The Fist of the North Central Plains

Buckethead Buckethead

With official and semi-official nicknames like the “Peace Garden State,” “Flickertail State,” and the “Roughrider State” you’d think that North Dakota would be a haven for gays and homersexuals. You would of course be wrong.

  • The Fist of the North Central Plains
  • Really, it’s all badlands
  • Last one to leave, turn out the light.
  • You probably don't want to visit any more than we want to live here.
  • Come for the barren wastes, stay for the extreme temperatures✶Highest Temp 121 degrees on July 6, 1936 at Steele. Lowest Temp -60 degrees on February 15, 1936 at Parshall. 181 degrees in six months, not even counting heat index or wind chill.
  • The OTHER South Dakota
  • By “Roughrider” we refer to a military unit from the Spanish American War, not some sort of gay thing.
  • By “Flickertail” we mean the squirrel, not some sort of perverse East Coast gay thing
  • No, we are not repressed. Why do you ask?
  • We thought adopting Milk as our state drink would make us more exciting and increase tourism
  • Visit us, please. We need the money.
  • Yes, there really is a Fargo
  • Gateway to Manitoba
  • 70,704 square miles of nothing
  • See Below
  • Liberty and Union, Now and Forever, Except with those fuckers in South Dakota
  • The Birthplace of the Macabre
  • The South Dakota of the North
  • Visit North Dakota and double our population!
  • The International Peace Garden is a stalking horse for Canadian Imperialism. You’ll see.
  • No, We're not Part of Canada
  • We’re pretty sure we’re not New Jersey.
  • We really are one of the 50 states!
  • Avoid the urban sprawl, overdevelopment and pollution that is South Dakota
  • We’ll leave the light on for ya
  • Don’t trust those Frenchified South Dakotans
  • There is only one famous person from North Dakota. Fuck if it isn’t Lawrence Welk.

[wik] Bonus slogans!

  • Forty below keeps the riff-raff out
  • It never snows here, but it does in Manitoba and blows through on the way to South Dakota
  • A woman behind every tree. So yeah, about three women.
  • Inga's in the potato field, yah, yah, sure
  • We're the third largest nuclear power in the world, so I'd watch the sugar beet jokes, mister
  • Home of the world famous Mr. Spud disco
  • North Dakota: Come for the...stay for...come...wait, come for the...ssssomething, stay for...OK we got nothing
Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 5

§ 5 Comments

1

Having spent 5 winters there (that's how you tell time, by how many winters you survive) I can add a couple more, and at least a couple of them are real.

* Forty below keeps the riff-raff out.
* It never snows here, but it does in Manitoba and blows through on the way to South Dakota.
* A woman behind every tree.
* Inga's in the potato field, yah, yah, sure.
* We're the third largest nuclear power in the world, so I'd watch the sugar beet jokes, mister.
* "Why not Minot? Freezin's the reason!" It's true, but it still ain't funny.
* Home of the world famous Mr. Spud disco.

Oh lord help me... they're all true.

Ted Ted

3

181 degrees of warming? Yikes. Get Algore on the phone, stat!

(They must have a lot of them fartin' cows up there.)

Patton Patton

5

Buckethead, you are so right. That joke about the state tree being the telephone pole... isn't. Not in the eastern third of the state, anyway.

North Dakota, where every emergency room has courteous, professional staff trained to snap frozen limbs and apendages off cleanly.

Ted Ted

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