I bet you wish you hadn't said that

Twenty one people have been killed and at least another 21 injured at Virginia Tech. Details are scant, but apparently the shootings took place at two separate locations on the campus - in a residence hall and in an engineering building. I recognize that this is a minor note amidst a lot of much greater suffering, but reading the coverage available so far I imagine that Virginia Tech spokesman Larry Hincker is going to feel like a complete shit for saying this probably as the shootings were happening:

A bill that would have given college students and employees the right to carry handguns on campus died with nary a shot being fired in the General Assembly.

House Bill 1572 didn't get through the House Committee on Militia, Police and Public Safety. It died Monday in the subcommittee stage, the first of several hurdles bills must overcome before becoming laws.

The bill was proposed by Del. Todd Gilbert, R-Shenandoah County, on behalf of the Virginia Citizens Defense League. Gilbert was unavailable Monday and spokesman Gary Frink would not comment on the bill's defeat other than to say the issue was dead for this General Assembly session.

Virginia Tech spokesman Larry Hincker was happy to hear the bill was defeated. "I'm sure the university community is appreciative of the General Assembly's actions because this will help parents, students, faculty and visitors feel safe on our campus."

[wik] Update: Tuesday - In the comments, the Astronomicon informs us that the bill mentioned above died in committee back at the end of January, not yesterday as I had mistakenly assumed from the dateline on the article I linked. Thanks for the correction. Astro has a informative post about the bill, and goes into more detail than the article I found. It can be read here.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

You wish to kill a human. Cancel or Allow?

I find, to my embarrassment, that I am utterly unable to top this. The Reg reports on a notional rule of engagement for autonomous killing machines. Boiled down, it's “Let machines target other machines, and let men target men.” But these quotes are priceless:

Many Reg readers will be familiar with the old-school Asimov Laws of Robotics, but these are clearly unsuitable for war robots – too restrictive. However, the new Canning Laws are certainly not a carte blanche for homicidal droids to obliterate fleshies without limit; au contraire.

It isn't really made clear how the ask-permission-to-kill-meatsacks rule could really be applied in these cases.

Which seems to suggest that a robot could decide, under Mr Canning's rules, to target a weapon system such as an AK47 for destruction on its own initiative, requiring no permission from a human. If the person holding it was thereby killed, that would be collateral damage and the killer droid would be in the clear. Effectively the robot is allowed to disarm enemies by prying their guns from their cold dead hands.

As clever as Mr. Canning is in trying to come up with these rules for our lethal robotic servants, in the end the three rules are going to add up to one thing: if it is human, kill it.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

That spider plant is smarter than me

Just read a fascinating article outlining the way that chlorophyll makes use of quantum processes in photosynthesis. It was known that photosynthesis converts the energy of the sun into sugar, and did it with remarkable efficiency. What wasn't known was exactly how this happened. But some big brains have delved into the matter, and this is what they've come up with:

Through photosynthesis, green plants and cyanobacteria are able to transfer sunlight energy to molecular reaction centers for conversion into chemical energy with nearly 100-percent efficiency. Speed is the key - the transfer of the solar energy takes place almost instantaneously so little energy is wasted as heat. How photosynthesis achieves this near instantaneous energy transfer is a long-standing mystery that may have finally been solved...

"We have obtained the first direct evidence that remarkably long-lived wavelike electronic quantum coherence plays an important part in energy transfer processes during photosynthesis," said Graham Fleming, the principal investigator for the study. “This wavelike characteristic can explain the extreme efficiency of the energy transfer because it enables the system to simultaneously sample all the potential energy pathways and choose the most efficient one.”

...Electronic spectroscopy measurements made on a femtosecond (millionths of a billionth of a second) time-scale showed these oscillations meeting and interfering constructively, forming wavelike motions of energy (superposition states) that can explore all potential energy pathways simultaneously and reversibly, meaning they can retreat from wrong pathways with no penalty. This finding contradicts the classical description of the photosynthetic energy transfer process as one in which excitation energy hops from light-capturing pigment molecules to reaction center molecules step-by-step down the molecular energy ladder.

"The classical hopping description of the energy transfer process is both inadequate and inaccurate," said Fleming. "It gives the wrong picture of how the process actually works, and misses a crucial aspect of the reason for the wonderful efficiency."

Now I'm no expert, but the bits I italicized in the quote above seem to be saying that every single damn molecule of chlorophyll in every cell of every plant on earth is a highly sophisticated (if single purpose) quantum computer. That's pretty damn amazing. And if that is the case, I am sure that if we poke around a little more, we might find other examples of this sort of thing. Like in mitochondria, or in neurons. Wow.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 12

Birthplace of the Civil War

South Carolina was among the foremost in fighting the oppression of the British, and later first to fight the Union to preserve its own. Perhaps this makes South Carolina an easy target. So be it.

  • Birthplace of the Civil War
  • If at first you don't secede: try, try again.
  • That’s “secession” not “treason”
  • Thank God Almighty the Atomic Bomb wasn’t invented in 1864
  • The other white state.
  • Rednecks and Peckerwoods, Unite!
  • The Palmetto Bug State
  • Like North Carolina, only Souther
  • Try to forget the great evil in our past. We do.
  • 50th in education, first in mobile home sales
  • Home to the two worst Jacksons in American History
  • Admit It, You Wish Lincoln Let Us Secede
  • We fly the confederate battle flag ‘cause it matches our truck
  • The Palmetto Dystopia
  • That’s “heritage” not a history of brutal oppression and armed rebellion
  • The Boiled Peanut State
  • Oh, yeah -- like we're going to be concerned about an NAACP tourism boycott.
  • We're "South of the Border"
  • Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
  • Keystone of the South Atlantic Seaboard
  • The Iodine State
  • The Sand-lapper State
  • Who Shall Separate Us? Stupid Question
  • We owned more slaves than Caesar!
  • Wealth gained from oppression spends like any other wealth
  • Don’t let the sun set on your ass in our state, nigger
  • Land of Two Mottoes
  • We prefer to call it the “War of Northern Aggression”
  • Ya don't think removin' that flag changes nothin', do ya, boy?
  • Thank god for air conditioning and deet
  • Southern pride and valor does not trump Northern industry and logistics
  • We could have told the Japanese attacking a Union base by surprise was a very, very bad idea indeed.
  • Come for the scrub pine and trailer shanties, stay for the barely repressed racism
  • Freedom with Poverty, rather than Slavery with Luxury
  • We know no caste or color
  • The spirit of John Brown still lives
  • Liberty and Union, One and Inseparable

[wik] I actually thought carefully before adding one of those slogans. So before you complain that I am some sort of insensitive monster, follow the link for the last four mottoes.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Well, that's a fun fact to know!

Found in Friday's WSJ (4/13, subscription req'd):

"Snoop Dogg Lists in Claremont, Calif."

The WSJ has a regular section of the paper dedicated to houses I wouldn't want, in places I wouldn't live, at prices I can't afford. They're always adjacent to full page advertisements from Coldwell Banker or some other house-hawker, so perhaps there's an editorial synergy at work.

The story right before the one about Snoop Dogg's home, for instance, detailed a $125 million listing for a 45,000 sq. ft. estate called "Fleur de Lys", being sold by a 46 year old divorcee you've never heard of, formerly married to a man you've never heard of, who started and sold a company you've never heard of. The last line of that listing editorial masterpiece was this:

Joyce Rey, head of Coldwell Banker's Previews division, and Robert Kass of Windermere Real Estate have the listing.

So I'm going out on a limb here, and assuming that each of the stories had its editorial birth in a call directly from a listing agent to Ben Casselman at the WSJ, or someone else who works in the pretend-editorial department for the "Weekend Journal" section.

With that lead-in, I'd like to highlight a portion of the otherwise garden variety article Mr. Casselman produced. It seems that Calvin Broadus, a/k/a Snoop Dogg (or would that more properly be "Snoop Dogg, a/k/a Calvin Broadus"?) has put a house on the market. Blah, blah, blah - sounds like a nice enough place, at something like a normal price for Southern California real estate these days.

As before, I presume the story came from the listing agent, though s/he was not named in the article. Here's the description they included in the article for Broadus, the seller:

The rapper, 35, has sold nearly 19 million albums in the U.S., according to Nielsen SoundScan, and has appeared in several films. (He's also known for popularizing the suffix "izzle.")

That, plus he was sentenced earlier this on weapon and drug charges for some earlier, and unimportant to this story, infraction.

Am I the only one who thinks it odd that (if as presumed) the listing agent who provided the story thought it was important to the story to enlighten us all that he is known for the suffix "izzle"? More important than the drug and weapons charges?

Yeah, I'm probably the only one.

[wik] I can just picture, 30 years from now, Calvin Broadus, talking to some kid somewhere, and saying "'izzle? Yeah, that was mine."

[alsø wik] I can picture some kid, 30 years from now, hearing something like that and laughing his ass off.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0

Memo missed, new word learnt

I'm sure that the rest of the Ministers got theirs, but I must have missed the memo on the start of the Canadian seal-clubbing season. Dang.

Via an article in the April 4 2007 Economist (subscription required) entitled "On thin ice", I've learned that global warming has impacted Southern Canada's ability to provide fodder for the particpants in its seal-clubbing industry. Clearly, the government needs to do something to avoid disenfranchisement of the affected group.

THE activists have armed themselves with helicopters, video cameras and outrage. The hunters have their sharp hooks and blunt clubs, often combined into a single sinister-looking instrument of Norwegian design known as a hakapik. Canada's seal-hunting season officially began on April 2nd along with the usual row between those who denounce it as senseless cruelty and those who defend it as a traditional and necessary part of local livelihoods. Thanks to global warming, however, the argument might soon become redundant.

So it seems that the protesters are impaired in their ability to effectively protest. Global warming - Is there anything it can't do? Admittedly, not everyone can muster much sympathy for the perpetually outraged pretend-protectors of the cute little seals.

The problem?

This year there has been less of the usual footage of burly men bashing small furry skulls and of blood smeared across the ice floes. That is not because the hunters have become less aggressive, but because suitable seals have become scarcer. Thanks to an unusually warm winter, the ice is melting early in the southern Gulf of Saint Lawrence, where hunting began this week. The seal pups on which the hunt preys are reared on the ice until they are old enough to swim. So the premature thaw has drowned them—before the hunters had the chance to kill many.

Less seal-cranium-crushing= less for PETA, or whomever, to kvetch about. In a nod to realities of the matter, the Canadian government points out that seal hunting "brings income to struggling fishing communities", which I'd guess is a good thing.

Not surprisingly, the protesters don't care, and want to protest, regardless of any benefits to the communities in which the hunting occurs. However...

... campaigners against seal hunting are not wholly beyond reproach either. Few bother to make it clear that the killing of the youngest pups with fluffy white pelts has been banned for 20 years. They also make it sound as if the seals are endangered. In fact, the seal population has tripled since the 1970s.

In another bow to reality, and due to warm conditions in the South, the government has reduced the quota for seal hunters from 335,000 to only 270,000. The practical effect is to have shifted seal-hunting to the colder northern climes.

The sealers in those areas tend to hunt with rifles, and so do not provide such good fodder for media campaigns.

You'd think, reading it, that both the hunters and the complainers are equally wrong-footed by the weather, but that's not the case - the hunters can always head north. There's not enough outrage available up there for the complainers, however, and therefore I stand by my assertion that they're the ones most unfairly affected.

Oh, and yes, the new word learned is hakapik. Help me out here - the name of that tool isn't onomatopoeic, since it surely doesn't make a sound like its name. What's the description of a word which (in its English incarnation, at least) has a name that sounds as though it's describing what you can do with it?

[wik] Technically, if the protesters actually cared about the seals, wouldn't they try to save them from drowning, as well as from the evil hunters?

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0

The Little State that Couldn’t

Rhode Island was a notorious hold out during the period of the Constitutional convention, and has played an equally large role in the country's affairs in the two centuries since. As a result, this tiny state smaller than most large cities has a lot to answer for. Let us begin:

  • The Little State that Couldn’t
  • Pound for pound, the most corrupt state in the union
  • Small? Yes, But We Know What To Do With It
  • A kindler, gentler Massachusetts
  • Yes, we know what a "peninsula" is
  • Size ain't everything
  • In Texas, we’d be lucky to be a county
  • Plantations aren’t just for Mississippi
  • We make Connecticut look huge
  • No, We're Not Surrounded by Water
  • We Don't Know Why It's Called "Island" Either
  • The island state that really isn't an island
  • Don't blink or you'll miss us.
  • Welcome to Rhode Island... and… Leaving Rhode Island
  • First to tell King George to kiss our ass
  • The Anti-Alaska
  • The Religious Toleration State, for some very odd values of “toleration”
  • L’il Rhodie
  • The Coffee Milk State
  • You keep using that word “Providence” I don’t think it means what you think it means
  • Look, the other side of the state!
  • We've got lots to offer: crappy weather, smelly hippies, ... yeah, that's all
  • Triple A Minor For The Kennedys
  • We're Not Really An Island
  • Have a free travel guide ... yes, we know ... its only one page
  • Roodt Eylandt
  • It’s cozy
  • We're still not so sure about this whole constitution thing
  • The only thing worse than our accent is the smell of our coastline
  • Welcome! Oh, you're just heading to Boston ...
  • How about a bowl of chowda with that?
  • Running from Puritans since 1636
  • The Little State that’s full of Absinthe Fiends
  • Sshhh. You don’t have any Puritans with you?
  • Freedom is just another word for nowhere else to go
  • The Central Southern Gateway of New England
  • We didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition
  • If battleships were proportional to state area, ours would be trawler-sized
  • Nobody famous came from Rhode Island
  • There’s a little bit of Texas in Rhode Island, but it’s trying to get out
  • Hope. It’s all we got left
  • Rhode Island, it’s the place for me, and not for thee

[wik] Bonus slogans:

  • The 'taint of New England
  • That's "vudeyelind" to the natives
Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

Taking a turn in the barrel

Ouch. Johno gets Mitt. Buckethead gets Joe. I get Hillary. One of these choices is not like the other two.

Why? Well, Mitt's a serious guy with a serious reputation among a fairly small subset of serious people who don't otherwise know too much about him, as Johno's undressing of him might indicate. He's not widely or well known, but Mitt has a vocal support group, and will do fine until the heat reaches room temperature in a national campaign. At that point, he's toast. Which is hard to do at room temperature, and don't ask me how long it took me to find that out.

Joe? He's famous for the same things that make him infamous, as Buckethead's clearheaded yet evenhanded rant exposes. There's a chance that he's a decent guy, underneath his hugely irkssome and noticeable but ultimately unimportant flaws. The fact that he can't seem to keep anyone's words from coming out of his cakehole, let alone his own, seems even more damning than the fact that he also has a history of not caring whose words he's using.

Easy targets, the both of them.

image

Not so, Hillary Clinton. Ms. Clinton is far more broadly known than either of the other two, and is still the frontrunner by a wide margin in the Democratic Party field. (See Mar 29 2007 Fox News/Opinion Dynamics poll). In that poll, Mitt Romney is tied for fourth place (at 6%) in the Republican ranks. He's tied with a guy who's not even sure he's running (Gingrich), a guy who, if he runs, would be a very interesting candidate and among the most (simultaneously) intelligent and arrogant candidates we've had to choose from in recent memory. Perhaps worse, Mitt's also trailing a guy in third place who wasn't even included in the poll until the March 29th issue, a man who has only recently entered the collective imagination for the presidency - Fred Thompson, at 9%. Fred's a guy who may still not run due to lack of energy, desire, or freedom from "indolent lymphoma". Worse yet for Fred's supporters, he's a guy who may even be too late to successfully run. And yet Mitt's still sniffing his exhaust. Like I said, easy pickings, both Mitt & Joe. 

Hillary, on the other hand, at 36%, finds favor with more Democratic voters than those for Barack Obama and Al Gore combined. She may be one of the most polarizing figures in national politics since, well, since George W. Bush, but she's not someone who can be trivialized or taken lightly. And yet, that's my task here. Since this is stream of consciousness composition, I may find I've started and ended the trivialization with the picture above, one of many such candid photos that, if you pick the right frame from your choices, can make anyone look like they've got a ferret up their skirt. Pant-suit. Whatever.

Ms. Clinton is the other half of the most politically adept, yet managerially sloppy and morally "flexible", presidencies in my lifetime. I've often wondered whether she is, in raw intelligence, the smarter of the two, and a case can be made that perhaps she is. In the alternative, she's surely not far behind Mr. Clinton in intelligence. In political finesse, he has her beat by a country mile, but she'd surely have access to his gifts in that area during a national campaign. He owes her that, at a minimum, just for the dry-cleaning bills paid.

The political tactics that the Clintons, then and now, have been able to muster are brazen beyond belief. That's politics, however, and tells me more about what they're able to do to get her elected (anything required) than it does about their character (sketchy as all hell, just like all other politicians from either party). As a for instance, this, from HRC's Wikipedia page (provenance unknown, as always):

Former Bill Clinton fundraiser and ally David Geffen spoke out against Hillary Clinton in an interview with Maureen Dowd, stating that Clinton had no trouble lying and was overproduced and overscripted.[20] In response, the Clinton campaign attacked Geffen and the candidate that he is supporting for President, Barack Obama, charging that Geffen's comments reflected on Obama negatively and that Obama should return Geffen's money.

That's so Machiavellian that not only wouldn't I have reacted the way the Clintons did, I am incapable of having even considered it. If Barack Obama did anything other than laugh so hard he coughed up his lunch, I'd be hugely disappointed. But the story had the desired effect - deflection of tarnish on Bill Clinton's, and by extension, Hillary Clinton's, control of his network of allies.

Not that this is meant to be a post about him, but everything about Bill Clinton, the good and the bad, can be see as indicative of how Hillary will act as she moves her campaign forward. Sometimes the comparisons are parallels, but far more often, you'll find that they're opposites. When Bill Clinton was getting the snot kicked out of him by a rabid subset of the American body politic, it wasn't he who invented the term "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy" - it was Hillary. This, of course, was after he'd be catting about with the porcine intern, a fact about which Hillary couldn't plausibly have been ignorant. That sort of "Hey! Look over there!" defense isn't taught in grad school, as far as I know - it comes from a deep seated willingness to do whatever it takes to take and hold power. Bill was such a bad-ass smooth talker that he really didn't need to care about things like his reputation. If Joe Klein's faux-novelization of the 1992 presidential campaign, Primary Colors, is any indication, Hillary wasn't willing to rely on people forming their own impressions, unguided, of the Clintons, and had the same focus on the result, damn the impediments, even back then.

Her stewardship of the attempt at nationalized health care, in 1993, points to another polar opposite tendency between she and her husband. He was a consummate politician - a smooth talking pragmatist who, love him or hate him, had the gift of making many people listen to, if not agree with him. Hillary? Not so much. When the firestorm started after her foray into health care policy, Professor Martha Derthick (quoted in a 2006 George Will WaPo op-ed) wrote:

In many years of studying American social policy, I have never read an official document that seemed so suffused with coercion and political naiveté . . . with its drastic prescriptions for controlling the conduct of state governments, employers, drug manufacturers, doctors, hospitals and you and me.

Polar opposite of Bill? Yeah. Shrill? Pretty much.

Are her actions from the 1990s useful for predicting her likely trajectory in the 2008 Presidential campaign? Not completely. Some of the political wisdom of her husband has clearly sunk in since her initial campaign for her NY Senate seat. She's matured politically, and can, at times, seem positively statesmanlike. The risk remains, however, that she'll let out the shrildabeest. Two issues seem ripe for such a result.

First, she's called "off limits" any discussion of her relationship with Bill. I'm instinctively sympathetic to that request, not least because I'm no fan of reality TV, as I don't like to see people humiliated purely for entertainment purposes. According to James "The Lizard" Carville, in a December 2006 WaPo piece:

Despite all that, the subject of the marriage is too hot to handle. "It's uranium-242," said longtime Clinton adviser and friend James Carville, earlier this year. "You pick that stuff up and it'll blow up in your face . . . I'll talk about anything. But I ain't gettin' near anybody's marriage, especially the Clintons.' "

He's right. But the media and her opponents aren't likely so soft-hearted to leave this issue alone, and a real test of her ability to play on the big stage will be the manner in which she enforces her self-declared ban on this topic.

Another touchy spot is evident in the details of an LA Times article from Feb 18, 2007, entitled "GOP activists circling Clinton's campaign". In it, the actors discuss the tactics required to avoid a fate similar to that of John Kerry in the 2004 campaign:

Clinton has been publicly bracing for "Republican machine" attacks from the moment she launched her exploratory committee last month. Whether she can strike back quickly may prove crucial to winning over Democratic primary voters looking for assurance that she can survive a bruising general election and Swift-boat-style attacks. 

"For Democrats, there's a strong sense this time around that they can't allow those same tactics to define Democratic candidates," said Democratic media consultant Jim Margolis.

If Ms. Clinton responds to "swift-boat style attacks" in the same was as Kerry did, she's toast. Swiftboating, you see, isn't slander or libel, as the LA Times and others who use the epithet would have you believe. As it applied in Kerry's case, assertions of fact were made by people close to him during his days in Vietnam, and he had a chance to respond. He largely failed to do so, and instead chose to whine about how unfair it all was. Swiftboating, then, is better defined as being put in a position where it's easier to whine than it is to rebut, respond, or explain the inconvenient facts because they're not rebuttable.

Partly because her opponents in this regard, such as StopHerNow, seem so unhinged, I don't think Ms. Clinton will be subject to the sort of factual expose and undressing Kerry begged for by his murky claims to heroism, and as a result, her best bet will be to respond only enough to such attacks that she can be seen to be responding, but not fully engaging, as it's beneath her. Claims that she's a rabid left-winger don't ring true. So what if, as StopHerNow says, she's left of her husband? He was really quite a centrist, believe it or not, and one could be to his left without being too awfully offensive. But as an apparent control freak, Hillary may not be able to stay above the fray, and that seems a risk she needs to mitigate.

One last slug in this already-overlong post, and perhaps the elephant in the room for Hillary, from that same December 2006 WaPo article entitled "The President in the Room", and an item that cements this as not just a Hillary campaign, but a Hillary and Bill campaign:

Yes, Bill can deliver political superstardom. He's a razor-sharp political strategist. He knows the institution of the presidency. His fundraising chops are unrivaled. All that is well and good -- perhaps too good, according to a September CNN poll, which showed his favorable rating higher than hers, 60 percent to 50 percent.

[wik] Other possible negatives? One word: "cankles" Two words: "pants suits"

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 2

Explanation of a minor sporting mystery

Old news, by now, but dredged back to my frontal lobe after having heard ESPN's Dan Patrick and Sports Illustrated's Rick Reilly talking on ESPN Radio today on the way back from lunch, and Reilly having said something to the effect that in five years, the winner of the 2007 Masters tournament, Zach Johnson, would be waiting tables at Olive Garden.

Apparently, Reilly has a habit of recycling his jokes:

(regarding Brett Wetterich, a rookie in last year's Ryder Cup matches) Rick Reilly, the celebrated American columnist, was more brutal. "You look at him and think, was he my waiter at Olive Garden last night? If he wasn't, he will be soon."

Tiger Woods Reveals He Is Zach Johnson

AUGUSTA, GA—World No. 1-ranked golfer Tiger Woods, after appearing to struggle through the weekend—playing with uncharacteristic inconsistency, bogeying twice in the final rounds, and breaking clubs—shocked the crowd at Augusta...

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0

Today's mailbag

At least so far, it's contained a few important items, many more less important items, a tiny bit of spam, and this kick in the teeth:
 


Florida President unsure of what to do with Ohio State

By VERN JACKSON
Gainesville Sun Staff Writer

April 4, 2007

image

GAINESVILLE – In the wake of Florida’s unprecedented dual championship victories over Ohio State, the University finds itself with a unique and somewhat perplexing problem.

What to do with Ohio State now that Florida owns it.

According to little known and never before used “Clause 121” of the NCAA charter, when a University defeats another member University for two consecutive national championship games by “convincing margins,” the defeated University becomes the sole property of the victor.

University of Florida President J. Bernard “Bernie” Machen readily admits that he was unaware of “Clause 121”, and is unsure of what to do with Ohio State. “They have, what is it, over 54,000 students? Plus, it’s in Columbus, Ohio. It is very inconvenient.”

The University of Florida Board of Trustees is holding an emergency meeting this Friday to deal with the unprecedented situation. According to sources on the Board, initial ideas include –

Sell It – The easiest move the Board might make is simply to sell Ohio State. However, due to the University’s size, and its location in the relatively depressed real estate market of central Ohio, it may be difficult to find a willing buyer. “We are looking into this option,” Machen says. “We have contacted the Solid Waste Authority of Central Ohio to see if they need more land.”

Keep It – This option has several difficulties, but may be the only one if Florida is unable to get a buyer for fair market value. Primary among the difficulties is the large student body population of Ohio State. However, sources on the Board did say since OSU’s student population is near Florida’s 50,000, there may be a situation where Ohio State students could be lent to Florida students on a semester by semester basis as personal valets.

Florida junior Kevin Young thinks the valet idea is just swell. “Everyone should have their own pet Buckeye,” said Young. “It would be like having your own personal fraternity pledge. I think the idea rocks!”

Were Florida to keep Ohio State, issues of whether to allow OSU to keep their current team name and mascot, as well as whether to allow them to continue to play in the Big Ten, would have to be resolved. Says Machen, “I think we could reach some sort agreement that would allow them to keep Brutus Buckeye and play in the Big 10. After all, what would we do – move them to the SEC? They would only get hurt. Since they are our wards now, we could never allow that.”

The prospect also exists that Florida would have dissolve Ohio State athletics. In that case, the issue of what to do with the student athletes is uncertain. Florida football coach Urban Meyer, when approached with the prospect of having to absorb Ohio State’s football team, paused for a moment and said, “I suppose they could be a scout team for our scout team. They really aren’t fast enough for anything else.”

Finally, there is one other idea University officials have floated, and that is simply to donate Ohio State to charity. “As I understand it, thousands of Hurricane Katrina refuges are still displaced. We could give OSU to the Katrina Relief Fund, and allow people to relocate there,” Machen said. “That could be the win-win situation everyone is looking for.”


As Kenny, my Melbourne-FL-based-Ohio-State-fan correspondent said at the end of the forwarded screed:

The Buckeye basketball team should have a good chance of making it back to the big dance next year...I saw they signed some good talent for 2008.. but what are the chances they'd get a re-match with Florida?? Not likely.....at this point I'd settle for a Buckeye Championship in Women's field hockey.

Such are the fruits (for the Buckeyes) of losing the big game, twice, I guess.

[wik] Also found, at the same site as was the t-shirt picture above, this snippet: 

"I saw a sign at the game, OHIO STATE -- The New GEORGIA"

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0