perfidy

Not completely, anyway. In fact, it's not even really a post, but just a "fakeblog". I think I've met this guy, multiple times.

(Onion "autoblog" entry moved to the extended entry, because it apparently fucks up our blog in the worst way)

You Know What's Stupid? Everything I Don't Understand

[wik] (4-Mar-08) Since it would be churlish to have back-to-back fake blog entries, I feel I must tag another Onion item on to this one, if for no reason other than to make it easy for me to locate later:

Biofuels Worse For The Environment

All three fake man-on-the-street comments are winners:

Kirsten Simonon, Tattoo Artist "Just once, why can't one of our poorly considered quick fixes work?" 

Bruce Jones, Systems Analyst "Would it at least offset the amount of time I have to pretend to care about the environment?"

Will Trembeau, Truck Dispatcher "Then where do they suppose we should get this green power? From magic? From the very Sun?"

You Know What's Stupid? Everything I Don't Understand

For far too long I've sat idly by, twiddling my thumbs and respecting the right of others to form thoughts and opinions independent of my own, and...

I had inherited my mother's house and property. It's a decent-sized house on about five acres. But the house is in general disrepair, and in my dream I didn't have the inclination to get it all fixed up. What I did instead was have the house razed, with the intention of building a kickass underground structure on the same spot, using the existing foundation and cellar as a template. I had in mind part bunker/catastratorium, part cozy hobbit-hole.

So with the upper structure demolished, I began cracking though the concrete in the cellar. In my dream I was alone doing all this, which is utterly ridiculous for a variety of reasons, but primarily because I have zero training on any tool or construction principle and the most sophisticated bit of toolery I ever did was installing a cat-flap in the door to my basement.

But none of it mattered in the end, because as it turned out the earth beneath my mother's cellar was already inhabited.

A wizardly-looking fellow sort of appeared, surprising me as I was just taking sledgehammer to concrete. He looked like Gandalf if not quite so imposing...rather dumpy, really...and explained that he had been living in his own underground building for quite some time now on the very same spot, and would I please knock off trying to crash through his roof. After some back and forth, he ended up giving me a tour of his place, and it was pretty impressive. There was a very deep...shaft, I guess, but not a cold and drafty and sooty shaft, but a bright and interesting shaft, with little niches here and there with tasteful if uninspired bits of art in them. Think the inside of a very deep well, with the big stones and the curved surfaces everywhere, but without the panic that comes with falling down a deep well however tasteful the art inside may be.

We finally reached the bottom, although now I'm not sure how. I don't remember stairs now, and I think we may have been just falling very gently. As it happened, the bottom level of his place ajoined a largish chain bookstore. I thanked him for the tour, and went to poke around the store. I ran into someone I knew inside...all I remember is she was a she...and we browsed together for a bit but ended up separating. I wound up buying a copy of The Green Berets.

I never liked the comic strip Garfield. It was smarmy, irritating, and about cats. But I never in a million years would have realized on my own that, hidden behind Garfield's prancing, self involved corpulence, a brilliant comic strip was desperately trying to be heard.

This guy did.

And why, of course, couldn't it be both?

Willie Nelson wants President Bush impeached

AUSTIN -- American icon Willie Nelson says he supports efforts to impeach President Bush and "throw the bastards out," adding that the administration will do anything to stay in power, including staging an event to cancel the election.

I'm down with him disliking Bush and his cohorts - it's a free country, and he's entitled to his opinions, deranged, inflated, or otherwise. The presumption that there's some secret plot, or even the possibility of such, to derail the election is pure lunacy.
...

Nelson denied earlier reports that he said no planes hit the World Trade Center on 9/11. He said he was talking about WTC 7, which fell in the late afternoon of 9/11.

His denials ring hollow - the original stories on his status as a 9/11 moron seem more credible. The same fevered stupidity that drives his trutherism feeds his certainty that the change of government is to be thwarted.

Dipshit.

He and others like him who think we live in some form of a dictatorship that quashes voters' will and free speech rights seem not to catch the irony that they've not been placed into the reeducation camps of their addlepated nightmares.

From the BBC, this story:

Restaurant sorry over F word bill

A restaurant owner has apologised after diners had their very own F word experience - without Gordon Ramsay.

Ten friends found the abusive and sexually-explicit message on their bill at Joe Delucci's Italian restaurant in Bird Street, Lichfield, Staffordshire.

Diner Clare Watkin said she thought it was written after they complained about poor service.
...

If it weren't for the fact that I seldom eat in either Great Britain or Manhattan, and in any event, am always unfailingly polite to anyone in a position to spit in my dinner, I'd have to start paying more attention to my bill.

I'm fakeblogging.

This is from the brilliant webcomic xkcd.

This just in:

Don't honk at old ladies.  

Best headline I've seen in a long time. My personal favorite still remains, though, the Onion's' "Holy Shit! Man Walks on Fucking Moon!" For which there is now a video.

This is shameless self-promotion, but it's also free self-promotion, so I'm putting it to good use.

I have a little shopping blog called SmartLassy, and since May, I've been using it to point people toward cool stuff that might appeal to goofy, geeky girls like me.

Recently, I decided to stop promoting other people's stuff and make an attempt at selling cool stuff directly from my site. My goal is to eventually sit atop a giant Scrooge McDuck pile of money, cackling with glee whilst drinking a pink libation from a martini glass. Ah, dreams.

Anyway, won't you please go check out the site? And if you're feeling generous, you could tell other people about it. That would be awful nice of you.

Now, I am hardly hintermost in claiming that Al-Qaida and its affiliates, franchisees and fellow travelers are a pretty sick bunch. Beheadings, anti-semitism, autocombustion, and random terror are just your average islamofascist's way of saying, "Cheerio, old chap!" But this latest development in the praxis of suicide bombing gives new, and really sick meaning to the phrase, "splodeydope."

It seems that Al Qaida has resorted to using mentally retarded women as a crude sort of guided weapons platform. Once the victim gets close to a sufficiently large number of other victims, the Islamic heroes press the button and the poor woman explodes, along with - in two cases in Baghdad - in excess of seventy more innocents.

Depraved. And hopefully, evidence that Al Qaida Iraq is now as close to the end of its logistical and personnel ropes as it has always been to the end of its moral rope.

Yet, and I shudder to think at what this says about me, the very first thing that popped into my head when my mom read me the headline was this.

Alrighty then. Go read this, and then - only then - click the more perfidy button to see the image. And then only if you want to. It's warped, sick, and wrong. I warned you. I also found it highly amusing, but then, I am sick, wrong and warped. If you don't look at the picture, I estimate that you will get at least 85% of the total humor. Your choice.

Thanks to Fist of Blog.

[wik] So 18 years later, I looked for this picture again and couldn't find it. Here's a link to the forum screenshots that are the original bit. I believe based purely on vague memories that there is another sequence of forum posts that have different images, including the one above in my original post. But no idea where those might have gone. In case of even more future bit rot, here's the screenshots I could find: