should a customer's genetics be considered when granting a mortgage, or determining its interest rate?

Surveillance is another area where technological advances will raise new constitutional questions. I've written about wholesale surveillance, the ability of the government to collect data on everyone and then search that data looking for certain people. We're already seeing this kind of surveillance by automatic license plate readers and aerial photographs.

In the future, this will become more personal. New technologies will be able to peer through walls, under clothing, beneath skin, perhaps even into the activity of the brain. Sen. Joseph Biden (D-Delaware) rhetorically asked Roberts: "Can microscopic tags be implanted in a person's body to track his every movement.... Can brain scans be used to determine whether a person is inclined toward criminal or violent behavior?" What should be the limits on what the police can do without a warrant?

These issues will be coming to the court in less than a decade. Even more outlandish issues will follow quickly on their heels. In the not to distant future, computers will attain the raw computational power of the human brain. If we create a machine intelligence is it a citizen, and subject to the same rights as you and I, or is it merely subject to copyright law? Neuroscientists and programmers are working to reverse engineer the brain. If you scan your brain, is it you, or are you you? What rights does a simulated animal have - we are working on that right now. If you unplug a simulation of a cat, can the SPCA come after you?

Beyond the world of artificial intelligence, steroid use will seem on a level with steam engines compared to advanced genetic engineering. If you reengineer your nervous system and musculature for greater strength and speed and hti 200 home runs, do you get an asterisk next to your name in the record books?

And what happens when advanced materials technology arrives? Even short of actual, full-on replicating assembler nanotechnology, it is not hard to imagine that home fabricators could become as common as home laser printers. Will the free hardware movement be distributing open source specifications for material goods? What happens when all property becomes intellectual property, and you can have any physical good with merely the software specifications and a pile of dirt? If the cost of materials becomes functionally zero - as it already is for text, software and media - intellectual property disputes will determine the nature of our entire economy.

Further, specifications for weapons and explosives distributed over the internet could allow miscreants to "print" guns, bombs or whatever right from their home fabricator.

Computer and information technology shows no sign in slowing down, in fact even the rate of increase is increasing. With computer power doubling in just over a year, every year, how long before ubiquitous monitoring, in real time, is possible? Can you outwit a million supercomputers with sophisticated and self-learning pattern matching software? Probably not.

These are only a few of the issues that will be before us in the next two decades. The pace of change is accelerating, and the world of ten years from now will be more strange than the world of a hundred years ago. It's going to be a wild ride.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Objectively pro-Islamofascist

This came out Monday, so excuse my tardiness. A lot of people have linked to it, but if I can't be redundant here, where can I be? Christopher Hitchens is without doubt my favorite liberal. He is also the only well known liberal that I have ever personally met. He is much shorter in person. He had this to say about the recent demonstration in Washington:

To be against war and militarism, in the tradition of Rosa Luxemburg and Karl Liebknecht, is one thing. But to have a record of consistent support for war and militarism, from the Red Army in Eastern Europe to the Serbian ethnic cleansers and the Taliban, is quite another. It is really a disgrace that the liberal press refers to such enemies of liberalism as "antiwar" when in reality they are straight-out pro-war, but on the other side. Was there a single placard saying, "No to Jihad"? Of course not. Or a single placard saying, "Yes to Kurdish self-determination" or "We support Afghan women's struggle"? Don't make me laugh. And this in a week when Afghans went back to the polls, and when Iraqis were preparing to do so, under a hail of fire from those who blow up mosques and U.N. buildings, behead aid workers and journalists, proclaim fatwahs against the wrong kind of Muslim, and utter hysterical diatribes against Jews and Hindus.

Some of the leading figures in this "movement," such as George Galloway and Michael Moore, are obnoxious enough to come right out and say that they support the Baathist-jihadist alliance. Others prefer to declare their sympathy in more surreptitious fashion. The easy way to tell what's going on is this: Just listen until they start to criticize such gangsters even a little, and then wait a few seconds before the speaker says that, bad as these people are, they were invented or created by the United States. That bad, huh? (You might think that such an accusation—these thugs were cloned by the American empire for God's sake—would lead to instant condemnation. But if you thought that, gentle reader, you would be wrong.)

This is not to say that there can't be meaningful criticisms of the war, or of the way it is being conducted. But that is not what these people are about. I saw a car Saturday - likely on his way down to the big fashion meet - with an upside down flag hanging from the antenna. I am a peaceful man, but I wanted to run that asshole off the road, and then beat him senseless with a baseball bat. Far to many of these sub-morons simply do not understand, well, anything. About what America is, or what the terrorists are, or about what liberty might actually mean, or what many have sacrificed to preserve and extend it. And how they expect to convince others with their asinine slogans and offensive theatrics is completely beyond my comprehension.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Don't be evil

These folks think that Google is not living up to its corporate motto: "Don't be evil." Here, they explain the evils of gmail. I don't think they'll find a large audience given the near reverence most people feel for Google. I can see that some of what they say is cause for at the very least theoretical concern. But the utility of gmail is simply to amazing for me to want to give it up.

Just one aspect of google's mail interface was enough to sell me - the way it aranges emails by conversation. The fact that I don't have to delete emails, and the ease with which I can sort them is enough to make me a satisfied user. And the spam filtering is the best I've ever seen. All my email accounts now direct their output at on gmail account, where I can archive and search all of my email. Unless we start hearing stories of abuse, I think I'll just be reckless and keep using Big Brother Google's email, map, search and news features.

On another computer security issue, this bit on samizdata is fascinating. The comments have a lot of info about computer security that is worth reading.

Widescale use of computers is really still in its infancy. Privacy, security and fraud issues are only going to get more complex, dangerous, and opaque as time goes on.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Heads up

Be aware that there is a new, and fairly clever identity theft scam being perpetrated on the unwary. The security officer here at work (I'm a contractor for a tendril of the Department of Justice anemone) sent everyone this email:

In this scam, the scammer calls the residence or office number of the victim and identifies themselves as an officer or employee of the local court of jurisdiction. The scammer announces to the victim, that he/she has failed to report for jury duty, and that a bench warrant was issued against them for their arrest. The victim's reaction is one of shock and surprise which places them at an immediate disadvantage, and much more susceptible to the scam. The victim will rightly deny knowledge of any such claim; that no jury duty notification was ever received.

The scammer shifts into high gear, reassuring the victim of the possibility this is all "just a misunderstanding" or "some sort of clerical error" that can be straightened out on the phone. All they need to do is "verify" their information with a few simple questions. Any reluctance on the victim's part and the scammer will threaten that the failure to provide the information will result in an immediate execution of the arrest warrant. The scammer obtains names, social security numbers, dates of birth, and will solicit credit card or bank account numbers claiming these will be used by their credit bureau to "verify" the victim's identity. Family members who receive these calls are especially vulnerable to coercion. Threats against the victim's career, should he/she be arrested and now have a criminal record, are frightening and persuasive.

Employees and their adult family members must be made aware of this threat to their personal information and identities. Legitimate court employees will never call to solicit information, and would send any official notification by standard mail delivery. Any person receiving such calls should record the scammer's phone number (if Caller ID is available) and immediately report the contact to law enforcement officials.

I believe that most of our readership is fairly savvy, techwise, and not exactly prone to being duped by this sort of thing. Nevertheless, forewarned is forearmed.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

The Delay indictment is utterly wrong-headed

Bloomberg, along with everyone else, informs us that "House Majority Leader DeLay Indicted for Conspiracy". Elsewhere, "Republican leadership in disarray after DeLay indictment"

"He's the one person they can't replace," Steny Hoyer, a senior Democrat in the House, said earlier this year of Mr DeLay.

I'm forced to point out that this is a perfect example of everything that's wrong in Washington, and by extension, with our entire political system. Tom Delay was indicted first, foremost, and solely for leading the charge to make the US Congress' delegation from Texas match the political makeup in the state. In essence, he played a crucial role in gerrymandering the gerrymandering of several earlier generations of gerrymandering. And when you're egging Dean Wormer's house, well, you're going to break a few eggs.

Tom Delay being subjected to prosecution in this case is wrong. You see, what Tom Delay should instead have been indicted for the inanity inherent in his assertion that the budget's just about as tight as it needs to be, and there's no fat left to cut. And he should be convicted for believing it, as I'm sure he does. Moron.

Steny Hoyer, quoted in the story up top is right - the Republicans are going to have one heck of a time replacing "The Hammer". I don't know that there is an inexhaustible supply of folks in the Republican delegation with the hubris and stupidity to say and believe the things that Delay has.

If Hoyer's correct, he'll be quite hard to replace, and that's an altogether good thing.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 3

More jokes that are worth a chuckle regardless of one's biases

Or so I thought:

It is late in the OSU-Michigan game on an overcast day. Michigan has the ball on the OSU 3, with 2 seconds left, and down 14-10. There is time for one more play.

Lloyd Carr calls timeout. As the team is coming to the sideline, Lloyd looks to the heavens and says, "God - I've been a good man. A churchgoing man. I've tried to do what's right and I've never asked you for anything. But, this is a big game and if I could get a little guidance, I would be forever grateful".

The clouds part, sun shines on Lloyd and he hears a voice bellow "I Right 39 Pitch Trap".

Lloyd can't believe it! God himself gave him the play! It'll work for sure. The team comes to the sideline and Lloyd excitedly gives them the play. The timeout ends and the teams come back on the field. Lloyd can barely contain his excitement - he's going to win.

Play resumes and the ball is snapped. The Michigan QB pitches to the back. For a split second, there's a hole - which is quickly filled by AJ Hawk, who tackles the Michigan back short of the goal line.

Time expires and Ohio State players storm the field to celebrate. Lloyd is in shock - he can't believe the play didn't work. Lloyd looks to the heavens and cries, "God - why did you call THAT play?"

God looks down, shrugs, turns to his right and says, "Woody - why did we call that play?"

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 3

Well, no shit!

It may be a lame, pollyannaesque effort on my part to see some good in this; but there is a part of me that actually feels hopeful after reading this:

The space shuttle and International Space Station — nearly the whole of the U.S. manned space program for the past three decades — were mistakes, NASA chief Michael Griffin said Tuesday.

Well, duh. Space advocates have been saying that for decades. Three of them, in fact.

Some other choice bits:

Griffin said NASA lost its way in the 1970s, when the agency ended the Apollo moon missions in favor of developing the shuttle and space station, which can only orbit Earth.

"It is now commonly accepted that was not the right path," Griffin said.

Only now is the nation's space program getting back on track, Griffin said. He announced last week that NASA aims to send astronauts back to the moon in 2018 in a spacecraft that would look like the Apollo capsule.

Joe Rothenberg, head of NASA's manned space programs from 1995 to 2001, defended the programs for providing lessons about how to operate in space. But he conceded that "in hindsight, there may have been other ways."

So, NASA admits that we're hitting the big red reset button and going back to somewhere in the neighborhood of 1975. It's a do-over. Never mind the fourteen deaths and $150 billion we wasted on the shuttle, and the $100 billion wasted on a nearly useless ISS.

There were several major problems with NASA development programs over the last three misguided decades. First, doctrinaire approaches to design problems. Pick a solution and make it fit, regardless of other considerations. A procrustean space program. Second, an unwillingness to use traditional design methodologies. The design/test/build/repeat cycle is almost entirely absent from NASA programs, except for a few aeronautical research projects. Build early and build often is how you figure out how to do things. Repeatedly spending millions to billions on empty paper designs that are never built is job security for government drones.

Change these things, and even the decision to go with the Shuttle could have been redeemed. The basic architecture of the Shuttle system is more or less sound. Certainly not much less sound than other launch vehicles. Large rockets do have a tendency to explode. But where was the experimentation? We never tested other configurations or cargo versions of the base shuttle stack. We never lofted the fuel tanks into orbit to see if they could be used as habitats We never added hardware to the system, incrementally modifying the orbiter - let alone experimented with new orbiters that could be used with variants of the shuttle stack. We never tinkered. Nothing was done. We simply kept using the same configuration until it blew up. Then we kept using it until it blew up again. Then we started using it again. What's that definition of mental illness? Doing the same thing over and and over but expecting different results?

The tragedy of the death of the Apollo program is that those clever rocket scientists who got us to the moon had thousands of clever ideas for what to do with the hardware we'd developed. Skylab was just one of them, and that got into orbit more by inertia than will. But we scrapped all that, and went with the shuttle. There have been many ideas for what could be done with shuttle hardware, but none have been pursued. And now we are on the verge of scrapping this system without even having a follow on just like we did in the late seventies.

Given that the people at NASA are actually rocket scientists, this behavior is hard to explain.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

False, But True! (And Cheap!)

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[wik] This joke was told to me by a two-time Bush-voting Republican, which makes it all right. I'm no anti-Dentite!

[alsø wik] C'mon. That's funny! Brazillion!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 2

I Bang My Head Because It Feels So Good When I Stop

The first thing I remember I was fourteen, and I was lying around my room doing homework and listening to the radio when this noise came on, this crazy sprinting noise, and I stopped what I was doing and listened transfixed from the first note to the last. I felt like I'd been socked in the head and the world had unfolded before me into something bigger, badder and louder than I had ever thought it could be.

That was the first time I heard Guns 'n' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle." Ha... fooled you there, crossed you up, didn't I? This review is about Maiden and here I am yammering away about some hard rock glam hair band from LA. Well, you can cram it if you have a problem, because it relates. And not only because I detect a not-so-subtle musical thread running between G&R and the Maiden, mainly having to do with the quality of their grooves and the fact that they're a five-piece with a yowly lead singer. No, sir.

Maiden reminds me of Guns 'n' Roses because listening to the new Iron Maiden double-live gonzo extravaganza Death on the Road gives me chills all over like I was fourteen again. It takes me back to that age when metal was a thrilling new discovery to this Ohio teenager: Zeppelin, Ministry, Metallica, Megadeth, Judas Priest, and Maiden. Listening to Death on the Road I feel like I did that time we were listening to Somewhere In Time and then went and got Shawn's old Chevette with no passenger seats up to 85 MPH out on the back roads of Portage County. I feel like Columbus sighting land after ten weeks at sea. I feel like Neil Armstrong stepping onto Luna Firma. I feel like I just invented wet t-shirt night.

From the first notes of "Wildest Dreams" to the last chorus of "Run To The Hills," Death on the Road is a headbanging motherschtupper of a record. Maiden's rolling, sprinting grooves have not weakened with age, and the excellent recording captures every bit of guitar squeal and bass grind. Bruce Dickinson's voice is for the most part every bit as grand and overdramatic as ever, lending unexpected depth to epic silliness like "Paschendale" and "The Number of the Beast." So what if the first five minutes of 2003's "Dance of Death" are straight - I mean straight - out of Spinal Tap's "Stonehenge," and so what if the stentorian voice declaring "There are moh things, in heaven and uuuhth, then aaah drrrreamt of in yoh.... PHILOSOPHY!" is just reading - out of context - from Act 1 of Hamlet? It's so metal! The drums! The guitars! The solos! The... AAGH! YEAH! MAIDEN! MAIDEN ! MAIDEN!!!!!

The running order decidedly skews toward newer material, revealing a classic band that has stayed admirably true to itself and generally avoided self-parody. This is especially impressive considering that Maiden has always walked, as Nigel Tufnel said, that "fine line between stupid and clever." Some of the choicest obligatory warhorses are here: "Can I Play With Madness," "The Number of the Beast," "Run To The Hills," "The Trooper," but performances of newer songs like "Fear of the Dark," "Brave New World" and "Wildest Dreams" stand up right next to the classics. Lovingly recorded, the mix even recreates the live-show experience (sans the guy puking on your shoes) with enough audience noise to be fun but not in the way. On some songs the crowd sings along loud enough - and in tune enough - to sound like a choir of millions, ratcheting the intensity up a few more notches. It's so cool! Okay, I would have loved to have heard "Alexander the Great" or "Seventh Son," and "Stranger in a Strange Land," but for the most part the newer material is good enough that I don't really miss the big hits too much.

Iron Maiden are stone professionals, and everything on Death On The Road is right in place with two minor exceptions: the synth lines on "Can I Play With Madness" seem to be out of time, forcing the band to rejig the groove to fit with it (is it tape? Is is live? Am I crazy); and also, I'm sorry. I just can't get over how dorky "Dance of Death" is. Although Iron Maiden deserve a lot of credit in the age of super-aggro rap-metal for recording a song about a guy kidnapped by evil faerie druids and forced to take part in their fell ceremonies - I mean, that's sticking to your guns for the sake of your fans - Christopher Guest has ruined me forever on mystical faerie druid crap, and besides, I'm not fourteen any more. It's also probable that a lot of fans will have stronger feelings than I about the inclusion of the fairly not-good "Lord of the Flies" instead of something classic, but hey... the internet was built for whining about dumb stuff. That and pornography.

But never mind that. Death On The Road rocks so hard. Maiden have been around forever, and apart from the odd personnel change and the occasional laughable hunk of metallic cheese, they have thus far avoided becoming sad drug-addled jokes like Ozzy or dysfunctional therapy junkies like Metallica, or even a nostalgia act working the "metal club" circuit in places like Steubenville Ohio, Strasbourg, and Yorkshire. They are pros at this metal thing, and they've made a totally pro double-live metal album that gets me so wild I feel like I could... oh, oww! Ow, ow... ah... I'm getting too old for this... ow...

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 5

"Mr. Kodak, Mr. Bowie, and Mr. Tickler, your table is ready"

What do you want to be doing when you're 91? Me, my aims are modest. Although it would be thrilling indeed if I were one of those spry nonagenarians who still get around fine on their own, live full lives, and trade witty and cantakerous banter with three or four generations of descendents, I will settle for merely drawing breath and retaining a few teeth, some mental acuity, and the power to poop at a time and place of my own choosing. That's not so much to ask, is it?

What does Les Paul do at 91? Well, the inventor of the electric guitar still keeps a weekly gig at the jazz club Iridium in Manhattan and somehow finds the wherewithal to participate in a new album. I say "participate" because the album isn't so much a Les Paul recording as it is a tribute to the man, sort of a roast in reverse, a féte in which the Gods of Rock pay homage to the god that made them.

The album in question, Les Paul & Friends, American Made/World Played is several things: an enjoyable romp by a past master of the guitar; a guest-packed tribute to that master; and an ad brochure for the Gibson Les Paul guitar. After all "American Made, World Played" is a registered trademark of the Gibson guitar company, and making it the title of a Les Paul record is simultaneously nifty and really, really cheesy. Kind of like the record itself, but more on that in a moment.

The obvious point of comparison for any album of this kind is with Sinatra's Duets records, but there are some important differences to note. On Duets Sinatra had it both ways, literally phoning in some of the performances on Duets II via fiber optic line, and yet never ever letting one of his duet partners steal the spotlight. The result was music by Sinatra, with some guests along for the ride.

In contrast, although Les Paul actually plays his instrument on each track on American Made/World Played, his contributions tend to fade deep into the mix, letting his guests take the spotlight. Even though it is ostensibly a Les Paul record, it is through his legacy that Paul influences the proceedings most. Perhaps this speaks to an important personality difference between the larger-than-life Frank Sinatra and the homey and self deprecating Les Paul. Or, perhaps when you cram performances by Keith Richards, Buddy Guy, and Rick Derringer together into one song, the Chairman himself wouldn't get a shoo-be-doo-be-do in edgewise.

It is this logjam of egos that is obviously the biggest challenge to an album of this kind. And what a collection of heavy hitters! The level of star power on American Made World Played staggers the mind, and every track has been carefully engineered to give them their space. Here is merely a selection: on guitar; Kenny Wayne Shepard, Eric Clapton, Peter Frampton, Billy Gibbons, Neal Schon, Jeff Beck, Richie Sambora, Buddy Guy, Keith Richards, Rick Derringer, Steve Miller, and Joe Perry; on vocals, Gibbons, Guy, Johnny Rzeznik, Miller, Gibbons, Edgar Winter, the great Sam Cooke and the soon great Joss Stone. Rhythm duties are held down by studio legends like bassists Will Lee and Abe Laboriel, Sr. and drummers Kenny Aronoff, Vinnie Colaiuta, and Abe Laboriel, Jr. Even if you don't believe that Richie Sambora is fit to lick the mud from Jeff Beck's shoe, that's a Murderer's Row of talent. A 1927 Yankees, a 1975 Reds, a 1985 Celtics. And if Richie Sambora doesn't measure up, well, every championship team needs a utility infielder.

To be honest, it is hard to tell why Richie Sambora (not to pick on him) and Neil Schon are even on this record- they don't sound noticeably Les Paul-influenced, coming instead from the more diffuse tradition that gave us what I dub the Travel Bands (Asia, Boston, Journey, Europe, etc.). On the same note, the blooze-rock tracks that pepper the album's running order are also a bit puzzling, since Les Paul never really did that kind of thing at all; their inclusion seems like a small failure of taste and courage on the part of the producers.

With all the egos bouncing around, sometimes they win the day, such as when Neal Schon wastes a shockingly intense vocal performance by Mary Hart on the blues crawl "I Wanna Know You." Schon squirts deedly blooze lines over, around, and right on top of Hart's deep reading, practically breaking his fingers to upstage her. Frank Zappa once made fun of musicians who made faces while they played what he called the "I'm squirtin' now!" note. Schon achieves the truly Tantric feat of squirtin' all over everything in sight for a full six minutes and 21 seconds.

Luckily, most selections stay closer to the other end of the spectrum, perhaps even too much so. Les Paul is - seriously - the Guitarist's Guitarist, the man who invented the instrument, invented much of its vocabulary, and invented the first electronic effects to go with it, and it seems that his presence reduces even the greatest stars to sidemen. On the blues-rock romp "Good Morning Little Schoolgirl," I can't tell Keith Richards apart from Buddy Guy, Les Paul, session man Hiram Bullock, and the criminally underrated Rick Derringer. The track is mixed beautifully; all the parts are separated nicely. And yet, except for the odd moment when Buddy Guy's tone does the Buddy Guy thing, he pretty much sounds the same as the other guys. This is a little disappointing, considering the prospect of hearing Rick Derringer rip it up with Buddy Guy.

But for the most part the album achieves a nice balance between ego and modesty, and is at minimum eminently listenable. Whereas such a logjam of talent could easily devolve into twelve dire tracks of "1000 Guitars Jamming on 'Freebird'," only a few tracks descend to that numbing level of wankery. Most are much more distinctive. This is especially impressive since (of course) all the songs were cobbled together from various takes and contributions made at different times by musicians who never met in the studio.

The difference between what works and not is not always easy to pin down. Why is the version of U2's "All I Want Is You" with Les Paul, The Goo Goo Dolls' Johnny Rzeznik and the great Peter Frampton a stronger track than "So Into You" with Frampton and Les Paul alone? Or why does "Bad Case of Lovin' You" with Billy Gibbons work better than the aforementioned "Good Morning Little Schoolgirl?" It all seems to come down to accidental chemistry.

In general the idiosyncratic pairings are the most successful, like "(Ain't That) Good News" in which Sam Cooke gospels over a fast shuffle beat while Jeff Beck and Les Paul spray sharp little notes all over the landscape (I wonder if Beck was playing his -no!- Fender Stratocaster?), or the really natural pairings like Billy Gibbons' turn on the surprisingly strong "Bad Case of Loving You" and Steve Miller's revisiting of "Fly Like an Eagle." Youth also seems to help - relative newcomers Kenny Wayne Shepherd and Joss Stone have a great time with Sting in wrenching a snaky, stylish mood out of "Love Sneakin' Up On You," and Shepherd also has fun on a slowed-down "Rock & Roll, Hoochie Koo," which misses a bit only because Edgar Winter's voice is now gravelly beyond parody. I should also mention that Sam Cooke also shines on "Somebody Ease My Troublin' Mind," a slow soul cooker featuring Eric Clapton in a fantastic supporting role. This track is the class of the whole album.

But the really interesting stuff is Les Paul's own recordings. Paul has had more than fifty years in which to perfect the art of expressing himself musically through a cascade of electronic intermediaries. The results are a couple modest little master classes in the right way to do it. The album starts off with the theme from the old Les Paul & Mary Ford radio show, with Paul diddling around in upper-register whole tone scales that positively reek of black and white televisions and stentorian voices lecturing about "SCIENCE!" Elsewhere, Paul loads a cover of the jazz chestnut "Caravan" with funky echo and pitch-doubling effects, and his playing, though no longer lightning fast (every great player loses a step or two when they turn 90), is expressive, nuanced, and drenched in Paul's playful personality.

On the other hand, a remix of the old Les Paul and Mary Ford hit "How High The Moon" is decorated with breathy melismas by Alsou and is really more a vehicle for electronic sound effects and a cute bit of Les & Mary banter about Paul's "Paulverizer," one of his innumerable electronic inventions. Although it's nice, it would have been nicer to leave in more of the original track, including Paul's solo. Still, these little bits of random playfulness manage to cut the tone of the album enough to make it feel human, make it feel like a Les Paul recording.

By and large Les Paul & Friends, American Made/World Played is an okay, not great, romp through the id of the American electric guitar tradition, featuring reverent liner notes essays by Steve Miller and Keith Richards, and pulling mostly tasteful performances out of an armada of guitar slingers. Even if it never quite comes together in a way that satisfies, some of the individual tracks are well worth your time if you're a fan of the fretboard. Mostly, it's just gratifying to see Les Paul still kicking out the jams without fanfare or apology at an age when most people's horizons have devolved to "I wonder what's for lunch today." I don't mean to harp on the age thing as though Les Paul were some sort of dancing bear ('the wonder is not that it dances well but that it dances at all'). It is simply nice to see someone in the seventh decade of their career still out there doing it and clearly enjoying themselves immensely. If anything, therein lies the lasting value of this album.

Capitol Records has thoughtfully provided audio streams for your edification of three cuts off American Made/World Played. I strongly recommend "Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo" and "Bad Case of Lovin' You" if you like that '70s FM rock sound. I recommend "Let Me Roll It" if you like Richie Sambora.

Rock And Roll Hoochie Koo:

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RealONE

Let Me Roll It:

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RealONE

Bad Case Of Lovin You:

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RealONE

Cross posted to blogcritics.org

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 1

Johno's Fun With Beer, vol. 2

For my third brew I went for a semi-clone of the Smuttynose brewery's Old Brown Dog Ale. I think mine will be a little more bitter than theirs, but probably pretty close. The guy I usually buy ingredients from helped start that brewery, after all. Goodwyfe Johno really likes malty American Brown Ales, so this one is for her.

Third brew: Naumkeag Brown Ale

Ingredients:
6 lbs Munton & Fison Amber dry malt extract
Specialty grains:
1/2 lb Crystal malt 60L
1/2 lb Crystal malt 120L
1/2 lb Chocolate malt
Hops:
Bittering: 1 oz Brewer's Gold @7.8%
Finishing: 1 oz Willamette @ 4.2%

1 pkg dry Lallemand (?) Doric yeast

Steeped the specialty grains in about 1 gallon filtered tap water for 40 minutes at 160 degrees, give or take. Actual temperature fluctuated between 153 and 175, but I think I am ok as regards making sure high steeping temperatures don't cause tannins to leach into my wort.

Rehydrated the DME in cold water, according to the instructions of the guy who sold it to me. What a sticky, lumpy pain in my ass. From here on out, I'm using liquid wherever possible. The clear advantage of dry powdered extract, however, is a drastically reduced propensity on my part to nearly sever digits on sharp can lids.

Brought about 3 gallons of filtered tap water to a boil and added the steeping water from the grains. Added the Brewer's Gold at the boil. The hot break took like forever.

Added half the Willamette at 30 minutes and the rest at 45 minutes, for a 60-minute total boil. Cooled the wort in the bathtub with six seven-pound bags of ice in cold water.
It took less than an hour to get down to below 80 degrees. Added the wort to the fermentor (holding back the trub and hop sludge with a strainer) and cooled distilled water to make up 5 gallons and bring the wort to 69 degrees. Poured back and forth to aerate.

Tasted the wort: nice hop flavor that I bet will fade a bit, and jeeeez it was sweet. I'm not sure about this yeast so I can't say how the final will shape up; I expect the crystal to donate a lot of unfermentable sugars and the final beer to end up pretty malty. Given the 8 AAUs of bittering hops and the few more alpha acids donated by the first addition of Willamette, this could end up more to my wife's taste than to mine. Which is fine. I made it for her. (Awwwww!)

Rehydrated yeast in 1 1/2 cups distilled water at 90 degrees for 15 minutes. Pitched, stirred, and sealed fermentor.

OG: 1.048, more or less. Checked three times and got .050, .048 and .046ish, so hey... split the dif.

Checked fermentor at the 24 hour mark and things were bubbling away fine.

--
Update from previous brews:

I tasted my Pale Ale from my first brew after 1 week in the bottle... not so good. A little puckery with a pumpkiny note which I (rightly) chalked up to acetaldehydes that had not yet been reconsumed by the yeast. Five days later, it was excellent and now I can't get enough of it. It was designed
to taste like Bass Ale, and whaddaya know, it does, except fresher and much more smooth. Nice reddish-brown color. Buttery notes from diacetyls thanks to the 72 degree fermentation- very nice and in character, with round maltiness and muted bitterness. Well balanced Not a lot of hops on the finish, so next time I might kick the finishing hops up a little and add some crystal malt to the mix to balance that out. Or, I'll do it exactly the same, since it tastes so good.

I also tasted the Porter from my second brew after a week in the bottle, mainly because I couldn't wait but also because I wanted to be sure that nearly severing a tendon in my dominant thumb had been worth it in some way. Surprisingly, it's already excellent. The recipe recommends a 40-day bottle conditioning period to let the roughness and astringency subside, but the Safale 33 seems to work very fast, because the bottle was not only fully carbonated but most by-products had been cleaned up too. Although it is still a little rough tasting and unintegrated, another three weeks in the bottle will smooth everything out nicely. Very fresh tasting, dry, a little toasty from the black patent malt, and generally exactly what I was after. I am surprised the hops don't show up more. I thought I used a good amount of Hallertau Mittelfreuh for aroma; they've disappeared. They might re-emerge as the beer ages, but I don't know. It's not a problem because the subtle freshness they bring is plenty nice anyway, and too
many finishing hops aren't exactly in character for a Porter. Still, maybe next time I'll use Fuggles and more of them for the softness they bring.

So anyway, that's nearly fifteen gallons of beer sitting around the house in various stages of readiness. I could probably take a month or so off, dont'cha think?

[alsø wik] FG: 1.015. It's going to be good! Bitter, like I thought, but with a nice balancing sweetness and a little bit of esters from the yeast. I think it will really benefit from at least four weeks in the bottle before drinking. There was a surprising amount of hop sludge and break material in the fermentor - my straining technique needs work. I think I love Doric yeast; if I had a little more fridge space I'd ranch it.

[alsø alsø wik] Delicious! It tastes more like Ipswich Brown than Old Brown Dog, but who cares? Color is very dark, ruby with brown overtones, with decent head formation and not much retention. Aroma is 100% Willamette up front, with some nice roastiness and complex sugars from the dark crystal malt. Good flavor, maybe a smidge too bitter this time (next time use Eroica or Northern Brewer, maybe Galena instead of Brewer's Gold, and a couple less AAUs). Complex and interesting. A good sipping beer. I'm curious to see how it develops in the bottle.

[wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?] So now I find that using too many Willamette hops makes a beer taste a little metallic. Which this one does. I'm still done with Brewer's Gold forever in favor of Northern Brewer, Galena, Target, Perle, or Eroica, but the hop woes of this brew stem from the Willamettes. Next time I'll make this one with something else.

[see the løveli lakes...] By the time this beer was gone, it was merely okay. Next time I will have to cut back on the Chocolate Malt and maybe on the Crystal 120L, because they were just too dark-tasting. DEFINITELY use different hops... And the Doric yeast is okay, but the clean flavor made the maltiness too prominent after a while. That will probably be fixed by cutting back on the caramel malt. If I can, I should next time use 4 ounces or so of Biscuit. That's be reaaaaal nice.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

I'm not a tuna

Somewhere, in the murky, storm-tossed depths of the Gulf of Mexico lurks a killer. Intelligent, highly trained, and equipped with an arsenal of high technology weaponry. Trained to kill without mercy. And now free to hunt.

Who is this watery angel of death?

Flipper.

The United States Navy seems to have "misplaced" three dozen highly trained dolphin assassins thanks to the recent hurricanes. These friendly cetaceans have been used for decades for a variety of military missions since the cold war. Other dolphins have been trained to protect submarines in harbor, and a detachment was used for mine clearance in the Persian Gulf. The navy trained this particular batch of dolphins to hunt down and kill terrorists with lethal toxic dart guns attached to their snouts.

The hurricanes breached their compound, letting them escape into the Gulf. So if you are diving in the gulf, don't pet the dolphins. It may be the last thing you ever do.

However, if these are really smart dolphins, the first evidence of their depredations might be mysterious disappearances of tuna-fishing ships...

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

My Price? $8 and a bag of popcorn.

So last week I was made aware of an initiative by the producers of the new movie by Buffy The Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon, Serenity to let bloggers into screenings so we'd get all hepped up and write about it on our weblogs.

Which is cool. I'm a huge fan of Whedon's, even to the point of appreciating the script for Alien: Resurrection even as I consider the movie to be a pile of dog puke. So I sent in my email, and this is the email I got in return:

Congratulations! You are one of the lucky bloggers to be chosen and confirmed for the screening of SERENITY for the time, date and the number of guests that you have requested. Please note, this confirmation DOES NOT guarantee you a seat at the screening.

To significantly increase your chances of getting into the screening, you MUST do the following:

· You MUST include the film’s synopsis on your blog (synopsis below) and you MUST link your blog to the SERENITY website (which has the trailer and production notes) http://www.serenitymovie.com and featured artwork. After you have screened the film, please discuss it on your blog. Please provide us the links to all of your blog posts on SERENITY at serenity@gracehillmedia.com
· Print out and bring a copy of this confirmation.
· Arrive at the theater AT LEAST 45 minutes before the show begins.
· Upon arrival at the theater, please find a UNIVERSAL PICTURES representative and inform him or her that you are part of the SERENITY BLOGGER BONANZA. The Universal rep will then instruct you as to what to do next.
· DO NOT bring in a camera or a cellular phone that takes pictures. They WILL be confiscated, and you will NOT be allowed into the screening.
· Have a great time!

Joss Whedon, the Oscar® - and Emmy - nominated writer/director responsible for the worldwide television phenomena of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE, ANGEL and FIREFLY, now applies his trademark compassion and wit to a small band of galactic outcasts 500 years in the future in his feature film directorial debut, Serenity. The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, Serenity. He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family –squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal.

So, let me get this straight. I have been "chosen and confirmed" for the screening, but this choosing and confirmation does not guarantee me entry to the theater. Huh. And yet, I'm s'posta do all this stuff.

If I, a weblogger, a breed of writer well known for its intransigence, independence, and bullheadedness, jump through all these here hoops, there's a chance that I might get into a screening of this movie. Do these folks actually *know* what webloggers are like, or did this just come up in a marketing meeting as "hey! I know how we can get oodles of ad space, for free!"?

Hei Lun at Begging To Differ has a similar reaction, except much worse:

In other words, if you become a complete shill for them, they just might let you see their movie. Or they might not—sure, they have only 150 seats in the theater, but if they can get 200 bloggers to get down on their hands and knees and beg them for a ticket, who cares if 50 of them can't get in? Mighty tempting (well, not really), but no thanks.

At the risk of sounding self-important, we're bloggers, not fanboys willing to prostitute away their self-respect for a movie ticket (though I see from Technorati that many bloggers are more than willing). I'm not saying that I'm highly principled and not-for-sale at any price, but it'd sure take more than $9.75 for someone to tell me what to write on this blog. Maybe this is standard operating procedure when big media companies give away free stuff, but if it is I want no part of it.

While I already to take a *certain* amount of direction as regards what I write, in that many of my music pieces are cross-posts from blogcritics.org, which maintains certain community standards, I often tart up my posts for the Ministry, which functions much like, as Buckethead once put it, our back porch. However, on our back porch, we keep shotguns loaded with rock salt for when salesmen come knocking.

How about this: it is confirmed that I have chosen to consider attending the screening of Serenity tomorrow night, but this confirmation does not guarantee I will show up, or write a follow-up review.

Kudos to "[my] Friends at Grace Hill Media" for making what felt like a mildly whorish move on behalf of an auteur whose work I like a great deal into something (that feels, at least) much more thorougly shill-ish. Nice job!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 5

Best. Show. Ever.

Have you ever seen a TV show so intense you thought you were going to puke? I have, now. Battlestar Galactica is the best show on TV, probably the best sci-fi series EVAR, and not back on the air until January. That's a long time to hold it in.

Seriously... does anybody else watch that show? How can you not?

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 10

Sweet

Last night, while watching some random documentary, I heard the narrator say that of the 700 million privately owned guns in the world, 230 million are in the US. That is so cool.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Go Russki

The Senate has changed the law allowing NASA to buy Russian space hardware and services necessary to keep the ISS operational. Hertofore, NASA was prohibited from paying cash for Russian space tech by the Iran Nonproliferation Act of 2000 that bars U.S. purchases of Russian human spaceflight hardware as long as Russia continues to help Iran in its pursuit of nuclear know-how and advanced weapons technology. Russia is obligated under treaty to provide one more gratis Soyuz launch - that one will carry two crew members and a tourist up to the space station at the end of the month.

After that, though, we get to pay through the nose for forty year old soviet space capsules. Which in some respects is better than paying hundreds of billions for brand new forty year old American space technology over the next fifteen years, but seeing as we'll be doing that anyway, this seems like... not a good deal.

This is so entirely pathetic. Not the Russians, because they have, against great odds and enormous obstacles maintained a space program through the collapse of government, ideology and economy. Good for them, and they keep trying. We, meanwhile, screw around designing endlessly while never actually, you know, building shit.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Soccer ball with guns

In light of my earlier post about the inaptly named Walrus airship, I had to post about this one.

kick this

Canadian company 21st Century Airships has completed initial testing of this prototype spherical airship. What you see above is a 19m diameter, two-man dirigible airship. That four engine craft is a test bed for a planned 40m diameter craft that the company intends to use to set the world record for longest duration flight by any type of aircraft. Around the world in two weeks, covering 28,000 miles without stopping once for a piss break, refueling, or cheeseburger.

Aside from the soccer ball livery, they've also made versions up to look like baseballs and globes. Just imagine one of those babies, done up in yellow with a smiley face and armed with very large electric gatling guns, or maybe some nasty missiles. At the very least, you could use something with that kind of endurance for all sorts of things - ecological research, communications, espionage, whatever. And, as an added bonus, it's the only airship in the world that can land on water. You could really have fun chasing whales with this thing...

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 4

Mass evacuation from Mass. En masse.

Today's Herald examines Boston's plans for a mass evacuation event. The article is titled pithily, but helpfully:

Hub evac plan useless: Traffic jams mean `you're dead'.

Boston's reputation for horrible driving conditions- and horrible drivers- is nationally renowned. Before the Big Dig, getting in and out of the city was, depending on the time of day, either moderately dangerous or fecklessly lethal. Since the Dig was sort of mostly completed (only a few more billion to go- thanks every taxpayer in America!), the major arteries now are only extended clusterfucks.

Everyone who's been there has a tale to tell about their scrape with danger in Hub traffic. Many have been scraped by Hub traffic. It once took me 6 hours to get from Logan Airport to Northampton, which ought to be 2 hours even with a piss stop on the Turnpike. As it was, I spent about 4 hours just in a fucking tunnel trying to get away from the airport. Oh, and PS my wife was almost in Paris before I'd gone 100 miles. And that was after Bechtel was supposed to have made everyting all better.

As things stand now, one accident or a clutch of knuckleheads with picket signs can shut down traffic effectively. With a million knuckleheads clamoring to escape...well yeah, getting them out of town in a timely manner isn't going to happen.

Some of the excerpts from the plan though were pretty interesting, as vague as they are ambitious; read the whole article for those. Mayor Menino's spokesperson added, "an evacuation plan is a fluid entity'', which could only have been more unhelpful had Hizzoner said it for himself (in which case it would have come out as: "An evacalation plansa floo-oodatitty").

But like I said, the piece is helpful because it tells you plainly what's at stake. In the event of catastrophe, don't expect to drive out, and don't wait for the feds, the schoolbus fleet, or the municipal constabulary to pop in and pick you up.

If you want to live, you're going to have to ruck up and hump out.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 5

Pardon me as I use my internet connection and electricity while it's still available

In an AP news dispatch from about an hour ago, as I type this, I expected to get the straight poop in a story entitled "Nearly 2 Million Flee Hurricane Rita".

Much of the article contained information I had already gotten from my neighbors and friends in town, or on the non-stop local news coverage of the impending storm. But it also contained nuggets like this:

"This is the worst planning I've ever seen," said Judie Anderson, who covered just 45 miles in 12 hours after setting out from her home in the Houston suburb of LaPorte. "They say we've learned a lot from Hurricane Katrina. Well, you couldn't prove it by me."

As one who looked at the prospects for evacuation 48 hours ago and decided the best answer was not to do so, for a variety of defensible reasons, I'd hope my response to Ms. Judie Anderson doesn't come across as too harsh.

Boiled down to its essence, it goes like this: "I'd be shocked, ma'am, if I could prove anything by you, other than that one needn't have an IQ over 60 in order to be given a driver's license in TX, or to be interviewed by the Associated Press. You've clearly either lost your mind, never driven in Houston, or are incapable of comprehending the implications of the number 2,000,000. Oh, and blow me, you stupid twat."

She and her fellow complainants, who seem to think that, during emergencies, the local superhighways simply expand like water balloons to accept all of the additional flow in a way that they're somehow not capable of doing at any other time in Houston (like, say, during "rush hour"), are representatives of a special breed. That breed? The cadre of mentally and otherwise challenged whining bastards who expect "the government", whomever the hell that is, to simply make all problems, no matter how nasty and intractable, disappear from view.

Houston's officialdom has so far covered itself with glory in the process of preparing the city for what could be a catastrophic event, and while I understand the frustration of those who expected magic pixie dust to be available to free them from the shackles of reality and spirit them to safety (and, by extension, to ensure that hotels were both available and reserved for their use, I'd guess), I don't share that frustration and I wish that such folk would keep the irrefutable proof of their own idiocy to themselves. It's funny, in a cartoonish sort of way, but it's about as helpful as the ability to burp the names of the items in the periodic table of elements. Cute though immature at the beginning, really tiresome at all points thereafter.

As the always-eloquent Velociman put it (sorry, Maps!):

...only the foolish, the impudent, the fucking dumbasses are left.

But he left out one class of folk, the realists like me (although I'm also impudent). There's only so much you can do, and leaving the available road and hotel space to those who indisputably needed to evacuate (those from Galveston, South Houston, and East Houston down by Galveston Bay and the Ship Channel) seemed and seems a reasonable and realistic choice.

And if Rita up and slams my part of town, that'll just be a lot of tough shit, but it won't change the fact that I believe I've made the only logical choice. It sure seems to beat the hell out of a 24 to 36 hour drive from Houston to Dallas or points north, and the fact that drive takes so long has less than nothing to do with some failure of planning on the part of some nanny governmental agency, local or otherwise.

Oh, and for one of the other complainants in the story:

"I've been screaming in the car," said Abbie Huckleby, who was trapped on Interstate 45 with her husband and two children as they tried to get from the Houston suburb of Katy to Dallas, about 250 miles away. "It's not working. If I would have known it was this bad, I would have stayed at home and rode out the storm at home."

I'd suggest she should have had a look at the tee-vee to learn that she wasn't the only one leaving town. I'd then have suggested getting to a library if need be and using a computer. There's at least one way from Katy to Dallas that doesn't involve more than 3 miles of highway, dear, and it only adds 50 miles to the trip. But I suppose that's "the government's fault", too.

Welcome to the physical world, ladies.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 3

Apropos storms and such

While I've still got electricity and a connection to the internets, I figured I'd pass along this weather related news-like information from a friend in Ohio:

When you see this on the way to work you might as well turn around and go back home because it is not going to be a good day!

How to tell you are effed

God may not play dice, but that doesn't imply an impaired sense of humor, or lack of access to Photoshop.

[wik] Message from the Ministry of Future Perfidy: The image above is lost to time. As a minor consolation, here is a random image of an ominous cloud:

How to tell you are effed

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0

"Lovely Rita, Meter Maid", my ass

OK - on the bright side, New Orleans should be spared too much more of the-rain-they-shorely-don't-need. On the other hand, Rita looks like she's coming straight up the poop-shute of my adopted hometown.

On the bright side in a parallel universe, the original thinking was that Houston would be on the "dirty side" of the hurricane, subject perhaps to a few tornadoes, but is no longer projected to be so situated. On the fourth hand, it looks like we'll be spared that indignity because the eye of this projected category 5 'cane is slated to go right over through Houston. Day-yam.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 7

When life imitates The Onion, or vice versa

This story, from the 9/21 issue of The Onion, entitled "Bill Introduced As Joke Signed Into Law" brings to mind several real-life actions on the part of our elected congress-morons, like McCain-Feingold and the recently passed Porkfest 2005.

And while the Onion story itself is well-conceived, well-crafted, and funny, I somehow couldn't bring myself to give it the belly laugh it probably deserved.

I find myself, to no avail, wishing our public discourse contained just a bit more critical thought, such as that expressed by Dr. Walter Williams in his latest op-ed on money, and the egregious wasting thereof.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 5

How many other ways can nature corncob us?

Live science has a top ten possible US disasters list. Here it is, with some commentary.

10. Pacific Northwest Megathrust Earthquake The fault line up there by Seattle is apparently a lot like the one that caused the Christmas Tsunami in the Indian Ocean.

9. New York Hurricane Hurricanes very rarely get this far north. But when they do, it’s bad. 1938 was the last time one hit, and 600 people died. There’s a lot more people there, and given the unpredictability of hurricanes once they head north, warning times might be in hours.

8. Asteroid Impact Depending on where it hits, and how big the rock is, this could range from annoying to devastating. An asteroid like the one that created the meteor crater in Arizona could easily take out a city if it hit the wrong spot. Given the way that earth-crossing asteroids can sneak up on us out of the sun, like the red baron, there might be no warning whatsoever.

7. Los Angeles Tsunami Another goddamned tsunami. Imagine the big one, the earthquake we all know is coming, combined with the flooding of Katrina.

6. Yellowstone Supervolcano I don’t know why this is ranked six, seeing as if this one lights up, we are all done for. A super volcano once knocked humanity down to under a few thousand people. This one, at the very least, would gut the entire middle of the country.

5. Midwest Earthquake This one would also gut the middle of the country. If the New Madrid fault slips, all those non-earthquake resistant cities in the heartland will fall over. St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, Vicksburg… All gone. Plus, flooding as the Mississippi evades centuries of Army Corps of Engineer constructed restraints.

4. Heat Waves We all felt a bit of schadenfreude when the French were unable to cope with a heat wave, and thousands died. It could happen here, but even if we avoided that, a serious, long term drought would cost a shitload of money.

3. East Coast Tsunami This list posits an asteroid impact as the root cause of an East Coast Tsunami. But there is another possibility, a little more down to earth. There is a volcano on the Canary Islands that, should it rip, could drop twenty cubic miles of dirt into the Atlantic. Given the westward facing alignment of this slab, it’s like a shotgun aimed at the East Coast of the United States. Regular Tsunamis are limited in the scope of their destruction because an earthquake is only going to move so much – thirty feet in the case of the Christmas Tsunami, and that becomes an upper bound on the size of the resultant waves. But when you drop large amounts of stuff in the water, there’s no limit. If all that rock dropped in at once, you could have 150 foot waves from Savannah to Boston. Of course, it might not all drop at once.

2. Gulf Coast Tsunami I didn’t know about this one, but apparently only the north coast of the United States is safe from tsunamis. This would probably do a lot more lethal damage on the islands, but it’s not like it’d be a picnic on the mainland.

1. Total Destruction of Earth This takes you back to a list of ways the whole shebang could go up in flames. Makes any run of the mill, regional disaster seem a little small.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 8

Pretzel Logic

A few years ago I thought I was on the path to enlightenment. No kidding; it's true. I had just gotten out of grad school with an M.A. that I wasn't sure I'd ever use and was keeping body in soul together renovating apartments for a property-management firm while living in the houses I was fixing up. My food budget was $12 a week and all I had to my name while all my crap was in (free) storage was a bag with some clothes, a Purdy paintbrush, a yoga mat, a blanket, a tiny portable stereo and a dozen cds. I also had Light on Yoga.

Light On Yoga by B.K.S. Iyengar is probably the most influential book on yoga of all time. Iyengar, whose personal devotion to the art helped him overcome severe childhood illnesses, wrote the book in an effort to systematize the ancient discipline in order to eliminate what he considered the confusing, obstructive, or simply pointless accoutrements that had built up over time. Framing yoga as a comprehensive road to enlightment and inner peace, Iyengar presented a rigorous and exacting course of study that focused on asana (yoga poses) and pranayama (breathing techniques) as the first steps on that journey.

Over the course of 500 pages, Light on Yoga presented more than 200 poses ranging from the simple (mountain pose or tadmasana, in which one simply stands perfectly erect and concentrates on the energy flowing between head and floor through one's feet) to the ludicrously acrobatic (Tiriang Mukhottanasana, in which one bends over backward from a standing position and grabs one's ankles - from the back - while touching the floor only with the soles of the feet) to the nearly impossible (corpse pose, or savasana, in which one simply lies on the floor with the mind perfectly still and yet perfectly alert). Each pose was described in short pithy phrases describing the alignment of the body, and the last 50 pages comprised a sample six-year course of study that, Iyengar claimed, would allow the dedicated student to master the contents of the book.

Like many aspiring yogis, I was drawn to Iyengar's no-nonsense approach to the art. But after several years of on-and-off study and eighteen months of intensive daily work, I found myself unable to progress beyond "Week 17." This was somewhat frustrating; Week 17 was highly physically demanding, and I found myself working ever harder at yoga (both poses and meditation) even as I put off the realization that I had no future plans, no prospects, and counted as my "domicile" a post office box in Amherst, Massachusetts. I eventually moved to a new city and a new job and let the change of circumstance be an excuse to let my yoga pratice wither. It turned out that I was not on the path to enlightenment. I was on the long road to an unheated basement apartment in Queens, New York. Much different.

Now, I understand that "Iyengar: the book" is different from "Iyengar: the class." In classes, Iyengar is famous for his energy and fierceness, even going so far as to strike students to (as he has it) stop them from making mistakes that could injure them. Certainly he has been successful- his strenuous and highly precise style of yoga is now taught around the world and he stands as possibly the world's foremost practitioner of the art. His more recent books (Light on Yoga was first published in 1966) find him introducing props such as blocks to help beginning students properly align their bodies while not stretching as far as advanced students, and expounding at greater length about the spiritual foundations of his art. His life's goal has been to help people achieve enlightenment by joining the mind to the body ("yoga" comes from the Sanskrit for "to yoke"), and the physical efforts are, in reality, secondary to the inner journey students undertake. In fact, the first section of Light on Yoga, the part without helpful pictures and such, is really more important to Iyengar's presentation than all the twisty acrobatics. That was something that, for all my serious aspirations and meditation, never sank in.

A former student of Iyengar explains the difference well. In the introduction to his book Yoga, The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness, Erich Schiffman writes,

"His methodology worked. Many people attempt to discredit him by saying his yoga is not spiritual. But here it was! Spiritual in the most practical, grounded, obvious way. And it was equally obvious from what he said to me that his intent all along was to impart the experience of yoga - not just put everyone through the paces, physically speaking. The whole point of this physical, hard work - and it was very physical and very demanding - was to get into a deep meditative state. . . .

It took me a while before I was able to describe what had happened, but as I look back, I can see that this is when yoga finally became mine. I "got" yoga....

In Iyengar's classes, for example, he would say "Move your little finger this way " or "Stretch the skin here" - and I would, and it always felt right.... But I had no idea where he was coming up with all this marvelous information, this detailed insight into how the poses worked. But when [a colleague] taught me to create a line of energy [e.g. down my arm], suddenly all the intricacies that Iyengar had been talking about began happening by themselves.

Although some of my trouble with yoga - why I "failed" - had to do with the fact that I was poor, broke, directionless, and pretty much an untogether cat, more had to do with my inability to read between the lines of Iyengar's pithy words to get at the unhinted intricacies below.

The new Light on Life is probably Iyengar's last book, as he is now by my count 87 years old (though he can still stand on his head for half an hour). It is a hybrid - part inspirational biography, part manual for living, and part philosophical text. In it, Iyengar goes into detail about the philosophical underpinnings of yoga and how students can use yoga to navigate the path to (possibly) eventual enlightenment.

Light on Life is divided into five sections, each corresponding to one of the yogic kosas, or bodies - Stability: The Physical Body, Vitality: The Energy Body, Clarity: The Mental Body, Wisdom: The Intellectual Body, and Bliss: The Divine Body. Iyengar also describes in detail the eight petals of yoga (a subject touched on briefly in the introduction to Light On Yoga); ethical disciplines (yama), internal ethical observances (niyama), poses (asana), breath control (pranayama), sensory control and withdrawal (pratyahara), concentration (dharana), meditation (dhyana), and blissful absorption (samadhi). If this all seems absurdly recondite, well, it does start that way.

But Iyengar is a deep thinker with a lifetime's experience to draw upon and over the course of the book explains the place for all these frankly bizarre concepts within the larger context of the yogi's search for samadhi. Even for someone like me (who is not a particularly spiritual person), Light on Yoga contains some important pearls of wisdom. While reading Iyengar's section on the need for detachment from worldly things, I understood for the first time grief as a selfish feeling - being sad for one's own loss, not for the departed, who are beyond caring.

In short, Light on Life presents, like Light on Yoga, a rigorous and demanding course of action for improving the body and mind of the practitioner. But where Light on Yoga was terse and pithy, Light on Life is circular and discursive, allowing Iyengar to dwell on topics he feels most important to the reader, such as the slippery nature of dharana, dhyana and samadhi.

Those who will get the most out of this book are aspiring yoga students who are prepared to accept the spiritual (or more properly, inner) aspects of yogic philosophy. Without that context, Iyengar's words are, for all their unpretentious charm, just another self-help guide on how to live a richer life. This is not necessarily a bad thing; some people find solace in Chicken Soup For the Soul, some in the Bible, and some in the Baghavad Gita. It all depends on what brand of wisdom your mind is ready to receive.

A notable difference between Iyengar and Chicken Soup for the Soul and Dr. Phil, however, is that Iyengar repeatedly reminds readers that self-improvement through yoga is difficult, indeed often seemingly impossible. When is the last time that the self-help guru of the week told someone honestly, "this is going to take a very long time, and will often suck a ton. But you're going to have to stick with this if you want any reward?" This is a sentiment more often reserved for drug-treatment programs or prison, but Iyengar readily applies it to the simple aim of wanting to live one's current life more completely. This is refreshing, and if the payoff is that at 87 years old you can smile and laugh, share wisdom with joy and humility, and stand on your head for 30 minutes, then there are probably a lot of people willing to try.

Iyengar's love for life is evident in every page, and the rich intellectual and spiritual rigor he brings to the book makes it a fitting companion, even an extended prelude, to Light On Yoga. Although much of the book is beyond me, probably forever, this is a required text for any serious student of yoga. And even if the deeper explorations of yogic spirituality don't resonate, there is a great deal here worth reading. If yogic spirituality does happen to be your path, then there is much here that will smooth the rocky path toward eventual enlightment. Not that you'll probably ever get there, but as Iyengar stresses time and again (in an affirmation of life worthy of Camus), it's not the getting there but the journey that counts.

This review also appears on blogcritics.org.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

That's My Name, Don't Wear It Out

Quick: Is this Pat Robertson quotation parody or the real thing? It's so hard to tell these days.

“Pat Robertson on Sunday said that Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of expressing its anger at the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for its selection of Ellen Degeneres to host this year’s Emmy Awards. “By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God’s wrath,” Robertson said on “The 700 Club” on Sunday. “Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?”

Robertson also noted that the last time Degeneres hosted the Emmys, in 2001, the September 11 terrorism attacks took place shortly before the ceremony.

“This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards,” Robertson explained to his approximately one million viewers. “America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation.”

If you said "parody"... you're right! For once, Robertson did not say this shockingly stupid thing. If you said "the real thing," well... there's always next time, and with Patty R, there will always be a next time.

I think Ellen Degeneres should change her name to Lesbian Ellen Degeneres.

[wik] But let's also not forget that Robertson is not only a funny clown capering for our enjoyment. Robertson's "charity," Operation Blessing (given a beeeeg boost a few weeks back by FEMA) is also doing its part to actively advance the cause of evil in the world, funneling money to shady African diamond cartels. I can't wait for all that hurricane relief money to end up buying AKs for some diamond "merchants" in Sierra Leone.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 1

I call... bullshit, too, just on something completely different

On Friday, Russian President Vladimir Putin taped an interview with Fox News. Details of the interview can be found in the AP article "Russia Said Won't Resume Cold War Rivalry". The taped interview was broadcast Sunday, September 17 18.

Mr. Putin had comments on a variety of interesting issues in addition to the article's title subject, such as referral of Iran to the UN Security Council (no), hectoring of Russia regarding its adherence to Western-style democracy (no) and whether he'll amend the Russian constitution so that he can run again in 2008 (again, no).

But he also had an opinion to share on the exit of US-led troops from Iraq, and I found it interesting in its wording, if not its intent - those opposed to the military presence and action in Iraq, for whatever their reasons, seem all to be calling for a timetable for withdrawal, and Putin's no different. Well, almost no different - he actually emitted several nuggets of truth, though he might not have intended to do so:

Putin, whose government fiercely opposed the war to oust Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, said the U.S.-led coalition's military presence in Iraq is fueling the insurgency and urged that a deadline be fixed for the withdrawal of foreign troops.

"In our opinion, the fact of their presence there pushes the armed opposition to perpetrate acts of violence," Putin said.

The Russian president acknowledged that fledgling Iraqi security forces need time before they can take over from U.S.-led forces but said a timetable for a pullout is essential to "make everybody move in the right direction."

"I believe it should be within just over a year, or within two years, something like that. It will all depend on the situation in that country," he said.

So, it seems he agrees with Rumsfeld, Bush, and the rest of the US administration - the troops should be withdrawn when the time is right. And I don't think "uh, whenever" is, strictly speaking, a timetable for withdrawal. But it sure seems like the correct answer.

Because, like the man said, "It will all depend on the situation in that country."

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 6

I call... bullshit

NASA has released its bold plan to send mankind to the stars. Well, to send a few people to the moon sometime in the next century, anyway. When President Bush promised in 2004 to do in sixteen years what we did forty years ago in eight, I was underwhelmed. I am now subunderwhelmed. Check out a few groundbreaking details:

NASA has been working intensely since April on an exploration plan that entails building an 18-foot (5.5-meter) blunt body crew capsule and launchers built from major space shuttle components, including the main engines, solid rocket boosters and massive external fuel tanks.

Meaning that using components that in large measure we have already invented and already used, in 13 years we can be back on the moon. And as an added bonus, the crew capsule will be disposable!

NASA's plan, according to briefing charts obtained by Space.com, envisions beginning a sustained lunar exploration campaign in 2018 by landing four astronauts on the moon for a seven-day stay.

That will be somewhere around the 45th anniversary of the immediately previous seven day moon mission.

NASA's plan envisions being able to land four-person human crews anywhere on the moon's surface and to eventually use the system to transport crew members to and from a lunar outpost that it would consider building on the lunar south pole, according to the charts, because of the regions elevated quantities of hydrogen and possibly water ice.

So we’re considering building an actual outpost. Sometime around 2080, I imagine. By the time NASA gets around to building that, they might have to rent landing space from Branson’s Virgin Galactic Lunar Amusement Park.

One of NASA's reasons for going back to the moon is to demonstrate that astronauts can essentially "live off the land" by using lunar resources to produce potable water, fuel and other valuable commodities. Such capabilities are considered extremely important to human expeditions to Mars which, because of the distances involved, would be much longer missions entailing a minimum of 500 days spent on the planet's surface.

Hey that’s a great reason. Prove you can live off the land, using a hundred billion dollars worth of lowest-bidder equipment. That’ll show the Chinese.

NASA's Crew Exploration Vehicle is expected to cost $5.5 billion to develop, according to government and industry sources, and the Crew Launch Vehicle another $4.5 billion. The heavy-lift launcher, which would be capable of lofting 125 metric tons of payload, is expected to cost more than $5 billion but less than $10 billion to develop, according to these sources.

$10 billion dollars. That’s not a lot of money. Of course, that’s just to develop the vehicles. Then we’ll actually have to buy them. Maybe one or two, so we can make one Lunar voyage per year and still have launch capacity to service the ISS and Hubble. I should think that by using pre-existing hardware, you’d be able to actually, you know, save money.

NASA would like to field the Crew Exploration Vehicle by 2011, or within a year of when it plans to fly the space shuttle for the last time.

Or put another way, no less than a year after Rutan wins the $50 million prize for first reusable private orbital vehicle

Development of the heavy lift launcher, lunar lander and Earth departure stage would begin in 2011.

By which time, all the manufacturing plants developing the shuttle components will be closed, and using those parts will no longer be possible, seeing as we’ll probably lose another shuttle sometime in the next six years.

By that time, according to NASA's charts, the space agency would expect to be spending $7 billion a year on its exploration efforts, a figure projected to grow to more than $15 billion a year by 2018, that date NASA has targeted for its first human lunar landing since Apollo 17 in 1972.

$7 billion a year. Just imagine what smart people could do with that sort of cash.

How anyone could imagine that this is a sensible plan is beyond me. The engineers at NASA certainly know better. If NASA just used the comparatively honest and efficient defense procurement system, they could be back on the moon in a few years, especially given that they could use pre-tested shuttle components. Aargh.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Who is America's preeminent racist?

According to Silfay Hraka (originators of the Carnival of Vanities and this), it is Jesse Jackson. I'd be hard pressed to find a better candidate. There are more virulent and less pc racists in quantity, but none possess the oily charm, press credibility and ability to rhyme of Jackson. Money Quote:

Of course, U.S. Army Lt. Gen. Russell Honore, head of the military task force overseeing operations in the three states, is black. And competent, Jess, as if that matters to you. But it doesn't, because what Jesse Jackson sees in people begins and ends with the pigment in their skin. He is this nation's most prominent racist.

It's more than that, though. Jesse Jackson is in the racism business. If racism did not exist, Jackson would have to invent it.

Racism most assuredly exists, but not in sufficient quantity to support Jesse's tailored suits and comfortable lifestyle. Thus, he must create racism where none exists. ...

Thanks, Jesse. Thanks for making America just a little bit worse with every word you speak. Racism is your business, and you're making sure business is good.

Jesse Jackson is all about making racism pay - for him. A few threats of publicity, and most large corporations will make large donations to the rainbow coalition fund and set aside some business for Jackson's cronies. I feel for the pain of Jackson's wife, but the period immediately after Jesse's adultery scandal was so relaxing simply because of his embarrassed absence.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

An economist! Shoot!

I can't remember how I ended up there, but I found this amusing cartoon at Russ Nelson's blog:

effing economists with their stupid sensible ideas

(The cartoonist is John Trevor, and he's got other cartoony goodness here.)

Although the cartoon pretty much says it all, that won't stop me from saying more. Market solutions are often invisible, or at least camouflaged. It's not all deregulation and privatization. Since the rise of the computer and internet age, a growing portion of the population (though still small) has come to realize that prices are not just amounts of money, but information.

The reason why price controls and so on don't work is that they are basically lies. Lies on a grand scale. They so distort the information that market prices are trying to transmit to both buyers and sellers that no one can operate normally. Black markets are in one sense back channel efforts to find the truth of what things are worth. Honesty is the best policy.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 2

A (nearly) Forgotten Anniversary from the Forgotten War

This week marks the 55th anniversary of the amphibious operations at Incheon/Inchon.

Stars and Stripes covered ceremonies held mid-week at the memorial in Incheon. I learned that the monuments and statuary of soldiers at the memorial is a cause of tremendous grief to Korean lefties, which is probably an excellent reason on its own to fight savagely to keep them there. They forget that if not for us, they'd all be speaking Korean now.

The US Navy has alot of cool maps, photos, and detailed exposition discussing the preparation and execution of the attack here.

Here's the short version: The hammer was the attack north out of the beleaguered Pusan Perimeter. The anvil was 70,000 soldiers and Marines put ashore at Incheon. The walnut was the North Korean army in the field.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 9

"What's wrong with stately?"

Ist. Statist. That's different.

Via Hit N Run, the money quote from last night's presidentiary address:

It is now clear that a challenge on this scale requires greater federal authority and a broader role for the armed forces -- the institution of our government most capable of massive logistical operations on a moment's notice.

Riiiiiiight. So, the only two differences between the Republicans and Democrats are now that the Republicans love the military and some Democrats love gays and rain forests? That's it?

Screw it. B, you're old enough... run for President. Your country needs you.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 1

The Iceman and the Spaceman, Together at Last

Who here knows from Johnny "Guitar" Watson?

I bet that right now some tiny renegade soul station in Baltimore, Detroit, D.C. or one of the other Chocolate Cites in this great land is taking a spin of "Ain't That a Bitch" or "Superman Lover," two of the biggest hits from the original Original Gangster, but let's be honest... that really isn't much of a legacy. It's much more probable that 95% of you reading this are thinking, "who the hell is Johnny "Guitar" Watson?," 3% remember him from back in the day, and the other 2% are rushing to their Zappa shelf to make sure that this is the same Johnny "Guitar" Watson who guested on One Size Fits All. Relax, fellow geeks. It is.

And this obscurity is a crying shame. The splanking-new two-disc Johnny "Guitar" Watson: The Funk Anthology (released Sep. 6 on Shout Factory) goes a long way toward placing Watson in his rightful place in funk history. If he doesn't rank right up there in front along Parliament, Sly, the Ohio Players, and James Brown, he definitely makes the elite second cut with heavy hitters like Zapp, Maceo Parker, and the Bar-Kays.

Johnny Watson, a native Texan, hit the scene in the early 1950s playing keyboard in blues bands around Houston, and he managed to get time on cuts by Albert Collins among others. A taste of his future direction would come in 1954 when Watson strapped on the axe and entered the studio to record "Space Guitar," a tour de force of hot playing and speaker-melting sound effects that was at least fifteen years ahead of its time.

Throughout the 1950s and '60s, Watson would bounce from style to style, playing blues, rock, jazz, and spaced-out super blues as his own innate sense of "what's happenin' now" demanded. From time to time, he would lob a song into the lower reaches of the charts, and he eventually built up a formidable reputation as one of the finest blues players on the West Coast.

More importantly, Watson became known as an iconoclastic, phenomenally talented trailblazer with a flair for explosive stage shows. So much, in fact, that his act became part of the musical DNA of the time and influenced the next generation of far-out acts. According to soul-blues king Bobby Womack, "Music-wise, he was the most dangerous gunslinger out there. Even when others made a lot of noise in the charts - I'm thinking of Sly Stone or George Clinton - you know they'd studied Johnny's stage style and listened very carefully to Johnny's grooves." Watson himself would claim that Jimi Hendrix was always careful to give him due credit.

Given this state of affairs, it is not surprising that in the deeply stanky depths of the 1970s, Johnny "Guitar" Watson would get his own funk on, between 1976 and 1981 releasing seven albums of R&B-flavored deep funk (plus a funk-back album in 1994) and netting about a dozen top 40 hits on the "black" charts. 1977's A Real Mother For Ya would even crack the Billboard Top 40 chart, peaking at #20.

To a certain degree the funkatization of Johnny Watson amounted to an updating of his signature sound, fusing blues changes and guitar to the deep and spacious grooves and tight horns of Parliament and the Family Stone. But Watson had his own way with the funk, incorporating a genial sense of humor and a looseness to his (skintight) grooves that set him apart from competitors.

Generally working with wah-laden rhythm guitars, thick Fender bass, chewy keyboards, and tight, curvy horn lines, Watson crafted a clean and powerful groove that was a perfect bed for his cutting guitar and slightly nasal baritone vocals. Moreover, Watson played almost every instrument on his albums except the drums. Indeed, the cover art for The Funk Anthology features a painting of Watson in his trademark suit and hat, making like an eight-armed Vishnu, Preserver of the Funk.

The Funk Anthology spans the years Watson spent standing shoulder to shoulder with spiritual children Sly Stone and George Clinton. But as Sly's music descended a hellish ladder from party jam to burned-out universal despair and Clinton's Mothership pursued the universal motorbootyprosifunkification of mankind, Watson brought the down-to-earth feel of the blues to his music and lyrics, and stayed right there. 1976's "Ain't That A Bitch," the opening cut on The Funk Anthology, complains about Carter-era inflation, a theme that would also show up in "It's All About the Dollar Bill," "A Real Mother For Ya" and the 1980 proto-rap cut "Telephone Bill." No money: it's a blues thing. And there was also the sex thing and the women thing and more than a few "damn I'm good" thangs, and a couple-few drug things too which the liner notes hint were solidly in the blues-confessional vein.

Although from time to time various references pop up to say "hi" - Bootsy Collins is a close sonic relative, and there are nods to Earth Wind & Fire, the Ohio Players, the P-Funk mob and and so on - Watson reminds me of nobody more than fellow polymaths Prince and Frank Zappa. It is not so much that Watson ever pulled out something like "Do Me Baby" or "Don't Eat The Yellow Snow" as much as there's a feeling - a flavor - to music made by one person, one personality, mainly out of their own head. The Funk Anthology reminds me as much of Prince's Dirty Mind, Zappa's Joe's Garage, Shuggie Otis' Inspiration Information, and Beck's Mellow Gold, as much as it reminds me of Cut the Cake, Uncle Jam Wants You or Honey. These associations actually go a little deeper than my own imagination, too; Watson sang on Zappa's One Size Fits All, and more than a few songs on The Funk Anthology feature Zappa-esque melody lines or lyrics ("You can stay but the noise must go/ I said, oh, no!"). Clearly, this cat had a lot of weird in his life and mojo in his stick if he was hanging with Zappa.

Part of the fun in listening to The Funk Anthology is the joy in discovering today's favorite track. In the last week my loyalties have shifted between the deep, chunky blues funk of "Ain't That a Bitch," the classic "Superman Lover," and the absurd "Booty Ooty" to the sexxxier "I Want to Ta-Ta You Baby" and "Love Jones" and the more political "I Don't Want To Be President." Today I have had on auto-repeat the heretofore unreleased "Spirit of My Guitar," a five-minute instrumental that funks up the Frampton with Watson asking us through a talk box, in finest Comes Alive! fashion, "Do you feel... the spirit of my guitar?" before ripping off a smooth, tasty solo in the finest Eddie Hazel-Jimi Hendrix fashion. Both of whom, of course, got their thang from Watson in the first place. Nice.

Of course, not every track is a winner - "Miss Frisco (Queen of the Disco)" and the sub-Clintonian "Funk Beyond the Call of Duty" in my opinion notably lack the oomph, the ooty the jam that shows up elsewhere - but nonetheless The Funk Anthology is a very worthy addition to any career funkateer's library. Watson could turn out a fun jam, and a new look at his career is worthwhile if only to provide a peek at the missing link between Albert Collins and Bootsy Collins.

--

Listen to "Superman Lover" in Quicktime:
http://www.shoutfactory.com/av/superman/SupermanLoverFull.mov
... or Windows Media:
http://www.shoutfactory.com/av/superman/SupermanLoverFull.wma

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

House of Pain

Murdoc links to an article by the infamous Instapundit regarding the repeal of the even more infamous seventeenth amendment. Which one is that, you ask? Is that the one that gives the vote to chicks? Or is it the one that says Vice Presidents don’t have to be elected, except when a plurality of the congress is not in session or whatever that one was?

No, the seventeenth is the amendment that dictated that from that moment on, moronic senators would be chosen directly by the people, rather than by state legislatures. Many would argue that this makes no difference whatsoever. If anything, we’ll at least have more photogenic senators. And since most people think that America is a democracy, well this direct election thing makes that delusion more palatable.

Neither Glenn nor Murdoc know what to make of this. Glenn links to an article on the National Review by Bruce Bartlett. Old Brucie has some interesting thoughts on the matter:

The Constitution originally provided that senators would be chosen by state legislatures. The purpose was to provide the states — as states — an institutional role in the federal government. In effect, senators were to function as ambassadors from the states, which were expected to retain a large degree of sovereignty even after ratification of the Constitution, thereby ensuring that their rights would be protected in a federal system.

The role of senators as representatives of the states was assured by a procedure, now forgotten, whereby states would “instruct” their senators how to vote on particular issues. Such instructions were not conveyed to members of the House of Representatives because they have always been popularly elected and are not expected to speak for their states, but only for their constituents.

You can see the logic there. The people have their own direct representatives in the House. And of course, they have some influence on the choice of senators through who they elect to their state legislature.

Bartlett argues that the seventeenth amendment (and the never to be sufficiently damned sixteenth) inaugurated the explosive growth of big government.

The 17th amendment was ratified in 1913. It is no coincidence that the sharp rise in the size and power of the federal government starts in this year (the 16th amendment, establishing a federal income tax, ratified the same year, was also important). As George Mason University law professor Todd Zywicki has noted, prior to the 17th amendment, senators resisted delegating power to Washington in order to keep it at the state and local level. "As a result, the long term size of the federal government remained fairly stable during the pre-Seventeenth Amendment era," he wrote.

Prof. Zywicki also finds little evidence of corruption in the Senate that can be traced to the pre-1913 electoral system. By contrast, there is much evidence that the post-1913 system has been deeply corruptive. As Sen. Miller put it, "Direct elections of Senators … allowed Washington’s special interests to call the shots, whether it is filling judicial vacancies, passing laws, or issuing regulations."

So the new style Senators elected by the people wouldn’t stand up to federal power like the old senators did. But I think that Bartlett has the cart before the horse. The passage of these amendments was evidence that the growth of federal power was already happening. They are effects, rather than causes. To be sure, the new wimpy direct elected senators probably did grease the wheels of big gubmint. That trend would have won out in any event.

The logic of large scale industrialism had a huge influence on politics, and of course business. But not just in the obvious ways. The idea that things can be managed, and that a sufficiently bright or well informed group could manage things like, say, the government was very appealing to the predecessors of idiot statists like Mitt Romney, discussed in the previous post. This logic dominated American politics for a century, and still does. Its major success was winning the Second World War through industrial means, and its downfall was arguably Vietnam, where a bunch of systems analysis mooks like McNamara allowed the most powerful country in the world to be defeated by small people in pajamas.

Since then, the small has made a comeback, in a number of surprisingly dissonant ways. You have the small government conservatives and the libertarians telling people to get small. You have technologists in the open source movement talking about small networks of people accomplishing amazing things, and you have artsy liberal types wanting to live small, with hand crafted cheeses made by authentic third world cheesiers. I think that in some important ways, this is all related. It’s post industrialism without the postmodernism. We, inoculated with irony and sarcasm, are unable to buy into the industrial age slogans. They seem at best silly, and typically rather pathetic to us. We are a small minded people.

We’ll never see the repeal of the seventeenth. Even though it might be a good idea. For one thing, given the explosion in gerrymandering, it’s the only national elective body that is democratically elected. Rotten boroughs and safe seats are the norm in the People’s house. For another, there’s no compelling evidence (comparable to senate seats empty for years thanks to state house logjams) that the current system is in any way broken. Chris Dodd, Joe Biden, Ted Kennedy, and Rick Santorum don’t count as evidence.

Maybe we need to create another house of congress. The senate would go back to the old style, where senators get appointed by the states. The House would continue to represent the political parties and special interests. But a new house would have members selected by a new method. Anyone who can get a million verified signatures from registered voters is in. Voters can remove their names from a list at any time. Anytime a candidate falls below a million names, he’s out. Voters can support more than one candidate. In an internet age, this is possible.

Whiners and complainers want more public participation in politics. This would get it. The new House would share many of the powers of the other two. Any bill has to pass all three houses before becoming law. But lets give the new house something special. The Senate has the whole advice and consent thing, and the House has control of the budget. This new house would have the power to cancel existing laws by a simple majority vote. It could remove from office anyone not confirmed by the Senate by a two-thirds vote.

That would make politics fun again. But we need a cool name.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 15

Punk Rock Burger

It's hard to say anything good about a good hamburger.

Wait... what?

Although burgers in general are common as dirt in this great land of ours, and many do deserve our scorn or pity, a really good hamburger is a beautiful thing. And although you can get a really good burger at an upscale restaurant (and one place not far from where I'm sitting gives you eight ounces of Black Angus on a homemade roll with duck foie gras terrine on peppered brioche with a side of pommes fritz), that's totally beside the point. Absolutely delicious, but beside the point. A good burger, a really g-d d-mn good burger comes from the dim and divey bar down the street with the fanatical cook and it costs like four bucks and that plus a beer will make your day and your damn week even. But all you'll ever say about that place if anybody asks, even as you think about how the meat is perfect with a nice char and pink in the middle and how there's not too much bun and how the juice and ketchup run down your hand until you lick it off and how time stands still for you while you down it ravenously, is, "...good burger."

It's also hard to say anything good about a good rock band. What can you say by way of praise that gets the message across? Take The Black Halos, a quintet out of Vancouver whose sixth full-length, Alive Without Control crossed my desk a little while back. I like the record, I like it a whole bunch, but I have been at a loss as to what to say about them that isn't hacky and derivative.

The fact is, the band are very up-front about the very issue that's giving me fits: they unapologetically sound a whole lot like the Dead Boys, the Dolls, the Stooges, the Dictators and maybe the Replacements. And there it is, right there. The whole review. You know if you like trashy street-punk. You know what that sounds like. And if I tell you that Alive Without Control is the very best such album I've heard in a long, long, loooong time, would that help convince you to give it a spin? 'Cos that's all I can do.

Alive Without Control hits all the right buttons. Singer Billy Hopeless has a Stiv Bators yowl that wraps perfectly around the band's noisy punk attack on burners like "Three Sheets To The Wind" and a very fine and ragged cover of Tom Petty's "I Need To Know." The guitars are loud and crunchy and play off each other just the way a five-piece should, and guitarist Adam Becvare even took over Stiv Bators' role in Lords of the New Church after Stiv went to the great gig in the sky (how's that for cred?). Even the slowest number, "Mirrorman," hits like Tyson as the band dig into a grinding speed-dirge that somehow straddles middle land between the Dead Boys and vintage... Aerosmith?

What can I say? The Black Halos don't try to do anything more than make traditional sleaze-punk that lives up to their idols. Every note's perfect, the songs are great, and the lyrics are punk as hell. The Black Halos bring it old school in every possible way. I could be twenty again, and I could be drunk on Penn Pilsner and rye in a white t-shirt and leather jacket smoking Winstons and looking for a fight or a date at the 31st Street Pub back in Pittsburgh, and the band up there on that perfect night in the Iron City in my smoky, sepia-toned memory could be the Black Halos.

That's a damn good burger.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Uncle Mitt Can See What You're Doing

Just to throw more fuel on Buckethead's fire, here's what Mitt Romney, Republican presidentiary hopeful '08, has to say today about civil liberties:

Governor Mitt Romney raised the prospect of wiretapping mosques and conducting surveillance of foreign students in Massachusetts, as he issued a broad call yesterday for the federal government to devote far more money and attention to domestic intelligence gathering.

Unless that is some backhanded and subtle Swiftian barb about distrust being poison to a civil society even in the face of an implacable enemy, that's just stupid. Not galactically stupid, not "no fat to cut" stupid, but as a platform plank it's red meat to the base and not much more. Domestic surveillance is a double-edged sword. We have already seen the PATRIOT Act used to bust headshops... that's a bad precedent to set. Also, it would cost even more money.

Leaving aside the scary-to-me mission creep that always seems to accompany new efforts at domestic surveillance, there is the very real problem of competitive edge. Already American universities have seen a dropoff in enrollment of bright foreign students. You know, the ones the stereotype comes from with a brain the size of Venus who will eventually do things like build AI computers the size of a housefly and cure colon cancer? Well, if they're not here they're in China, Korea, or Europe. Advantage: foreigners!

The only thing that would be worse than the smarmy pantsload we have in office now is a smarmy pantsload who thinks he knows what he's doing and thinks he knows what you ought to be doing too.

Well, worse than that would be a nuculur device detonated within the US, arranged for by extremists hiding among the larger population of upright & faithful Muslims. What a conundrum.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 8

Goo goo g’joob

I love DARPA. They are the Ministry of Science Fiction Gadgets. They are "Q" Branch on steroids. They will be the ones who will defend us from our would be robot overlords, unless they are the ones who invent our future robot overlords.

This particular gadget is, strickly speaking, not new. But it appeals to the alternate history lover in me. A world where the silly Nazis didn't build inflamable airships, and the skies were full of graceful and majestic dirigibles wafting passengers around the world in unparalleled comfort and elegance.

Instead, what we have is Jim Carrey in burn makeup saying, "Oh the humanity!" and this:

image

DARPA is shelling out millions of dollars to two companies for development of prototype military cargo airships.

The Walrus operational vehicle (OV) is envisioned to have the primary operational task of deploying composite loads of personnel and equipment (for example, the components of an Army Unit of Action) ready to fight within six hours after disembarking the aircraft. Walrus will operate without significant infrastructure and from unimproved landing sites, including rough ground having nominal five-foot-high obstacles. It is intended to carry a payload of more than 500 tons 12,000 nautical miles in less than seven days at a competitive cost. Additionally, Walrus will be capable of performing theater lift and supporting sea-basing and persistence missions to meet a range of multi-Service needs.

By way of comparison, the C-5 Galaxy can carry about a hundred tons 3000 miles without refueling. An airship would not be as fast as a cargo jet, but the ability to carry five times as much cargo and land it anywhere without need for airstrips is a really big plus. One of the chokepoints in our ability to project power globally is our logistics capability, and within that chokepoint is an additional chokepoint - the ability to rapidly move very heavy gear.

Airlift as we know today can move light equipment and troops nearly anywhere in the world in a matter of hours. However, heavier equipment can only be moved by the largest of planes or by ship or rail. Rail transport has a problem in that most of the world is under water, or not connected to the US rail system. Sealift is cheap and commodious, but rather slow. If you want to get stuff like an M1 tank to Eastern Outer Mongolia in a hurry, you are severely limited in options. You can transport them via C-5, but in doing so you sacrifice the ability of the C-5 to move massive amounts of other stuff, and you only get two tanks per flight. The opportunity cost of using the C-5 for this is thus very high. Ammunition, another important goody, also tends to be very heavy.

Air Logistics planners have a very difficult job. How do you get the best mix of lots of light stuff, and enough heavy stuff to the front quickly. Sealift is easier, but it can take thirty days or more to make one trip to a combat zone, and not all combat zones are on the coast. Like Afghanistan.

The walrus, or something like it, would be of incredible value. More than another new fighter, attack helicopter or destroyer. An efficient airship with a five hundred ton cargo capacity would increase our logistics throughput enormously, even if it is slower than a jet. And the flexibility granted by not needing an airstrip is almost beyond price. And once we have a few of these babies operational, other uses could surely be found for them as well. ASW, AWACS, in-flight refueling - in fact any function that requires long duration flight and cargo capacity but not speed. An airship might be slow, but no one expects an AWACS plane to be dodging missiles.

I say, lets get a couple hundred of these.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 19

"Is that the truck? My testicles have arrived."

My mind is reeling and my body is weak. Tom DeLay is a man of such breathaking chutzpah and such enormous testicles that I cannot believe he can walk down the street without the aid of a wheelbarrow and a custom-made canvas sling.

House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said yesterday that Republicans have done so well in cutting spending that he declared an "ongoing victory," and said there is simply no fat left to cut in the federal budget.

. . . .

Asked if that meant the government was running at peak efficiency, Mr. DeLay said, "Yes, after 11 years of Republican majority we've pared it down pretty good."

h/t Reason's hit and run.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 8

The Octopus

Last week, I had an epiphany of sorts. I was working on creating a document at work. To get to the finished product, I had to refer to and poach from several other documents. I had to edit several sections, and to bounce back and forth between sections to ensure that I was maintaining consistency of subject matter and voice. I needed to include several images, but I wasn’t sure until near completion exactly what order I wanted to use them. The beginning of the document needed a chunk of boilerplate text modified to fit current needs. Finally, there was some new text that needed to be created, and linked to existing documents in a meaningful way.

This is in most respects a typical work project for me, and for any technical writer. And Microsoft Word is uniquely unsuited for this sort of work. As is every other word processing application. What I am doing is not processing words. I am processing ideas, or at least concepts. Certainly, at a low level, there is a lot of word processing going on, but it is not the primary activity. I could just as easily use notepad for the word processing.

My frustration with the tools at hand led me to think. (Some of these ideas go back a ways, but the totality of the thing hit me like a bat to the head.) One can imagine a word processing spectrum running from notepad to pagemaker. At the one end, you find a rudimentary text entry application with minimal editing functionality. It exists merely to accept words, fiddle with them in a limited way and save them to a file. At the other end are desktop publishing applications such as Adobe Pagemaker. Programs such as this are awkward at best for purposes of creating text, but have truly remarkable abilities to format, arrange and prettify already extant text. They serve to prepare text for publishing.

Other programs exist on or near the spectrum between these two endpoints. UNIX text editors like vi and emacs take the notepad concept and take it to its logical conclusion. Their purpose is not merely text entry, but to control text files. Their search and editing capabilities are very powerful, but only for manipulating pure text – not for any sort of formatting. However, they have been specialized for use as coding tools. Word and other high-end word processors improve upon the text manipulation tools of notepad, but only slightly. What they add is a significant portion of the formatting powers of the desktop publishing software in an easy to use form. You can see what a letter will look like in Word, and print it. Word offers nifty templates for letters and other forms of business correspondence. It is designed for use by secretaries, though it has been adopted by nearly everyone else.

All of these applications either manipulate text, or its appearance, or some combination of the two. This is all very useful, but does not address the problems involved in creating any piece of writing larger than a letter or memo. The process of authoring is larger than the either the manipulation of text, or its appearance. When an author, screenwriter, technical editor, journalist, pundit or anyone writing anything more involved than a memo begins to write, they very rarely dive in and create a complete piece of work in one sitting. Often there is research. Notes about characters. References and citations. Background notes, or drafts.

All of this either exists in one large and unwieldy word doc; or in many, many collectively unwieldy smaller docs. In the former case, all the information is crammed together, and the larger the doc, the more complicated the task of quickly locating the desired information. Scrolling through tens or hundreds of pages of notes to find one thing is time consuming. The search capabilities of word are entirely inadequate to the task. If instead the author has broken his information into many smaller docs, the ease of use depends on how cleverly he has named and organized the documents. Any failure of attention may lead to crucial information being in a misleadingly named doc, or filed in the wrong place, or put in the wrong doc. This leads to exceedingly tedious opening and closing of word docs to find that little tidbit.

Neither situation is conducive to effective research or writing. Microsoft OneNote and a couple writing tools address some of these needs. But while OneNote can organize notes and information reasonably well, it does not make it easy to write. Software like the Writer’s Dreamkit help you keep track of certain information like characters and timelines, but are still poor interfaces for writing. And the help they provide in organization are strictly limited to specific types of writing.

What is needed is authoring software. Software that allows easy and intuitive organization of information as it is entered and easy and intuitive access to that information during the writing process. Software that provides a comfortable and powerful but not unwieldy text-entering interface. Software that allows searching your information and the web right from the text, with minimal interruption in the flow of writing. Software that does what you want but doesn’t get in the way. Software that I’d call the Octopus. Imagine a clever, friendly octopus logo.

This software would not provide full formatting and desktop publishing functionality. But it would be much more than a mere text entry device.

The primary enhancement would be a meta-interface. Imagine an octopus stretched around an invisible globe. Each arm would be a directory tree. On the arms, documents would hang like suckers. Click and grab the globe to spin the octopus in any direction. Docs near the center of the screen would be larger than those farther away – and the larger the doc, the more information in it would be displayed in this interface. Running the mouse over a doc would cause it to pop up to a larger size, so you can see what’s in it. Clicking on a text nugget would bring it to the front semi-permanently – allowing easy movement between several active windows. Text could be drag-dropped from window to window.

The octopus interface would allow easy, intuitive management of information. Assume that you’re writing a screenplay. You fire up the software, and create a new project – a new octopus. It starts as a simple node in the middle of the screen. What do you want to do first? Perhaps some notes about the characters that will be in your movie. You right click on the central node, and select create new arm. A short arm will appear to the side of the central node. You name it “characters.” You right click on that arm, select new nugget. A text window, full sized, appears. Here you enter background information for your hero, Bob. But what about Alice? Right click and select spawn new nugget. Another window appears where you can enter information about Alice. If you minimize the text windows, you will see two nuggets on the arm that you created. But what about locations? Right click on the central node and create a new arm, and a new nugget. Make some notes about where you want to film, and what sorts of sets will be needed. Another arm for more general notes. But hey, you realize, this is all background. Create a new arm, call it background, and simply detach the other two arms and reattach them to “background.” Now, you have a branching arm.

Now that you’ve sorted that out, you need to start writing. A new arm, script. A new nugget, scene one. Start typing. Move on to scene two by spawning a new nugget. Or you’re not sure what’s going to happen in scene two, but you do know how it all turns out. Don’t worry, you can always add a new nugget between scene one and scene three.

Wait! You’ve got a complicated plot, and you need to keep track of where everyone is at all times. Spawn a new arm off of screenplay, timeline. Write your timeline – but whenever you get to an event mentioned in your timeline, you can create a direct, internal link from that point in the screenplay to that entry in the timeline. If you make alterations in the timeline, you can easily track down where you need to make changes in the screenplay. Later, as you are considering casting, images of potential actors could be added in a string of new nuggets, or embedded in the character arm.

Or say you’re a historian, conducting research for a new book. Information you gather from your reading can be entered and automatically organized as you collect it. Bibliographic information can be recorded as individual nuggets on a reference arm – and linked when that source is cited in the text. Auto footnotes. Say your history is of the Second World War, and you’re discussing events surrounding the Battle of the Bulge. What was going on in the Pacific theatre? If you’ve organized your information as you entered it, you can go to the octopus navigator and skim over to pacific theatre arm, and quickly locate by context the information you need, copy some of it, move back to your active window, and continue without the hassle of a tedious search.

Better, say you can’t remember where that one tidbit is. Unlike word, the Octopus would have powerful search capabilities. Grep for terms, and a search window will pop up displaying results ranked by relevance. Each will link to that location in the appropriate nugget.

As your project becomes more complex, you can navigate the interface by dragging the octopus around. Bring the part you wish to focus on to the front, and those parts will become bigger. Move out a level, and you can navigate through all of your projects the same way. Import your old documents into the system automatically, and easily arrange them into sensible structures by clicking and dragging one arm to another, or one doc into another tree. The Octopus manages your creation. As you create, you create your own intuitive organizational structure. Octopus’ interface allows you to easily navigate your information.

The other major improvement is in writing. Word and other word processors have minimal editing and searching capabilities. And most of what they have is focused on editing format, and simple search and replace. Why not include all the powerful text editing capabilities of vi or emacs? They use basically the same concepts, but different commands to do them. Include both. For all the wonders of the GUI interface in general, when you’re typing you need two hands. Unless you happen to be a motie, you don’t have a third hand available to use a mouse. Building a comprehensive set of keystroke commands in allow you to keep typing.

The most powerful writing tools ever developed are the dictionary, the thesaurus and Google. Word 2003 finally made one of these directly available – right click on a word, and synonyms appear write there in the context menu. (I didn’t know about this until I actually looked, after I got the idea myself. At least they got something right.) But all of this should be available. Right click on a word, and the dictionary definition should appear in the context menu. Along with synonyms, antonyms, related words, and so on. Select a word or phrase, and right click to dump that into Google search as a search string. Dump the results into a new text nugget for later consideration. Build in writing and research tools. Templates for references and citations. Writer’s thesauri. Quotation libraries.

Right from the interface, you should be able to search the software’s onboard libraries of dictionary and thesaurus entries, quotes, grammar rules, and so on. You should also be able to search all of the text nuggets in your current project, and all your other projects. The search engine should be more powerful than the basic search in Word – something more along the lines of the grep tool from the UNIX world. Full on regular expression searching, once you get the hang of it, is very powerful. And finally, you should be able to search the web. Google is currently the best tool for that, and most people don’t use it to it’s full capacity. You could embed some of the more abstruse search capabilities of Google directly into Octopus’ search tool.

Once you have finished your creation, simply select the nuggets that you wish to include in your final draft. Octopus will convert those into a single file readable by Word, WordPerfect, PageMaker or any other software so that you can add the formatting before sending it off. That’s what those applications are good for – not for the process of creation.

Octopus thus has two key advantages over any other word processing application. First, it manages the totality of information connected with your project. All of the information, text, data that you have gathered is almost automatically organized in an easy to use structure. And Octopus’ interface allows you to quickly, intuitively and easily navigate that structure to locate the information you need, when you need it without interrupting the creative process.

Second, it offers powerful tools to manipulate and search the text as you create it. The tools of UNIX text editors like vi or emacs are available as keystroke commands. Regular expression searches of your data, and Google-style searches on the internet are available with a single click. Links between different nuggets, and the information within them are easily created with a single click and point. Built in dictionaries and thesauri display definitions and synonyms with a single click. You don’t have to leave what you’re doing to find the information you need.

I write professionally, creating software manuals, process documentation and so on for IT projects. On the side, I write screenplays, short stories, and novels that are getting almost readable. I also write non-fiction history. Every one of these projects would be made easier with software on these lines. Technical writers, authors, scholars, historians, scientists, journalists, and screenwriters could all use software like this. I described my idea to a developer friend of mine, and he said it would be very useful in organizing code and development projects. Anytime you need to not merely write, but keep track of what you write, the Octopus would be invaluable.

If any of you are developers (Ross…) I will work with you to develop this. Productivity software doesn’t have the same kind of overhead as games. No graphics except for making the UI slick. (Very slick.) Mostly, it’s just code. It could be done, and a lot of the tools are already out there, they just haven’t been assembled. If it were done right, this could be a hit. Because it would be useful, and cool.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

More T-shirt ideas

Here, for your reading pleasure, are several ideas for new t-shirts. These are complicated, front-and-back designs so pay attention:

Shirt Number One, Front:

Skateboarding is not a Crime

Shirt Number One, Back:

But it is fucking annoying

Shirt Number Two, Front:

Hurting you is the last thing I want to do

Shirt Number Two, Back:

But it is on the list

Shirt Number Three, Front:

I'm not staring at your tits

Shirt Number Two, Back:

But I glanced at them long enough that I could pick them out of a lineup

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

A statistical analysis of my geekiness

As I mentioned earlier, I had some doubts on the veracity of the geek test that geeklethal found and posted.

So, I found some other tests, and took them. Here are the results:

Weighting the five hundred question test double due to its length, my average nerd score is 58.9%.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 9

Geekier than some, less than "others"

I, too, took the test, and I, too, have a few "issues" about the construction of the test.

That said, and giving full effect to my relatively advanced age (which I think was used to scale my result down a bit), I arrived at this result:

I am nerdier than 59% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

I'm going to have my daughter take the test, and the dead scientists, extreme computer arcana, and periodic table will likely understate her result, but she's definitely nerdier than I, no matter the reported result.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 1

Geekier than thou

For what it's worth, I scored pretty high on the test. I have some issues with the construction of the test, but will forego a full out analysis as that would be a bit geeky. I will note, however, that the test is a bit skewed by the emphasis on computer stuff. The fact that I work in the IT bidness had a dramatic effect on my score. That and my ability to recognize old, dead scientists and obscure chemical elements. A proper geek test would focus on mindsets as well as skillsets. And would include probing questions about geekly matters like Star Wars v. Star Trek, LoTR and velvet tiger art.

I am nerdier than 94% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 13

Friday Funtime Quizery

Yeah I know it's Monday. I had some work-related mandatory fun that required a shortened Friday last, so couldn't post. And besides, I like the alliteration

So you remember how awhile back there was this big competition betwixt the ministers, to see who was the biggest dork? And do you remember me not winning? I sure do.

Funny thing about that- we needn't have bothered. We all put alot into that contest, with the gnashing and the repressed memories and the off-the-cuff expository riffing. Alot of psychic effort, respectable writing, and non-working for about a week at our real jobs was the cost, and we all thought the exercise nominally worth it.

Coulda just taken the nerd quiz in like 5 minutes:

68% scored higher (more nerdy), and 32% scored lower (less nerdy).

What does this mean? Your nerdiness is: Not nerdy, but definitely not hip.

I am nerdier than 32% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Not nerdy, but not hip. But nerdy is mostly hip. And hip is always hip, 'cept for when a Big Shift comes and what was hip when time stopped for you in 1987 make you exceptionally nerdy now. But sort of by definition, hip must = hip.

So I'm perenially outside both camps. Where it's cold. And hurty.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 3