perfidy

As they say in Texas, anyway.

From Saturday's UK Telegraph: Israel seeks all clear for Iran air strike

Israel is negotiating with the United States for permission to fly over Iraq as part of a plan to attack Iran's nuclear facilities, The Daily Telegraph can reveal.

I know that such things as war-games, scenario planning, and clearing access to intervening airspace are required, even in a case where the likelihood of an actual bombing run is 0.01%. Left unclear in the news story linked above, of course, is any indication of said likelihood, let alone the chances of such a mission meeting its objective.

I prefer to think it's just posturing, for several reasons.

First, while sanctions are generally slow in achieving their aims, and cannot be counted on, in any event, to do so, they're initially more efficient, in lives and other costs, than popping a cap in a sovereign country's metaphorical ass. Outright war should be a final resort, and when it occurs, should be conducted in a fairly ruthless manner, designed to position the end of the war as close to the start as possible. Iran's nuke program should be halted, for a host of good reasons, but in a rational world, it's not yet clear that anyone should lose their life in order to effect that halt.

Second, if there's any contentiousness in the negotiations, and the poo hits the propellers, I'd hate to see a new sub-genre created, wherein there's a conspiracy theory on a level with the approximately 273,000 Google hits available for the "USS Liberty".

"We are planning for every eventuality, and sorting out issues such as these are crucially important," said the official, who asked not to be named.

"The only way to do this is to fly through US-controlled air space. If we don't sort these issues out now we could have a situation where American and Israeli war planes start shooting at each other."

Blue-on-blue action is among the last of the things needed, presently, or ever. I'm sure that some who remember the Liberty would, rightly or not, be tweaked by the possible recurrence of such a scenario.

Finally, and contrary to the claims from many quarters, in and out of Iraq, the US is not the colonial master of Iraq. Israel had better-damned-certain be negotiating with the Iraqi government at least in addition to, if not rather than the US. I'm thinking that's a trickier negotiation, however.

[wik] Rut roh!

[alsø wik] No, really? Thanks for the newsflash, Sy.

"As Anna Nicole decomposes, James Brown looking good"

I recently gave a eulogy for my father. This is a small part of it I'd like to share.

I’m a late sleeper by default, and I’d say that my father was my exact opposite in that respect. At the cottage I’d mostly wake up around 9 or so, or whenever the noise level would rise high enough. Some mornings I’d wake up earlier though, and on those mornings I’d see my father most at peace. He’d be up early, when mist would rise from the overnight cold of the water, and those first gold rays of sunlight would best the trees to the east end of the bay. That light scattered and glowed, and I think I have not seen more perfect mornings than those. Dad would quietly slide the canoe into the water, slip in, and paddle into it all, with only the sound of water trickling from wood as he faded into mist. I often saw him come back, but I rarely saw him leave.

There’s an early time for experiences, a less crowded time, and I think Dad had a yearning for paths less occupied. If we look around and see multitudes in comfort, that urge to look elsewhere has truth. As a kid I was too tired from being too energetic to wake up when peace and beauty emerged.

We’ve got a capable family, with lots of doers and shakers, engineers and boat-makers. In some ways I’m like that too, so as a young man and even sometimes as an adult I’d see Dad looking out over the water, or from a balcony, or just at a fire…and I’d wonder what he saw. I’m not an artist so I doubt I’ll ever see it his way, or remember it the same way…but watching Dad watching embers arcing up from the heat of a fire lit sparks in me that persist to this day, that have given me warmth and comfort, to recognize and accept, to appreciate the natural beauty around us all. That’s something we never see unless we stop and look.

When we stop and look we are sometimes enchanted, or even entranced and held there, in a timeless state of contemplation. I know I could not have become the person I am without learning that from him, without being curious about his state of mind in those times, and finding that same place within myself.

Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Here at Perfidy, we love to hear from our dear readers. Your comments are without exception brilliant, incisive, charming and to the point. For example, this guy, JimmyPeteZappa11@aol.com, writes:

Buckethead you are the shit! You know this already, though. Hallelleezy praise Jeezy for dem Japanese technicians for programming your musical genius. I was at your concert at Martini Ranch in Scottsdale, AZ(where I live) and it was amazing. Mr. Head I must warn you not to exclude Arizona in future tours, or I'll send my own robot army to your residence. They will force you to play a private show for me & my associates. Anyway, I don't expect a response, of course. Keep on kickin' ass! Peace out...

Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

In all my life, in nearly thirty years of NASCAR fandom (albeit casual), I have never before seen someone finish a race upside down and on fire.

[wik] For those of you who might be less than fully up to speed on the intricacies of stock car racing, please consult this handy primer on the subject from QandO.

[alsø wik] And because I think it's funny, here's a good recap of the race from the New York Times, including a great shot of the thrillingly close finish.

Here I sit, watching (several years after the fact) the film Jackass, after the MTV show of the same name. Currently on the screen, Steve-O is attempting to cross a tightrope over an alligator pit wearing nothing but a helmet, shoes, and a jock strap with several pounds of meat stuffed in the waistband.

Recently, I watched the new Mike Judge movie Idiocracy, which I highly recommend to all. Some of you know Mike Judge from Beavis and Butthead. Others from King of the Hill. Still others may have seen Office Space a dozen times. The common thread through all these movies is an abiding contempt of the deeply stupid and pointless things and people that make life a little poorer for having encountered them. People mistook Beavis and Butthead for a mere celebration of dimwitted hijinks - I swear to you there's some anger in there also. How else do you explain the Halloween special where Butthead meets a farmer who dismembers people and helps the farmer, in a sequence what actually manages to be a little chilling despite the lo-rent animation, capture and dismember Beavis? King of the Hill features an endless parade of do-gooding dipshits who wreak havoc in the name of 'helping.' Office Space goes after the pettiness of managerial power and the deadening, soul-sapping routines that office life can draw one into.

Anyway, what was I saying before I disappeared up my own anus... O yeah. Idiocracy. Good movie. Not as good as Office Space but pretty great nonetheless, about an average man of today who wakes up 500 years in the future to find he's the smartest man on the planet. The President is a professional wrestler. Garbage is piled up everywhere. La-Z-Boys come with plumbing and a nice comfy toilet seat. The #1 show in the USA is called "Ow! My Balls!" and the biggest Oscar winner is titled Ass. Our hero, because he speaks in complete sentences, is told he "talks like a fag."

So.

Thesis A: Steve-O hanging from a rope as crocodiles lunge at him from below, attracted to the chicken carcass stuffed into his jockstrap, is comic genius of the first water.

Thesis B: Steve-O hanging from that rope not that different from "Ow! My Balls!," the type of comedy which Mike Judge holds in total contempt as the lowest common denominator of culture, a baseless, graceless, debasing parade of farting ass cheeks and nut-shots that not only lacks in any intellectual content, but which actually is hostile to the very idea of intellect, and which as a consequence impoverishes the culture that enjoys it.

So I ask you: as I sit here laughing my ass off, how can both A and B possibly be simultaneously true? They sure as hell seem to be.

Newsflash: Tim Hardaway Wants Only Straight Men to See His Penis

In case you've missed it, there is a minor brouhaha due to Tim Hardaway's comments yesterday:

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States.''

This chain of events was triggered by a new book by John Amaechi, a former NBA center, including his disclosure that he is gay. Big whoop. So no, he's not the bad guy here. Dan LeBatard, the Florida ESPN radio host who provided Hardaway with the shovel he used to dig this hole, is also exempt from condemnation, due to the fact he just asked a simple question about current events, one of which was Amaechi's disclosure (audio available via the Deadspin link above). Totally above board, in my opinion.

With the exception of the San Francisco press (just an AP story, really), I've not seen much coverage of the story, and even then, it seems relegated to the sports section. ESPN radio, however, has seemingly been 50% devoted to Hardaway's gaffe ever since last evening.

Much of that ESPN radio commentary I've heard seems to indicate that people think Hardaway's wrong for feeling the way he does. I disagree - while his feelings on the matter are inflammatory and unfortunate, they're his feelings, not those of the radio callers (notorious retards, the lot of them), and he's entitled to them, however odious.

They'd have been far less odious if he'd simply said he was uncomfortable with the prospect of gay teammates. If I gave a shit about Tim Hardaway (I don't), I'd certainly say that he should have learned to exercise the governor on his cake-hole, since not every thought that runs across one's brainpan needs to be aired, on the radio or otherwise.

A bit late for that admonition, I'm afraid.

Discomfort at being put on the spot (tough crap, Tim - you're a big-time former ath-a-lete, and LeBatard was completely fair) might have caused him to amplify his rhetoric, resulting in the inflammation of sports-talk-radio listeners' sensibilities.

Having written an over-the-top headline or two myself, I should really give the Deadspin blog a bit of slack, but their article's title misses the point: Tim Hardaway is entitled to some opinion, if not some control, of who should see his penis. I guess so, anyway, though I've never really given it a lot of thought. And there are a lot of polite ways to make such a statement. Claiming to hate an entire group of people you've never met based on something you find distasteful but which they've not done to you, around you, or to anyone you know, is prima facie evidence of stupidity. Such extreme thinking has never been acceptable, but while it has been accepted the past, it's not now, and even Hardaway should have known this.

Have we, as a society, forgotten how to apologize? Tim Hardaway is way beyond any ability to retract his statement - it was pretty unequivocal. He did have the option to say something like "What a stupid I am!" (channelling Roberto DiVicenzo), and to apologize not for his views, but for his intemperance at expressing them in a public forum where people would then point at him and laugh. What did he say, instead? An attempt at the classic misdirection play:

Hardaway issued a statement Wednesday night to Local 10 saying: "There are more important things to worry about than my comments. We should be more concerned about President (George) Bush and all the people dying in Iraq."

Niiice. Real nice. That should calm things right down, moron. I'd almost prefer that he take the same approach all the other glitterati have after recent similar missteps. He could just check himself into the Betty Ford Clinic, under the delusion that they can cure "stupid" there.

[wik] Perhaps Amaechi's revelation has been improperly analyzed?

Shitdippery?

Douchefuckery?

Suckassery?

Fucknuttery?

As a proud resident of the Bay State, I have studiously tried to avoid commenting on the recent, um, asssuckery surrounding the doucheshittery arrest of two hippie dudes for putting up lite-brites around the city. But now the fuckdippy masters of Boston, the so-called hub of Teh Univerts, have actually claimed a prize, head of the Cartoon Network Jim Samples. Samples has resigned for his part in commissioning the commission of the recent act of, of... terror... that gripped Teh Hub because of the lite brites that... gripped our Hub with... um... terror...

Working as I do in Boston for one of the pre-eminent cut-rate educational institutions that litter the Hub like glitter on a transvestite's silicone cleavage, I am outraged, yes, outraged, that Samples is a goner yet the two suckdouchely nutass douchefuckers who perpetrated this, this.... terrorism, are not yet swinging by their, yeah, ooooh, right there.... ooooh, by their, what was I.... justice feels so RIGHT, uhhh, ooh,

I'm just so glad they got a scapegoat. I feel so much safer, and sleepy, now that someone got shafted because of those scary-ass lite brite terror things.

Unghhhhngh.

Justice feels soooo goood.

Of all the domestic animals, sheep are generally the least appreciative.