perfidy

But if so, here's your explanation for why Dallas' next game will be in the late summer, 2007:

Moles are annoying, conniving and vile creatures. They hate our freedom. But is it worth risking your life to fight the growing mole menace? Uwe Werner felt so, and managed to eliminate himself in attempting to exterminate the moles infesting his yard. His innovative mole electrocution system worked so well in its first test, that it killed a human. Uwe himself.

[wik] No moles were harmed in the writing of this post.

[alsø wik] My apologies to any family or friends of Uwe Werner who may by some freak of the internets have read this story. UWE IS NOT DEAD. IT'S OKAY. Uwe is the police spokesgerman who announced that the retiree is dead. HE IS NOT DEAD HIMSELF. The name of the retiree has not, to my knowledge, been released. Which is frustrating, because I was imagining an old guy, puttering around the lawn, about to plug in his super-turbo-mole-zapper2000; his wife calls out, "UUUweee noooooo!" and then he goes all lightning and special effects. Without the name, my mental picture is less satisfying.

Technology Smack-Down!

  (WSJ online sub required, other than for "mouse over" preview)

TECHNOLOGY ALERT
from The Wall Street Journal.

Jan. 10, 2007

Cisco sued Apple for trademark infringement over the "iPhone" name Apple chose for its new cellphone, unveiled yesterday. Cisco obtained the iPhone trademark in 2000, and had been in talks with Apple over rights to the name.

"Cisco entered into negotiations with Apple in good faith after Apple repeatedly asked permission to use Cisco's iPhone name," said Mark Chandler, Cisco's general counsel. "There is no doubt that Apple's new phone is very exciting, but they should not be using our trademark without our permission."

So much for all those negotiations that were going on yesterday at CES. This could get interesting, even though it really is all just positioning and preening.

[wik] Just like Russia v. Belarus. Honest.

And while you're waiting for the iPhone to be released in June, build your own home fabricator.

And speaking of cool technological gimcrakery we've linked in the past, it occurred to me the other day that Linux freaks are always complaining that they need to have a truly beautiful and slick user interface to have a chance to beat Windows. Most efforts along these lines have been workmanlike at best, and nothing compared to the almost godlike levels of slick that regularly come from Cupertino. Even Vista has Linux beat solid at least in this department. If someone put bumptop on top of a well packaged Linux distro that made minimal demands on the user for installation (and, more to the point, included codecs so that user could actually watch movies and listen to music without breaking the law. ESR has a screed on this issue, and how Linux could actually win the OS wars as computers switch to 64bit architectures. Interesting read.)

You'll remember bumptop - we linked it here, and here's a pic:

Combine the intuitiveness of that interface with the solidity, security and open source goodness of Linux, and you'd have something that even Steve Jobs would envy.

Here we are in only the second week of the new year, and already we have movement on some of my predictions. Most notably, yesterday Steve Jobs made a liar out of me by introducing the iPhone. Completely, utterly, wrong on that one. However, I have rarely been so pleased at being wrong. The new iPhone is, I must say, pretty damn impressive.

I am no Apple fanboy, but I am deeply impressed by the iPhone. I want one.

So what's the big deal? It's a widescreen iPod. It will play movies and music. Okay, cool. It's a quad band GSM cell phone. Okay, cool. It has a 2 megapixel camera. It's a little taller than an iPod, but otherwise similar in dimension. Not too heavy, and while it doesn't have the disappear in a pocket form factor of my razr phone, it is certainly eminently portable. Ok, cool. There are other devices that have these functions. Why is the iPhone so damn cool? The answer is what you might expect: design and user interface, which have always been Apple's real strength.

The whole front of the phone is a multi-touch screen. No keypad at all. The touchpad technology is just like what we linked here at perfidy a while back. (The original video link is stale, but here's a new one.) Apple bought the tech, and has integrated it into the phone. Watch these three movies, and you'll get a feel for how sweet this thing is going to be. Cell phones, even very expensive nice ones, are not user friendly. Most functions are difficult to find, and harder to use. This is, well, the opposite. The iPhone is slick as all hell. This looks like it will be a joy to use, as easy for all of these functions - photos, email, music, video, web, sms, phone - as the iPod is for music.

Further, it is wireless capable, so that leaves open the possibility that you could use a service like skype for phone calls when you're near a hotspot. You won't have to use hideously expensive cell phone data transfer to get on the internet, either. The thing runs OSX, so you've got the reality of real applications running on the phone from other developers. It will come with Safari for web browsing, and the email system hooks up with Yahoo for push IMAP, and they've also worked with Google for googlemaps. Cingular pitched in and worked with Apple to make a visual voicemail system - so you can choose which voicemails to listen to, rather than be forced to listen to them in order. And hackers will realize that the OS has UNIX lurking in the basement. How cool can it get?

The only downside is the price - $500 for a 4GB model, and $600 for an 8GB version. And, we have to wait til June. But wait, my birthday is in June... Another problem for some is that Cingular will be the only carrier - they and Apple have an exclusive deal. Happily for me, I have Cingular, and coverage where I live is excellent. If I save $50 from every paycheck from now until June, I can have one. And I do want one.

Gizmodo has the best coverage of the release, that's where I found most of this info. They've got pics, movies, and Apple even let them play with a phone for a few minutes. Check out their coverage.

On the positive side, prediction-wise, I was less wrong about Vladimir Putin. While he didn't poison half of Europe, he did cut off their gas. And he's charging hard towards something closely resembling "Tsar." I'd rather be wrong about the iPhone. But at least I don't live in Russia.

[wik] Engadget points out that all is not sweetness and light:

• It's not extensible by third parties, only Apple. The means at the moment no RSS readers, no Slingplayers.
• No 3G. We know you know, but still, it hurts man.
• No over the air iTunes Store downloads or WiFi syncing to your host machine.
• No expandable memory.
• No removable battery.
• No Exchange or Office support.

[alsø wik] A surprisingly interesting Time article.

[alsø alsø wik] Make your own size comparisons with sizeasy! You have no idea how hard it was (so to speak) for me to resist making a dick comparison chart. No idea.

And of course, I can't stop you, nor would I want to. But the world's full of things I just don't get, and among them is the complaint I periodically hear about Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert just not being funny. I can't say I watch his show a lot, but when I do, I find him to be quite good at his schtick, and quite entertaining.

Bill O'Reilly? Not so enjoyable. But it turns out, "Bill O'Reilly and Stephen Colbert to Trade Appearances on Each Other's Shows", so I'm going to have to set the DVR to record both.

Here's the thing, though - Colbert seems never to break character, and O'Reilly seems seldom to work with any spontaneity, so this could be rather like the American Idol tryouts my wife and daughter are so looking forward to - impossible to stomach. Colbert can certainly do a good O'Reilly, but if O'Reilly attempts to go into Colbert's realm, he could come off looking like a goof. OK, like a bigger goof - whatever.

Colbert's take on things? Typical sucker punch, well-delivered:

"I look forward to the evening," Colbert said. "It is an honor to speak face-to-face with a broadcasting legend, and I feel the same way about Mr. O'Reilly."

Hail Florida. The better team tonight seems clearly poised to win, big.

Damn shame, that, but it is what it is, and my prior words on the matter can be considered to have been eaten.

[wik] Velociman's comments cut to the quick:

There are two types of collegiate football played in America, Neck.

1) Southeastern Conference Football, and

2) that weasily dandified transvestite version they play everywhere else. Most notably, apparently, there in your beloved Rust Belt.

The game's now over, and the result is no longer quite as shocking. Ohio State, after a decent start, got pounded like the new guy at the prison. Beat like a rented mule.

While (V-Man's purple prose notwithstanding) it says not a damned thing about the superiority of the SEC compared to anyone, Florida was without a doubt the baddest team on the field tonight.

[alsø wik] Buckethead update: I was going to write a post about this, but Patton's quote from Velociman preempts me. I was talking to my mom after the game, and I told her that as disappointed as I was with the loss the thing that bothered me most was that now the SEC bigots will never shut up. "I know," said she. My personal theory is that someone kidnapped the Buckeyes, and replaced them with the Cleveland Browns.

Ministry crony and combat knitter Mapgirl is celebrating her first Blogoversary. While we here at the Ministry are proud of her accomplishment, her oodles of traffic and lucrative advertising deals, we just would like to say that we were here first, so long ago that we can't even remember what blogoversary we'll be celebrating this March. Congrats, Maps. And if you come to the party, I'll give you a beer.

A 1972 (or thereabouts) Chevy pickup, nicely restored, with a "Nixon/Agnew" bumpersticker. I wish I had had my camera handy.