perfidy

I don't know why that would bother anyone.

Related.

If you are in a book store and cannot find the book for which you search, you are obviously in the...

While trolling the back waters of the internets for movie poster images, I found this charming compendium. My favorite, I think, is this one:

It's a nice logo, really. Clean, ambiguous, stark, vaguely ominous. Hints of atomic power.

I left my door at 8:30 this morning.  I did not sit down at work until 1:30.  Snow, closed metro stations, shuttle to different Metro station caught in traffic jam, hour long wait for train at new station, plus my normal two hours of travel time.  Nightmare.  The way home was much better, it only took me 3 hours instead of five.

I spent more time getting to and from work than I did working.

On the plus side, my new cubicle is a premium, semi-important person, double-sized cubicle.

Because this bitch is under construction. Most features should be fully functional by sometime on Tuesday. In the meantime, please enjoy this 90% complete webpage, free of charge.

I was looking at the old Suck website yesterday, and even though it's been most of decade since it has been updated, it still looks cool.  How many sites can claim that?

I just got the second highest score, ever, in the world, on the iPhone game Drop7.

602,174 points, bitches. If you have the game you can see it in all it's glory, reveling under the name, "bob" on the global score board.

Also, I got a job. [1. Amon Amarth is the mojo - listened to Tattered Banners and Bloody Flags all the way in, and got the call less than 24 hours later.]

Did you hear about the new Octo Mom Breakfast Special?

14 eggs, no sausage, and the guy at the next table is going to pay for it.

The email read:

Many of you may have used the derogatory term "dickhead" to refer to someone who may deservedly have earned such a title. Others of you may have earned the title for yourselves.

However, it should be noted that though they are seldom sighted, real "dickheads" do exist in the wild, as evidenced by this undercover shot taken at a pool in your neighborhood.

Speaking of lessons, also from an email this morning entitled "Why you shouldn't show off", this YouTube link which, inexplicably, had embedding disabled, elsewise I'd have just embedded it to save you the extra click.

Because I'm a giver.

Score one for the good guys.

Ha ha that title ought to pull in some perv traffic from Google.

But no really, I saw a big snake today. I'm out with the Li'lest Lethal who, while strictly speaking is no longer sick, he can't go back to school until he's 24 hours fever-free. Since he's feeling himself and it's a gorgeous day out, and he's been up since 5 waiting to do something, around 10 I took him to a nearby conservation area a coupla towns over.

Now Johno and Mrs. Johno suffered one portion of that property, a largish hill (elev ~1250 ft) that we made them ascend one hot and stuffy summer day. You might have thought that when we got to the top, where a chill rain was feeding the blustery wind tearing at the bald top of the hill it might have been a little relief from the relentless sun and heat, but no not really. Just cold. And wet. Oh, and I made Johno pull a Radio Flyer about halfway up too, over the rockiest, most jagged bits.

Where was I going with this?

Oh right, I said that next time we'll do a circuit of the pond about a mile away from the hill. It's easy, no surprisingly miserable local weather patterns, and it's all very Thoreau-ly pleasant. Ha. Ha. Ha.

'Cept for the snakes.

To be fair, it didn't try to bite myself or my boy. We were well off the trail, skirting the edge of the pond. We were gently and cautiously squelching our way along the moss and plants where the water just starts to creep up the fairly steep and rocky slope that describes the whole southern end of the pond.

We had already spooked a few big frogs who had hurled themselves into the water with a screeching "meep!" at our approach, but the Lesser Lethal hadn't actually seen them. I wanted him to see some though, so we kept going. It didn't help that, being not yet 3 years old, my boy finds it impossible to stay silent for more than 3 or 4 consecutive seconds.

When there was a burst of motion from the clump of fern immediately to my right; a bit of black lightning shot from it, straight across where I was about to step, and into the water: thrush rush splash.

From what I could see it was black all down its length, roughly 30", and probably no thicker than half my wrist. And that's about all I got from the encounter. Oh, and that it was frigging fast. Made no effort to warn or fight; went straight into escape mode, and apparently safety to this snake means getting in the water.

I'm thinking it was a Black Racer:

or a Black Rat Snake:

[wik] And I think it goes without saying that, had that been a zombie, we'd'a both been dead. Eh, undead. I'm trying to treat it as a lesson learned, but am still feeling like I failed. Gotta be way more alert and aware than that when the zombies come.

The Ministry was seemingly contacted by Bill Murray last fall at a crisis moment.

Expressed as a dream manifestation, the message- a plea for help from Murray- should have come via the Ministry Dreamgate Terminus at Muscle Shoals but appears to have been shunted to the south Asian substation in Karachi for reasons unexplained at this time. There it languished for several seconds before redirection to Byzantium Prime, Domnu-West, and Lytani, and finally going unflitered straight into my cerebral receiver. Had the communication been routed normally through MDT Muscle Shoals, I might have been able to decode, interpret, and react to it properly. As things stand, the misdirection allowed it to become garbled and the message was lost, nested in imagery of golfcarts and college reunions.

A shame, really, because it was the first oppoprtunity to deploy the Ministry's newly-formed Bill Murray High-Energy Reaction/Interdiction Team, formed for just such an emergency.

I've already tasked the Directors of the dreamgates in question to investigate the ethereal messaging in the relevant timeframe. Ministers or minions who have ideas about how this could have happened are asked to comment below.

End communication.

It provides a reminder that might be valuable to see more often than once every three years:

Will I Be 80

I recently turned 65 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him "Do you think I will live to be 80?"

He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."

"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?"

"I said, "No, I usually stay home and keep to myself".

"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

"No, I don't," I said.

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit?

The Onion reports:
Nation's Poorest 1% Now Controls Two-Thirds Of U.S. Soda Can Wealth

Related

Not completely, anyway. In fact, it's not even really a post, but just a "fakeblog". I think I've met this guy, multiple times.

(Onion "autoblog" entry moved to the extended entry, because it apparently fucks up our blog in the worst way)

You Know What's Stupid? Everything I Don't Understand

[wik] (4-Mar-08) Since it would be churlish to have back-to-back fake blog entries, I feel I must tag another Onion item on to this one, if for no reason other than to make it easy for me to locate later:

Biofuels Worse For The Environment

All three fake man-on-the-street comments are winners:

Kirsten Simonon, Tattoo Artist "Just once, why can't one of our poorly considered quick fixes work?" 

Bruce Jones, Systems Analyst "Would it at least offset the amount of time I have to pretend to care about the environment?"

Will Trembeau, Truck Dispatcher "Then where do they suppose we should get this green power? From magic? From the very Sun?"

You Know What's Stupid? Everything I Don't Understand

For far too long I've sat idly by, twiddling my thumbs and respecting the right of others to form thoughts and opinions independent of my own, and...

From the BBC, this story:

Restaurant sorry over F word bill

A restaurant owner has apologised after diners had their very own F word experience - without Gordon Ramsay.

Ten friends found the abusive and sexually-explicit message on their bill at Joe Delucci's Italian restaurant in Bird Street, Lichfield, Staffordshire.

Diner Clare Watkin said she thought it was written after they complained about poor service.
...

If it weren't for the fact that I seldom eat in either Great Britain or Manhattan, and in any event, am always unfailingly polite to anyone in a position to spit in my dinner, I'd have to start paying more attention to my bill.

I'm fakeblogging.

This is from the brilliant webcomic xkcd.

This just in:

Don't honk at old ladies.  

Best headline I've seen in a long time. My personal favorite still remains, though, the Onion's' "Holy Shit! Man Walks on Fucking Moon!" For which there is now a video.