perfidy

I'm hoping for the Cubs to play the Sox in the series. A more angst-ridden, hopeless confrontation could not be imagined. The only question is, which team does one cheer for? I think I shall wish for the Cubs to win, so that Pejman will link us, and to pay back Johno for the OSU cracks.

While the Cubs fans have seemingly adjusted to defeat after almost a hundred years, the Sox fans stubbornly cling to the idea that they can win, despite all the evidence to the contrary. They make Jesuitical contortions coming up with bizarre theories for their haplessness - "It's a curse," or "Buckner was a Yankee double agent" or whatever. I think it will be more interesting to watch Red Sox fans suffer.

Go Cubs!

Those crazy jokers at PETA sent a fax to Roy whatsisface the gay tiger man, y'know, the man in the hospital for near-beheading-by-tiger, which read in part, "neener, neener, neener!"

Actually, it didn't, but almost. From the New York Newsday tabloid-type article:

"Perhaps Friday's frightening incident will make you realize that a brightly lit stage with pounding music and a screaming audience is not the natural habitat for tigers, lions, or any other exotic animals," PETA Vice President Dan Mathews wrote.

"The only natural thing that happened on that stage was that this majestic animal lashed out against a captor who was beating him with a microphone because he wouldn't do a trick," Mathews continued. "No matter how much you say that you love the wild animals whom you have confined continents away from their natural homes, you are still the men who have subjugated their wills and natures to further your own careers."

The pain of letting PETA down hurts Roy worse than his near-fatal neck wounds, I betcha anything.

Regardless of what you might think about the ethics of training animals to perform as Sigfried and Roy do, most reasonable people will agree with me that PETA has chosen to take the crude, wilfully sanctimonious approach to making their point. As usual.

Johno insisted that this be done by today, so here it is:

The governments of the United States and Britain have discovered that the Earth is in peril. A team of British SAS captured a mysterious man in the mountains of Afghanistan, a man who spoke no known languages. After bringing in some linguists and therapeutic semanticians, the Brits discovered that the man believed he came from another dimension, a parallel earth whose history had diverged far in the past. While his story was remarkably detailed and consistent, it was too farfetched for anyone to believe.

Later, an American army unit based in Kazakhstan was engaged in training maneuvers when they discovered a mystery man of their own. After a similar period of confusion and language difficulties, they extracted from their captive a story remarkably similar to the one told to the Brits.

The stories were ominous. The two men were representatives, or scouts for a cross dimensional empire that was planning on invading our Earth. It appeared that this empire was ruled by a descendent of the Great Khan, Ghengis, and that the Mongol propensity for pyramids of human skulls had not atrophied over the centuries. These 21st Century Mongols had already conquered their own and a dozen other worlds. Their technology is unknown, but feared to be equal or greater to our own. And of course, they have some means of traveling between the parallel worlds.

Obviously, no word of this threat could be released, at least not until more knowledge was acquired. Shifting around the kind of prominent people that would of necessity make up recon team for a mission of this importance would clue people in to the fact that something was going on. Happily, both the British and American governments (in the interests of posterity) had been freezing the heads of accomplished citizens since the the development of refrigeration technology in the mid nineteenth century.

In the last several months, an American research team had successfully revived the first of the frozen heads, that of Sid Vicious. Despite the advanced genetic technology that put the mind of the deceased into a brand new youthful body, the revived Mr. Vicious immediately committed suicide. Faced with the greatest threat ever, the decision was made to assemble a team from the deceased, so that the mission could have the greatest chance of success while still remaining utterly secret.
The Team:

Sir William Samuel Stephenson: “The man called Intrepid” Canadian born inventor, ace fighter pilot, businessman, and finally spymaster for the British in WWII. Team Leader

Dr. Richard P. Feynman:Brilliant Physicist, head of theoretical division in the Manhattan Project, with a brain “second only to Einstein” – but more in touch with reality. Science Officer

Nicola Tesla: Serbian-American inventor, arguably the most creative and capable technologist in human history. Technologist

Bruce Lee: The most skilled and fearsome martial artist in human history. Human Weapon

Sir Richard Francis Burton: Spy, soldier, linguist (25 languages!), writer, anthropologist, swordsman, explorer. Intelligence Officer

Amy Elizabeth Thorpe: Spy, babe. Femme Fatale

Thomas Edward Lawrence: “Lawrence of Arabia” scholar, soldier, gifted strategist, writer. Military Advisor

Isaac Asimov: Fantastically prolific and inventive writer of science fiction and just about everything else. Walking Encyclopedia

The team's mission is to enter the alternate worlds controlled by the Mongol Hordes, assess their strength's and capabilities, and above all steal or figure out the technology behind their crosstime gates. The scientific and technological emphasis influenced the choice of Feynman and Tesla, as well as Stephenson. Burton and Lawrence's experience in the middle and far east were thought to increase their chances, especially Burton's linguistic skills. All of the team speaks at least two languages. Thorpe was the most accomplished of the women spies who survived the war (the goverment couldn't freeze the brains when they were in the hands of the Nazis.) Bruce Lee was added to the team because, well, he's frickin' Bruce Lee. 'Nuff said.

The team is supported by two groups: 1) a team of extraordinarily geeky MIT grad students from a variety of disciplines. Their job is to bring the team up to snuff on modern technology and science. Of course, Tesla and Feynman will likely be teaching them within minutes. They will also equip the team with a variety of high tech gizmos that will undoubtedly come in handy. And 2) a team of highly trained SAS and Delta Force commandos who will refresh the weapons training of the team, and train them in the use of an array of lethal devices. (In addition, Stephenson's flight training will be brought up to date, and he will qualify on several types of modern aircraft.)

The team will spend some time getting familiar with each other, and bringing the older members up to date on current events. Burton and Lawrence will be the most out of date, but most of the others died no earlier than the sixties. Then, they will wait for a new gate to open - somewhere in central asia if the intelligence community's guesses are correct - and go through. The special forces group will provide covering fire, if necessary, on the way in but will not accompany the team into the parallel worlds.

[side note] I thought for a bit about superheroes and fictional characters, but superheroes don't interest me as much as they once did. So I decided to go with actual humans. Limiting the time frame and nationality made filling out the last couple slots rather difficult.

If I were going with fictional characters facing a random all-encompassing evil threat, I might choose:

• Aragorn
• Batman
• Jacob Demwa from Brin's Sundiver
• The Gunslinger
• Friday from Heinlein's book
• Kimball Kinnison from the Lensman series
• Obiwan Kenobi - and,
• A motie engineer (with birth control!!)

Thanks for blowing a day for me, Johno!

I see via Tuesday Morning Quarterback Gregg Easterbrook that the Policy Analysis Market is back on track, albeit without any (overt) government funding. Isn't the internet grand?

[Hossein Khomeini:] "Now we have had 25 years of a failed Islamic revolution in Iran, and the people do not want an Islamic regime anymore."

[Christopher Hitchens:] It's not strictly necessary to speak to Hossein Khomeini to appreciate the latter point: Every visitor to Iran confirms it, and a large majority of the Iranians themselves have voted for anti-theocratic candidates. The entrenched and reactionary regime can negate these results up to a certain point; the only question is how long can they do so? Young Khomeini is convinced that the coming upheaval will depend principally on those who once supported his grandfather and have now become disillusioned. I asked him what he would like to see happen, and his reply this time was very terse and did not require any Quranic scriptural authority or explication. The best outcome, he thought, would be a very swift and immediate American invasion of Iran.

It hurt me somewhat to have to tell him that there was scant chance of deliverance coming by this means. He took the news pretty stoically (and I hardly think I was telling him anything he did not know). But I was thinking, wow, this is what happens if you live long enough. You'll hear the ayatollah's grandson saying, not even "Send in the Marines" but "Bring in the 82nd Airborne." I think it was the matter-of-factness of the reply that impressed me the most: He spoke as if talking of the obvious and the uncontroversial.

That reminded me to ask him what he thought of the mullahs' nuclear program. He calmly said that there was no physical force that was stronger than his faith, and thus there was no need for any country to arm itself in this way. No serious or principled Shiite had any fear of his belief being destroyed by any kind of violence. It was not a matter for the state, and the state and religion (he reiterated) ought to be separated—for both their sakes.

From a Christopher Hitchens article in Slate. We live in strange days indeed.

Behold. Then go over there and read the comments. I expect your lists by Tuesday.

As many here know, I'm a longtime fan of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," and have been involved in the online fandom of the show fairly heavily for about four and a half years now. One of the things that always interested me once I started interacting with Buffy fans online is that the fandom cuts across all ages and political affiliations, and that their perception of what made the show good was different in many ways. Since this is a forum where we also have a fairly wide representation of political viewpoints, I'd like to try an experiment, based on a meme I saw on Live Journal, and which I've tweaked a little bit for the purpose. It is loosely based on the plotline of the recent movie The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and involves the following scenario:

You have just been made aware that a villian of considerable power is involved in an enterprise that threatens the very existence of the Earth. You have been granted the power and authority by The Powers That Be (whoever they are) to retain the services of a force of extraordinary beings to face that threat and defeat it. The rules are as follows:

1) You may go anywhere in time or space, in real life or fiction, to find these beings. The only restriction is that beings considered to be actual "gods" or who are otherwise godlike in power and toughness (Galactus, Angels of God, etc) are not going to participate. Superheroes are OK, as are supervillians (but see below as to potential problems there).

2) You can use anywhere from six to eight beings as part of your force. Beings with multiple personalities count as one person, unless the personalities can simultaneously manifest in physical form.

3) With the exception of real life persons, only one being per reality (a fictional "universe" set on planet Earth is one reality) can be recruited. The exception to this would be a pair of beings who were more or less "joined at the hip" as a matter of course (Don Quixote and Sancho Panza, Batman and Robin, etc.). In such a case, you may select both, but they count as two picks.

4) You can choose any point in a being's existence to recruit them from, as long as they were alive at the time. However, his or her personality and memories will be as they were at that time (if you snatch King Fingolfin away during his fatal duel with Morgoth, he's going to be *really* mad at you, and not inclined to help). Furthermore, the being will have all of the weaknesses as well as the strengths that he or she had at that time, and any circumstantial vulnerabilities that they have will become part of your reality (if you recruit the Silver Age Superman who is strong enough to move planets, kryptonite is going to become as common as beach sand, and magic-using criminals will be setting up shop on every street corner). Any major enemies still alive at that point in their existence also exist, and might well show up in the adventure and be a hinderance to your mission.

5. Select at least one male and one female being (more of either are OK). Beings with no gender (or more than one gender) are OK, but not required.

6. If you select beings who have a natural reaction to each other (good, bad, or carnal), you're going to have to deal with it.

Supplementary Rules:

7. You can first obtain the services of a recruiter to help in locating and getting these people to work for you--the same rules apply as above for the limitations and possible drawbacks involved in selecting that recruiter.

8. Who would you think the villian is? What would the nature of the threat they posed be? Assume for these purposes that you are living in the world as it is today, that you are given this task on October 7th, 2003 at noon GMT, and that you have precisely one week to gather your team and brief them.

9. You have an unlimited budget for one single vehicle to transport the team (including capacity to carry smaller vehicles for short range travel), which may use any technology or other power that exists in any of the worlds from which you recruit your team--what is the vehicle, and what are its properties? Again, if there is a known counterforce to whatever you choose, it will exist and you should assume that the villian knows it does and how to use it.

I await your responses with interest (including whatever mockery comes to mind). ;-

Reuters has a mildly strange article on recent comments from Egyptian President Mubarek. That Mubarek would consider Arafat getting the boot a terrorist act is perhaps no surprise. I have to say, though, showing him the door is hardly the moral equivalent of this. The exact nature of the "grave consequences" Mubarak predicted for Israel if they went ahead and removed the Palestinian leader are unclear.

What I found odd was this bit:

Mubarak's comments came in the text of an interview published by the official Middle East News Agency (MENA) to mark the 30th anniversary of the 1973 October War, when Egypt and Syria launched a surprise assault to regain territories lost to Israel in the 1967 Middle East War.

Israel's security cabinet decided in principle last month to "remove" Arafat after declaring him responsible for Islamic militant attacks on Israelis.

What I thought was weird - is it me, or is the '73 Arab-Israeli war generally referred to as the Yom Kippur War? I've heard it referred to as the '73 War, the fourth Arab-Israeli War, but never as the October War. And why was MENA celebrating the thirtieth anniversary of a defeat that led to the peace accords?

The Ministry has reached a milestone! Through the tireless and, indeed, tiresome efforts of its lackies, the Ministry has, as of this date, reached its one thousandth post. Though it has often been arduous going, our unbending will and willingness to sacrifice others for the common good have seen us through. The Ministry would like to thank its loyal, nay, obsequious band of readers for their careful attention to our humble efforts. The Ministry also hurls obloquy, hate, and derision at all those who have failed to recognize the clear signs of greatness that we have deigned to reveal on these pages.

Been reading this blog lately. Lots of excellent material, like this:

Allah forgives you, infidels! Come! Come give Allah a big bear hug!

Many times since he started his glorious blog has Allah been inclined to set Evan Williams and his atrocious, devil-worshipping software on fire. But then he considers the profound joy this would bring to the kufr and he thinks better of it. The cardinal rule of radical Islam in action: Determine what it is that makes the Jew happy--e.g., education, equal treatment for women--then do the opposite. And yes, to anticipate your next question, Allah understands that by this logic Muslims should be wolfing down pork by the plateful. What can Allah tell you except that swine is the exception that proves the rule.

George Will's got an interesting column up.