The Decembrist: Fundraising Letters that Work

You might want to read this particular Republican Fundraising Letter. What's it about? Simple!

" Please help us reach our goal of 450,000 AMERICAN grassroots contributors to the Presidents campaign."

This is a direct attack on Dr. Dean's unprecedented contributions from over 540,000 AMERICANS. Bush has been campaigning, or been president, for almost six years now. During that time he's amassed around 400,000 supporters, the majority of whom are direct beneficiaries of his policies. Dean's only been on this roll for about a year, and he's already got more individual contributors.

Bush's problem is that he's hit the folks who are going to give him cash already. Republicans have always relied on a small number of wealthy donors to drive their fundraising. They've done it through a laundry list of perqs and "access" come-ons. I've had GOP neighbors ask me to attend a dinner, or attend fundraisers, and $5,000 a plate. "Why?" I would ask. "Because you'll meet ALL the right people", they explain. "You'll be able to get to know people who can help you."

That's my GOP fundraising experience so far. We should probably note at this point that I'm Canadian, and as such, cannot (and will not) contribute to any election, at least in monetary terms.

That GOP fundraising letter is an attempt to mislead supporters into believing that the gosh-darned foreigners are trying to buy the election. Foreigners like George Soros!

Except....the Soros is an American citizen.

You gotta love these blatant attempts to fan the flames of racism and xenophobia. You gotta be scared of the people it works on.

Posted by Ross Ross on   |   § 2

Code: Fuschia

The Department of Giant Sucking Sounds Calling Itself Homeland Security raised the terror alert level today from Bert to Ernie.

It's been a while since they've done this. Let's hope this time is just as frivolous as it was in the early days of the terror alert system when they changed the level from yellow to orange to tangerine to just-off-saffron on a daily basis.

Be safe and happy this holiday season, have a happy Chanukah and a merry Christmas, and if you see a dude with a shoe bomb, be sure to kick his ass a lot.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

X Prize closer to a winner

Bert Rutan's Scaled Composites are in the lead in the race for the X-Prize. This week, on the 100th anniversary of the Wright Brothers' first flight, Rutan's company staged the first flight of the SS1, (Space Ship 1). Although the flight was suborbital, two important conditions apply. 1) The SS1 is the first supersonic rocket-powered aircraft to be sent up by a private company rather than the Air Force, and 2) the SS1 is totally and cheaply reusable.

The X-Prize team predict that within a year, Rutan or one of two other teams will claim the prize, and the era of private space flight will begin. Sweet!!!!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Sturm Und Drang Und Ersatz Music Theory

The New Yorker is running an article by Alex Ross that aims to pit "Wagner vs. Tolkein." It's a fairly interesting but airy piece about the influence of Wagner on Tolkien, and a discussion of the parallels between the "Ring" cycle and Howard Shore's score to LotR. Not bad. However, what sticks in my craw is Ross' lazy and mistaken deployment of music theory in his discussion. You could fill Graceland with all the shitty books written about the music theory of Wagner's operas, so I'm used to that. But dude! Lord of the Rings! Music Theory! I believe you're in my house... so excuse me while I load my bop gun.

Warning: read on only if you have a high tolerance for wonkery.

Ross writes,

Early in The Fellowship of the Ring, the first film in Peter Jackson's monumental Lord of the Rings trilogy, the wizard Gandalf finds himself alone in a room with the trinket that could end the world. It lies gleaming on the floor, and Gandalf regards it with an attitude of fascinated fear. The audience feels a chill that neither Jackson's vertiginous camera angles nor Ian McKellen's arching eyebrows can fully explain. The Ring of Power extends its grip through the medium of music, which is the work of the gifted film composer Howard Shore. In the preceding scenes, an overview of the habits of hobbits, Shore's music had an English-pastoral, dance-around-the-Maypole air, but when the ring begins to do its work a Wagnerian tinge creeps in - fittingly, since The Lord of the Rings dwells in the shadow of Wagner's even more monumental Ring of the Nibelung. J. R. R. Tolkien's fans have long maintained a certain conspiracy of silence concerning Wagner, but there is no point in denying his influence, not when characters deliver lines like "Ride to ruin and the world's ending!" Brünnhilde condensed to seven words.

Shore manages the admirable feat of summoning up a Wagnerian atmosphere without copying the original. He knows the science of harmonic dread. First, he lets loose an army of minor triads, or three-note chords in the minor mode. They immediately cast a shadow over the major-key music of the happy hobbits. (A digression for those who skipped grade-school music class or never had one: Why does the minor chord make the heart hang heavy? First, you have to understand why the major triad, its fair-haired companion, sounds "bright." It is based on the spectrum of notes that arise naturally from a vibrating string. If you pluck a C and then divide the string in half, in thirds, in fourths, and so on, you will hear one by one the clean notes that spell C major. Wagner's Ring begins with a demonstration: from one deep note, wave upon wave of majestic harmony flows. The C-minor triad, however, has a more obscure connection to natural sound. The middle note comes from much higher in the overtone series. It sets up grim vibrations in the mind.)

The minor triad would not in itself be enough to suggest something as richly sinister as the Ring of Power. Here Wagner comes in handy. He famously abandoned the neat structures of classical harmony for brooding, meandering strings of chords. In the Ring, special importance attaches to the pairing of two minor triads separated by four half-steps - say, E minor and C minor. Conventional musical grammar says that these chords should keep their distance, but they make an eerie couple, having one note (G) in common. Wagner uses them to represent, among other things, the Tarnhelm, the ring's companion device, which allows its user to assume any form. Tolkien's ring, likewise, makes its bearer disappear, and Shore leans on those same spooky chords to suggest the shape-shifting process.

In The Return of the King, which opens this week, Shore's music keeps pace with the burgeoning grandeur of the filmmaking. When the hobbits escape Mt. Doom, Renée Fleming sings, in Elvish. As the evil lord Sauron comes to grief, the dusky harmonies of the ring give way to their mirror image in the major key. There is an abrupt harmonic shift that has the effect of sun breaking through clouds. You would have thought that sometime between the birth of Stravinsky and the publication of Alexander's Ragtime Band such echt-Wagnerian material would have gone out of fashion, but there is life in the fat lady yet.

OK. First of all, although Ross' assertions are correct on a harmonic level, he is dead wrong about why Howard Shore's score to LoTR is a descendant of Wagner's operas.

On this point, Ross is right: the major third is lower down in the harmonic series of a vibrating string than is the minor third. Hence, it may be described as more "natural" sounding if you'd like. But to argue from that base that "natural" equals "happy" and "unnatural" leads to "grim vibrations in the mind" is so much handwaving. Music theory is as much a cultural construction as it is a matter of science. That's the problem that the Greeks ran into, as well as the problem that Bach papered over with his "Well-Tempered Clavier."

What that means is, although acoutistics and the properties of vibrating bodies are a matter of physics, how the ear interprets them is a matter of conditioning, context, and prior preparation more than anything else. Don't believe me? Then you tell ME how "Boot Scootin' Boogie" is as much a party song as Balinese gamelan music. What music-theoretical parallels can be drawn between the two to isolate the "happy sound"?

Within the boundaries I've just established, it's perfectly OK to say that major is a happy sound. In European society, it surely is. And it's even possible to theorize that it's so because major keys resolve so neatly.

Why is this? Because the half-steps in the major scale come between the 3rd and 4th degrees and the 7th and 8th (or 1st) degrees of the scale. In the key of C, that would be between E and F, and between B and C. Because of other aspects of theory which I won't bore you with, this means that these half-steps fall in harmonically crucial places.

In conventional music theory, a "V-7" chord, or "dominant 7th" in the key of C is spelled G-B-D-F (a G major chord plus an F on top). Theory dictactes that, in the key of C, a G chord likes to resolve back to a C chord (C-E-G). With the addition of the F on top, that tendency becomes far more pronounced.

Why? Two reasons. First, the minor third (D-F) placed on top of the nice-sounding G triad pollutes the harmony. A string vibrating G will generally contain prominent overtones of B and D. Any guitarist can tell you this. So this triad is part of what occurs naturally (and audibly) in any vibrating body. But adding the F on top sets up a series of conflicts that add dissonance to the mix. Dissonance, to Western ears, likes to resolve to consonance.

Second, the chord G-B-D-F contains a "tritone," or two notes separated by four whole steps. In music theory, the tritone is a black sheep, neither consonant nor particularly dissonant, and it is the only interval that does not naturally occur in the interaction of the root of a given major scale with the other elements of that scale. (That is, all the possible intervals between two notes, except the tritone, occur in the following two-note combinations: C-D C-E C-F C-G C-A C-B.)

Look at those notes F and B. Earlier I mentioned that the pairs E-F and B-C were special. Guess where this tritone of F and B contained in the G-B-D-F chord likes to resolve to? That's right-- E and C. E and C are two notes in a C chord (C-E-G). Thus, adding F to the triad G-B-D sets up a harmonic situation that tends very strongly to resolve to C-E-G, a nice, square, clean C major chord.

Since our ears are trained from birth with fundamentally simple songs that rely on this very harmonic device, such a tension-release series is very satisfying to us. Hence major keys produce harmonically balanced sounds that could be considered 'happy.' I'm not claiming that these theoretical reasons are the only reasons why major keys sound so happy, but it's a major part.

Minor keys, on the other hand, are a different story. The minor second intervals fall between the 2nd and 3rd degrees of the scale, and the 5th and 6th. In C minor, that would be between D and E-flat and G and A-flat. That means that the tritone in the scale exists not between F and B, which tends to resolve strongly to the home chord of the key, but between D and A-flat. The tendency is thus for the key to resolve to E-flat major (why? just bear with me). Therefore, minor keys are constantly fighting their own tendency to go elsewhere, and only frank harmonic trickery and exception-making causes minor-chord pieces to work out harmonically.

Since our ears, as I've asserted, are trained to hear the square, mathematically neat resolutions of major keys as deeply satisfying, minor keys sound by comparison unsettled and dissonant. The same goes to a certain degree with modal harmonies which are beyond the boundaries of this particular bit of wonkery.

So. All this crap is to say that Alex Ross is engaging in a lot of post-Romantic handwaving when he talks about "dark vibrations in the mind" (he is a Wagner fan, after all!) Tibetan throat singing sets up dark vibrations in my wife's mind, and that's neither major nor minor. The real feat is that, using the simplest of musical tools available in the Western tradition,Howard Shore's score advances the state of the art of "Mickey Mousing" (that is, keying musical cues to onscreen action) for almost the first time since John Williams did "Jaws" and "Star Wars: A New Hope," and comes close to the heft, grandeur, and complexity of Wagner's most demanding moments. Theme is heaped upon theme, harmonic relations are handled with a loose and masterful hand, and the tension-release cycle is closely keyed to the action we are seeing on the screen. In this regard more than anything else, Howard Shore has come very close to the spirit of Wagner's writing, as a thousand shitty books will tell you at great length. Regardless of whether Tolkien disavowed his Wagnerian inspiration or not, Howard Shore has brought the spirit of Wagner's operatic scoring to the big screen in high style.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

USA to RIAA: STFU!

Heh. Mark Saleski, a fellow blogcritic notes that a US Court of Appeals has sided with Verizon, finding that the RIAA's subpoena campaign is not authorized under current copyright law. Yeah! Take that you dinosaurs! Your business model is tired and outmoded! Your strategies are ossified! And you suck!

Speaking of copyright, I'm right now listening to one of the greatest things in the history of rock music: An "illegal" mix of Eminem's vocals from "Without Me" over top of Led Zeppelin's "The Wanton Song." It matches perfectly. Isn't technology grand???

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

That end of the year surveyery

Every year, Nat "I Must Not Think Bad Thoughts" Robinson sends around an end-of-the-year survey. I must confess that this hasn't been the greatest year for me as regards fiction reading, film, or music, so my pool of answers is pretty limited and conventional. But will that actually stop me from waving my withered narcissism here for the world to see?

Don't be silly!

Politics

  • Person of the Year: Howard Dean
  • Asshole of the Year: Ralph Nader, but only if he decides to actually run for President. Barring that, I’m going to have to go with Karl Rove.
  • Scandal: That nobody STILL has been shitcanned for the intelligence failures leading up to September 2001, yet members of Bush's team who didn't toe the line have been jettisoned repeatedly. 

Sports

  • Best Athlete: Lebron James, especially if he can develop into a team player.
  • Best Sports Team: The Red Sox.
  • Most Memorable Sports Moment: approximately 11:18 PM, October 16, as my baptism into the Red Sox Nation began. I've had my Buckner moment, and it feels 'ouchy.

Film/Television

  • Best Film: The Hours was good, as was Master and Commander, but I'm going to bet that the Return of the King is going to be a near-spiritual experience.
  • Best Documentary: Martin Scorsese's The Blues, with special attention to Bobby Rush and the ass on hinges.
  • Best Adaptation of Literature to Film: Return of the King.
  • Best TV show (comedy/drama/fiction): Scrubs, and Gilmore Girls.
  • Best TV show (information/reality/non-fiction): Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
  • Most Memorable TV Moment: Saddam Hussein's examination for head lice.

Music

  • Best Album: Outkast: Speakerboxxx/The Love Below
  • Best Song/Single: Seven Nations Army: The White Stripes
  • Favorite Live Show: Robert Randolph & the Family Band, free afternoon show at Copley Square.
  • Notable "Re-discovery" in Music: The Beatles. I no longer think they suck completely. Only partly.

Literature

  • Best Fiction Book (Since January 2002): Screw dates of publication. Dan Simmons Hyperion and sequels.
  • Best Non-fiction Book (Trade) (Since January 2002): Edmund Morgan's Benjamin Franklin was pretty hot shit.
  • Best Academic Book (Since January 2003): Screw dates, again. David Hackett Fisher's Albion's Seed was pretty hot shit.
  • Best Short Story: I don't read these. I also don't run sprints.
  • Notable "Re-discovery" in Literature: Haruki Murukame The Wind-up Bird Chronicles

Guilty Pleasures

  • Album that I refuse to admit that I like: I am perfectly willing to admit I listen to Christina Aguilera and I've finally come to terms with the fact that Garth Brooks released some great songs.
  • TV show I watch in secret: Nothin'. I'm proud of my viewing choices. Although I'm only allowed to watch Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network alone because it gives my wife headaches, except for Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Culture

  • Best Restaurant Meal: The steak tips at McSwiggin's Irish Pub in Salem, Massachusetts have twice brought me, in a literal and entirely un-metaphorical sense, to tears. They may be the best meat I have ever tasted. For the non-New Englanders: steak tips are pieces of sirloin. Don't know why they're called tips. They're just pieces of sirloin. A regional delicacy on the level of fried whole-belly clams, Moxie, Sky Bars, and Kelly's Roast Beef.
  • Favorite Personal Moment: For Christmas I got my wife an appointment at a hair salon on Newbury Street, the high-fashion nexus of the Boston area. I sat and read my book patiently while the stylist did her magic. After a while, I looked up to find a vision walking toward me. It took a minute to register in my stunned mind, but when it did it was like a sweet punch to the head: "Oh my God, that gorgeous, hot, breathtaking woman, is my wife. MY wife!"
  • Favorite Website: why, perfidy.org, of course.
  • Gracious Celebrity: Erm.... Jessica Lynch, for having the grace to slide back into obscurity.
  • Undeserved Celebrity: Ann Coulter.

Will be found guilty/innocent

  • Michael Jackson: Innocent.
  • Kobe Bryant: Guilty!
  • Scott Peterson: Guilty, guilty, guilty! Who goes boating on Christmas eve?
Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

The greatest week in pop chart history

Eric Boehlert, Salon.com's resident music critic, has a long history of alternating wildly between prescient music-industry watchdoggery and tepid stabs at political writing. All that means is he's well above par for music critics, most of whom suck worse than Aerosmith's "A Night In The Ruts" and Korn bassist Fieldy's solo effort "Fieldy's Dreams" combined.

I can't argue with his latest column at all, which asserts that Dec. 20, 1969 was the greatest week in the history of rock. In terms of what the Billboard charts say, he's dead right. Check this out:

No. 1, "Abbey Road," the Beatles
No. 2, "Led Zeppelin II," Led Zeppelin
No. 3, "Tom Jones Live in Las Vegas," Tom Jones
No. 4, "Green River," Creedence Clearwater Revival
No. 5, "Let It Bleed," the Rolling Stones
No. 6, "Santana," Santana
No. 7, "Puzzle People," the Temptations
No. 8, "Blood Sweat & Tears," Blood Sweat & Tears
No. 9, "Crosby, Stills & Nash," Crosby, Stills & Nash
No. 10, "Easy Rider" soundtrack (featuring the Byrds, the Jimi Hendrix Experience, and Steppenwolf)

I dare you to find another week, ever, in which every single album in the top ten is still listenable, relevant, and awesome. No matter what you may think of CS&N or Tom Jones, they are a lot better than other chart toppers like Andy Gibb, Rick Astley, or Milli Vanilli. Go check it out... it's enough to make you pull out a zippo and hold it overhead.

Personally speaking, this chart has my favorite Beatles record, my favorite Stones record on it (which is not the same thing as their greatest), Led Zep's leanest and meanest LP, two of the best soul-funk records of all time, and "It's Not Unusual." Damn! Boehlert is especially powerful writing about the content of the records in the chart, their relevance to the violence of the time, and the symbolic passing of the torch between the 60's and 70's.

If the best music writing (like the best rock lyrics) is nothing more (or less!) than the creative deployment of impressions and evocative imagery to make your point, Boehlert has earned a great deal of goodwill with me to get him through his next quixotic attempts to prove that Bush lied ergo people died.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Ozymandias, with head lice

Go read Charles Krauthammer. Now. I'm no expert on the Arab world, so I can't speak to the accuracy of his historical context, but this is dead on:

The race is over. The Oscar for Best Documentary, Short Subject, goes to . . . "Saddam's Dental Exam."

Screenplay: 1st Brigade, U.S. 4th Infantry Division.

Producer: P. Bremer Enterprises, Baghdad.

Director: The anonymous genius at U.S. headquarters who chose this clip as the world's first view of Saddam Hussein in captivity.

In the old days the conquered tyrant was dragged through the streets behind the Roman general's chariot. Or paraded shackled before a jeering crowd. Or, when more finality was required, had his head placed on a spike on the tower wall.

Iraq has its own ways. In the revolution of 1958, Prime Minister Nuri Said was caught by a crowd and murdered, and his body was dragged behind a car through the streets of Baghdad until there was nothing left but half a leg.

We Americans don't do it that way. Instead, we show Saddam Hussein -- King of Kings, Lion of the Tigris, Saladin of the Arabs -- compliantly opening his mouth like a child to the universal indignity of an oral (and head lice!) exam. Docility wrapped in banality. Brilliant. Nothing could have been better calculated to demystify the all-powerful tyrant.

[And then a bunch of stuff about myth-building and imported Stalinism]

On the run, Hussein enjoyed one final moment of myth: the ever-resourceful, undaunted resistance fighter. Perhaps, it was thought, he had it all calculated in advance, fading silently from Baghdad like the Russians withdrawing from Moscow before Napoleon, to suck in the Americans only to strike back later on his own terms in a brilliant guerrilla campaign masterminded by the great one himself.

And then they find him cowering in a hole, disheveled, disoriented and dishonored. After making those underground tapes exhorting others to give their blood for Iraq and for him, his instantaneous reaction to discovery was hands-up surrender.

End of the myth. It is not just that he did not resist the soldiers with the guns. He did not even resist the medic with the tongue depressor.

Absolutely. The most evil of men are still just men, and I seem to remember something about... what was it? Sic transit something something.

Glory. Right. Sic transit gloria, you murderous jackass. Lucky for you, we don't use woodchippers.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Grand Unified Field Theory for Utter Fucking Cranks

Homo sapiens, as a species, have distinguished ourselves through uncounted millenia by asking questions of ourselves and our Earth and relentlessly pursuing answers. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes our answers are way off; often our quest for answers only serves to confuse us further and demands new questions.

As our intellect evolves and becomes more refined, many an academician and layman alike seek a single, elegant solution to solve all the great puzzles of our universe.

I refer, of course, to those intrepid intellectual explorers who unflaggingly seek to tie Nazis and malevolent aliens together with secret Aryan Antarctic bases, the Trilateral Commision, the Kennedy assassination, the hollow Earth, and Denver International Airport.

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 2

Dirrty bomber has a shot at justice

Jose Padilla, US citizen and suspected "dirrty bomber" cannot be tried as an "enemy combatant" according to a three-judge panel.

This is a good day for our civil liberties. Guilty or innocent, this guy deserves due process.

From the story:

President Bush does not have power to detain American citizen Jose Padilla, the former gang member seized on U.S. soil, as an enemy combatant, a federal appeals court ruled Thursday.

The decision could force the government to try Padilla, held in a so-called "dirty bomb" plot, in civilian courts.

In a 2-1 ruling, a three-judge panel of the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said Padilla's detention was not authorized by Congress and that Bush could not designate him as an enemy combatant without the authorization.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 1