Just noticed my dictionary is a relic of a bygone age

Call me anachronistic, but I use a real dictionary to look up words.

I like the internets as much as the next guy, but still prefer, more often than not, the look and feel of a solid dense bit of bookery in my hands. It means authority, and presence, and presents language in a more permanent and, I daresay, reassuring way than do bits and pixels.

Mostly. I just noticed that my dictionary is a relic of a bygone age. Not the age of print and type, but the age when terrorism had to do with Them, not Us.

I was looking for a word and happened upon a small picture in the margin that caught my eye: a tiny black and white photo of Manhattan, including the Twin Towers, associated with the definition of "skyline". About three inches down is another pic, a little larger, of just the towers and labeled "skyscraper". Also in the same corner of the page: skyjack. And sky marshall.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 7

This Week in Exemplary Human Behavior for 4/28/07

From time to time (as often as our stomachs will allow us to manage it) we at the Ministry will look closely into the depths of human depravity both comical and twisted, and drag up whatever we find there for consideration. The general hope is that by bringing these stories into the light of day we can make them rarer. The usual effect is, instead, we end up sad and depressed about the future of the species.

So, onward!

Dateline: Washington, DC

The Washington Madam scandal has claimed its first victim: The State Department's senior diplomat in charge of USAID, which is devoted to stamping out sex trafficking, human exploitation, and AIDS, has resigned, having copped to using a perfectly innocent telephone service to hire nice Latin American women to come to his house and give him nice therapeutic "massages" in exchange for some untraceable cash money. Nice!!

Dateline: Crazytown

Newsflash: Michelle Malkin has finally completely lost her shit.

Dateline: The Congo and elsewhere

The New York Times has a heartwarmer on the rising use of child soldiers in the pointless conflicts of Africa, because they are loyal, pliable, and uncomplicated by higher philosophical thinking (plus they're easy to make more of). The article also notes that, in a cunning twist, the strongmen who hire them have at this point given up even the thinniest pretenses of a "cause," preferring to cut right to the basic raping, killing, and stealing as their main kinks.

... aaand that's enough for this week. I think I'm going to curl up in my bed under the covers for a while and wish real hard.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 2

Kicked

Now that I've felt my ever less theoretical son kick me right in the hand (oh, how special!, interjects Mrs. Johno... he's been whaling on my cervix for weeks!), I have a public announcement to make:

I keep making beer, like a fool, for ever more theoretical consumption. At the moment, I have a nice floral and bitter pale ale, a spicy, strong and sweet Abbey, and a plain out freako-delicious Dunkel ready to go, and five gallons of porter curing besides. So, please.... kick my kegs. Run 'em out. I'll make more. Please help... drink all my booze, I'm begging out.

That is all.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 9

Buckethead, Biblical Authority

It's Friday Funtime Quizzery time. Over at Naked Villainy, we find a biblical quiz. I scared the Bejesus out of myself by getting a 100%, proving that despite two and half decades without cracking open the bible, my Lutheran Confirmation classes were ruthlessly effective. How well can you do, Heathen?

You know the Bible 100%!
 

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 8

Put 'er in Batman

From a wonderful little website that I just discovered, this gem:

Guy 1: So my friend almost ran over a big family the other day but at the last moment a little boy popped up beside the car and I said 'dude you gotta make sure you get them all, or else that little boy is going to grow up and become Batman and come after you'

Guy 2: That's why they invented reverse, so that Batman won't get you.

Guy 1: They should just call it Batman. I'm just going to put the car in Batman and back into this spot.

Guy 2: Seems perfectly logical to me.

Yet another odd lexical twitch to add to my armamentarium, and confuse those near me.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 2

I messed with Texas, and now I have a rash

We’re moving into the home stretch here on Perfidy’s longest running series, alternative state slogans for alternate state people. Today, we focus on Texas, a state that has, historically, been foremost in the republic for arrogance and misplaced judgments of its own competence. Twice since independence Texas has not been part of the United States, a fact that is not well appreciated in light of Texans vehement protestations of patriotism. Anyway, on to the ridicule and fun-poking:

  • I messed with Texas, and now I have a rash
  • If it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for Texas
  • Because Sometimes You Make Bad Choices
  • Se Habla Ingles
  • We Kill 'em So YOU Don't Have To
  • 95% More Texasness Than The Next Leading State
  • Crazy 'Bout Guns!
  • Where everything's bigger, except the IQ's
  • Mess with Texas, and Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you to death
  • All the oil, without all the burkhas
  • 49 of 50 states agree, Texas Sucks
  • Why?
  • More episodes of Cops filmed on location here than anywhere
  • Prone To Flooding
  • We kill because we’re frightened little girls
  • Have Fun Driving Through Us On Your Way To Nowhere!
  • We gave you nuculer
  • You Grill 'Em, We'll Kill 'Em
  • If we secede again, you're all in deep crap.
  • The Beefstick State
  • I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles
  • An execution a day keeps the prisons relatively empty
  • The Manhandle State
  • Swim to freedom!
  • The unconditionally affirmative frontier
  • Most, but by no means all, things are bigger in Texas
  • Better Behave, or We'll Fry Your Ass
  • Because You Can Never Have Enough Churches
  • Come for the oppressive heat, stay for the flat dusty sameness
  • Texas, Schmexas
  • We Live to Annoy the Rest of the Country.
  • Enjoy Leaving!
  • More Mexico
  • Friendship, Except When Betrayed or Approached By Strangers
  • The Key To A Door You Don't Want To Open
  • Yes, it is bigger. You'll have to step back though.
  • Everything Is Brown Here
  • Twice as loud, half as popular
  • We put the "Ex" in "execution"!
  • Texas: Your last, best defense against education.
  • The Dumbo State
  • Our state tree is the gallows.
  • We Let America See Our Bush!
  • The Great Horney Toad State
  • That chili's not hot, you're just a pussy
  • Don’t blame me, I voted Kinky
  • Steers and Queers
  • Y’all can go to hell. I’m goin to Texas. Damn, same thing.
  • Tuck Fexas
  • Welcome Wetbacks and Yankees!
  • The Criminal's Lethal Injection Connection
  • The Big Freakin' Hat State
  • More Crime Than You'd Think
  • Things look smaller in Texas
  • Poker? I don’t even know her
  • Texas: Come for the Adventure, Stay for your wrongful execution
  • Birthplace of the meanest president in US History.
  • Rodeo: a way for nominally straight Texans to dress in leather chaps and wrestle with animals
  • Wetbacks R Us
  • Of course we’re loners, who likes a loner?
  • It’s like a whole other planet
  • Gateway to Texas
  • New Jersey thanks God they’re not us
  • Our teenagers are the cutest! Did I say that out loud?
  • Still proud of defeating Mexico
  • Oil, leather, cows, mustaches… It’s not what you think

[wik] Bonus slogans!

  • Okay then. LBJ was sort of an asshole.
  • For the 100th time, they're 'palmetto bugs'
  • We're just as God intended...although maybe not so much with the fire ants, killer bees, rattlesnakes, and little black scorpions
  • 104 with 86% humidity makes you sweat? Fuckin' yankee sissy
  • Hey we don't mind your freaky cult; it's the Feds
  • Nation's leader in cows lost to flash floods
  • All that AND tornados! What a'ya waitin' fer?
  • It's really only this one guy who drives around with steer horns on his Cadillac - Earl Strickland - and he's from fucking Ohio.
  • Gateway to...everywhere! I mean, fuck, look at the size of the place!
  • The entire human population could fit squarely in Texas, but why the fuck would it want to?
  • Bigger than alot of countries, especially pissant European ones
  • Just say 'pardner' instead of 'dude' and you'll be OK
  • Our strippers are 60% sassier than most other leading states
  • Cornerstone of America's ludicrously-oversized-belt-buckle industry
  • We have both political parties: Conservatives and Republicans
  • Beers, steers, and, yes, queers
  • Median strips? Sure, Tex - we put them there specifically so that you could just drive your SUV right the fuck over them.
Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 8

C or Bust!

The more alert of our mostly sessile readership may have noted that astronomers have detected a new extrasolar planet. We've discovered hundreds of extrasolar planets, so why is this one so damned special? Well, let me tell you. It's earthlike. It's close. And it's in the habitable zone of its star.

Roadtrip!

Well, close in astronomical terms, and for some odd values of "earthlike." The new planet, Gliese 581c, is about half again as big, and five times as massive as Earth. The bigdomes are guessing that this would result in a surface gravity somewheres around twice that of Earth. Which would kill any fat, tall people on a colonization mission. It'd be worse than Oregon Trail. For more details on what life might be like on this planet, visit here, here, here, or here. And get in line behind this guy for tickets:

image

What might be most significant about this discovery is its implications for the Drake Equation – something we talked about in great depth just a little while ago. Pretty much as soon as we fired up that fancy new telescope, we discover an earthlike world, right on our doorstep. That has to be indicative of how common planets like ours are in the galaxy.

As we learn more about the big universe out there, more of the numbers in the Drake equation are looking to be large. The Drake equation can be divided into physical, life, and civilization factors. All of the physical factors are now almost certain to be large across the galaxy, so there’s no way to minimize your estimates of the number of ETs by saying that there aren’t going to be abodes for life as we know it. (Of course, they may be many other places amenable to life as we don't know it.)

As for life, there are two ways that we could get a firmer grasp on how to judge those numbers, and both are within, nearly, our grasp. Any evidence of life in our solar system would be a strong, but not definitive, clue that life is common in the galaxy. Europa and Mars are the prime candidates there. More research along the lines we are pursuing now may give us some answers. The other way is to increase our capacity to gain information on extrasolar planets, which we are also pursuing. If we get to the point where we can image these planets, it is certainly possible that we could detect chlorophyll or other biological evidence in their reflected light. Finding that would be strong evidence that life exists outside our solar system, and that it could be common as well.

That would mean that two thirds of the Drake Equation’s constituent elements would be heavily weighted toward high numbers. And that the chance of ET’s would be correspondingly higher as well.

[wik] The super nifty star map has not yet been updated to include our new vacation destination. However, you can look at it anyway by going to the to the scrolly thing right on the left side of the window, and scroll down about halfway, looking for "Gl 581." When you find it, click it, and you'll see the Gl 581 circled on the star map. Click on it, or in the window on the right to see the solar system, sadly absent little c. On the star map, if you click on the right arrow, and then the back arrow, you'll be in our sector. Neato!

A summary of the info taken from various websites, linked above:

Gliese 581c orbits a small, red star located 20.5 light years from Earth, in the direction of the constellation Libra. The star has 1/3 the size, and 1/50 the brightness of our sun.

Due to the dim smallness of Gliese 581, its habitable zone is correspondingly narrower than that of our sun. The planet, Gliese 581c (“c” for short) is within this zone, orbiting a mere 6 million miles out. That close orbit gives c a year lasting only 13 days. The presence of a large, Neptune-sized planet inside c’s orbit could mean that it is unlikely that c is tidally locked to the sun – having one side eternally facing the sun, as our moon does with Earth.

image

The planet itself is large, five times as massive as Earth and perhaps half again as large, or even bigger if it is made of ice and less dense than here. This would result in a surface gravity between 1.6 and more twice that of Earth. The temperature on c would be in the range of 0 to 40 degrees Celsius, or just what we have here. We have no idea what the composition of the planet is, guessing that it is a rocky world like Earth is not unreasonable. A big planet like this would have no difficulty holding down an atmosphere, and the presence of water is certainly a possibility as well.

Someone came up with this cheesy graphic, which despite its cheese gives you a good idea how big the sun would be from the surface of the planet.

image

This pic has some comparative stats for c and Earth:

image

And of course, Wikipedia has more info as well.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 12

Golf trip preparations are underway

I'm taking off tomorrow morning for another in a long series of annual gatherings of a group of my friends, at which much golf will be played and several other forms of hell may well be raised. In preparation for the trip, one of the participants, Rick, sent out a link to this video.

In our group's defense, I'm comfortable asserting that none of us will play anything near as badly as those on the film above. At least not during the first 18 holes of any given day. Oh, and the several incoherent misspellings you see in the video were there when I got it, just in case you were wondering.

Posted by Patton Patton on   |   § 0

The Best and the Brightest

Dammit, David Halberstam died. He was one of the finest reporters - and finest writers - of his generation, and he will be missed.

(I imagine we can expect a story from Christopher Hitchens within the next day or two about how Halberstam was really a second-rate hack who slew children to collect their shoes.)

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 2

An inconvenient phrase

Everyone can now stop using "inconvenient truth" - or its derivatives in any sort of writing, anywhere. If you feel tempted to do so in spite of my request, please read Orwell's "Politics and the English Language" and reconsider. Failing that, find an unabridged copy of Orwell's collected works and hit yourself repeatedly in the head with it.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 2