perfidy

Nat Hentoff on abortion. The vast majority of those who oppose abortion are religious, and oppose abortion for religious reasons. Here is an exception.

Yesterday, I was perusing the DC Metro Blogmap for the first time in months if not years. I discovered there Dappled Things a local (to me) blog run by Jim Tucker, a Catholic Priest in the Diocese of Arlington. And on that blog, I found this link to a piece in the Post about some canny Swedes attempting to reverse engineer the genius of Stradivarius using computer modeling technology.

"The violin is easy to measure geometrically," said structural engineer Mats Tinnsten in a telephone interview from Mid Sweden University. "Then you can measure how it vibrates, look at the frequencies and other parameters. You excite it with a loudspeaker, knock on it with your knuckles. We can do this as well."

But after that it gets tricky. Violins are made of wood, and no two pieces of wood are exactly alike. Each violin, whether built by Stradivari or Tinnsten, is unique, and the challenge is to sculpt the wood -- delicately shaving the top and the back -- to "optimize" the acoustical qualities. Stradivari, working in a pre-industrial age, did this by ear and hand with unsurpassed consistency and artistry.

Tinnsten said his team can do it, too. "Violin-makers reduce the thickness of the wood with a knife, and do it in different places until they are satisfied," he said. "We use the same method, but in the computer. We take an electronic blank and carve it."

That's a bold claim. But if he pulls it off, he'll be in the long green making a new generation of Strad-level violins.

I also found this little bit of history interesting:

Stradivari, better known by the Latinized version of his name, Stradivarius, learned his trade from the Amati family of Cremona, near Milan. Beginning with the Amatis, continuing with Stradivari and finishing with Giuseppe Guarneri del Gesu, the Cremonese instrument-makers dominated the violin trade from around 1560 to 1750.

Stradivari, who was born in 1644 and died in 1737, was perhaps the most fascinating of the maestri. The Amatis, Sparks said, "knew how to teach violin-making," while Guarneri was a tinkerer and a genius "who made a dozen violins that could outplay any Strad," but he couldn't manage it on a regular basis.

"Stradivari is the most consistent artist, with good sound, good looks and good coloration," Sparks said. "Stradivari could consciously alter an instrument to obtain a desired result. I believe if you knocked on his door today, he could tell you exactly how he did it."

I hadn't realized that there were violins better than a Stradivarius. Of course, my musical knowledge is cursory at best.

I also found a wicked cool video of an octopus killing a shark.

By this time, you are probably wondering, what sort of site is this priest running? Where's all the god stuff? Well, there's plenty, including his sermons. One item that I found interesting was his link to a lengthy (Clueless lengthy) essay on the prospects of reconciliation between the Roman Catholic and Orthodox churches, "Catholic Ecumenism and the Elephant in the Room." As an orthodox type person myself, this is something I've pondered on occasion. The Orthodox and the descendents of the Monophysite churches (the Orthodox refer to them as non-Chalcedonian, because they did not accept the Council of Chalcedon) have decided that after a thousand and a half years, the original schism was really just over semantic issues, and that it was all a big mistake. The idea that the Catholics and the Orthodox could perform a similar miracle, and end a thousand years of separation seemed less likely, though Father Kirby's essay gives me a little more hope.

His idea that viewing the schism as imperfect - as are all human things is clever. Focus on how unity is preserved even in the face of stupidity, stubborness and vindictiveness. (Like the Crusaders sacking Constantinople instead of Muslim terrorists, or the mutual excommunications, etc. ad nauseum.) Nevertheless, despite the very real similarities between your average Catholic and Orthodox, and between the Liturgy and the Mass, there are also very real obstacles.

First, you've got the whole Pope thing. As most Protestants will likely understand, the Orthodox do not go along with the notion of either Papal infallibility or Papal primacy. In the east, there are fourteen "Popes," although there is something like the notion of infallibility - when the Church, speaking as a whole, pronounces on something, that is something like infallibility. An ecumenical council can make statements for the whole church, but there hasn't been one of those for a very, very long time. The idea that one guy can do that is a little odd to anyone who isn't Catholic.

Most of the doctrinal differences could probably be ironed out, or declared semantic issues and ignored. But the biggest problem would be in the human resistance to change. Here in the US, there are at least a dozen administratively independent Orthodox Churches. Washington DC has at least three Orthodox cathedrals - that is, seats of bishops. Which is patently ridiculous, when you consider that these are churches that haven't been riven by schism, and are at least theoretically part of the same church. This situation arose because when immigrants came to this country, they brought their churches with them. The Greeks set up Greek Orthodox churches, and likewise the Russians, Serbians, Macedonians, Syrians, Lebanese, Copts, Ethiopians and who knows who else. Each reported back to the home church in the mother country. So, throughout North America, you have multiple, parallel Orthodox hierarchies. The advent of Communism in Russia split the Russian Orthodox community, adding to the problem. Some areas might only have a couple orthodox churches - maybe a Greek and a Russian. But there are two Russian Orthodox Archbishops in DC, and at least one bishop from every major tentacle of the Orthodox Church as a whole. For an idea of the complexity of the lean and efficient Orthodox machine in the old world where things are simple, check out this brief primer on the Orthodox Hierarchy Orthodox Hierarchy.

If these churches cannot "unite" despite the fact that they are already united, what chance do two churches split for a thousand years have? You could start slow, I imagine, by just saying that the two churches are "in communion" which would mean that I could go to a Catholic church and not get beat up for asking for the Eucharist at the Latin Liturgy. But eventually, real union would stumble over things like, "Hey, there's too damn many bishops in this town. Which ones do we kick to the curb?" In DC, to we fire Theodore Cardinal McCarrick, Archbishop of Washington, the Metropolitan Theodosius, the Greek Orthodox Archbishop Demetrios, or the Antiochian, or the Serbian, and so on.

It'd be nice, but I don't know how likely it would actually be.

[wik] Ran across this little jokelet: "I don’t believe in organized religion; I’m Orthodox."

Ministry Crony Phil has discovered a mysterious timewarp. Unlike the cool timewarps that lead to Imperial Rome, or the battle of Gettysburg or Matahari's boudoir, this one leads to...

A run down mall near your hometown in 1986.

James Lileks thinks this piece should be taught in J-school, and I think so too. An amazingly well written story about, well hell, a down on his luck $300-an-hour children's entertainer in the Washington DC area. Yeah, yeah, you say. Whatever. Bo-ring! Ooh! Seinfeld's on!

Wrong. Just go read the piece. If they ("they") were to make me an offer, my right arm for the ability to write a piece that good, I'd consider it a bargain.

I have been informed, by a reliable source, that it is Blackfive's birthday. I was informed by this reliable source early this morning, and I could have scooped the entire interweb on this important story had I not spent the first six hours of my work day in twenty hours of meetings. Nevertheless, go wish him a happy birthday in a way that means most to bloggers - visit his site, then (if you don't already have one) create a new blog and link him twenty or thirty times.

Then, link me twenty or thirty times for giving you the idea.

I recently had the pleasure of meeting Blackfive, and enjoying with him and two lovely ladies some excellent Malaysian food and about four hundred dollars worth of beer. Blackfive is a standup guy, and I am honored to have met him. So really, go over and say happy birthday.

A thousand and one (or so) free Chuck Norris fun facts here. The Top 30 Norris facts at the originating site are here.

Were the "submit" thingy working, my contribution might be:

"Chuck Norris doesn't need you to submit facts about him. Your women-folk already know everything about him they need to."

Send a message to your future self. Go to FutureMe and send warnings, exhortations, admonitions, or flattery to the you of the future.

Because, "memories are less accurate than emails."

What they really need to develop is PastMe.org, so I can send email to the me of the past. Some timely stock tips, career advice, and warnings of the dangers of psycho hosebeasts from Hell would have come in very handy indeed over the years.

Via J-walk. I had to go be alone for a few minutes to settle down after this one.

From the department of obscure punctuation, we have the interrobang. A single character constructed by superimposing the exclamation point and the question mark, the interrobang was invented in the early sixties, enjoyed a brief, if mild, popularity before sinking inexorably into obscurity.

American Martin K. Speckter concocted the interrobang itself in 1962. As the head of an advertising agency, Speckter believed that ads would look better if advertising copywriters conveyed surprised queries using a single mark.

The deluded hopes of hack writers enamored of !?!?!?! constructions were dashed when this idea failed to gain traction.

From our pal the Maximum Leader, we find this apt Christmastime quiz: Just how evil are you? Without any sort of lying or exaggeration, or gaming the quiz to get the answer I wanted, I discover to my shock (but not surprise) that I am

No doubt some will find this knowledge a confirmation of their warped perceptions of reality.

Ted's got a good joke over at Rocket Jones.

Found this somewhere. I found these tidbits especially useful, and will immediately integrate them into my personal shame and humiliation avoidance program:

Be careful of what you headbutt. Some doors are not as sturdy as they might first look, and it can be hard to estimate your own strength immediately after inhaling nitrous oxide.

You should never put a string of lit Black Cat firecrackers in someone’s back pocket while they’re on stage playing bass guitar with their band. Even if they fucked your knee up by reversing the figure-four on you that one time. And even if you crack up at just the idea of someone with their pants are on fire jumping up and down and spinning around and around like a dog chasing its tail while trying to figure out what’s going on. Yup, someone could get their ass burned, so it’s wrong. Despite the fact that shit is really, really funny.

Sure, she’s good-lookin’. She’s also crazy. Crazy as a shithouse rat. Run for your life.

The bouncer at Mons Venus always knows best. If he says you should stop, then you should stop.

The Renaissance Faire may not be the source of all your problems, but it sure as shit isn’t helping any.

Sadly this piece of wisdom comes too late for me:

Dungeons and Dragons never goes away. Girls will still sense that shit 20 years later.

Me! I'm fascinating and lazy!

Bears are strong and independent creatures who roam in the forest in search of food. Bears are usually gentle, but anger one and be prepared for their full fury! You're big, you won't back down from a fight, you have a bit of a temper -- classic attributes of a bear. Intelligent and resourceful, though lazy at times, you are a fascinating creature of the wild.

You were almost a: Turtle or a Groundhog
You are least like a: Squirrel or a MouseWhat Cute Animal Are You?

Thanks to Princess Cat for linkage to the Cute Animal Quiz.

This gadget may not have the sleek modernistic styling of my earlier request, but just think of the possibilities with this baby: 

If anyone is looking to spend $500 on a worthy cause, I think one of these would make an excellent Christmas gift for, for example, me.

I have been meme tagged by Princess Cat. I am enjoined to reveal my five weirdest habits. This presents a problem for me, given that by some estimations (my wife's, for example) all my habits are weird. By my estimation, none are. How can anything I do be weird. Weird, almost by definition, is what other people do. So, here I will attempt to figure out what my five weirdest habits are.

• Habit the first: I am absent minded, from a long line of absent minded forebears. This has, on occasion, caused me great consternation when I forget to bring along things like wallets, ID badges for work, cell phones, etc. To attempt to forestall this, I have developed a mantra that I must recite every time I leave the house. The Mantra contains everything I might need to survive outside the house. If I am interrupted, I must start the Mantra over or forget something. The Mantra also includes visual effects as I pat various pockets and bags to determine that the named items are in fact on my person.
• Habit the second: I am a fairly particular person. Once I determine the best, or most efficient means of doing something, I will do it that way forevermore. People have often said that I don't try new things. This isn't true – I regularly go through periods of experimentation to determine the optimal solutions to things. Then, I stick with the winner. For example, with spaghetti sauce, the experimentation phase lasted decades until I found the sweet basil marinara flavor. Now I only use that. Other things that have been decided include toothpaste brand and flavor, ketchup, steak sauce, soy sauce, bread, cracker, snack food, pizza toppings, milk, sausage, bacon, soap, shampoo, and many, many others. This creates a bit of a minefield for my wife, as buying the wrong thing can be disastrous. The only things that have not settled down, despite decades of experimentation, are shaving cream and jam.
• Habit the third: I order cheeseburgers plain, even though I will always add ketchup; and enjoy lettuce, tomatoes, and a few other additions. I do this to avoid any chance of mustard being placed on my cheeseburger.
• Habit the fourth: I sleep with a pillow over my head. But not just any pillow. It has to be an old down feather pillow that, through the years, has lost about half its feathers. A partially filled feather pillow still has some heft to it, yet is supremely moldable. It will conform perfectly to the shape of my lumpen head. Among the countless reasons that I hate summer, high in the rankings is the fact that if it is too hot I can't sleep with a pillow on my head due to heat dissipation concerns.
• Habit the fifth: According to my wife, most of my weirdness lies in how I sleep. The aforementioned pillow on the head is only part of the weirdness. I also have a banky. Not in the security blanket sense. I have a blanket that I love, because of its tactile features. It is an old fleece blanket, of the type where one side is smooth, and the other nubbly. In most fleece blankets, the nubbly side is very soft. But if you keep one of these around for a decade, and wash it frequently, then the nubbly side gets a little more, uh, nubbly. Verging on, but not quite getting to scratchy. A surface that is rough and soft at the same time. I love that. And I only have one blanket that has been aged to that sublime perfection. Therefore, it is my banky. The pillow and the banky are the two biggest parts of my sleep temperature regulation scheme. Normal blankets on the lower part of my body, banky around the shoulders, and pillow on the head. If I get too warm, I can stick a toe out from under the lower blankets. Or lift an arm and get a bit of fresh air into the torso region. Or move my head to allow more heat to radiate. Subtle adjustments can keep me perfectly comfortable all night. You may call it weird, I call it comfortable and efficient.

I generally don't ask other people to participate in memes. So if you feel like it, go right ahead and pretend that I asked you.

[wik] Last week, my son was sick with the flu. Desperate for comfort, he asked his mom for Daddy's special banky.

Johno didn't tag me, the bastard, but its been eating away at my brain and so here is my sevens thing, for your edification and (hopefully) amusement:

Seven things to do before I die:

1. Found and operate a bookstore/bar named the "First Federal Bar, Grill and Seminar.
2. Get a novel or non-fiction book published.
3. Jump out of an airplane.
4. Become curmudgeonly.
5. Become the all-being, master of time, space and dimension.
6. Then go to Europe.
7. Walk on the moon.

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Play basketball.
2. Bake Bread.
3. Focus.
4. Remember what I'm supposed to do without a list.
5. Fly.
6. Paint.
7. Sing.

Seven things that attract me to my best friend:

1. I am not so judgmental that I would put one friend above another.
2.  
3.  
4.  
5.  
6.  
7.  

Seven things I say most often:

1. “Just a minute!”
2. “What?”
3. “That's weird” (this is only at work)
4. “No.” (to son)
5. “No.” (to wife)
6. “No!” (to dog)
7. So this one time, at band camp…”

Seven books (or series) I love:

1. The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien
2. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (and part of Time Enough for Love) by R. Heinlein
3. Good Omens by N. Gaiman and T. Pratchett
4. Dune, by F. Herbert
5. The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
6. The Stars My Destination, by A. Bester
7. Leaves of Grass, by W. Whitman

Seven movies I watch over and over again:

1. Incredibles
2. Monsters, Inc.
3. Iron Giant
4. Finding Nemo
5. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
6. Nightmare Before Christmas
7. Some stupid Thomas the Train Engine Movie

Seven movies I would watch over and over again, if my son wasn't watching one of the movies listed above:

1. The Blues Brothers
2. Tombstone
3. Animal House
4. Galaxy Quest
5. Blade Runner
6. Fifth Element
7. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

The Carnival of the Recipes #69 is up, an appetizers bonanza. I also missed last week's edition, which had the theme of spicy foods. It burns, burns, burns, that ring of fire. Check them out!

I'm spending this week working up a version of my usual sourdough with blue cheese and walnuts, based on one in Peter Reinhart's The Bread Baker's Apprentice... I'll surely report on how that went. I also need to work on tweaking my wild-yeast sourdough recipe for flavor and consistency. I need to figure out how to balance acetic and lactic acids better to achieve a more rounded flavor, and I'm thiiiis close to adding some commercial yeast into the final dough build in order to promote a faster rise and a more vigorous oven spring. Since I don't have a half million dollars to blow on a giant professional oven with steam injectors, and the oven I do have is halfway for crap, I guess I am reduced to cheating to produce consistent results that are better than acceptable to the eye and tongue. Also, my starter has been sluggish recently, taking hours and hours to raise feebly even when fed up to full strength vigor. It's probably just the weather, or cosmic rays, or the trilateral commission meddling again, but whatever it is things just ain't hitting it right now. Hence the desparate thoughts of cheating.

Watch this space, because I'm sure that by February I will retract every sentence of the above and reaffirm my loyalty to the wonders and ineffable magic of wild yeasts and bacteria in all their perfection. I'm a caviller. I cavil. And waver. And vacillate. Not to mention hedge, snipe, kvetch, whinge, and bellyache, and dither, scruple, flip-flop and shilly-shally.

NDR tagged me, so here I go. 

Seven things to do before I die

• Own a bakery. Successful bakery.
• Learn to read and speak some form of Chinese.
• Visit China and Mongolia.
• Buy and enjoy the living shit out of a cabin in a remote area of coastal New England or Eastern Canada.
• Have kids and raise them to be impossible.
• Write and publish a book.
• Do a wanderjahr starting in Alsace and proceeding in a giant circle through central and southern Europe, through the Caucasus region into Turkey and the Caspian states, into Asia probably skipping Iran, on through to Afghanistan and Pakistan and back again through the -stans into Russia, Poland, and Germany and finally ending with one gigantic crazy party in Amsterdam. Johno isn't messing around.

Seven things I cannot do

• fix a car
• laundry
• balance a checkbook
• play baseball
• write dialogue
• water ski
• be a salesman for my living

Seven things that attract me to my best friend

• She's fiery and wickedly intelligent and calls me on my bullshit.
• Have you seen her? She's hot!
• Hot, I tell you!
• She is willing to let me do the things that she doesn't understand.
• She appreciates wine, food, books, music and films in different ways than I do, and likes to share her experiences.
• Her loyalty to her friends.
• Our deep mutual appreciation of Neil Young. 

Seven things I say most often

• "Hey, man"
• "Marginally acceptable"
• "I swear to God"
• "That's just how I roll"
• "Does whiskey count as beer?"
• "Fuckin' A!"
• "I could make this."

Seven books (or series) I love

• "The Long Goodbye," Raymond Chandler
• The Lord of the Rings
• "Le Gout du Pain" (A Taste of Bread), Professor Raymond Calvel
• "Maus," Art Spiegelman
• "The Grapes of Wrath," John Steinbeck
• "Lake Wobegon Days," Garrison Keillor
• The "letters" sections of "The Atlantic Monthly," "The Economist," and "Penthouse."

Seven movies I watch over and over again (or would watch over and over if I had the time)

• The Godfather
• Young Frankenstein
• Clerks
• The Big Lebowski
• P.C.U.
• Them there Lord of the Rings movies
• Good Will Hunting

Seven people I want to join in, too 

Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, Happy, Bashful, Grumpy, Sleazy (no really... I'll update this with real people when I have a moment...)