Unfortunate Bedfellows

My position against Alabama Chief Justice Moore unfortunately means that I am ostensibly in the same camp with dookie derby John Kelso of the Austin-American Statesman.

Buckethead has discussed the rube-factor in the current round of discussions on Alabama, writing "that this is happening in Alabama merely gives people an extra frisson of joy, because they can safely conflate religion with backwardness. It's Alabama, right?" Kelso adds weight to Buckethead's point by publishing a set of sub-Foxworthy, totally unfunny, "Alabama Commandments." G'hyuk!

When I said earlier that fat people and Catholics may be the last two acceptable bigotries in "polite" America, I forgot to include hicks, also encompassing the subclasses hillbillies, rednecks, trailer-trash, and briar-hoppers. So there are really THREE acceptable bigotries. As a sop to Buckethead, you may also include Norwegians for a total of four. (I mean, seriously, "trailer trash?" You hear "trailer park" used as code for poor and white the way you often hear "inner city" used as code for poor and black.)

If Kelso and I are in fact in the same camp opposing Judge Moore, this born and bred Ohio briar-hopper and damn proud of it is gonna walk right over and pee on his campfire. Read on to see why.
Kelso sez:

Where I differ with Justice Moore is that I think his monument has the wrong set of commandments etched on it. Moses had nothing to do with the gathering of the Alabama commandments. It was Moses' cousin, Elroy, who got them. By the way, when Elroy saw the burning bush, he lighted his cigarette with it.

With that in mind, here are the Alabama commandments as told to Elroy:

Thou shalt honor thy daddy and thy mama, as soon as you can figure out who they are.

Thou shalt not marry thy 13-year-old cousin Thelma Jean.

Thou shalt not fish with dynamite, nor hunt with a rocket launcher.

Thou shalt exclaim "Roll, Tide," at least 12 times a day during football season.

Thou shalt not remove the wheels from thy neighbor's home.

Thou shalt repeat fifth grade at the age of 19.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's front-row tickets to the Merle Haggard concert.

Thou shalt not pawn thy teeth so thou can purchase a 12-pack.

Thou shalt not wear thine halter top and hot pants in the front row in church.

Haw, haw, haw. Oh, how my sides do split at your razor-sharp social commentary. THIS guy can get a weekly column, and I languish in the blog-world?

If there is any justice, his next assignment will be covering NASCAR down among the hoi polloi.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 1

On my own here

Skipping through the blogosphere, I see that I am nearly alone in defending the ten commandments in Alabama. Which I find odd, given that I am not particularly religious. It just seems to me that Christianity is given little respect from the left, and from the chattering classes. Whenever the faith dares poke its head above ground, it is roundly condemned for the Inquisition, the crusades, being pro-life, out of step with the modern world, or having members who are intolerant superstitious rubes.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 4

Blogroll Update

Robert Prather's blog is undergoing a rebranding effort. What was once the Mind of Man is now Unpunished Insults. While he should have gone for a Simpson's quote rather than another boring Jefferson quote, the material there is as good as ever. Joe Bob says, "Check it out!"

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

10 Good Ideas

Over in the comments for this post, there's been some additional discussion of the whole Ten Commandments controversy.

My beloved comrade in blogging seems to feel strongly that the Judge is a fool, and furthermore a damned fool for insisting that the Commandments be displayed in his courthouse in defiance of a higher court order. I agree. He does undermine the rule of law by defying the ruling of the higher court. It could be grounds for impeachment.

But all of this is beside the point. The issue is that people are offended that the Ten Commandments are displayed in a court of law. That this is happening in Alabama merely gives people an extra frisson of joy, because they can safely conflate religion with backwardness. It's Alabama, right? All of the stubborness we see in this judge, and the contempt of the press is window dressing for the central image - the screaming of the offended.

Why are they offended? It cannot be because of the actual text of the Decalogue: 

  1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Okay, we'll let that one slide. But the "graven image" bit in the protestant translation could be a useful admonishment.
  2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. Taken generally, foul language isn't nice.
  3. Remember thou keep the Sabbath Day. As long as I get Saturday off, too.
  4. Honor thy Father and thy Mother. No problem here.
  5. Thou shalt not kill. No problem here.
  6. Thou shalt not commit adultery. No problem here.
  7. Thou shalt not steal. No problem here.
  8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. Again, no problem here, though it is curious that it doesn't prohibit lying in a more general sense.
  9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife. Fair enough, and good advice.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's goods. And likewise here.

These are sensible precepts for living. No one, be they Jewish, Buddhist, Agnostic or Martian could honestly complain that these rules are offensive.

They are offensive because they are Christian. We are encouraged to believe that Islam is a religion of peace, despite much evidence that it is not. We are to tolerate all faiths, all creeds. Except one. Curiously this is the one faith that the majority of Americans embrace. Does the presence in a courthouse of the Ten Commandments amount to a tacit promotion of Christian doctrine as the fount of jurisprudence? Yes. Because they are. We live under a Christian law. This is unsurprising.

What should we do, adopt Bushido or Sharia? Why is this an issue? Those commandments are the center of our law. Do we make murder legal because killing is forbidden in the Commandments?

The Bill of Rights forbids the establishment of a state religion. It does not forbid the government, or officials of our government from having religious beliefs or expressing them. It does not prevent us from acknowledging that the root of our law is Judeo Christian. The founders believed that religious faith was not merely compatible with liberty and the health of the republic, they thought it essential. We should not be so quick to banish it from our sight because the usual suspects are offended by it, as they are offended by so many other things that are good.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 7

Gray Davis hawks conspiracy theory

Gov. Davis is accusing the Republican Party of a "Right-Wing Power Grab." Technically, he is correct. The Republicans do want to take the governorship away from Davis. However, in any larger sense, he is wrong. Representative Issa, who sponsored the recall drive, was making use of existing California law to effect a change in the occupant of the Governor's seat. This is not a power grab in the sense that we normally mean it - like when General, later President Musharraf made a power grab in Pakistan.

In general, I do not approve of recalls. I think changing the result of an election before the next scheduled election is corrosive to republican virtues. By that I mean the virtues that sustain our republic, and the rule of law. Recalls are democratic. But undiluted democracy is not necessarily a good thing. Recalls reinforce the idea of the permanent campaign, reinforce the politics of grievance and revenge, and are generally just a bad idea. Politicians should be removed from office for two reasons only - criminal misconduct and by being voted out of office in a regular election. Ok, and if they die in office.

That being said, Gray Davis is a fecal fez, and I'll be happy to see the end of him. He is now considering apologizing for the damage he has done to our largest state, months after everyone else in the world realized that he had completely screwed the pooch. If the Republicans win the gubernatorial election that is in my view a good thing, and could help ensure other things I think are good - like continued Republican dominance in the federal government.

And the spectacle! Pornographers, celebrities big and small, punk rockers, the Terminator, Bill "I can lose to the most hated man in CA" Simon, Ariana by god Huffington. This will be the most entertaining election in years. People are already mocking the recall election. But many are mocking it for the wrong reasons. When I hear ridicule of the broad spread of candidates, I think, this is what it should be like. Every one should be involved. Politics should not be reserved to the ranks of cloned, hairsprayed, button down minds of the professional political class. This republic is for us, we should be involved in it at the highest and lowest levels. This kind of freedom is what makes us what we are, good and bad.

But far, far more good than bad. And if Arnold scares the Europeans now, wait til we amend the constitution to allow him to run for President. I would give anything to see them crap their pants when he sits down across the negotiating table.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

Mission creep... mission creep

At the risk of sounding like some damn broken record, this is ridiculous.

ABCNEWS.com has obtained a draft of the Vital Interdiction of Criminal Terrorist Organizations Act of 2003, or VICTORY Act, which could be introduced to Congress this fall, and which appears to have been prepared by the office of Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee. The measure would give law enforcement increased subpoena powers and more leeway over wire-tap evidence and on classifying some drug offenses as terrorism.

Gut reactions, in order:

  • Right. So they'll merge the War on Drugs with the War on Terror. Sort of like putting a Pinto engine in an Abrams tank. Neato.
  • Note to bigwigs: um, guys, "synergy" was the trendy thing like, five years ago, okay? Now it's about like moving cheese and stuff?
  • Talk about your tortured acronyms... Vital Interdiction of Criminal Terrorist Organizations.... VICTOR.... uhhh... [Yippee!]... VICTORY!

More coverage of the Victor/Victoria Act here and here.

Question: what the hell is a "narcoterrorist?" The dude who sells you a bag of oregano?

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Belated Realization

At the heart of the refusal by Alabama Chief Justice Ray Moore to remove a monument bearing the Ten Commandments from the rotunda of the Alabama State Courthouse is a familiar doctrine: nullification..

Moore, who installed the monument in the rotunda of the judicial building two years ago, contends it represents the moral foundation of American law and that a federal judge has no authority to make him remove it.

The 11th Circuit earlier this year agreed with a ruling by U.S. District Judge Myron Thompson, who held the monument violates the constitution's ban on government promotion of religion.

Actually, buddy, I think they do. That question was settled a while back, the last time nullification was seriously advanced as a going concern.

Bum-chapeau.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 4

Who's next?

There has been much discussion over what is the immediate future of the war on terror. There is general consensus on what nations are "on the list" - Syria, Saudi Arabia, Iran and North Korea. Which should be next leads to significant divergence of opinion. Some have argued that we should go for the biggest threat, regardless of the difficulties - or even that we should take on the strongest target first. Others argue that we should pick off the weakest and work our way up.

So far in the War on Terror, we have chosen two targets. In many respects, both were low hanging fruit. In fact, looked at one way, every nation on our list is low hanging fruit with the possible exception of North Korea. In the comments to this excellent Trent Telenko post, Iblis likens the War on Terror to the Island hopping strategy in WWII, and then draws the wrong conclusions from his analogy. 

He is wrong in suggesting that we should go immediately for the most difficult target. We did not go straight for Japan in WWII. That was the whole point of the Island hopping campaign. Just as in pool, each shot should leave you in a better position for your next shot. Afghanistan was our first shot, and helped us by putting an immediate hurt on Al Qaida, and reducing the chances of further attacks on US soil in the near term. Aside from the fact that Iraq was a sure win militarily, there are more important reasons why Iraq was next on the list.

I argued here a while back that the primary reasons that Iraq was chosen was because a) it was easiest and b) its central location would allow us to put pressure on so many other nations on our list. It would allow us to pursue an interior lines strategy, even though it is thousands of miles from home. (Also, the diplomatic situation made Iraq an easy target, due to the numerous and flagrant violations of UN resolutions.) While we can use that position to execute a flypaper strategy, that is merely a situational tactic; useful but not moving us dramatically forward.

When we think about our next target, North Korea is wrong for several reasons. First, how do we get the South Koreans to sign on for an invasion of the North? What possible benefit is there for them? The risks far outweigh the potential gains. The damage to their people, their economy and infrastructure could be very large, even in a quick allied victory. Second, (this follows from the first) without the support of the South, invading North Korea would be painful for us, considering the degree to which our military is overstretched. Third, our position in Iraq and Afghanistan gives us no leverage or advantage in North Korea. Fourth, there is the risk that they already have nuclear weapons. And fifth, considering how messed up the North is, if we can arrange a total embargo of food and fuel, it could collapse all by itself in the very near future. As I mentioned here, if the regime collapses, it could very well implode quietly, which would allow the South Koreans and us to move in and pick up the pieces.

There are three remaining targets on the list - Syria, Iran and Saudi Arabia. As Trent Telenko mentioned in an post on Winds of Change, the game against Saudi Arabia may have already begun. However, I don't think we will move openly too soon, if only because of Saudi Arabia's special place in the Islamic world. Other cautions include the fact that while we have been building up our strategic reserves of petroleum, and increasing the production in Iraq, neither of these processes have moved far enough to give us enough security from the Saudis gaming the international oil markets; and we don't have a direct casus beli.

Further, I don't think our next moves will involve direct military action, at least not on a large scale. It should be obvious by now that we are overstretched militarily, and committing to another invasion and occupation (at least before the North Korean situation is resolved) could be foolhardy. Or else we need to call up the National Guard in a big way.

Of the next two targets, Iran is clearly a larger threat to us, even if Syria might equal them in general terror sponsorship. Syria seems to have toned down its activities somewhat since the Iraq invasion, and does not seem to be actively trying to get nukes. Syria is the lesser threat, and while it would be easy in abstract terms to take it out, we simply don't have the available troops, especially for occupation duty.

Iran offers the most possibilities by far. There is an active resistance/revolutionary movement, which we could encourage, supply and support. With some help from us, we could possibly give the Mullahcracy the nudge it needs to go over the cliff into the dustbin of history. The regime seems nervous and unstable, and perhaps some clever psyops and "hearts and minds" type activities could reap great benefits. Targeted strikes on nuclear and other WMD facilities by Air and Special Forces could help contain the WMD threat during the chaos of the collapse. Similar strikes on regime targets could significantly aid the democracy movement in coming to power with less bloodshed. It seems to me that we can gain the most with the least effort by focusing our efforts on Iran.

The end of the Iranian government would make our occupation of Iraq easier, and would of course be of immeasurable benefit for the Iranians. A democratic Iran would create a broad swath of contiguous territory that is all Muslim, and all democratic. This would be a remarkable achievement, and one we should bend all our efforts toward.

[Side notes:] There are situations where I can foresee combat against Syria or North Korea. Both involve stupendous blunders on the part of their respective dictators. If either of these nations decide to tangle with us, they will have their heads on pikes before its over. The cost to us will be significant, but I don't think the outcome is in doubt.

Syria first: if Syria were to be caught with their flies open and their faces hanging out shipping weapons to regime loyalists, or hiding Saddam, or attacking American targets in Iraq, we could see the Fourth ID move westward. We would have the same problems occupying Syria as Iraq, though on a slightly smaller scale, as Syria is a smaller nation. Plus side, less ethnic divisions, end of large-scale support for terror in Israel and Lebanon, another nation freed from brutal dictatorship. Downside, another hundred or so American dead in the fighting, and likely another hundred or so in the occupation. And, a few billion dollars. We'd also have to find troops to replace those moving out of Iraq, and that would likely mean calling up National Guard troops. I think this is a low probability scenario – I think Bashar Assad is clever enough not to stick his willie into the meatgrinder.

North Korea: while I said earlier that there is a very good chance we could induce the collapse of the communist government by cutting off aid - an embargo, there is the chance that the stark raving lunatic nutbags in Pyongyang could say, "Fuck it, we're toast, let's see how many we can take with us!" In this case, we have many advantages that we would not have if we took the offensive. One, we're on the defensive. Moltke the elder back in Prussia commented on the advantages of the strategic offense, tactical defense. Put the North Korean nutters in a tight spot, and if they attack, they have to attack us where we're strong. We and the South Koreans have had decades to prepare for a North Korean invasion. While they could inflict severe damage to the city and residents of Seoul, I seriously doubt that any North Korean tank gets more than twenty miles from the DMZ. Meanwhile, American Air Force, Marine and Naval Aviation make their lives hell. Marines and Special Forces can maneuver behind enemy lines. Amphibious landings. Paradrops. Total mayhem. The complete destruction of the North Korean army. There are over a million men in the NK army. They are equipped with fifties era technology. The South Koreans are almost as well equipped as we are. This is not a serious contest.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1