OHOWIHATE OHIOSTATE
John Kerry needs help.
To get his Ohio rallies up and rolling, Kerry used a set of jokes to open his events. In Bowling Green, his shtick went something like this:"If you elect me and my running mate, John Edwards, we are going to give you the courageous leadership you need. We'll take the tough positions, the courageous positions, the tough stands. But there's one tough position I will not take: I am not going to choose between the Falcons and the Rockets" -- this is a local reference to the well-known rivalry between Bowling Green University and the University of Toledo.
"I will say this," he added. "There is nothing better than Buckeye football, period!"
Kerry used this set piece several times in Ohio, to great effect, never mind the waffling with the generality of "Buckeye" football. Was he talking Ohio State University specifically? Or just football in the state in general? Only Kerry knows.
But then Kerry dug a huge hole for himself. On Sunday and into Monday, Kerry hit Michigan, where he attempted to use the same Ohio jokes. Clearly, the sports humor has to be taken out of his hands before he really embarrasses himself.
"I just came here from Bowling Green," Kerry told the crowd to subdued applause. "I was smart enough not to pick a choice between the Falcons and the, well, you know, all those other teams out there. I just go for Buckeye football, that's where I'm coming from."
At that point, before all the boos began raining down upon him, Kerry seemed to realize his error. In an attempt to silent the angry crowd of University of Michigan supporters, Kerry said, "But that was while I was in Ohio. I know I'm in the state of Michigan and you got a great big M and a powerhouse of a team." Then his face, presumably, the Botox permitting, turned Big Blue.
Wow. Just wow. Homework, John. Do your homework. And please, please, please make sure you don't give the "hook 'em horns!" when you roll through College Station, Texas. Or, if you wish, by all means do! And follow it up with a good old cry of "Roll, Tide" at a campaign stop in Auburn! And, don'tcha know, potential voters in Philadelphia just love the New York Jets, ya dumbass.
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§ 8 Comments
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I think it's a total riot in
I think it's a total riot in election years, when patricians have to pretend that they're just folksy-folks.
These kinds of mistakes transcend political parties. They're equally hilarious on either side of the aisle.
Why in the hell would anyone
Why in the hell would anyone want go to College Station?
P.S. The American Spectator?
Judging by what I know of you
Judging by what I know of you, you're probably a big A&M fan, aren'tcha, boah?
Yes, the Amurrican Spectator. I follow links and they lead me to some dark and scary places. Based on what I've seen from Girls Gone Wild, College Station is one of those dark and scary places.
Ahem. Yes, it is. And I've
Ahem. Yes, it is. And I've never even seen Girls Gone Wild.
When I was a boy, my dad (PhD
When I was a boy, my dad (PhD from Ohio State) had a research felliwship at UM. I stayed the summer with him in Ann Arbor. When my mom came to pick me up, the three of us went to the UM bookstore. We saw a bumpersticker that said, "OHOWIHATEOHIOSTATE" in maize and blue. So, we bought it, and cut off the "OHOWIHATE" part, stuck it on the back of the car and headed south for Ohio.
We were honked at, flipped off, cursed and reviled, and nearly run off the road by some UM students who were really, really, really incensed by seeing Ohio State written in Michigan colors.
Ah, sports. Where you can hate for no real reason, and its completely socially acceptable. Fantastic!
Btw, Kerry is a complete knob. Do you realize how many Michigan votes he lost there? (Keep it up, John!)
My first year at Ohio State,
My first year at Ohio State, I lived two houses off of High St, right behind the Agora. Little did I know the education in irrational action that awaited:
It was a home game with Michigan that year, and I can't even remember who won with any certainty, but I DO remember the car that was set on fire in the alley simply because it had Michigan plates.
Btw: It's OK to be a knob, as Bill Clinton has proven. It's not OK to be a stiff, priggish knob, who thinks he's a non-knob, as Kerry has proven.
When I lived in Columbus, I
When I lived in Columbus, I saw a guy wearing a Michigan State sweatshirt almost get beat up. He kept yelling, "It's state! Spartans! Leave me alone!" Eventually, cooler heads prevailed and the ravening mob let him go with an admonishment to not remind them of Michigan again.
I'm no great political
I'm no great political operatiive, but seeing as how I have two brain cells to rub together, I can see pretty clearly how painfully Kerry just fucked up. To that, I have just two words: "More please!" ;)
Actually, I'll be fair here - these speeches are designed to be heard once, but the speaker has to deliver it several hundred times, more or less identically. It may turn your brain to paste(it's bad enough hearing it for he second or third time because they want some extra manpower at a few rallies), but it also makes it very, very easy to get into a rythym and almost forget what you're saying, because it becomes like that song you've heard about three billion times on the radio. I'm not surprised that it happens occasionally, and since I'll acknowledge that even Presidential candidates are human, I'm not going to try to rip his head off for it. It was stupid as hell, but these things happen(and wind up in "Stupid Quote" books, of course). But that doesn't make it any less of a happy occurance for Bush backers ;)