perfidy

At worst, “global guerrillas” are like an especially vicious twist on Clevon Little’s Sheriff Bart early in Blazing Saddles, pointing the pistol at his own head and warning his assailants to “Stop! Or the n*gg*r gets it!” except the global guerrillas actually pull the trigger.

For a little bit of context, go here. Link from Megan McArdle, which I ran across while reading this article on the Atlantic, to which I was led by a link at Daring Fireballs. I loves me the internets.

It occurs to me, after reading the articles about the money mules, that you could:

1. Set up a fake paypal account, tied to one of those super-market pay-as-you-go credit cards.
2. Set up a fake email address, and sign up on Monster.com with a fake resume, etc.
3. Sign up for money mule scheme.
4. Wait for them to deposit money in the paypal account.
5. Keep the money.

Seems like it would work better than the average

1. Collect underpants
2. ???
3. Profit!

schemes.

I avoided an email scam! Aren't I clever? Interestingly, though, a day after posting about one, I find several in-depth bits on how the money mule scams actually work. The Washington Post has an article and backgrounder, and here's a website devoted to fighting the scammers. Find out how not to be a chump for organized crime.

And as an added bonus, more info on phishing. Which, curiously, does not involve metal hooks and hippy jam bands.

I had a dream last night that Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush were having a secret love affair, and for some reason, I was sharing a one-bedroom apartment (and comically-oversized bed) with the two of them. So, at some point, they want to get freaky, and I have to stomp out of the bedroom in a huff.

Next thing I know, I'm in the kitchen frying bacon (because what ELSE do you do when two of the nation's most formidable political superpowers are making the beast with two backs in your apartment?) and suddenly, Bill Clinton comes bursting in, all "WHERE ARE THEY?" and I gesture toward the bedroom with my spatula. As he's heading toward the scene of the crime, I ask him to please not hurt anyone or break anything. He turns to me and starts laughing his ass off.

"Sweetie, I ain't gonna hurt nobody," he says. "I just wanna see what the hay-ull this looks like."

And then he starts hitting on me.

I really need to stop watching so much CNN.

You would think that, being unemployed, I would have lots of time to devote to blogging. Clearly, you are wrong. Why, you may ask, if I'm not working and not posting, what the Sam Hell am I doing?

Well, scouring the internets for job leads is surprisingly time consuming. So, also, is leaving voicemails for stealth recruiters. And you can spend simply hours and hours trying to find out who the hiring managers are at a large corportation.

And of course, the little Bucketheads demand attention. And need it from me since Mrs. Buckethead is trying to take up the slack, work-wise. And then there's the occasional freelance gig. Throw some seasonal affective disorder into the mix. And best of all, five repeat performances of the most annoying cold I have ever known.

What I'd like to share with you, though, is one of the amusing modern side-effects of conducting a job search. Hidden amidst the emails from Indian recruiters, there was this. Check out the prose stylings:

Dear Buckethead,

You have now received this letter because of the fact that your career profile and personal job-searching information on the recruiting resouces are suitable for our enterprise. Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is looking forward to start the mutually profitable co-operation with an efficient, diligent and reliable figure.

That is why, we would wish to see you a member of our labour collective.

Let us give you some details about PE Inc. Our company is specializing in worldwide escrow performing services. We have been conducting this business for 3 years already, and have achieved great prosperity. Since our activities are international, the clients, we are co-operating with, live in more than 20 countries all over the world (the USA, Canada, Western and Eastern Europe). Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is headquartered in Warsau, but on the US territory, there are a number of subdivisions. As the number of our customers is increasing actively, more prosperous personnel must be hired. If you are interested in apply for a well-paid, secured and fascinating job with the long-term career prospects, flexible schedule and a variety of perks and bonuses, PE Inc. would like you to join the team.

You can find more detailed information about the positions available and read through the company's bio at your earliest convenience. Our support team is ready you to provide you all the nessesary instructions and assistance.

If you want to intiate our business relations immediately or apply for help, please, put in the application mail to us.

The followings are the thorough information to get in contact with us:

- telephone: +1 (845) 704-7542
- fax: +1 (845) 519-1486
- e-mail: douglas.peinc@gmail.com

Our vacant positions are ready to be taken by any resourceful and ambitious person like you.

Best Regards,
PE Inc.

I think I'd feel more comfortable if I knew that aliens wrote that message. Anal probing might be more congenial than being assimilated into the PE Inc labor collective. The gmail account is a sure sign of a prosperous company that I would just die to work for. But, on the plus side, I just resource and ambitious people like me purely love to take vacant positions.

This email hovers right on the edge of self-mockery. It is awkward, but yet comprehensible still. A few changes, and it would be as good as some of the best Nigerian scams. Like perhaps:

Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is being headquartered in Warsau, but on the US territory. There is a great number of subdivisions. As the number of our customers does increasing vigorously, more numinous personnel must in fact hire. If you are interested in apply for a large-paid, secured and fascinating title with the long-term career prospecting, flexible schedule, a variety of perks and bonuses, PE Inc. would like you to join with you.

I think I'll tell them to give me $50 bucks for a complete rewrite.

This is what was waiting for me in my mailbox Tuesday night.

When my wife asked me what it was, I strode with great purpose into our living room, positioned myself in front of the television, and gestured toward my 2 year old son as I answered,

"This is the core of a bonding experience between father and son that will last the rest of our lives. This is airplanes, aliens, spaceships, ray guns, and giant fighting robots. Often, thank Deity, all five at once. This is the moment when our little boy becomes a...ah, no ok he remains a little boy but this is the moment, the precise moment, when his imagination could begin to see the possibilities of aliens and giant fighting robots, and leave the boo-boo kissing to the mommies of lesser seed.

"This is Robotech.

"This was also a contributing factor in keeping daddy a very lonely young man".

Never one for a straight answer, myself.

And with my brief oration, I put in disc 1 of Robotech: The Macross Saga, Legacy Collection.

I'll have you know that I went with the Legacy edition over the competing boxed collections (of which there are at least three, each purporting to be the "complete" series) because the Legacies are the closest to what I watched in 1985: original sound, original animation, original voices. If I could've ordered a set that came with original smells- overheated VIC-20s, Dorito residue, Raid flea bomb, and shame- I would have.

One must be cautious when using the word "original" here, though. These are original in the sense that they are how I first came to them; one must be cognizant of the fact that the American series is/was at least two steps removed from the original Japanese productions- first, by marrying three distinct and unrelated original shows into a single story for us roundeyes; and two, dubbing Engrish such that the new tri-fold program made some kind of sense. The redone effects characteristic of the other collections, with their surround sound this, updated graphical that, and en-spiffened other, are not for the man who wants to see these episodes, just one last time, through his little boy eyes.

And it is the last time, because once they've been watched as an adult they will have been spoiled in a way. Our awareness of the advances in animation in the last 20+ years is enough on its own to undercut the series' impact, but the death knell is the decades of intervening real life that crush the ability to enjoy these shows again. The most we can do is keep the weight of adult consciousness off our senses for a bit, to be 14 again if only for a half an hour.

And at the very least, I can expose something fun and interesting to my son, but be there to teach him that with great animation comes great nerdiness, and it is a path to tread cautiously.

Yeah he's still a little young for all that other noise. But he's certainly old enough to express preferences, and now when I hear him say, "Daddy I wannawatch spaceships", I believe I am doing right.

...seems it's never too early to, you know, get my preferences out there.

I figure if everyone at the Ministry kicked in merely half of their economic stimulus money, you could all easily swing this for me.

And I can't tell you how much that would in turn stimulate me.

Just in case you thought this might be a politically-oriented post, don't worry. I'll leave that to Ministers better suited for all things governmental. This is mostly a self-serving post to let you all know I am a semi-finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award with my as-yet-unpublished novel Deep Six. You can go read an excerpt here and write a review of it. To make it to the finalists round (100 out of the existing 500 novels will move on), I'll need plenty of positive reviews. To sweeten the pot, there are prizes for reviewers. And remember, if you can't say anything nice, lie.

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled Evil.

From Saturday's WSJ: (still subscription, for now)

Burns's Exit Complicates Nuclear Negotiations

Picture located, curiously enough, at the Republicans' Energy & Commerce Committee web site, so perhaps I'm not the first guy to have made this connection.

---

(There's more than one "Burns" affiliated with the story, so adding Monty Burns to the mix isn't a stretch)

Burns's Exit Complicates
Nuclear Negotiations
By JAY SOLOMON
January 19, 2008; Page A4

WASHINGTON -- The surprise resignation of the Bush administration's point man on Iran and India, Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns, injects more uncertainty into U.S. efforts to contain the spread of nuclear technologies.

In the coming weeks, Washington aims to cinch key objectives concerning both countries: a new round of United Nations sanctions against Tehran and a nuclear-cooperation pact with New Delhi. But those policy initiatives, particularly in the case of Iran, haven't generated international consensus, and U.S. and European diplomats say both initiatives, which were spearheaded by Mr. Burns, the undersecretary for political affairs, might ultimately falter.

President Bush named William Burns, U.S. ambassador to Moscow, to succeed Nicholas Burns beginning in April. (The two men aren't related.)

Nicholas Burns, who plans to leave the department at the end of March, is a career diplomat. Since Ms. Rice took the reins of the State Department in early 2005, Mr. Burns, 51 years old, has become one of her must trusted advisers.

In recent months, there have been increasing signs that Washington's strategies toward Iran and India aren't working. Mr. Burns has been particularly focused in recent weeks on pushing the U.N. Security Council to pass a third round of economic sanctions against Tehran aimed at forcing it to suspend its nuclear-development work. But many European and U.S. diplomats said it is increasingly unlikely that sanctions will be approved with any real bite -- especially since a recent U.S. intelligence report found that Tehran had scrapped its nuclear-weapons program in 2003.

The India issue has also tested Mr. Burns in recent months. Washington and New Delhi have agreed to allow the U.S. to share nuclear fuel and technologies with India in return for greater oversight of India's nuclear programs by the International Atomic Energy Agency and other international bodies. But communist and socialist parties, wary of a close alignment with Washington, are threatening to topple Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh's government if he ratifies the agreement.

New Delhi is negotiating a new safeguards agreement with the IAEA, which, once passed, could allow Mr. Singh to formally sign the nuclear pact in the next two to three months. But U.S. officials said they remain uncertain as to whether Mr. Singh will challenge his government's political partners.

Write to Jay Solomon at jay.solomon@wsj.com

Given the obvious obsession with affection for all things zombie-related around here, I felt it my civic duty to let you know about one of the t-shirts currently available at woot.

Go now and purchase. Do your part to educate the masses about the oncoming bloody onslaught.

[wik] @Buckethead: What if Buckethead Jr. was wearing a t-shirt ABOUT Zombies? Does that mean he'd be allowed to say bad words?