May 2007

Considering terminal musics

A recent visit to my personal abode and culture bunker by Clan Johno included a soundtrack provided by Band of Gypsys.

In subsequent discussion, I explained that someone who hears "Machine Gun" and is not moved has no soul. And I didn't mean "soul" in the James Brown, real supabad sense. I'm not saying you have to like it- you could be moved to loathe it. OK. But the energy and the wailing and the wah wah wah weeeoooooDRAAAAAANNNNNNNN ah wa wa wa wa wa awaw provokes all who hear.

Which days later got me to thinking about dying in a horrible plane crash.

Assuming I had it with me, and I had the time to listen, and I was together enough to make my player work at that moment, and not flipping the fuck out at the prospect of my imminent demise, I decided I would like "Machine Gun" to be my terminal music. The last music I heard before impact and non-existence.

Yeah.

So. All the assumptions listed above apply to you. What is your terminal music?

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 7

Medi-Jacking: "Retail" Medical Pricing

Competition in the medical system is a Republican plank -- the theory being that normal business competition takes place in the medical sector, yielding market forces that optimize across the board. I don't think that medicine operates the same way as other areas -- normal competitive forces require that the buyer have choices and knowledge of those choices, so better decisions can be made.

I recently had some blood tests done as part of a normal checkup -- right down at the end of the hall, sir! Weeks later some handy information systems that my insurance company provides give insight into the costing side of the medical equation that I haven't really had before. I was stunned to see the lab charges.

I wasn't stunned by the amount that the insurance company had paid on my behalf, which was around $22. I was stunned by the "normal" fee for the service -- over $125! In other words, if someone was stupid enough to go to the doctor and pay fee-for-service, they'd get hijacked (or medi-jacked, if you like) for $100 more!

There's a trend right now for companies to offer their employees medical savings accounts; employees get a pool of money they can use to pay their medical expenses, with some assistance from the company. Leftover money can be rolled over into the next year, and some of it can be kept. The idea is to encourage employees to be smart buyers when it comes to medical expenses, but how can this work if there's such a huge disparity between what's charged to the insurance company and what a normal person must pay? With a medical savings account are those deep discounts still available? And for how long?

The biggest problem Republicans have with the current medical system is that there isn't a liberal in sight they can blame its deficiencies and cruelties on. Republicans continue their efforts to raise simple fear amongst citizens -- fear of drug tampering on medicines from other countries, like…oooo…Canada, with its notoriously dangerous drug supply chain. It's not like medicines in America can be sold to pharmacies by drug distributors dealing from the trunks of their cars. Oh wait…they can and do. Or it's the scary ghost of medical futures that might involve the public sector! My god, its full of stars, and they're falling…

There is exactly one reason why Republicans (and Democrats not worthy of their offices) have been so protective of the current dysfunctional medical system in America. They have contributors who benefit enormously from the current system, and that applecart isn't going to be overturned any time soon.

So smile, citizen, as you pay over twice as much for medical care that doesn't even get you into the top ten outcomes, world-wide. You bought into it, and now you're paying for it. And get ready to pay more -- much more -- if you continue to keep your heads in the sand. I can see the drug companies "researching" a miracle cure now: A drug that will let you keep your head in the sand! Miracles never cease.

Posted by Ross Ross on   |   § 14

The Fred gets half

The Fred is doing very well in the online GOP straw poll run by, uh, GOP Straw Polls. As you can see if you follow the link, The Fred has been chosen as first choice by over fifty percent of all respondents. Romney and Guiliani are trailing significantly behind, both in the teens, and the ragged rabble of other GOP candidates languish in the single digits. Naturally, this is a self-selected group, and not a scientific poll like those run by the major news organizations. Nevertheless, that's a hell of a lot of support from at least one group of people - and a group of people, moreover, that will have a large effect on the campaign if what we saw in 2004 is any indication of the growing importance of blogging on elections.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

Virginia is for Lepers

Virginia has been my home for most of a decade now, and while Virginia has its charms (among them being a hell of a lot more jobs than my home state of Ohio) there is still much to ridicule in my state of domicile. I could speak of the starkly horrific traffic, but that problem is really more of a DC metro issue than one for the state as a whole. But hey, there's still just tons to make fun of:

  • Virginia is for Lepers
  • Sort of the South, but with fewer guns
  • South Carolina may have bolted first, but we made the Confederacy
  • Fireworks! Cigarettes! Ham!
  • Don’t tell any one, but Queen Betsy got around a bit
  • Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
  • My Virginia is Itchy
  • Please don't confuse us with West Virginia!
  • Birthplace of the Slave-Ownin' Presidents
  • Tobacco Is Only a Hobby
  • Not so much Virginia as Virginesque
  • East Virginia
  • Home of the CIA. Aaah, damn, now we have to kill you
  • Virginia is for lovers. No, really.
  • Like West Virginia, but without the confusing “West”
  • We're Better Than Maryland, Damn It!
  • Objects in Virginia are closer than they appear
  • I can stop growing tobacco whenever I want
  • Vagina, Virgin, Virginia
  • Everything historical happened here. Don't even front.
  • Most famous speaker of our state motto: John Wilkes Booth
  • Yeah, it sounds kinda like 'vagina' ha ha we get it
  • Every Minister has been here, yet most managed to make it out
  • Actually it's more like Fairfax County, and everyplace else
  • OMG I can't believe I moved to this hell hole! Oh wait, I was just in Maryland for a minute ... whew
  • Virginia ... where time serving bureaucratic hacks go to get retired in place
  • Home of the NRA ... now git off my lawn!
  • Lick my Virginia
  • Gateway to Montana
  • We would have won the Civil War if wasn't for you meddling kids
  • Birthplace of Liberty, just like Montgomery, AL is the birthplace of the civil rights movement
  • Home of the Gold Mining Interpretive Center of Goldvein, Virginia
  • Home for the illegals ambitious enough to leave the Carolinas, but still too lazy to make New York
  • Colder than you think, and not half as friendly
  • The Real South. If you're from Connecticut
  • Four centuries of slavery, rebellion, and willful ignorance
  • Don't touch my Virginia
  • My Virginia smells funny
  • It’s really more of a middle-aged dominion
  • At least we’re not New Jersey
  • Do you smell fish?
  • Give me Liberty, or Give me Death. But not for negroes
  • You've got a friend in the CIA
  • Gateway to the Confederacy, as Grant proved
  • Virginia ... birth place of the striped shirt ... LOOK AT IT!
  • Home to losers of two civil wars
  • The South will rise again! And, no doubt, be ground down to dust once more
  • Home of the Virginia big-eared bat, and other women
  • Sic semper leperi

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Fred has Feck

We continue our continuing series, "Meet the candidates"

The number of candidates gunning for the highest office in the land continues to grow. Governor Richardson has tossed his hat in, and there are rumors that even our first android-American candidate, Al Gore, is considering making a go of it as well. Of all the candidates, real and potential, only two interest me. One is Hillary Clinton, and the interest comes from a deep and soul-scarring fear. The other is Fred Thompson.

Over the last couple days, I’ve been talking with a new good friend, who – thanks to his position deep in the bowels of politics – shall remain unnamed. And we’ve been talking about Fred.

Fred is different than the other candidates. Romney, Guiliani and their ilk are slick, often witty. They are polished, but polished to a particularly political sameness. Thompson feels different. To be sure, that feel is carefully crafted - the result of his experience as an actor and politician. But he has crafted a persona that looks like it is rooted in his actual character, and that character looks interesting. In that, I think, he's a lot like Reagan - not that he looks or sounds or talks like Reagan - but that he is not trying to look like a "statesman" and as a result actually looks more like a statesman than anyone else on the political scene.

What he looks like is my grandfather - he even has the same cadences in his speech. I’ve watched two interweb videos of Fred recently. One was his response to Michael Moore’s debate challenge. Only 38 seconds long, this is a masterful bit of political jujitsu. Fred’s got style, presence, and a good bit of humor; and manages to slam Moore without making an ass of himself – something that most politicians have a very hard time doing. If this is any indication of how effective a Fred campaign would be, then the other candidates have much to be worried about.

I watched another video, an interview he had where he talked about not watching one of the Republican debates. I was struck by how he accurately communicated his ideas without using political catchphrases, tired metaphors - just clear communication laced with his sense of humor. Looks like he alone of the current crop actually absorbed the lessons of Orwell’s "Politics and the English Language."

Also alone of the candidates, I actually like listening to him. Listening to Bush makes me cringe, has since before he was elected. And that cringing has only gotten worse over the last seven years. Yet I voted for him, if only because the alternative was far worse. Based on what I’ve seen so far, I think Fred would have no real trouble cleaning up his Republican competition – assuming of course that there are no skeletons hiding in his closets, and that he can put together a well-run campaign and pull in the contributions.

But Bush is the albatross that any Republican candidate will have to deal with in going up against the eventual Democratic candidate. And the albatross in chief has certainly not made it easy for anyone to follow him into the White House. Bush’s stark inability to communicate, well, anything has left the impression that the Iraq war is an unmitigated disaster. It isn’t, though problems and casualties have dominated the public perception since about a month after the libervasion began. Four years of not making a sound public case for the sacrifices of our soldiers is a large obstacle for anyone who wants to become the next Republican president.

As well, Bush’s failures to get anything done on the domestic front will be a similar huge obstacle. For years, Bush had a Republican congress and yet was unable to make any progress on immigration, social security, or any number of other issues. Certainly any Democratic candidate will be able to make hay on that.

Who among the currently announced Republican candidates will be able to overcome a Democrat armed with all the weapons that Bush has inadvertently given them? Even the Republicans have grown weary of the feckless Republican leadership in the White House and the Congress. If Thompson could demonstrate that he has feck, (and his absence from elected office recently might actually help there) he stands a chance at retaining current support and winning over the independents. Independents often vote character more than issues anyway. My liberal mom would have voted McCain, for that reason.

Charisma isn't everything - but if Fred puts together an efficient campaign, I could easily see him trouncing all comers on the Republican side. And the guy has style. He’s got charasma. Could he be the second coming of Reagan? I wonder, now. He's got the instincts, it seems; and he's got the gravitas - more than Reagan, even. He's smart not to be jumping in too soon. And more than anyone else, he seems to get how new media (bloggers in particular) can help:

Since the ‘04 Howard Dean campaign, the Internet has been seen as fertile ground for presidential candidates. But the advent of a possible candidacy by former Senator Fred Thompson could take online politics to a new level. In this exclusive article for Pajamas Media, Thompson reveals a respect for the ‘net and its importance to democracy that could only come from a true web surfer. If the six-time weekly winner of the PJM Presidential Straw Poll is actually elected President, are we looking at … the First Blogger?

To PJM and Friends
By Fred Thompson


So, I hear you all have been talking about me.

It seems that I ought to respond, at least briefly, to all those who have expressed confidence in me — both here and in other forums. I do not take that confidence lightly.

The Pajamas Media poll is certainly good news, especially when, for a lot of politicians, encouragement to run from three relatives and an unemployed campaign consultant is considered an unstoppable groundswell. When people are saying nice things about me, I try to remember the proverb that compares flattery to a net at your feet. To be sure, the Pajamas poll results are very flattering, so let me return the favor and throw a net at your feet.

“So, I hear you all have been talking about me” Classic – and, if the other videos I linked above, and for that matter his performances in everything from The Hunt for Red October to Law and Order, are indicative then I think he’s a potential winner. If Hillary wins the Democratic nomination, the only thing that is going to beat her is the kind of humor and common-sense persona that Reagan deployed to such great effect against Carter. I wonder what the “There he goes again” moment will be in this election.

And I'd dearly love to see him destroy Hillary in a debate. I dig the guy. Barring some horrific revelation about his past, or learning that he favors something I detest, I might actually be voting for someone in 2008. And as my friend said:

It’s all about the Feck. The f*ing Feck. Fred has Feck.

[wik] More information on Fred Dalton Thompson can be found here, here and here.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Riding Rockets, by Mike Mullane

Riding Rockets, Mike Mullane

I'm sure this book was all the rage on boyblogs when it first got published. Buckethead likes to tease me like he's from Planet Arrested Development, but I know he's not that bad. He's not an astronaut and lacks The Right Stuff. Being an astronaut either takes being a special kind of pig or else a really ginormous brain. Since we are neither, Buckethead and I will have to stay grounded on earth.

As for Mike Mullane, USAF Ret., he's got IT. The Right Stuff. The Goods. The cojones. That "cocky bastard something" gives him the gumption to walk up to Bo Derek on a beach and start basically hitting on her in front of her husband. Same again with putting his arm around Christie Brinkley at the Super Bowl. He's got the golden wings of an astronaut. The book is about his journey into space. THREE TIMES. That's three more times than the rest of us yahoos.

More than being an insider's take on becoming an astronaut or about NASA, I was fascinated by his perspective on the Challenger disaster and the lessons learned from it as an organization. While I would love to go to Mars and the Moon, I'm not sure how I will feel about being vaporized in space. Nor do I feel like I'd survive the space vomit syndrome that's common up there. When I was a kid, I'd throw up in the car after about 10 minutes, before my pop could even get onto the PA Turnpike. (We lived right next to an exit.) I doubt I'd pass the Vomit Comet or the 15-minute enema. (And that duration was **VOLUNTARY**)

This guy isn't some saintly man going up against The Big Organization in some David and Goliath story. Even though he's completely arrogant, he retains his humility enough to tell you that he went to see a shrink and buckled while fighting the organization and it's mercurial and cryptic managers. I could never work for guys like Young. I'm too chatty and their stony silence and inability to look you in the eye would bug the crap out of me. I must not want to go into space that badly. But I do like to blow things up and things that go boom.

One day, I will be in Florida to watch a rocket launch. I'm going to make one of my old skating buddies fulfill his promise of letting me watch a launch from his house in Cocoa Beach. He and his wife are both NASA rocket engineers. It's their life's work. How lucky they are to be a part of greatness.

If you're a guy, DON'T READ THIS BOOK. You'll find out how much of a man you ain't. (Ross, being Canadian, isn't even a contender.)

Posted by Mapgirl Mapgirl on   |   § 5

Will Wonders Never Cease? I am Now a Pet Owner.

FreeMoneyFinance is going scold me for getting a pet, but I got a pet. It just sort of happened to me.

My co-workers were smoking outside when a parakeet landed on the shoulder of one of them. Apparently this little guy is trained and very social. He likes to perch on your finger. They decided to bring him inside because a hawk was circling overhead. For some reason bright turquoise parakeets make easy targets. Go figure.

I told the woman who had him on her desk, “It’s going to eat through that box in a hour. Let me know and I’ll go buy it a cage.”

Sure enough, by 10AM today we were at a pet store getting a whole rig for the damned thing. $70 bucks of little blue joy. The lady at store told me to come back in a few days once he’s stopped freaking out and she will clip his talons and wings for me.

I DON’T NEED A PET!

I’m too nice to let him get killed by a hawk or live in a cardboard box. The plan is to leave him in the office till Wednesday when I can take him back to the pet store for his grooming and then home on Wednesday night. (I HAVE PLANS FOR DINNER TONIGHT! I AM TOO SELFISH AND IRRESPONSIBLE TO KEEP AN ANIMAL WHICH IS WHY I DON’T ALREADY OWN A BUNNY!)

I have seen other parakeets. I am a sucker. I bought a large cage for it so I can get him a friend in a few weeks. Birds are social animals and I don’t want him to get too unhappy being all alone in my apartment for hours when I am out with my singleton social life.

I AM GOING AWAY THIS WEEKEND! I DON’T NEED A PET!

Thank god one of my friends is a pet sitter. She doesn’t really sit for birds, but will refer me to her friend who owns a bird.

THIS IS TERRIBLE.

But he’s kind of cute, even if he’s already pooping all over the cage.

Once he gets settled, if the pet thing doesn’t take with me, I will give it away free to a good home. I want to make sure he’s healthy before giving him away to another family. Wouldn’t want it to infect any other birds they might have.

*sigh*

I am a sucker. I think it’s tattooed on my forehead.

Oh sweet Jesus, please don’t let me turn into a pet/cat lady. I really don’t need this.

(It does not help that a family in DC on Craigslist is giving away their parakeet because its mate was “murdered” by the family cat. I’m thinking in a month, that might be a good one to rescue and keep mine company.)

[This was crossposted from MFC. FWIW, I did post lost/found ads on Craigslist, Petfinders and a specialty site called 911 Parrot Alert. I will give it a month, but the lady at the Fairfax Humane Society thinks a week is fair.]

Posted by Mapgirl Mapgirl on   |   § 5

I guess that's one indication of bad economics

Who knew that trail mix was cheaper than corn? Not me, at least not until this morning's WSJ article entitled "With Corn Prices Rising, Pigs Switch To Fatty Snacks".

GARLAND, N.C. -- When Alfred Smith's hogs eat trail mix, they usually shun the Brazil nuts.

"Pigs can be picky eaters," Mr. Smith says, scooping a handful of banana chips, yogurt-covered raisins, dried papaya and cashews from one of the 12 one-ton boxes in his shed. Generally, he says, "they like the sweet stuff."

Mr. Smith is just happy his pigs aren't eating him out of house and home. Growing demand for corn-based ethanol, a biofuel that has surged in popularity over the past year, has pushed up the price of corn, Mr. Smith's main feed, to near-record levels.

...

Mr. Smith says he's paying about $63 to feed a single pig for five or six months before it goes to market -- up 13% from last year. His costs would be even higher if he didn't augment his feed with trail mix, which he says helps him save on average about $8 a ton on feed.

(ellipsis mine)

The presumption that corn-based ethanol was somehow going to be a great net-positive for the US economy has always been based on the thinnest of pretense, put forward by the farm lobby in the US. As covered in an earlier post here (regarding Michael Bloomberg's energy plan), corn is just about the stupidest way to make ethanol, perhaps second only to making ethanol out of oil itself, if such a thing is even possible.

And even if it were technically wise to do so, the mad rush to corn-based ethanol, driven by government mandates and subsidies that help nobody but the farm lobby, was always going to affect the supply/demand curve for corn.

Better late than never, there appears to be a sudden realization of the problem, if recent press mentions count for anything:

The items above are cherry-picked from among many, many other such recent stories. The last two are of a genre that puts the lie to the entire boondoggle being foisted onto the American consumer, particularly given that cane-based ethanol actually generates far more energy than it takes to produce, unlike corn-based ethanol. Cane-based suffers, however, from the choke-hold the farm lobby continues to wield on the American legislative windpipe.

Much the same as, say, in the waste industry, where at a high enough price for landfill space, people are willing to recycle, prices for oil in the energy market can cause people to willingly overpay for alternatives. But when the costs of the alternatives, direct and indirect, become high enough, as they appear to be doing in the ethanol market, consumers are certain to rethink that entire "energy independence" thing.

Corn based ethanol is "ethanol done wrong". Add to that the fact that it's "ethanol done expensive", and you can just wait for the increased backlash, attempting to drown out the farm lobby. The question, of course, is whether our legislative overlords will be allowed to listen and undo the damage they've done over the past twenty years on this front.

A final tidbit from the WSJ piece:

Dwight Hess, a cattle feedlot operator in Marietta, Pa., is located in the heart of snack country, near Hershey and Herr Foods Inc., a maker of potato chips, pretzels and snack mixes. His cattle ration consists of about 17% "candy meal," a blend of chocolate bars and large chunks of chocolate; 3% of what he calls "party mix," a blend of popcorn, pretzels, potato chips and cheese curls; 8% corn gluten; and the remainder corn and barley he grows. He says the byproducts save him about 10% on feed costs. Still, it costs him about 65 cents to put a pound on a steer, up from 42 cents last year.

Near the Snake River in Idaho, Cevin Jones of Intermountain Beef is struggling to feed his 12,000 cattle in light of higher feed costs. Traditionally, he has used up to 30% corn or other grains in his feed mix. This year he's using 100% byproducts, including french fries, Tater Tots and potato peels.

"It's kind of funny," Mr. Jones says, "every once in a while, you can spot a couple of cattle fighting over a whole potato."

I suppose that soon, my family too will be able to eat junk food more cheaply than grains. I'm not looking forward to that, and I have something like 2% of the US population (plus 80% of the legislature) to thank for the sad fact.

See also - "Corn Too Expensive? Turn Pigs into Ethanol"

Also posted at issuesblog.com

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 6

Speaking of head-hunting

(apropos previous story, below)

Democrats seek "no confidence" vote on Gonzales

As previously covered here, I don't see the firing of the US Attorneys, itself, as an affair worthy of even 10% of the coverage it's received over the past several months.

That said, the fact that the Senate is working to craft and pass a "no confidence vote" on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' tenure in his present office strikes me as far less silly than does the World Bank's dogged (and successful) pursuit of Paul Wolfowitz.

The initial response to the Democrats' concern over the firing of political appointees for (gasp!) political reasons was completely mishandled. Obfuscation, bluster, and confusion were the order of the day. None of this was required, and instead the response should have been to tell the Democrats to get stuffed, as it is the president's prerogative to fire any of his appointees, without regard for the sensitivities of Democrats looking to make political hay out of thin air.

However, once the AG's office acted as though they needed to explain the events, bordering on covering up the facts, it seemed clear that the AG wasn't qualified to handle his office. Subsequent events haven't been kind to his position, because each has seemed to provide yet another opportunity for him to demonstrate his cackhandedness in office.

Among those subsequent events, the May 14 resignation of Paul McNulty, Deputy AG, and the testimony on Tuesday, May 15, of James Comey, describing the attempts by Andy Card and Alberto Gonzales to get John Ashcroft, then in intensive care, to approve of an administration spying proposal.

Using only NPR as a signpost, have a look at the recent progression of this story:

Gonzales himself has recently opined that it looked like he'd weathered the storm, even while, in a complete reversal of form for anyone in the Bush administration, he took responsibility for the firings, sort of, -ish.

I continue to believe that nothing wrong was done in the termination of the US Attorneys. Far more important, though, is the focus on how the aftermath-that-shouldn't-have-been was handled, and Gonzales has repeatedly shown himself to be a tone deaf stumbler during his defense.

Such a set of skills seems ill-suited to the highest levels of the Justice Department, and the Democrats (plus either 6 or 11 Republicans, depending on how you count, so far) seem likely to get their vote of no confidence passed, symbolic as it might be. Better still to hope for Gonzales' resignation as a result, though, as a friend pointed out to me yesterday, how hard might it be to get confirmation for a replacement?

[wik] For the record, all the ninnies calling for a wave of impeachments should also get stuffed. Focus on the problem at hand, rather than the problems you want to be at hand, sez me.

[alsø wik] Specter indicates that the pressure may be working. For once, I hope Specter is right. He hasn't been worth much since he created the Wall of Sound, and isn't even competent to hire a decent combination of chauffeur/murder trial witness.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 2

When they want your head on a pike...

...don't underestimate their ability to get it. Late last week, Paul Wolfowitz announced his resignation from the presidency of the World Bank. Having sensed the inevitability of the outcome, his Thursday started with an offer to resign on his own terms. From that morning's Financial Times, in a story entitled "Wolfowitz discusses terms of resignation":

Paul Wolfowitz yesterday began negotiating terms that could lead to his resignation as president of the World Bank. Last night the Bank board said the discussions had been adjourned and would continue today.
...
His lawyer, Robert Bennett, insisted he would not leave "under a cloud" and would rather risk the prospect of a vote on the board to dismiss him.

Given his repeated insistence, apparently supported by the facts if not by the rhetoric of his (many) enemies within the institution, that he'd done nothing wrong, neither his defense of his position nor his desire, after the defense has failed, to leave on his own terms can come as a huge surprise.

A quick summary of the case, from WSJ's OpinionJournal:

  • Wolfowitz's girlfriend, Shaha Riza, was a staffer at the World Bank before he became president in 2006
  • At the time he became president, he was directed by the bank's ethics committee to find a new job for her, even though he asked to recuse himself from the task.
    The committee suggested an "in situ promotion" to the next paygrade or an "ad hoc salary increase" as part of a "settlement of claims." The offer was intended to be generous, given that Ms. Riza--who already had been shortlisted for promotion--was being forced out of the bank, possibly for good, for a conflict she did not create and to a job she had not sought.
  • She got an assignment at the State Department, with a significant increase in pay
  • All hell has now broken loose, because he played a role in setting her new salary

Ms. Riza was eventually given an external assignment at the State Department with a salary (paid by the bank) of $193,000, up from the $133,000 she had previously made at the bank. To Mr. Wolfowitz's critics, this was improper and excessive, especially given that Condoleezza Rice makes about $10,000 less.

For other background, see:

If one chose to ignore all the facts, the affair would seem very sinister, to be certain. But of course, it's not at all. A reasonable person could look at the chain of events and come to the conclusion that Wolfowitz bent over backward to avoid both the fact and the appearance of impropriety. The near-50% increase in Ms. Riza's salary looks odd, but the fact that it's more than Dr. Rice makes is a red herring. In any event,

...this is highly selective outrage given normal procedure at the bank.

Of its roughly 10,000 employees, no fewer than 1,396 have salaries higher than the U.S. Secretary of State; clearly "fighting poverty" does not mean taking a vow of poverty at "multilateral" institutions. At the time of Ms. Riza's departure from the bank, she was a Grade "G" (senior professional) employee; the typical salary in that grade hovers around the $124,000 mark. For the next level, Grade "H"--the level to which Ms. Riza was due to be promoted--salaries average in the $170,000 range, with an upper band of $232,360. No fewer than 17% of bank employees are in this happy bracket.

So, no, it's not sinister in the least.

Sinister or not, Wolfowitz has now chosen to give up the ghost. As reported in Friday's WSJ, "Wolfowitz Quits World Bank as U.S. Relents". The mythical "reasonable person" could conclude he was railroaded. (For the record, the corrolary of the previous statement is not "Anyone who thinks he wasn't railroaded is unreasonable").

Unable to overcome charges of ethical misconduct, Paul Wolfowitz resigned as World Bank president yesterday within hours of getting a final White House signal that he should abandon a fierce battle save to his job.

So, why all the feigned outrage, and why the blatant politics involved in the ouster of Wolfowitz? At least four things, according to reports.

  • Most often reported is the Bank's constitutional aversion to ensuring that it's not flushing money down various ratholes. The signature of Wolfowitz's administration at the Bank has been his anti-corruption drive. Doing so, of course, makes the jobs of the Bank's staff more difficult, and it subjects them to standards they're not used to, and unwilling to abide.
    Some of Mr. Wolfowitz's accusers--notably, former general counsel Roberto Danino--are angry precisely because he upset their lifetime sinecure by demanding higher performance.

    So there's that.

  • Also at issue is the discomfiture of the staffers from the other countries which comprise the Bank's shareholders (of which the US is the largest) at the fact the US has named the last ten presidents of the Bank. Like many of the world's international institutions, smaller countries get chapped at the continually recognition of the US present role at the head of the table, in terms of financial heft. In addition to their successful hounding of Wolfowitz from office, the rumbles for non-American leadership at the bank are flowing, as advocated at Reuters, pseudo-reported at the Globe and Mail, and surely made part of the palaver elsewhere.
  • Furthermore, there are those who trace the beginnings of this end to Wolfowitz's involvement elsewhere, to matters utterly unrelated to his actions at the World Bank. An example can be found in the Telegraph story entitled "Downfall precipitated by Iraq war"
  • And of course, the generalized "Bush Explanation", from the Globe and Mail, prior to the resignation:
    The scandal that is likely to cost Mr. Wolfowitz his job was narrowly about favouritism toward Ms. Riza. More broadly, however, the showdown at the World Bank became a metaphor for Mr. Bush's troubled relations with the rest of the world -- and particularly Europe -- over Iraq, the broader Middle East, global warming and trade.

Oddly, without giving any of them any credence for operational worthiness, each of those four rationale for his ouster seems far more solid than the one by which he was finally forced to fall on his sword.

Whatever the actual reasoning of those wanting a head on a pike, resourceful enemies in politics, just like activists in the business world or, for that matter, a group of sixth grade girls, can find a way to introduce chum into the water. And if they're able to fool enough of the people enough of the time, they'll get their man.

Possible successors, according to the New York Times?

Speculation about Mr. Wolfowitz’s successor ranged from Paul A. Volcker, the former chairman of the Federal Reserve, to Mr. Blair and Stanley Fischer, the finance minister of Israel and a former top official at the International Monetary Fund. Also mentioned have been various prominent figures on Wall Street, including Douglas A. Warner III, a former chairman of J.P. Morgan Chase and chairman of the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.

In addition, speculation has centered on two officials close to Mr. Bush: Deputy Treasury Secretary Robert M. Kimmitt and Robert B. Zoellick, a former deputy secretary of state.

There are some worthies in there, but I'd prefer Fischer be removed from the list, as he's no longer American (relinquished citizenship and took Israeli residency) and I see no problem with continued American stewardship of the Bank.

My favorite two choices, not on the list? John Bolton, or failing that, Dick Cheney. Because sometimes, the best response to a defeat such as the US (no, not Bush, and not Wolfowitz - the US) has had jammed down its throat by the bureaucrats at the World Bank (or the other international institutions whose design allows the pretense that each crappy little country has just as much to add as all others) is the same thing, only more so.

Addendum - Worth reading, the after-action op-ed at OpinionJournal.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 4

YEEEAAARRRGGGHHH

Vermont, wedged between two far better states, has long been a hotbed of separatism and posturing independence. And so we turn our critical eye toward the home of overly sweet syrup:

  • YEEEAAARRRGGGHHH
  • If it weren't for us, your pancakes would be dry
  • Canadian Money Accepted Here
  • Birthplace of the Insufferable Hippie
  • Yep
  • Live Free or, uh… something
  • We're Only Cheap in Monopoly
  • Green Loogie State
  • Home of, well, nothing much
  • Manly Deeds, Womanly Hands
  • More people than Alaska!
  • The best French-named state in the union
  • New Connecticut
  • Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns
  • Frozen Rednecks
  • Land of Mustaches
  • Our presidents our renowned for doing nothing
  • Vermont – Home of Hippies Too Stupid To Move To Oregon
  • Gettin' busy with New Hampshire since 1791
  • We don't care who you marry, as long as we get the license fee
  • Freedom and Unity, except with those fuckos from New Hampshire
  • The New Jersey of New England
  • The sort of triangular state
  • Vermont, preternaturally
  • Sing it! I, Hate New York
  • Vermont is for Losers
  • Independent does not necessarily mean paranoid
  • Gateway to prosperous upstate New York
  • Piss on Vermont
  • The only state to successfully get out of New York
  • Don’t pick on us just ‘cause we talk funny
  • Ethan Allen, not just mediocre furniture
  • Hillbillies aren’t just from Appalachia
  • Like Massachusetts, only poorer and more socialist
  • The last famous person from Vermont was born in 1872
  • Best skiing on the East Coast, which is like saying you’re the smartest retard
  • Birthplace of creepy Mormonism
  • The first state, after the first thirteen states
  • If Maple syrup was as valuable as oil, we’d be Texas. Or maybe Saudi Arabia

[wik] Bonus slogans!

  • United States? What's that?
  • Ben & Jerry for President!
  • Howard Dean! He's One of Us!!!!!!!
  • Welfare mothers make better lovers
  • North West Virginia
  • Most of us still have teeth
Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 7

Fruit Flies 1, Humans 0

In a fascinating breakthrough, scientists have determined that the lowly fruit fly, subject of the predations of generations of high school geneticists, has a tiny sliver of free will. Remarkable!

And proof that at least some in the scientist community are aware of the possible threats of continued research in this area, one said,

Future research delving further into free will could lead to more advanced robots, scientists added. The result, joked neurobiologist Björn Brembs from the Free University Berlin, could be "world robot domination."

Naturally, the reporter assumed that the Brembs was joking. We know different.

Despite the lingering threat of robot domination of our species, this research does poke at some interesting corners of the human condition. Ironically, though, the researchers noted that the behavior that caused them to suppose that the flies’ behavior was less than completely random followed another mathematical pattern, that of Levy’s distribution:

Flies use this procedure to find meals, as do albatrosses, monkeys and deer. Scientists have found similar patterns in the flow of e-mails, letters and money, and in the paintings of Jackson Pollock

Now, there must be some sort of biological process at work to create this activity, and if there is a biological basis, then it is hard to make the argument that free will is at work. The particular results might vary from fly to fly, but the process is determined. Just like a random process will be different each time, but the process is entirely random.

And comparing a fly’s behavior to that of Jackson Pollock is not a particularly strong argument for free will, either.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

On the Immigration "Compromise"

The NY TImes and the BBC are reporting on a late day compromise that brings America closer to an immigration reform bill that will leave everyone disappointed.

According to those sources, the crux of the bill is a two visa system. One, for esteemed gastarbeiters, has a 2 year duration but is renewable only twice, must include a year in country of origin in between renewals, and will not track applicants to permanent residency or citizenship. The other, which would put applicants on the path to citizenship, seems to go like this:

-Get out
-Pay $5,000 penalty
-Apply for new visa to work in the US
-Wait up to 13 years for final decision on permanent residency or citizenship

Neither news outlet includes mention of what the stick is here; what is the compelling factor to do all this? What happens to illegals who do not take this route and remain here and continue to work?

Because if you ask me, it's a sucker bet.

If I'm already here, paying no taxes, no auto insurance, largely immune from legal action beyond all but the grossest of criminal enterprises, why the holy *hades* would I give that up to go back to the pit I came from, pay 5 g's while I'm at it, plus fees for a new visa ($700-ish, iirc) and come back to the same job I have but now I have to pay state taxes, federal taxes, FICA, and all the other jazz now?

No thanks.

I don't see how the bill, as described, would make more than a small dent in the illegal population. Unless there are stiff penalties for the people who still choose to remain in the "underground economy", like deportation and permanent bar to return, this is all just alot of wind.

Heh, well, and a windfall to immigration lawyers.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 12

Gone To Meet His Maker, Whoever That Might Be

Drunkle Hitch has, as expected, weighed in on the passing of Jerry Falwell. I'm not one to speak ill of the dead, but I do loves me a good savage rant from everyone's favorite lit'ry critic and erstwhilely leftist drunken uncle!

"The evil that he did will live after him."

Someone buy that man another Remy Martin!!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 1

You know, General Ripper was just a character in a movie...

Ministry friend and loyal minion Murdoc is discussing a turn of phrase that he and, apparently, Norman Podhoretz find applicable: World War IV. Used to describe the current war on terror, it is a bit of language that has enough history that it can engender discussion for years. And surely will. But another term being used, not just in that discussion but across the media, is "bomb(ing) Iran."

People of every stripe will, and have, demonstrated against bombing Iran. Talking heads have advocated for or against bombing Iran. Breathy media outlets report on the "secret" Pentagon plans to bomb Iran, while pilots somewhere are surely training to bomb Iran.

Unfortunately, what is not widely understood is that the verb in this context is really just a shorthand for a planned and carefully executed operation. Without understanding that context and shorthand, the broader public allows "bomb Iran" to mean "terrorize from the air", ie, dropping ordnance indiscriminately amongst the orphanages, baby milk factories, nuns, and puppies liberally scattered across the Iranian landscape.

What is not well understood beyond the chain of command is that it is the mission that comes first, and the assets to achieve come after. Yes, capability influences the mission, but the thinking doesn't start with "This is what we have, what can we do with it?", but, "This is what we want to do- how can we achieve it?" Air power, in all its forms, is just another set of tools to apply toward getting the job done. And despite the kook fringe's acceptance that the President might conclude that muslims are responsible for water flouridation, scream "Cry Havoc!", and order the Air Force to kill them all, that's just not how strategy and the application of martial power work.

My point is that it's not a terrific idea to use this turn of phrase when you really mean "use of military force against Iran", against specific targets and for specific ends. I think it's ok to spell it out, especially when it becomes time to convince others of why you think it's a good idea.

[wik] Almost forgot- obligatory image of the aforementioned general below the fold:

image

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 0

The Robert C. Byrd Dolly Sods Wilderness Area

Last Sunday, the Buckethead clan up and decided to take a roadtrip into the wilds of West Virginia. (The wilds of West Virginia being coterminous with the borders of West Virginia.) Our original destination was Spruce Knob, the highest point in WV aside from the pothead rock climbers at Seneca and over by the New River Gorge. On the way south, though, I happened to spy a sign for the Dolly Sods. Executing a 45mph ninety degree right turn, we drove up a mountain to see them.

Almost 23 years ago, I had visited this area, and it is a fascinating miniature ecosystem. The name “Dolly Sods” comes from a German immigrant family, Dahle, who once farmed in the area. They moved on, but the Americanized version of their name remained. The “Sods” appellation refers to the grassy areas that grew up in the burned out regions of the plateau. The Dolly Sods is the largest, highest plateau east of the Mississippi, and it was once a Spruce forest, though logging and subsequent fires reduced the area to a near desert. Since then, it has grown back – but the plants and animals there are more like what is generally found 1600 miles to the north in Canada – like the cold-adapted snowshoe hare.

Most of the trees have branches growing on only one side – away from the prevailing winds. Most of the ground cover is low, bushes and heath, huckleberries and blueberries. There are also huge bogs, watered by the 100 or more inches of snow that the area gets each winter. The bogs are filled with lichen and moss, and we had to warn the boy back from the edge, lest he become a permanent addition to the bog ecosystem.

The views from the edges of the plateau are incredible – there’s a hundred foot drop-off at one point, and lots of fun boulders to clamber around. There was another family there, who had a five year old daughter in tow, and Sir John-the-precocious-casanova was entranced:

John: She’s my girlfriend.
Me: Really?
John: Yes. She’s my girlfriend.
Me: Don’t you think you’re a little young to have a girlfriend?
John: Well, no
Me: Did you ask her if she wanted to be your girlfriend?
John: No. Why?
Me: You should always ask a girl before calling her your girlfriend.
John: Okay
Me: Do you know her name?
John: No, I can’t know that.

All in all, a fun and educational experience. And once we get the pictures developed, I’ll update this post. (I misplaced the cable for the digital camera, so it remains full of older pictures.

One amusing thing, and frankly the reason for the whole post, was the presence, in the middle of nowhere, a wonderful modern four lane highway that connected the Virginia border with Petersburg, WV. As we got on to the highway, and noted it’s many bridges over creeks, huge cuts through ridges, and impressive width, I said to Mrs. Buckethead, “This is one expensive road. Look how much earth they had to move to make that cut – that must have cost a shitload of money. And it connects one obscure corner of the middle of friggin’ nowhere to another even more obscure corner! I guarantee you this is the work of Robert C. Byrd.”

And as God and my wife will attest, not two minutes later we passed a discrete sign that informed us that we were traveling on the Robert C. Byrd Appalachian Highway System.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Suspicious Coincidence

Surely the flags at work and the post office are not half mast for Jerry Falwell

I'm not one to dance on anyone's grave. But you can bet your bippy I'm going to have a good time steppin' out tonight. It's a capella music after all.

[wik] Nifty! I found out why flags are half-mast today. Try this link They will be half-mast around my office till Thursday dusk when flags should be taken down. But our maintenace staff doesn't seem to get it. Oddly the Quaker school I went to did. They ran it up every morning and pulled it down every afternoon. Makes me sad to see a flag moulder in the dark at night.

Posted by Mapgirl Mapgirl on   |   § 3

Bloomberg for President?

Dang. I can't find the best quote by Michael Bloomberg on his chances of being elected President of the United States. The gist of it is that he's a short, Jewish, divorced New Yorker. Words which he has used to describe himself. He's got the goods and the gumption to stir up the pot. Virtual biscuit to anyone who can find the original citation. Wikipedia doesn't have it anymore.

Personally, I've met him, talked to him about non-trivial issues, and he's a jackass. But a very smart and competent jackass. I'd vote for him. He's exactly the centrist-Republican that kept me registered as one in Pennsylvania through all my years of college. (Being a Democrat was political suicide where I came from, closed primaries and old-money Republican domination.)

Hat tip to Kingsland Report for the Washington Times article. (However, I think Rev Moon is crazy, so take their reporting with a grain of salt.)

Posted by Mapgirl Mapgirl on   |   § 19

Clearly the Democracy in Iraq is Undermining our Effort to Establish a Democracy in Iraq

Via Hilzoy of Obsidian Wings, I have found a site that appears to be nothing but the Sunday morning talking head shows translated into l33t$p3@|.

Ch-ch-check it:

Russert: dood teh American people think the Iraq war was a mistake

McCain: well you know the American people think failure is teh suck

Russert: well why not

McCain: yeah but teh people dont get teh consequences of failure

Russert: teh people hate u and yur policies

McCain: kurds, turks, Saudis will go to war and then we'll have to partition bedrooms in Iraq if we do that they'll follow us in to American bedrooms

Timmeh: wow

McCain: i luv shock and awe but its true bush is a terrible president and it was all mismanaged - for that i blame Donald Rumsfeld

Timmeh: but not Bush of course

McCain: at the time we went to war given what the British said we had to invade iraq

Timmeh: thats it?

MCcain: also the Oil-for-Food program was breaking down

Timmeh: yur joking right

McCain: hey if we had known we'd fail well sure you wouldn't invade

Timmy: sorry yur confusing me

McCain: Al Qaeda is in Baghdad but we're making progress - they're in other areas too

Timmeh: excellent but iraqi parliament wants us to leave

McCain: yeah but its in our interest to honor teh troops by not debating over and over and over again teh stooped boring Iraq war

Tim: huh?

McCain: fuck the Iraqi parliament

Tim: oh ok

McCain: those fuckers are just playing to their base I’ve had it with this fucking democracy i saw all this in vietnam

Tim: yeah like in Platoon and the Killing Fields

McCain: clearly the democracy in Iraq is undermining our effort to establish a democracy in Iraq

Tim: how the fuck long is it going to take

McCain: well we fought a bloody civil war 100 years after the Revolution in 1776 so you figure it out

That's about the tone of 'em, neh?

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Science! Does It Exist?

Predicting weather is a strong science in the 10 day window, with that being slowly pushed upwards by distributed supercomputing and better algorithms. It's being held back by the current stall in Moore's law, which may be with us for a little while.

Of course not all scientists say the same thing! But you have to look at the overall picture here, and do the tough thing -- place numbers on it. If only one out of every thousand scientists working in this area has a serious, contrary view supported by what they've written...

It's not about who's right and who's wrong, because science is what it is -- and nothing is certain. But we have to look at the probabilities involved here...and right now the probabilities are showing that climate change is happening and that the basis is human. The most recent report from a few months back significantly tightened up the causative network that underlies all the science.

So we have a river of probability running forward and the center path goes through very scary territory. At this point the science can't say _exactly_ what's happening, but the distribution curve on the likely events is fairly well known.

Engaging on this requires more than an assertion that there are contrary views. Bring them forward! The web is a beautiful thing. But watch out for the Heartland institute!

Posted by Ross Ross on   |   § 3

Ill effects

Bad things can happen when you treat "An Inconvenient Truth" as an authoritative documentary.

And no, of course the link has nothing to do with Algore's movie.

I hope this doesn't become commonplace, because it's already been done, to a tee, by Johnny Knoxville.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0

Brickmuppet, where art thou?

Brickmuppet, one of the legion of bloggers that I don't link often enough, has moved to new digs. He's out of the blogspot ghetto, and over into a sparkling gated community at mee.nu. I assume that mee.nu is related in some way to the munuvians. I wonder if the new group are going to be meenuvians? Anywho, go check out his new, perty blog here.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Redstate Declares War!

War, I say, War! I think this is quite an admirable trend, in general...corrupt members of a party aren't often watching their backs, and...ka-blam. We of the center (known as the left to everyone on the hard right) really ought to respond in kind, locate a "troubled" Democrat, and out the bastard. I'm sure there are plenty out there.

It does bring me to this simple way of thinking about partisanship. Rank the following in order of preference:

  • Honest Republican
  • Corrupt Republican
  • Honest Democrat
  • Corrupt Democrat

For the majority of us, I think the resulting list ends up having a certain shared characteristic...we would do well to keep that in mind as we look at our friendly neighborhood pols this time around.

Posted by Ross Ross on   |   § 4

I Believe, I Believe I'll [verb] [noun]

Can you imagine the pressure, being the heir apparent to immortal greatness? That kind of thing can do a man in.

Robert “Junior” Lockwood was more than just a close personal friend of the great Delta bluesman Robert Johnson. Due to an on-and-off ten year romantic entanglement between Lockwood's mother and the dashing, skylarking Mr. Johnson, Lockwood found himself with a big brother, a stepfather of sorts, and a musical mentor who would teach him all the tricks he had to tell. It was this relationship that gave Lockwood his “Robert Junior” nickname and the keys to his future.

And as with most such family dramas, it would be wonderful to write that the three of them, Robert, Robert Junior and mom, retired to a long and happy life on a farm somewhere in Arkansas or western Mississippi and ended their days in the company of beloved friends and family.

But instead, Robert Johnson found himself dying in a warm Mississippi night, poisoned by the jilted partner of one his many female companions, Robert Junior found his way out of the Delta by feet and inches, and only his mother had a shot at the idyllic storybook ending (God only knows if she got it).

As it turned out, Robert “Junior” Lockwood, heir to immortal greatness, was made of pretty stern stuff. Armed with all the tricks of music and showmanship he'd learned from his mentor, and cut loose from home at a fairly young age, he made a name for himself in juke joints and fish fries up and down the big river, wound his slow way North, and eventually became the go-to guitarist for dozens of recording sessions in the golden age of the Chicago blues.

Throughout the 1950s and 1960s, Lockwood appeared with some of the all time greats of the Chicago blues style, like Sonny Boy Williamson, Otis Spann, Willie Dixon, Little Walter and even Muddy Waters, adding what needed to be added, always staying out of the spotlight. Along the way he continued to teach himself more about the guitar, getting jazz lines and chords under his fingers, even mastering the art of the blues on the notoriously cumbersome 12-string guitar.

In the wake of Lockwood's death late last year, the Delmark label is reissuing once again their CD release of his first session as a bandleader, Steady Rollin' Man, recorded in 1970.

I have to admit, I was all set to politely pan this album. Its plainer moments are nice enough, sure, but not really incredibly distinct from any one of dozens of worthy Chicago blues albums recorded in the last half-century. But then I found myself walking down the street on a cloudless Massachusetts afternoon, with the sunlight slanting just so from the west and a beautiful melancholy mood coming down, and the song playing in my head was Robert "Junior" Lockwood's "Western Horizon."

Structurally, the song is nothing more than a stock Chicago blues by way of the Delta: start the song with the little turnaround where one voice descends chromatically from the flat-7 to the dominant, kick in the twelve bar shuffle vamp, and then cue a lyric whose first two lines are the same and begin with "I believe, I believe... I believe I'll...."

Trust me, you know this song. Whether it's sung as "Sweet Home Chicago" or "Dust My Broom" or any one of dozens of alternate lyrics, you know this song.

But what I forgot when I got ready to politely pan the album is that in this kind of blues, it's all in the details - the bent notes, the vibe of the song, the little turns of lyric and phrasing that make a blue performance just right.

And there's lots in "Western Horizon" that is definitely right. Lockwood studied jazz, and you can hear it sometimes in the way he pulls a phrase behind the beat, the way he swings a line, the way he builds some altered harmonies into his rhythm vamps. On “Western Horizon,” he sings behind the beat and then creeps right up to it, rushes some words and draws others out, and generally sounds like he was born singing the song in that same unhurried way. The effect is cool and stylish, and is a neat twist on top of the late-night saloon mood that he and the band kick up on this song and the album in general.

And what a band! For this session, Lockwood tapped some of the best that Chicago had to offer - Fred Below on drums, Dave Myers on bass, and Louis Myers on second guitar. The arrangements and tempos they dig into are less aggressive, less slick, than some of the work that Lockwood was doing as a session man around the same time.

Instead, Lockwood and the band let a whiff of country mud into their jazzy urban blues by laying back into grooves, moving some of the rhythm playing up the neck of the guitar (like Junior's ‘godfather’ used to do) and pulling out some great old turnaround riffs that could have come straight from the pines of Arkansas in 1937. On the slower grooves, like "Take a Little Walk With Me," "Mean Red Spider" and "Western Horizon," the band sit back in a simmer that showcases their sedate rock-steadiness and country overtones. But on the jump blues numbers like the overtly jazzy "Lockwood's Boogie" they sit right up in the pocket and deliver all the energy you could ever want to power a Chicago blues bar.

With repeated listens, the jazz elements drift to the front of the record. Jazz harmonies and a cool late-night vibe are all over songs like the instrumental "Tanya" and even the by-the-numbers "Take a Little Walk With Me" and "Steady Rollin' Man," and Lockwood's solos on any song may at any point quietly pass over from basic pentatonic flat-five scales into something that's no longer just the blues. The cumulative effect is pretty impressive, a nice balance of influences that don't often play well together but on this album fit together almost seamlessly.

So, okay. Maybe there are one or two too many straight-ahead numbers on this disc which sap a little energy from the running order. But that really doesn't hide the fact that I was wrong, and that Steady Rollin' Man is a minor masterpiece of the blues, pulling together the city, the country, and even jazz into one unassuming and masterful demonstration of why Robert “Junior” Lockwood was thought so highly of. Good stuff.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Seeking the ruin of souls

Over the last week, I've been spending some time looking over the blogs of people I met at the milblogger conference. Of course, all of them are chock full of brilliant writing, penetrating insight, late-breaking news and scintilating wit. But one thing I saw yesterday really caught my eye over at Michael Fumento's blog:

image

The guy with the tat was saved by Navy SEAL Michael Monsoor, who later died saving the lives of three of his fellow SEALs, and is now being considered for the Medal of Honor. You can read the Monsoor's story here or here.

I googled "Archangel Michael's Prayer" to see if I could get the text of it, and google and wikipedia again came through:

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host —
by the Divine Power of God —
cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen.

It turns out that there is an interesting story or legend behind this prayer, which was once said in every Catholic Mass. Back in the late 1800s, Pope Leo XIII had this experience:

"I do not remember the exact year. One morning the great Pope Leo XIII had celebrated a Mass and, as usual, was attending a Mass of thanksgiving. Suddenly, we saw him raise his head and stare at something above the celebrant's head. He was staring motionlessly, without batting an eye. His expression was one of horror and awe; the color and look on his face changing rapidly. Something unusual and grave was happening in him.

"Finally, as though coming to his senses, he lightly but firmly tapped his hand and rose to his feet. He headed for his private office. His retinue followed anxiously and solicitously, whispering: 'Holy Father, are you not feeling well? Do you need anything?' He answered: 'Nothing, nothing.' About half an hour later, he called for the Secretary of the Congregation of Rites and, handing him a sheet of paper, requested that it be printed and sent to all the ordinaries around the world. What was that paper? It was the prayer that we recite with the people at the end of every Mass. It is the plea to Mary and the passionate request to the Prince of the heavenly host, [St. Michael: Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle] beseeching God to send Satan back to hell."

Others have spun that into a legend that Pope Leo overheard a conversation between Christ and Satan, where Satan claims the 20th Century to try to destroy the church. That would certainly explain some things, but I don't think that Satan actually, you know, stopped on 1 Jan 2001.

"Those who roam the world seeking the ruin of souls"

That could describe all too many in this world.
 

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

Greeted with Flowers

President Bush has declared that global warming and greenhouse gases will "greet Americans with flowers" in the upcoming century. Much to the chagrin of the "conservative" establishment, Fox News accidentally published a news article foolishly acknowledging the possible certainty of a global warming trend. As the news establishment of record Fox News executives will shortly fall all over themselves explaining the disruption of their tango with Bush as "left foot steppage", with an accompanying chorus/chant of "UFO!" and "Terrorist!" from the gallery.

"We greet the flowering of our democracy with hope and renewed vigilance", noted El Presidente, adding that "America will grow strong, her great garden of freedom plants will grown stronger still, and we will ride these great beanstalks of global warming into the terrorist skies! Let no-one mistake our intent! This is our country, and these are our trucks!"

Tom Tancredo, desperate for attention, added that "big giant junipers on the borders would prickle mexicans into staying home and destroying their own economies for a change. Maybe we could fund that with wall money."

Mitt Romney pointed out that African Americans would be able to use the beanstalks to live above Utah, where they have been freely able to join the Mormon church since 1978! "Horticulture", Romney reportedly snickered to himself repeatedly.

Giuliani decried the global warming story, stating that any topic of conversation other 9/11 was unamerican, and even the giant beanstalk in Central Park didn't count. Then he got divorced again.

Posted by Ross Ross on   |   § 5

The Next Big Thing (for ten years running)

It's an unjust world that doesn't hail Andrew Bird with parades and midnight fetes.

Eight years ago or so, when the Chicago-based violinist and songwriter formed Andrew Bird's Bowl of Fire, I nearly wrote him off right then and there. At the time, Bird,a Suzuki-trained musician who claimed to have barely heard any rock music at all, ever, was a hot-jazz violinist somewhat in the mold of the great French player Stéphane Grappelli and a sometime member of swing revivalists The Squirrel Nut Zippers. Given that the neo-swing revival lasted all of two years, and my patience with it considerably less time, I was disinclined to give Andrew Bird a pass.

With The Bowl of Fire, Bird put out Thrills (Rykodisc, 1998) and Oh! The Grandeur (Rykodisc, 1999), two albums which I received as basically updated museum pieces, kind of neato like a garage-built replica of a Model T Ford, but like a Model T replica more curiosities than accomplishments. His archly retro songs and arrangements were entertaining amalgams of ragtime, hot jazz and swing, Weimar-era cabaret, Eastern European folk music, and other similarly unfashionable influences, but their appeal (for me, at least) stopped at the eardrums. The albums seemed to sell passably well, he built a small and dedicated fanbase, but for my part I had my fill of Andrew Bird pretty quickly. (Full disclosure: I was working for the label that put out Bird's first three albums. As if that makes me any more patient with nonsense.)

And then it all got weird.
Bird's third album went in what you might call a completely unexpected direction. I suspected it might be getting interesting when, one afternoon, I was instructed to find a Hohner Beatle bass on short notice for Andrew to make use of in the studio (luckily for me, Manhattan is sick with Beatle basses for rent), and my suspicions were borne out when he delivered his third Bowl of Fire album, The Swimming Hour (Rykodisc, 2001). Gone were the hot jazz, the Hungarian folk music and the two-step beats. Gone were the one always-arched eyebrow and the sense that every note was part of some elaborate in-joke.

Instead, Andrew Bird had learned in his own way to rock.

But, being a classical music junkie and polymath, Bird didn't just sit down and pen a raft of "easy" by-the-numbers garage rock songs and dress them up with electric violin and Beatle bass. No, no no. Instead, Bird sat down and listened to what must have been the entire history of rock and roll music from Elvis up to Pavement, and then went off and encapsulated that history in one neat and quirky package. From the clattery Ray Charles jump blues of "How Indiscreet" (which featured a Raelettes-style backing chorus) to nods to Latin music, Burt Bacharach chamber pop, that Weimar cabaret again, it was a dizzyingly accomplished leap forward. Every song still featured his signature violin, but it appeared in a thousand disguises - distorted, plucked, and echoed, and his light and mellow voice became a secret weapon as he slyly intoned little stories about rest stops and mistaken identity. It was rock music, yes, but coming from a wholly original place and sensibility that had little to do with the blues, Chuck Berry, Zep or the Stones. In short, The Swimming Hour was a smart and original album of marvelous songs played in a marvelous fashion, and I thought to myself, "no way" that Andrew Frigging Bird "is gonna top this."

Boy, was I wrong. Having gone solo starting with 2003’s Weather Systems (Grimsey Records,) each of his subsequent albums has been better, deeper, more mature and masterful than the last. His songwriting has become more confident as he has developed his own voice - his own genre - that nods at but does not rely on anything else that's been done before. Ever. His lyrics have become sharper, blending keen observation with poetry and Tin Pan Alley wordplay, and he has become (check this out) a master whistler.

Andrew Bird's latest album, Armchair Apocrypha (Fat Possum, 2007) was released in March to... thunderous silence. I don't get it. Andrew Bird has made the album of the year, an absolutely breathtaking tour de force of beautiful and brilliant... something... pop? I don't know what it is... and the only press I'm seeing is in the usual places that review indie-rock (Pitchfork, The Onion). No ticker-tape, no guest stint coaching the vocal gymnasts on American Idol, and it's a crying shame.

Bird created Armchair Apocrypha with the help of electronic-music experimentalist Martin Dosh. Dosh's influence seems mainly to be in the way that most of the productions are big as Western vistas, full of nuance and texture and sweeping motion, even when they are quiet as whispers. When Bird takes full advantage of his singing voice - a light, agile tenor not too different from Jeff Buckley's - or his multifacted violin, or the whistling that sounds more like a Theremin than something human, and sets these monstrous talents off against Dosh's expansive productions, the effect is breathtaking. When from time to time, the electronic flourishes intrude a little more, as with the canned shuffle beat on "Simple X" or the storm of drums that ends "Armchairs," it's usually to the song's advantage. (But not always; “Simple X” is probably the weakest track, relatively speaking, on an otherwise stellar album.)

Somewhat like David Byrne (whom he resembles in eyebrow and cheekbone), Bird's lyrics are full of wordplay and detached observation that seems to come from a wry weariness, taking on the persona of someone who's seen enough to know that he doesn't want to see any more. On Armchair Apocrypha, disaster seems to lurk just underneath every surface. You find yourself grooving to "Heretics" well before you figure out that the chorus runs, "Thank God it's fatal," and the album-opening "Fiery Crash" seems to contemplate the titular tragedy in order to ward it off.

Bird even delves obliquely into politics for what I believe is the first time with "Scythian Empires," which pulls together three millennia worth of Middle East conquests and their subsequent fiascos over a gently driving beat built on acoustic guitar, plucked violin, and that ever-present Greek chorus of Bird's otherworldly whistling:

five day forecast bring black tar rains and hellfire
while handpicked handler's kid gloves tear at the inseams

their Halliburton attaché cases are useless

while Scotch-Guard Macintoshes shall be carbonized

now they're offering views of exiting empires
such breathtaking views of Scythian empires

Scythian empire
horsemen of the Russian steppe
Scythian empire
archers of an afterthought

routed by Sarmatians
thwarted by the Thracians
Scythian empire

kings of Macedonia
and the Scythian empire

Halliburton attaché cases, by the way, are fantastic.

No matter whether Bird is punning on, well, birds on "Spare-ohs" and the clever album art, or contemplating mortality and the game of Operation on "Dark Matter," every shot hits the target dead center. This album is as career-defining and as one of a kind as Pink Moon, Tapestry or Dark Side of the Moon, and I'm frankly shocked that music this good - even if it's not immediately comprehensible as "pop" - isn't burning up the adult alternative radio charts, being written up in Rolling Stone, and generally being lauded as great.

Today, I'm at the point where I'm tempted to run to my nearest music store, order a 30-count box full of Armchair Apocrypha and run into the streets thrusting the album into every passing hand. It's that good, that different, that lovely. Not to everybody's taste, maybe not your particular cup of tea, but objectively a great, great album.

Andrew Bird has come a long way since I rolled my eyes at "Ides of Swing" and "Candy Shop" from Thrills and Oh! The Grandeur. Before I said it because I still doubted his ability to pull off anything he wanted; now I'm saying it because practically nobody makes two albums this good in a career (even while I hope that this is not true): no way is Andrew Frigging Bird gonna top this.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 2

Warm Fuzzy

Midriff Records has a really nice thing going. Founded in 2001 by the New England band The Beatings for the purposes of releasing their own music, they have built a stable of high quality indie-pop bands who mostly trend toward (from what I've heard) to the bittersweet and hooky side of the spectrum. In some respects (notably in that Midriff bands seem to all be friends and in some cases brothers), Midriff is becoming a power-pop version of Elephant 6 or K Records, two labels who took a friends-and-family approach to artist development and who are now legendary in some circles. Indeed, the last year or so has seen at least three high-quality releases that should cement Midriff's reputation as a label to rely on: a stellar release from The Beatings themselves; an excellent solo album from Beatings guitarist Eldridge Rodriguez; and now Scuba with a self-titled debut.

Like The Beatings, Scuba exist to invoke (and improve on) some of the most revered sounds of the past thirty years or so. But where The Beatings draw on The Pixies, Mission of Burma and Sonic Youth, Scuba are best described as - get this - shoegazer revivalists.

Shoegazer! When's the last time you thought about that word? For me it musta been back in college in Ohio in the mid-1990s, hepped up on Mickey's Big Mouths and listening to My Bloody Valentine and Dinosaur Jr., and leaving the room every time anyone put on anything by the execrable Sebadoh. Remember when The Jesus and Mary Chain were on Lollapalooza? When The Cure were having hits? When Bob Mould was releasing records as Sugar and even got on the radio? I sure do! And I loved it!

But it's both condescending and limiting to describe a band as solely the sum of their influences. On their website, Scuba themselves acknowledge their fuzzy and moody pop roots, saying "We're not a shoe-gazer band. Though we look at a lot of things apparently our shoes are not one of them. Or rather they're not looked at for long enough to become a quote-unquote 'gaze' unquote."

Okay, so fair enough. "Shoegazer" implies that Scuba are a tribute band, which isn't correct. So what's the deal with Scuba? Well, the fuzzy guitars and washes of noise aside, they play sumptuous and hypnotic power pop that delivers on what Neil Young said about Crazy Horse, his backing band: "It's all one big, growing, smoldering sound, and I'm part of it. It's like gliding, or some sort of natural surfing." Although you can namecheck great bands of the past one after the other as the songs pass by (right now I'm listening to the leadoff single "Gary Powers' Spy Plane" and dreaming of Boston's late lamented The Sheila Divine), the truth is the songwriting is strong and original and more than the sum of its (My Bloody Valentine, Joy Division, New Order, Sugar, Jesus and Mary Chain, The Cure) influences.

The big trick with playing noisy pop-inflected rock is to have it not all sound the same. I've heard literally dozens of boring bands who play boring music that sounds great for three point five minutes until they start their next song and you realize that one song is really all they have. Luckily, Scuba duck the "samey" tag with aplomb by using studio and songwriting tricks to good effect, sometimes washing the sound-field with enormous distortion, other times pulling back to a tunneling bassline and a few chimed guitar notes, sometimes compressing everything into angular chords.

Scuba manage to duck the other great pitfall of modern power-pop as well, which is the "softLOUDsoft" formula that The Pixies invented and Nirvana made famous. Instead, in the great tradition of their shoegazer forebears, Scuba manage the flow of each song beautifully, creating new textures and moods through smart production and layering of sounds, rather than the crass expedient of stomping the distortion pedal and blasting out the windows every time the chorus comes around.

Highlights include the album opener "You Break My Heart in 1000 Different Ways," the echoey suspended overdrive of "Freight," the gorgeous Joy-Division wail of "Maybe It's Different With Johnny" and the gigantic suspended-chord riff of "Into The Water, Down To The Bottom." In a just world, or a different time, any one of these songs should be, or shoulda been, a monster underground hit, part of the lingua franca of cool youth to be passed down by word of mouth.

Simply put, Scuba have made a well-written and beautifully produced debut record in a decidedly unfashionable genre, one that makes aging hipsters like me feel like rock has a future that isn't limited to Franz Ferdinand, Pink, and tenth-generation SoCal punk. Granted, for the time being the band are leaning hard on their influences, but they're a long way past merely paying tribute to them, which is a whole lot more than million-sellers like Queens of the Stone Age, Sum 182, or, heaven forfend, Nickelback can claim with a straight face.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Having let this age for a while on my desktop

I'll just ask the question: When you see a story like this one:

Deadly insurance fraud case nears trial

By TOM HAYS, Associated Press Writer Mon May 7, 2:24 PM ET

NEW YORK - When Basdeo Somaipersaud's body was found in his favorite park in 1998, his family assumed he cracked his head during one of his drinking binges. But an autopsy detected small puncture wounds on his torso, and a sedative sometimes used to treat schizophrenia in his system.

Authorities now say Somaipersaud was injected with lethal doses of the sedative chlorpormazine while he was in a defenseless, drunken stupor — and then his killers tried to cash in on his life insurance policy.

...(blah, blah, blah - not to steal the fun out of the story, turns out the insurance guy named James who wrote the policies was likely the guy who set up the murder. Condolences to the family, murder diminishes us all, and so on and so forth - none of that's my point, because, really, my reaction would have been the same if the story had been written about puppies, or hemorrhoids, or any number of other things)

...and the picture next to the story is this one:

image

...am I the only one whose mind immediately goes to a skit from Dave Chappelle's show, the one with the punchline:

I'm Rick James, bitch!

? Never mind, it's probably just me. But at least I can drag that AP story to the trash now.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0

The Milblogging Conference of Aught Seven

This last weekend, I was privileged to attend the second annual milblogging conference. (Shouldn't it be a milblogger conference? After all, it isn't a gathering of milbloggings) As was the case last time, I had a fantastic time indulging my need to talk at great length about nearly anything. My wife, who has heard everything I have to say about most things, no longer sees the value in listening anymore; and so a captive audience of people who also feel the need to talk at length about nearly anything is Buckethead heaven. Which is proof, I guess, of the old saying about one man’s heaven being another one’s hell.

And this time, there was plenty to talk about, and, of course, much beer to be drunk. The festivities started with what Blackfive referred to as the “Pre-Cock.” We gathered at Arlington’s legendary Car Pool before the official Cocktail hour and reception. I was greatly pleased that Steve Schippert of Threatswatch was able to attend, despite needing to return home on Saturday for personal reasons. Steve is a fantastic guy, and only a little silly when inebriated. Many others were there as well – the aforementioned Blackfive, Princess Cat, Mike of USAA, Kevin, Noah Shachtman (now at Wired) and a few others who, while significant and entertaining individuals in their own right, have slipped through the cracks of my memory.

Moving over to the Cocktail Festivities, I hooked up with Murdoc and his wife, down from Michigan, and met his longtime companion commenter AW1 Tim. Jon of Aaaarrggghhh was there handing out prizes (though none for me) and various and sundry other bloggers. Rob the fast squirrel was there, and good company.

After attempting to eat fajitas in a room with no tables, and spending $7 for Heineken, we went back to Carpool. At this point, we lost a few people, but Noonan from Op-For, Threatswatch Steve, me, Cat, Rachelle, Scott (great guy, but he likes sleep more than beer – can we trust him?) Blackfive, Murdoc and a couple others kept going. While I did not drink as much as I did on the Friday before the last conference, I did put down a few and a nice glass of the Macallan, and things got kinda hazy.

Went back and crashed at Cat’s and slept on the couch while she and Rachelle slept together. Is that hospitality? I think not.

Bright and early the next morning, we got to the conference just in time to miss the President address the conference. I have to say that I missed a lot of the panels – if I sat down I started getting sleepy no matter how interesting the speakers – and there were some interesting speakers indeed. But I had been short on sleep Thursday night, and only got a couple hours the night before. Adapting my strategy, I generally spent most of the day outside the conference room, talking to the other attendees in smaller groups.

Had a fascinating conversation with the Armed Liberal of Winds of Change and Bill Roggio from the Fourth Rail, and at one point Bill turned to me after I said something and allowed that, “You’re awfully smart for a guy named Buckethead.” I still don’t know quite how to take that, but the sentence had the word ‘smart’ in it so I’ll count that a compliment. And Noonan is not the spare. Or so I have been told.

A big topic of discussion both in and out of the panels was of course the recent Army directive that all military bloggers must get all posts approved by chain of command. It seems that there are two currents in the Army – one which wants to use the milbloggers to aid it in getting information out into the world, “winning the information war” and another group that is operating not on a Web 2.0 basis, but rather a 50s era corporate Web -.5 basis. You can’t win, really, in keeping information contained. It’s damn near impossible in this new world we’ve created. What you can do is compete in an information ecosystem, and attempt to get your ideas, and your points of view respected. That seems to be the consensus, and milbloggers (and I am truly not really one of them, except in spirit) feel that they have a key part to play in that effort. I believe they are right. Bill Roggio, for example, is a one man counterexample to the idea that only major media outlets can provide comprehensive coverage of the war – this guy doesn’t just comment on the news, he is an active producer of it.

Noah Shachtman offered himself up for sacrifice in his panel, by defending the MSM. This was not an audience predisposed to think kindly of the “regular” media. You should have seen people rushing to the microphones to argue. Noah was right, though, there isn’t a conspiracy. But there is ignorance – and though Noah said that milblogs are a perfect resource for mainstream media, I don’t really see a lot of evidence that they are making use of it.

That was one of the things that I was talking about later with several people – in any instance where you have seen reporting on a topic with which you are intimately familiar, have you ever seen them get it right? Ever? And what makes you think that they get anything else right?

In the course of some of those conversations I also met American Soldier and Army Girl – active duty soldiers who are also active bloggers. They are approaching the problems of blogging while on active duty differently – AS is anonymous, while Army Girl must deal with her chain of command. Fascinating discussions, and both were great people to talk to. of Soldier’s Angels (and Vivienne) were both charming. Vivienne kept wanting me to pick up toys, which I was happy to do on a part time basis, but my Jocelyn has a prior claim.

At lunch, we had a presentation from Soldier’s Angels, a truly fantastic group that works with injured soldiers coming back from Iraq and elsewhere. If you are looking for a good cause to donate to, or really even if you aren’t – throw some money their way. They do incredible work. The highlight of the lunch was Chuck Ziegenfuss, a soldier who was wounded severely in Iraq. The guy is an amazing speaker – he told the story of how, after he was wounded, Soldier’s Angels helped him by (among many other kindnesses) getting him a laptop, and how that grew into Project Valour IT, which has now raised hundreds of thousands of dollars to purchase laptops for other injured servicemen and women. Besides being a hero and orator, Chuck is wonderfully profane and wicked funny. I was honored to meet him. Second best quote of the weekend came from him:

"Chuck, did you watch the DNC debates?"

"No, If I want to watch retards fight, I'll throw a bag of candy under the short bus"

After all the official events wound down, we retired to the lounge. There, I met McQ and Jon Henke; current and former members of Q and O. I had a blast talking to both over the course of the rest of the evening as we wended our way though the hotel bar, to PFChangs, and back to the hotel. Also met Lex, who does an excellent Irish accent while drunk. For all I know he may do an excellent sober Irish accent, but I never saw him sober. And no one has seen the Irish sober. Spent some quality time talking to (and smoking with) Jacki, who is not a blogger though she probably should be. (Remember, it’s not about fractals…)

Who else? Tammi, Chuck’s wife Carren, Laurie from Soldier’s Angels, Homefront Six all the way from Hawaii – we had a great time talking early Sunday morning while Lex sobered up, that’s all that comes to mind at the moment. I’ll have to call Cat and start asking, “Who was the one guy…” to fill in the rest.

Last weekend was one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time. Spending two days in the presence of a crapload of highly intelligent, motivated and articulate people is inspiring. For those who, unlike myself, are inspirable anyway. Thanks to Andi for putting it all together.

And despite my description, it was not all about drinking. People who have done incredible work – the Soldier’s Angels, and everyone who has helped them – were honored. There was a lot of good discussion amongst the bloggers of course, but there were non bloggers there who, I think, got an earful – hopefully a useful one. And making new friends is never wasted.

Can’t wait for next year.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

Police comments

Allegedly taken from patrol car video recordings.

  • "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
  • "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."
  • "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
  • "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
  • "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
  • "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
  • "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
  • "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
  • "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
  • "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poo."
  • "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
  • "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
  • "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
  • "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
  • "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

  • "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

via Kenny, my Melbourne, FL correspondent

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 3

Grammatical Animadversion

Those who know me well know that I'm fairly flexible on matters of language. Go ahead, say "ain't" or write a double negative. I don't care all that much unless the context calls for precision. Coin a word! I do it all the time! (I'm personally very proud of "libervasion," as in "Five years in, the libervasion of Iraq has yet to draw to a favorable close for the USA.")

But what really burns my bacon is people who consistently fail to realize that two homophones are different. Case in point: Marshal, and Marshall. One denotes a person of high or ultimate rank in an organization, like Field Marshal or Fire Marshal. The other is a proper given name, like Marshall Mathers or Marshall Fauk. When everyone from high-school dropouts to tenured faculty, plus the guys who enter the scrolling headlines on major news networks, consistently write "Fire Marshal" as "Fire Marshall" I go a little nuts inside and wonder which Marshall it is who has fucked up so badly that his ass needs to be fired on the afternoon news.

That is all.

[wik] (Now, if was "Fire Alberto" or "Fire The Stoner Who Took Two Hours To Deliver One Freaking Mushroom Pizza Light On The Mozzarella To My House And Couldn't Even Put Together A Better Response Than To Cut His Reddened Eyes Away From Me And Mutter "Sorry If It's Late" ("Sorry If It's Late?" You Disingenuous Tool? We Both Know You Were Somewhere Doing Bong Hits, That's Fine, Just Don't Pretend You Don't Know What Goddamn Time It Is When A Stone Cold Pizza Arrives At My House In A Cloud Of Resinous Smoke)" then I'd understand. But Fire Marshall? That poor bastard was just doing his job.)

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 8

Why not laugh? It was funny.

Reuters has a story today, "North Korean general cracks George W. Bush joke".

SEOUL (Reuters) - In North Korea, where cracking a joke about the country's leader could see you, well, die laughing, poking fun at the U.S. president is obviously not as serious.

As military chiefs from both sides of the Korean peninsula met on Tuesday for talks, a general from the North started proceedings by telling a joke at George W. Bush's expense.

The South Korean generals appeared befuddled as to what to make of the humour...

Why the reticence to laugh, I don't know. It can't be because of a language barrier, right? The lack of laughter shouldn't be due to the DPRK being, basically, a totally screwed up wasteland, even though that's precisely what it is. The fact that the same joke couldn't be made about the Human Chia Pet in Platform Shoes is moot, really - it's got nothing to do with the story, notwithstanding Reuters' lead in.

And, if you ask me, it shouldn't be due to the joke not being funny, because, while not yucktastic, it mildly humorous, not at all offensive, and doesn't seem wildly far from the truth:

"I recently read a piece of political humour on the Internet called 'saving the president'," Lieutenant-General Kim Yong-chol was quoted as saying in pool reports from the talks.

He then retold the old yarn about Bush who goes out jogging one morning and, preoccupied with international affairs, fails to notice that a car is heading straight at him.

A group of schoolchildren pull the president away just in time, saving his life, and a grateful Bush offers them anything they want in the world as a reward.

"We want a place reserved for us at Arlington Memorial Cemetery," say the children.

"Why is that?" he asks.

"Because our parents will kill us if they find out what we've done."

OK, admittedly, it's a bit poorly constructed and it's derivative of other jokes I've heard, but so are most jokes, at my age. Apparently, both Reuters and the SoKo generals thought it was a bigger deal than it really was.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 6

On information overload

Today's WSJ (subscription for fulltext), in the Business Technology section, juxtaposes two pieces on the hypergrowth of digital information, discussing its reasons, its effects, and some responses to the growth.

The first piece is a straightforward and informative mini-whitepaper, entitled "Cutting Files Down to Size". It mentions the efforts of Chevron and Credit Suisse to control their information, primarily through implementation of new tools, new methods, and new employee work habits. There's something about an information base that's presently 1.2 petabytes in size, potentially growing by 57% per year, that can focus the minds of management. Add to that the million email messages per day that the 59,000 employee Chevron claims to process, and you're talking some serious data. So much data, perhaps, that's it's not even possible to glean the information from it. A veritable flood.

The primary solutions discussed are conceptually simple:

  • Get people to pay attention to the amount by which they're increasing the deluge
  • Put systems in place to eliminate redundancy, such as using Microsoft's well-reviewed SharePoint server, ensuring that even the worst PowerPoint slide decks are only stored once
  • Admitting, and getting data creators to admit, that not all information is equally valuable

All excellent steps, though both expensive and difficult to implement. Totally aside from the grotesque knock-on effects of continually increasing technology infrastructure to store all new information, the real benefit from such efforts is to remove potential sources of background noise; the unimportant, the duplicative, and the no-longer-operative. "Data" is both easy and not intrinsically valuable - it's "information" that's both difficult and valuable, and too much data can obscure the information. Best of luck to the contestants in slaying their particular dragons.

The companion piece, on the same page, in Lee Gomes' "Talking Tech" column was the more intriguing of the two. Entitled "Computers Should Be Taught To Let Certain Memories Go", it contained an interview with Harvard KSG professor Viktor Mayer-Schoenberger, and was among the more thought-provoking pieces in the entire day's paper.

Mr. Mayer-Schoenberger's thesis is this:

Human beings ... weren't designed to remember everything we ever learned, and sometimes are better off when we forget. Computers, he adds, should as a result be taught to let some memories go.
...
We are biologically hard-wired to selectively remember. But in moving into a digital age, we are now surrounding ourselves with tools that have inversed (sic) that.
...
How does this make life different?

In the predigital age, we might have called someone who knew a person we were interested in learning about, got them to tell us about the person. And we would get a quick picture -- but not a complete and comprehensive picture of each and every piece of communication or behavior that the person did over the past 20 years. I think we have lost something by moving from that sort of short encapsulation toward a complete picture that provides us with all the details, the sort that over time, we as a society, and as human beings, tend to forget.

But what's the problem with that?

Things that happened 10 or 15 years ago might have happened to a different person. Therefore, we should put less weight on what we did 15 years ago than we would do now. In the past, our brains did this automatically for us by forgetting it. But we haven't been able to develop another evolutionary method, another method by which we can weigh things that happened further in the past differently from those that happened more recently.

(ellipses mine)

Interesting theory, and one that makes some rational sense. I can't speak for anyone but myself on the subject, but I'm surely not the same person today as I was 15 years ago, and would want any judgment of me weighted more on the current me than the one from decades ago.

The (mild) shocker in the piece, however, was this, his prescription for a solution:

My proposal is that we have a law that mandates that software coders build into software a better ability for people to let their digital tools forget, if they so wish. Right now, both Windows as well as Mac OS have a huge amount of meta data that they keep track of for each file that we use: "Date Created," "Owner," and so on. So I suggest that we add another type of meta data: "Expiration Date."

Conceptually, he has a point - that would be at least a potential solution to the problem he's laid out. Why the rush to what I can guarantee would be massively ineffectual legal efforts, I wondered? For starters, I presumed it's because he's an associate professor with Harvard's Kennedy School of Government, whose faculty, perhaps by definition, thinks more abstractly and less rationally than, say, Harvard Business School's must. Then I visited his faculty page at KSG:

...He advises businesses, governments, and international organizations on regulatory and policy issues. He holds a bunch of law degrees, including one from Harvard, and an MS (Econ) from the London School of Economics.

That explains it. Ignoring any questions about how many law degrees one can effectively use, the "bunch" he holds appear to have been enough to outweigh any pragmatism learnt at LSE.

(also posted at issuesblog.com)

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 6

Son of Cold Fusion

It looks like Cold Fusion is returning from the outer darkness of fringe science, where it had been condemned by legions of right thinking scientists from 1989 on. Some pointy-heads at the Navy's Space and Naval Warfare Systems Center (SPAWAR) in San Diego have achieved a reproducible sort of room temperature fusion:

Cold fusion has gotten the cold shoulder from serious nuclear physicists since 1989, when Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischmann were unable to substantiate their sensational claims that deuterium nuclei could be forced to fuse and release excess energy at room temperature. Spawar researchers apparently kept the faith, however, and continued to refine the procedure by experimenting with new fusionable materials.

Szpak and Boss now claim to have succeeded at last by coating a thin wire with palladium and deuterium, then subjected it to magnetic and electric fields. The researchers have offered plastic films called CR-39 detectors as evidence that charged particles have emerging from their reaction experiments.

The Spawar method shows promise, particularly in terms of being easily reproduced and verified by other institutions. Such verification is essential to widespread acceptance of the apparent breakthrough, an important precursor to scientists receiving the necessary funding to fuel additional research in the field.

Maybe we will have our Mr. Fusion after all.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 11

Proof, as if any were required

...that Barack Obama was correct when he singled out the most important problem that we, the people of the United States of America, need to deal with:

"The biggest enemy I think we have in this whole process (and why I'm so glad to see a lot of young people here, young in spirit if not young in age)--the reason I think i'ts [sic] so important, is because one of the enemies we have to fight--it's not just terrorists, it's not just Hezbollah, it's not just Hamas--it's also cynicism," Barack Obama told a reception after the AIPAC [American Israel Public Affairs Committee] policy conference last night.

Mr. Obama, I'd like to introduce you, via the May 2, 2007 Star-Ledger, to former NJ Governor Jim McGreevey:

Former Gov. James E. McGreevey has started the process to become a priest in his newly adopted Episcopal faith and has been accepted into a three-year seminary program starting this fall.

[wik] As an added bonus, one of the very few commenters on that story who actually seemed to be supportive of McGreevey (or McCreepy, as he was referred to a time or two) was able to inject into the conversation some of that delicious truthiness we all crave:

Reader11722 says...

McGreevey has a right to become whatever he wants. We should not censor his free expressions. After all, censorship is becoming America's favorite past-time. The US gov't (and their corporate friends), already detain protesters, ban books like "America Deceived" from Amazon and Wikipedia, shut down Imus and fire 21-year tenured, BYU physics professor Steven Jones because he proved explosives, thermite in particular, took down the WTC buildings. Free Speech forever (even for McGreevey). Last link (before Google Books caves to pressure and drops the title):

America Deceived (book)

Posted on 05/02/07 at 2:22PM

Of course, we live in a fascist dictatorship, which is why "Reader11722" was immediately collected and shipped off to a re-education facility. Free speech forever, indeed! Even for, nay, especially for, utter dipshits.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0

This time, no Kenyan waitresses will lick Blackfive's ears

Not that any thing like that ever happened last time. Nor did we run up a four hundred dollar bar tab for four people. Nor did I pass out in the metro.

It has arrived! This weekend, as some of you may be aware, is the second annual Milblogging conference. Our friend Murdoc is going to be a panelist this year, kudos to him, and tonight is the mandatory heavy drinking preliminaries. Murdoc, Cat, Rachelle, Blackfive and Steve Schippert of Threatswatch will be joining yours truly for some pre-cocktail hour festivities before heading to the official cocktail hour. If you're in DC, email me and I'll give you details on where to meet if you'd like to join in.

My only regret is that my "No one reads your crappy blog" t-shirt did not arrive in time for the festivities.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Actual Facts

The Russian tradition of matryoshka nesting dolls is descended from the medieval practice of burying the dead in concentric circles around the corpses of the previously deceased family members.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Some autocrats never learn

It seems that Hugo Chávez could take a lesson on the definition of insanity from Ben Franklin. In his defense, it's not that Chávez is repeatedly trying something that's previously failed for him, just something that's failed every other time a state actor has attempted to put it into place. Perhaps it's just insanity by proxy, then.

Of course, I'm talking about his aggressive advancement of the long-vaunted "Bolivarian Revolution". From the Mother Jones article linked left:

To his increasingly frustrated political opponents in Venezuela, Chavez, a former army colonel, is a leftist demagogue who stirred up a wave of class and racial resentments and rode it to the presidency, and who, in office, has dealt himself new powers at every chance, on his way to becoming an out-and-out caudillo. And to a certain school of international opinion, exemplified by The Economist magazine, Chavez is an wacky utopian who sooner or later will run the Venezuelan economy into the ground.

That introductory paragraph leads into an October 2005 interview with Richard Gott, a former correspondent for the London Guardian who seems knowledgeable and sympathetic to the fiery populism that sometimes seems the prime illuminating factor for Latin American progressive governments. The interview was done in support of his then-updated book, "Hugo Chavez and the Bolivarian Revolution":

...the first account in English to place Chavez in historical and intellectual perspective. In Gott’s sympathetic account, Chavez is a magnetic personality of the Clintonian type, “a genuinely original figure in Latin America,” a radical left-wing nationalist, to be sure, but a pragmatic improviser, and certainly no dogmatic socialist.

Among his statements during the interview, you'd find:

Okay, it's true that Chavez, for the first time this year, has used the word "socialism"—he talks about a "21st Century Socialism"—but he's given absolutely no indication that he wants to emulate Soviet socialism, Cuban socialism, or indeed the sort of state capitalism that existed in Europe for much of the late 20th century. {...} I think he [Chávez] still recognizes the significance of the ideas of Bolivar. He's more interested in culture than in economics. All leftist revolutions in the past have been based on an economic restructuring of society.

Whoops. Looks like Mr. Gott spoke too soon. Because the wacky utopian, contrary to Gott's expectations, seems to have moved even farther left, embracing something that looks a lot like Soviet/Cuban socialism, and has recently chosen to dispense with even the veneer of normal government. 

Last week, as reported in the WSJ, he took steps to nationalize the remaining bits of the Venezuelan oil industry that were still in private hands, handing control of them to PDVSA, the state oil company.

The flamboyant leader set the worker's holiday as a deadline for the companies involved to transfer the facilities to state firm Petroleos de Venezuela SA, or PDVSA. This past week, five of the six companies agreed to hand over the keys: Exxon Mobil Corp., Chevron Corp., BP PLC, Total SA, and Statoil ASA. ConocoPhillips was the only holdout, but in the end will have no choice.

And when they said ConocoPhillips would have no choice, they weren't kidding. From today's Houston Business Journal:

Venezuelan officials vowed to boot ConocoPhillips Inc. out of their country Thursday if the Houston-based oil giant doesn't cooperate in nationalizing its multibillion-dollar assets in the Orinoco reserve.

Of the five companies with major oil investments in Venezuela, ConocoPhillips (NYSE: COP) has been the only one to refuse to sign an agreement ceding financial control to Venezuela as part of President Hugo Chávez's plan to take back his country's largest economic driver.

{...}

Alongside the other companies, ConocoPhillips participated in an operational transfer Tuesday ordered by Chavez, but it's the unsigned agreement that has Venezuelan officials steaming.

Reuters reported that Oil Minister Rafael Ramirez told state television that ConocoPhillips has been knocked to the lowest priority in the negotiations, and went on to say that the OPEC nation would not offer cash concessions or assume debt.

Ramirez also said that if talks break down, Venezuela will assume a 100 percent financial stake.

Conoco has already ceded physical control, mind you; they just haven't signed the agreement Chávez wants indicating that they think it was a great thing to do, and wondering why they hadn't thought of it earlier, on their own, apparently. The end result could be their expulsion from the country, and the loss of 100% of their assets there. The deal breaker, of course, is that entire "no concessions, no assumption of debt" thing. As it should be.

The six private companies whose assets have been expropriated have stated their intention to stay in the market, for the time being. Why? Because they don't want to completely lose their business opportunities and investment in a project that, overall, produces something like 600,000 barrels/day of oil, but perhaps more so because they have no expectation that PDVSA will be able to proceed without their help. From the 4/28/2007 WSJ article in which the nationalizations were originally reported:

PDVSA, saddled by Mr. Chávez's social spending demands, is already struggling to keep production from falling in other parts of the country. If it bungles the operations at the Orinoco, that could be bad news for the oil market.

A rational observer might ask what this all has to do with insanity, even though the autocracy referenced in the title of this post seems clearly explained.

Chávez, notwithstanding Gott's complete misreading of his intentions several years ago, isn't stopping with the oil industry. Having paid off all debts to the World Bank and IMF, he's pulling out of both organizations, citing his feeling that

...the two organisations are implements of US imperialism, with their lending policies perpetuating poverty across the world.

It's a symbolic gesture, then, but symbolic of what? He's chosen the US as his stalking horse, the imperialist yin to his socialist yang, and he needs to use that imaginary relationship as a prop. From the other side of the table, the US ignores him assiduously, not commenting very much on anything he does, partly because Venezuela, while providing 15% of US oil supplies, really doesn't have the capacity to affect the US in any meaningful way. And partly because I'm sure that the US basically ignoring him must drive him crazy.

And, having already nationalized the telecom and electricity industries and threatened the same in the hospital market, he's not stopping with the oil industry asset-thievery, or the withdrawal from the IMF and World Bank and a mandated 20% rise in the minimum wage. Next on the list? The banks and Sidor, a steel company. What's driving all this, one might wonder?

"Privately owned banks must prioritize low-cost financing for Venezuela's industry. If they don't want to do this they can leave, they can give us the banks, we can nationalize them."

and this, about Sidor:

"If the company Sidor ... does not immediately agree to change this process, they will obligate me to nationalize it," Chavez said. "I prefer not to," Chavez added, as he ordered Mining Minister Jose Khan to immediately head over to Sidor's headquarters and come back with a recommendation with 24 hours.

"Sidor has to produce and give priority to our national industries ... and at low cost," he said.

Reminiscent of the old Mafia stereotype, "Nice store you've got here - a shame if something were to, uh happen to it"? Quite a bit. Command economy? Unquestionably. That's been tried before, of course, and has never led to sustainable success. Its aftermath is poverty, and without regard to Venezuela's supposedly massive oil reserves, it will do the same in Venezuela. And it's already started - see the article "Venezuela — Inflation -> Price Controls -> Shortages" at The Liberty Papers, or this Reuters story pegging inflation through April at nearly 20% per annum. Huge inflation in Venezuela's not unprecedented, as seen in a 1989 NYTimes piece pegging inflation that year between 65% and 70%. But the country's exit from the international government lending system seems ill-timed, because they're going to need help eventually, and perhaps sooner rather than later, with the trajectory they're on.

The odd thing about this is that Chávez gives every impression of meaning well for his people, and has been rewarded by ultimately credible, if perhaps a bit inflated, majorities in the last several elections (recall and re-election). Meaning well and doing well are of course two completely separate things, and he also gives every impression of taking his country down a road which from he won't be able to navigate back as it all falls down around his ears.

He's not implementing one of those fuzzy-soft socialist systems commonly found in Europe - this isn't socialism, it's communism. It's got socialism at its core, but add in the enforced state control and the mandated indoctrination, and the only difference between Venezuela and the USSR is the gulags. Well, the gulags and the oil. And the language. But it will fail, and that will happen without overt involvement from what he presumes to be his greatest enemy, the United States. Chávez's actual greatest enemies are economic reality and a willful ignorance of history in pursuit of the utopia he seeks.

Utopia is as unattainable as is perpetual motion, and for similar reasons. Notwithstanding the breathless reporting, low-rent activism, and opinionating in the years since Chávez came to power, history won't be kind to this attempt, either.

(also posted at issuesblog.com)

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 2

Happy...ah, Significant Period of Recognition!

I've been meaning to get this for Buckethead for about a year and a half. Since I haven't yet, I'm just gonna own that I'm not going to. So I'll post it instead.

Happy whatever-day-is-significant-to-you-for-which-a-present-such-as-this -might-have-been-warranted-and-I've-repeatedly-missed, Buckethead!

image

If anyone cares to surpass the limits of my sloth and che...ah, thriftyness...it's here.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 2

Operation Polar Anvil of Crom

Company officers in Iraq are keeping gainfully employed by dreaming up names for their unit's operations; personal fave above.

Since they mention they're getting a little dry on new thoughts, particularly as they strive to incorporate the sentiment or actual word "Polar" in there somewhere, I might recommend Nordic themes:

Operation Ragnarok
Operation Fimbulvintr
Operation Niflheim
Operation Jotun
Operation Asgard
Operation Witch's Tit

And allow me to make a submission on Johno's behalf: Operation Penguin Patrol

Full article at today's Stars n Stripes here.

[wik] Also, if they tacked "Operation Polar" in front of most song titles by Amon Amarth, the young captains would be in good shape.

[alsø wik] Matter of fact, it might be cool to use Amon Amarth as their unofficial polar soundtrack, what with the vikings and blood and the relentless snow and ice. Just sayin'.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 3

I want real money

Emperor Buckethead I. That has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? When I become Emperor of the United States, there’s a few things I want to change around here.

Last weekend, my mom came out to help celebrate the birthday of my son, who turns four this coming weekend. As part of the bag of gifts that she brought out for greedboy, she included a couple of the new dollar coins, the ones with George Washington’s portrait on them. I was underwhelmed with this latest effort from the Bureau of Printing and Engraving.

The coin feels like what Monopoly money would feel like if the game used coins. It’s light, as if it had a plastic core. The sheen is distinctly unreminiscent of gold. The quality of the art work is poor, I mean really, from some angles it looks like poor George is missing his eyes instead of his teeth. Zombie George is not what I want on my dollar coin. The fonts are ridiculous. And once again, we have a dollar coin the same size as a quarter.

Now, I am in favor of dollar coins. Ever since I spent time in England, I have been for dollar coins. The pound coin is a nifty thing, and we by rights should have an equivalent. A large value coin that is easily distinguishable from other coins. This, our government has signally failed to provide for us for far too long.

One of the problems, of course, is inflation. Precious metals, the ones that make the best coins, are now far to expensive to use in coins – people would melt them down for the metal rather than use them as currency. That’s why our dollar coins are made of anodized aluminum, and our quarters are made of tin foil.

To make things right, we can’t just make better coins. We must make more far reaching changes to our system of currency. To wit, we must revalue the currency 10:1. That is to say, ten current dollars would equal one new dollar. With this simple change, we can return to decent coins.

A quick peak at the internets reveals some key facts:

Gold= $21.63/g
Silver= $.43/g
Copper= $.008/g

Penny= 2.5g (3.1g before 1982)
Nickel= 5g
Dime= 2.3g
Quarter= 5.7g
Pound Coin= 9.5g

So what does it all mean?

  • A ten gram gold coin would be worth over $200 now. But, under the new dispensation, it would be worth $20. The return of the $20 gold coin.
  • A silver quarter would be $2.44, or very nearly .25 in the new order.
  • Current dimes in silver would be $.99, or almost exactly ten cents.
  • Old half dimes were made of silver, and weighed 1.3g - $.56, or 5.6 cents in the new money. Perfect.
  • A 3g penny, made of pure copper, would be worth about 2.5 cents. Double the size, and you have 5 cents current currency, or ½ cent in the new system. (The old large penny was 10g.) Our lowest denomination coin would therefore be 5 cents, and the eliminate the penny crowd would be simultaneously thwarted and victorious.

So, the new coinage:

  • Twenty Dollar – pure gold, 9.25g, about the size of a British Pound coin. Worth $200 in current money. Obverse: Liberty with sword and shield; Reverse: “Give me Liberty or give me death”
  • Ten Dollar – pure gold, 4.75g, about the size of a nickel. Worth $100 in current money. Obverse: Eagle; Reverse: U.S. Space Series - Armstrong on Moon, Mercury Capsule, Gemini Capsule, Docked lander and Apollo Capsule, Space Shuttle, Skylab, Voyager, Burt Rutan and SpaceShipOne… $10:
  • Five Dollar – pure gold, 2.5g, about the size of a dime. Worth $50 in current money. Obverse: Gouverneur Morris; Reverse: Seal of the United States of America.
  • Dollar – gold/silver alloy, 8.75g, about the size of a pound coin. Worth $10 in current money. Obverse: Grizzly Bear; Reverse: American warplanes series: P-38 Lightning, P-51 Mustang, F-6 Hellcat, F-86 Super Sabre, F-4 Phantom II, F-15 Eagle, F-14 Tomcat, F-18 Bug, F-22 Raptor, F-35 Lightning II...
  • Half Dollar – gold/silver alloy, 4.5g, about the size of a nickel. Worth $5 in current money. Obverse: John Hancock; Reverse: Liberty Bell.
  • Quarter Dollar – pure silver, 6g, about the size of a quarter. Worth $2.50 in current money. Obverse: Buffalo; Reverse: American Generals series: Patton, Sherman, Grant, Washington, Sheridan, MacArthur, Eisenhower, … Lee, Jackson, no Omar Bradley.
  • Dime – pure silver, 2.5g, about the size of a dime. Worth $1 in current money. Obverse: George Washington (from current quarter); Reverse: U.S. Capitol.
  • Half Dime – pure silver, 1.25g, about half the size of a dime, and the size of the old 19thC half dimes. Worth 50¢ in current money. Obverse: Walking Liberty; Reverse: Independence Hall.
  • Two Cents – copper/silver alloy, 5g, about the size of a nickel. Worth 20¢ in current money. Obverse: John Adams; Reverse: Statue of Liberty.
  • Cent – copper/silver alloy, 2.5g, about the size of a penny. Worth 10¢ in current money. Obverse: Abraham Lincoln (image of his statue in the memorial); Reverse: Lincoln Memorial.
  • Half Cent – pure copper, 6g, about the size of a quarter. Worth 5¢ in current money. Obverse: Liberty Head; Reverse: Wreath.

Italicized coins would be relatively rare. The Gold/Silver alloy would be about 4% gold. Every coin will have the motto “Liberty” and the year on the front; and “United States of America,” “E Pluribus Unum,” and the value on the back. The value will always be indicated in words, not numbers. Americans should be literate. The series of coins is not a bad idea, but we need some new topics. The idea of the Buffalo is cool, and looks good, too. So I combined the two. The Buffalo, the Grizzly and the Eagle each get a coin and a series.

And while we’re at it, why not change the folding money? I think the bills should be a little bit bigger, like the old money before 1929. Maybe about 7 by 3, instead of the current 6.14 x 2.61 inches. As for colors, screw the new colors. We can add enough other counterfeit countermeasures to return to the traditional green for the front of the bill. On the back, though, we could, conceivably, use other colors. Some of the older bills had blue, orange or even red in addition to black for the reverse side. I’m open to change there.

I’ve never been completely satisfied with the choices on our bills. Jackson was a terrible president, and doesn’t deserve a place on the $20 bill. Hamilton was important, but he’s worn out his welcome.

I think we need really large denomination bills again. I know that electronic transfers make them largely unnecessary, but the idea is just too cool to pass up. The new bills should have a portrait on the front, and a painting that is relevant to the portrait on the back. And the portrait should have a oval border around it, like we used to have.

So, a new order for the paper money:

  • One Dollar Bill – ($10 in current money); Obverse: George Washington; Reverse: Washington Crossing the Delaware.
  • Two Dollar Bill – ($20 in current money); Obverse: Thomas Jefferson; Reverse: Declaration Signing. (Same as current $2 bill.)
  • Five Dollar Bill – ($50 in current money); Obverse: Abraham Lincoln; Reverse: Surrender at Appomattox. (Screw the southern prideniks.)
  • Ten Dollar Bill – ($100 in current money); Obverse: FDR; Reverse: Engraving of Iwo Jima flag-raising. (Screw the japs.)
  • Twenty Dollar Bill – ($200 in current money); Obverse: Ronald Reagan; Reverse: Engraving of the Berlin Wall being torn down. (Same to the commies.)
  • Fifty Dollar Bill – ($500 in current money); Obverse: Albert Einstein; Reverse: Engraving of the Trinity nuke test. (Same to the enviro-anti-nuke weenies.)
  • Hundred Dollar Bill – ($1000 in current money); Obverse: Nikola Tesla; Reverse: Engraving of a couple Tesla Coils going nuts. (Same to Thomas Edison.)
  • Five Hundred Dollar Bill – ($5000 in current money); Obverse: Wilbur and Orville Wright; Reverse: Engraving of the first flight at Kitty Hawk.
  • Thousand Dollar Bill – ($10,000 in current money); Obverse: Werner von Braun; Reverse: Engraving of a Saturn V rocket lift off. (Screw anyone who says von Braun was a Nazi. Maybe he was, but he became a good American.

How cool would it be to have a $500 bill with a picture of nuclear explosion on it? Or pay for groceries at the whole foods store with a Reagan twenty? Or carry fifty dollars in change in your pocket instead of a reinforced canvas bag, and each coin with a picture of an American warbird? This new money would kick ass.

So there it is, the Buckethead plan for American monetary reform.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

She's a civil engineer

JohnL, the proprietor of Texas Best Grok, has found hisself a coblogger. And this seems to have upped the posting frequency a bit. The new addition, Planet Stories, provides some insight into the mind of the engineer:

Understanding Engineers: Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers: Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

All true. I remember back in my sordid youth, I spent a lot of time in bars. One night, I was hanging out at Larry's Bar, Grill and Seminar of Lower Woodruff Avenue, and a pair of charming and attractive women joined me at my booth. We fell to talking and it turned out that one of the two was an engineer - specifically, an engineer working in the environmental field - dealing with toxic waste and whatnot.

"Cool!" I said. "One of my best friends does that too. Let me call him, and invite him over." So I called my friend (let's call him Dave) and said, "Hey, there's a hot Macedonian chick over here who's an environmental engineer. Stop jerking off and come over to Larry's." And so he did.

Now, the conversation continued. I learned that Emily (or so we'll call her) was by training a Civil Engineer, but at the time I thought nothing of my friend Dave's deep and abiding hatred of civil engineers. Nothing whatsoever. About twenty minutes later, Dave arrives, and flops bonelessly into a chair at the end of the booth. "Rough Day?" I asked.

Dave mimed putting a gun in his mouth and pulling the trigger. "I fucking hate civil engineers."

"Dave, this is Emily. She's a civil engineer."

Panic. "I, uh, fucking hate civil engineers that I work with. That's what I meant to say."

Dave didn't mention that he, as recently as the week before, had said in confidence that civil engineers were people who failed out of all the real engineering disciplines. "How hard," he asked, "is it to get water to run downhill?"

Of course, Dave blamed me for not warning him that Emily was a civil engineer. Now I ask you, am I responsible for Dave's engineering bigotry? I think not, but it was certainly fun watching Dave preface a disparaging remark later with a question to the two young ladies - "None of y'all are from Texas are you?"

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

"...if it’s not seen the first time it can be deadly"

So says Romanian Air Force Major Cristian Popovici, commenting on exercises between his MiG-21s and USAF F-15s on the former commie's home turf.

Yes, in terms of machine vs machine the Romanians would be hard pressed to come out on top; factoring in pilot experience tips the scales against them further. But what would be the training value of proving that? Instead, by running various scenarios Eagle drivers got a taste of quick, agile fighters that, as Major Popovici described, can't be counted out if they get the drop on you. Which, come to think of it, is probably true about most any adversary.

Left unsaid is the fact that such training against those particular jets might be doubly valuable; China fields about a million MiG-21s.

Well, OK, 999,999 since our formidable recon aircraft took one out in '01.

Full article at Stars n Stripes here.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 0

Quote of the day

From H. L. Mencken:

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Monkey flings poop at man, infuriates alien

Decision making is fraught with risk. Will our choices be to our benefit, or will things go awry? When the stakes are high, sophisticated aids to planning are needed. Historically, important choices have been left to traditional oracular methods, such as flipping a coin. The binary limitation on outcomes proved a hindrance to the wide scale adoption of coin flipping in complicated situations.

Advances in technology over the centuries improved decision-makers options. The invention of dice, first in the simple cubical six-sided form, and later in diverse polyhedral forms, allowed for choosing between as many as twenty or even fifty outcomes. The problem here, of course, was making the list of outcomes. Perhaps the ultimate advance in this form of decision aid was the introduction of the Magic 8-Ball, which provided graduated responses to a single question.

However, these methods allowed for a only single decision maker. Technology had left choosing between leaders far behind. Voting, the best solution for millennia, was cumbersome and time-consuming. When two people needed to choose between them, voting was impractical. Other methods (typically adaptations of single-leader methods and dependent on chance and probability) were often less than optimal for situations which required a leader to win, not merely be the recipient of the blessings of the laws of probability.

Trial by combat was often resorted to, to be sure, but this often left the loser incapacitated. What was needed was a bloodless, strategic, quick, portable and trusted method of determining a winner.

For centuries, that method was rock-paper-scissors. Rock-paper-scissors (RPS) was so dominant, for so long, that few had the temerity to question it even in the smallest particulars. However, certain weaknesses had become apparent over time. Most notably, the frequent ties that were a necessary side effect of having only three options. Nevertheless, the psychological power and strategic possibilities seemed endless.

While some engaged in pointless revisionism (Pirate-Cowboy-Ninja; Cat-Foil-Microwave), in the free-wheeling seventies, some daring souls expanded the sacred trinity of RPS to five, in the hopes of mitigating, if not eliminating, the problem of repeated ties in Rochambeau. The new version was called Rock-Paper-Scissors-Spock-Lizard, or RPSSL.

image

In the way of things in these modern times, five was not enough, and a good idea was run straight into the ground.

The result is RPS-25.

image

The advantage here is that ties are almost never going to happen. The disadvantage is memorizing 25 hand gestures and their 300 possible outcomes. A sample of the madness: image

Click on the picture for all the outcomes and gestures. Or go here for a flash instantiation of the concept.

[wik] Of course, that wasn't enough. And now we have RPS-101.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0