perfidy

And no, I don't think editorial failings are cause for a federal case, whether perpetrated by AP/UPI/Reuters/whomever. Pfft! We're all human, except for our robotic overlords, who, well aren't, but that's fodder for some later post.

Anyhow, while gnoshing on an exceptionally poorly written AP story about the luzers who killed the Tennessee corrections officer the other day (and no, Cletus, I didn't just forget to insert "allegedly") and then politely declined the favor of extradition from Ohio to Tennessee, I came across several speed bumps.

First, it must suck to be a public defender:

Attorney John Sproat, representing Jennifer Hyatte, said later Friday that the extradition challenge is a precaution he advised her to take because of the severity of the charge.

"I've done this kind of work long enough to know that all kinds of things can happen that you don't expect initially," he said. "I don't think we should be waiving anything."

He said Jennifer Hyatte is holding up well. "Given the severity of the charges, I would say it's more that she's concerned, but I'm not looking at a person who's completely despondent," he said.

All of which is a mistranscription. I'm sure he actually said something more like:

Well, the reason we're fighting extradition is to get her a couple extra weeks of breathing time between now and her inevitable dirt nap. That, and the fact that I've got less experience than Joe Pesci's character in My Cousin Vinnie. How the hell else do you think I got assigned this turd of a case?

I've done this work long enough (just passed my one monthiversary!) to know that all kinds of things can happen that you don't expect initially, like the fact the you have to hang out with a stone-cold killer and pretend to believe her innocence, or, even more amazingly, that the state where she committed the murder might ask to extradite her! Who knew? Oh, and I've also learned the meaning of "waiving", so there's that.

Given the severity of the charges, I'm forced to think she is nearly dehydrated, on heavy drugs, or has the IQ of a skin tag, otherwise she'd be pissing herself pretty much constantly about now.

And then, imagine my horror when I was informed, or apparently so, that not just one, but two guys ("Brothers?", I thought.) had gotten murdered that day:

Jennifer Hyatte, 31, a licensed nurse with no criminal record, is accused of ambushing two prison guards Tuesday as they were leading her husband - a convicted robber - from the Kingston courthouse, fatally shooting guard Wayne "Cotton" Morgan before the couple sped away.
{...}
About an hour away from the courthouse where he was killed, corrections officer Larry "Porky" Morgan, a decorated Vietnam veteran, was buried with full military honors Friday.

What? Wayne "Cotton" Morgan got killed, and so did Larry "Porky" Morgan? Or, worse, did Wayne get killed, but they screwed up and buried his otherwise-perfectly-healthy brother Larry?

Left unanswered, the question of whether "Porky" will now have to quit playing dominoes.

I was tempted to write a letter to the editor, but it occurred to me almost immediately that the editor, like Wayne/Larry "Cotton"/"Porky" Morgan/Morgan (Harris?), played no sentient role in producing the story. And that may be normal in the unfortunately named city of the writer who assisted in creating the miasma of mismatched "Bubba Names":

Associated Press writer Duncan Mansfield in Kingston and Wartburg, Tenn., contributed to this report.

You'd expect a Tennesee feller to be better equipped to sling hillbilly monikers, especially if he's from two cities (18 miles apart, as the buzzard flies, or 43 minutes, if you're driving). Perhaps he got corn-fused during the drive?