perfidy

Maryland’s state motto is, and I swear on the altar of the almighty God that I’m not lying, "Fatti Maschii, Parole Femine." More than any other state, Maryland needs mottos. Send your mottos to the office of the Lt. Governor, and I’ll send these.

• A Thinking Man's Delaware
• If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
• If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us
• We've Got DC Surrounded
• Outside The Beltway
• We've got crabs!
• Our streets are paved with trash
• Where politicians and rednecks abound
• The Other Alabama
• If our drugs don't kill you, our crack whores will.
• Say Chowda!
• Come for hicks and snobs, stay for the blighted post industrial landscape
• The Free State, My Ass
• We’ve got Crabs!
• The Ohio of the East
• You’d never know it, but we’re south of the Mason Dixon line
• At least we’re not New Jersey
• We were almost kicked out of the Union
• We’re more than just Cal Ripken. Okay, it’s just Cal Ripken
• It’s not easy, being green
• Proud home of Tom Clancy
• No, my name ain’t Mary
• Bring back the Colts, dammit
• Now we know why Cleveland hated Art Model
• It’s like West Virginia, downtown Philadelphia and Suburban DC, all at once
• Proud home of the NSA. Oh shit, now I have to kill you.
• Kiss my ass, in Maryland
• We’ve got lots of seamen
• We’re still iffy on that whole black thing
• The Chesapeake is now as teeming with life as Lake Erie
• Terps! Terps! Terps! Terps! Terps! Terps! Terps!
• We’ve got crabs!

Just in case you're surrounded by militant hip-hop fans, here is a detailed how-to for surviving a Freestyle Rap Battle. Personally, I'd rather be surrounded by very, very angry laser-wielding giant fighting robots, but your mileage may, uh, vary.

Perhaps the most useful tip in this compendium of useful tips is this:

Warnings

"Spit" as used in the context of this article is a synonym for rapping, not the forcible expulsion of saliva from the mouth. Please do not practice the latter kind of spitting; it does not make you look nearly as cool.

I'll keep that in mind.

Aah, the miracle of modern technology. It makes the cockles of my heart feel all cockly. The geniuses what brought you the P-38 Lightning, the U-2, the SR-71 Blackbird, and the F-117 Nighthawk have come up with another wonder. The Skunk Works has long been renowned in the aviation world for not only its designs - some of the most impressive planes ever to fly - but also the speed at which the Skunk Works could develop them. Back in the late days of WWII, the Skunk Works team developed the first prototype for the P-80 Shooting Star, America's first operational jet fighter, in just 143 days. This feat is even more remarkable when you consider the absence not merely of computers and modeling software; but also even of calculators.

The new wonder is an unmanned vehicle dubbed the polecat. What is remarkable about this craft is not its performance, but rather the means by which it is made. 3D printing, or 3D rapid prototyping, has been around for a little while. A 3D printer shoots finely focused lasers into a vat of plastic or metal powder, and the heat of the lasers causes the plastic to solidify, or the metal to sinter together. This method allows solid shapes to be built up out of layers, without the need for expensive hand-crafting or retooling. This is nifty. But up until now, the objects you pull out of a 3D printer were merely prototypes - objects that were not fully functional but which could be used to test designs. For example, by seeing if all the computer drawn shapeys all fit together.

The Skunk Works has now taken this to a new level. The Polecat UAV is actually constructed largely of parts made by means of 3D fabricators.

"The entire Polecat airframe was constructed using low-cost rapid prototyping materials and methods," says Frank Mauro, director of UAV systems at the Skunk Works. "The big advantage over conventional, large-scale aircraft production programmes is the cost saving in tooling as well as the order-of-magnitude reductions in fabrication and assembly time."

By mixing composite polymers with radar-absorbing metals, it is thought that the aircraft can be built with a certain amount of stealth characteristics already built in.

Here we see the beginning of the future. Much of the objects that we use are identical to thousands if not millions of other objects - production of all the nifty, useful and essential articles that make our lives possible is constrained by the tyranny of the capital cost of expensive capital equipment and the expertise necessary to set it up. Witness:

"This use of rapid prototyping is certainly a revolutionary approach to making an aircraft," says Bill Sweetman, aerospace and technology editor of Jane's International Defence Review. "The classic way is to set up a production line with very heavy-duty fixed metal tools that hold everything in the right place." That is too expensive an approach for the low production runs that reconnaissance UAVs are likely to need, he says.

While the first use of this technology is military, it will have civilian uses. And of course, as clever civilians come up with ever more interesting ways to use that technology, then the military will also benefit.

If someone comes up with a way to print working circuitry with a 3D printer, then you have a general purpose fab. One that could, provided with the necessary feedstock, manufacture essentially any device whose plans are stored in its memory or accessible via google. Think free hardware movement. A lot of the planning that is being done in military acquisition circles is contingent on the idea that moving from idea to production weapon system is a matter of billions of dollars and the better part of decade, and leaves you with balky equipment at a premium price. As this technology takes hold, things will begin to change. By decreasing the design build test cycle, you can move much more rapidly. In the early stages, parts will be made with fabs, and then assembled. We won't be printing whole aircraft. But if a part is faulty, or can be improved, just change the program. There is no need for expensive retooling, and all subsequent versions of the weapon are the new, improved model. By changing the composition of the feedstock, you can change the properties of the product. Tweak the design, and each model is an improvement.

The advent of industrial manufacture changed a lot of things, warfare being one of the most important ones. Moving to a software, information-age style manufacture will have equaly great effects, perhaps even greater than the changes we've seen with the rise of information technology in our media. You could think of it as analogous to the printing press and the factory. The changes are parallel - scribe/printer/blogger and craftsman/factory/fab. Just as we bloggers have the advantages of both earlier modes - fabs will have the advantages of the individualization of the craftsman with the lowered cost of the factory.

Big changes.

[wik] hat tip to blogger and excellent sf author Walter Jon Williams. His book Voice of the Whirlwind is one of my favorites. D'accord.

Once upon a time, in a place far, far away; well, not that far, it was Pittsburgh – Minister Johno’s conscience wrestled with a plate of high test jello shots. The jello shots were triumphant; his wiser self was exiled, bruised and tattered, to a back corner of the room. And the jello shots then had their way with Johno.

Some witnesses to the event claim that I had something responsibility for Johno’s otherwise unaccountable consumption of most of a plate of colorful, solidified alcoholic death. Johno’s testimony can be discounted, he was drunk at the time. And let’s just say that others who may have witnessed the event had axes to grind. I may have suggested – kindly, and with good intentions that maybe Johno (if he was feeling up to it, and not a sissy or anything) would like to have another. I may have done that several times. No more, certainly.

But to paint me in the role of red-clad devil hovering over his shoulder whispering, “Eat the shot Johno! Eat the shot! You know you want to!” well, that’s just going to far.

I relate that story so I can tell you, the reader, about a new product that I think may just bring Johno back from the wilderness of his decade long abstinence from le shots jello.

This product rejoices in the euphonious and not at all suggestive trademark of Suck & Blow. It is, not to put too fine a point on it, a device that enables two people at once to partake of the experience of consuming a jello shot. Is there no end to the ingenuity and resourcefulness of the American entrepreneur? Not yet.

Witness some of the testimonials:

I am a police officer down in Sulphur, LA and I recently hosted a post hurricane Rita party, after things calmed down. I had never heard about Suck & Blow’s, nor had anyone at the party. I only purchased thirty of them, only to find out that it was not nearly enough. The suck & blow’s were a big hit and I plan on making another order soon. Hurricane Rita was a big strain on everybody at our department, but having the Suck & Blow’s at the party helped everyone relax.

We just got back from the Harley Rendezvous in New York State where we met up with some friends from Boston. He had some of your suck and blow jello shots and shared with us. We have had many jello shots before but these were awesome. Everyone was having a blast deciding who was going to suck and who would blow, not to mention how much fun it was to watch the participants! I couldn't wait to come home and check out your website. I will definitely be buying some of these tubes. We'll be taking them to Fall Bike Week in Myrtle Beach this October. Of course I am sure we'll put them to use before then! Thank you!!!!!

Who could not wish to possess a device so confidently touted? The company’s website is a veritable gold mine of jello shot related informational material. There are recipes for making your very own jello shots. Johno, did you know that you can make Jamaica Jiggler Suck & Blow shots, Berry Blue Suck & Blow shots, and even Bloody Mary Suck & Blow shots? I remind you, these names are not meant in any way to be suggestive of sexual situations or innuendo. But certainly, the art and science of a jello shot manufacture has advanced considerably since the days of our youth. How can you resist sucking (or blowing) a Jamaica Jiggler?

The website also provides a useful tutorial in the use of Suck & Blow shots. Not that Johno needs any help in this area.

Step three is uncomfortably close to Steve Martin’s step one in how to be a millionaire and not pay taxes. First, get a million dollars. But for the inventors of this Fun and EXTREMELY interactive, not to mention patented, party-fun enabler - we will cut slack. Happily, Johno has found a partner, once who is tolerant of many of his foibles. I feel confident that she will be an able helpmeet as Johno reclaims his lost passion for sucking and blowing.

SAB Enterprises offers empty tubes that you can fill with your own gelatin. Or, for those who just can’t wait to fill a tube, they offer pre filled, ready to blow tubes in a variety of pleasing flavors. Johno, just ignore the similarity the opened box of blow tubes bears to medical refuse. This should not stand in the way of your mounting the pedestal of champion sucking and blowing that is rightfully yours.

With an invention like this, one its creators lovingly describe as “Great fun for BARS, CLUBS, LARGE PARTIES, or any SOCIAL GATHERING where adults mix and mingle, Suck and Blow is the one shooter that will have your customers and guests coming back for more,” I don’t think it can be long before Johno once again gets back in the saddle, so to speak, and starts sucking and blowing like the world class sucker and blower he knows (in his heart of hearts) that he truly is.

Some states get overlooked in favor of more famous, more interesting states. Thank God that the Ministry is here to prevent that sad fate being visited upon poor, little Maine.

• Shut Up and Eat a Lobster
• Brake for moose. The life you save may be your own.
• For Sale
• Once part of Massachusetts, but we escaped
• You can spit on Canada from here. And we do.
• We have one meeellion people!
• Gateway to the Quebec
• Bangor? I hardly knew her!
• More than just L.L. Bean. Okay, it’s just L.L. Bean
• It's OK. Cujo's been vaccinated
• Not quite as terrifying as Stephen King makes it out to be
• Ya Caihn’t Get Theah From Heah
• The New Jersey of the North
• The Only One Syllable State
• Welcome Old Coots!
• Yar gonna love da idears we got
• No, This Is Not Canada
• The rain in Maine falls mostly on the, oh shit how does that go?
• The Duck Tape State
• The Duck Boot State
• Almost Canada
• Come for the Cheap Lobster. Then Leave.
• Our state is more beautiful then yours
• Our flies can kick your ass, and then eat it.
• Scrub Pine and Deer Flies. Sounds like Heaven
• We’re so creative we named our state song, “The State of Maine Song.”
• The Wooden Toothpick Capital of the World

[wik] Bonus slogans!

• Where Somali Refugees Come to Learn About Winter
• Stop and Say 'Hi' To Our Black Guy!
• Ignore the poverty surrounding your resort. It'll just depress you
• The Lumberjack State
• The Lumberjill State
• Maine: Like a whole 'nother country.
• Why use 3 words when 2 will do?
• We favor a border wall- to keep out Massholes sneaking in from New Hampshire
• Canada? Christ that's as bad as Massachusetts
• Where land is cheap, but you need a helicopter to get to it
• If you're speaking English without a drawl, thank the 20th Maine
• The 'Nice Tooth' State
• Our biggest population center holds fewer people than the Superdome
• Just like Montana, but without the Mormons, survivalists, and white supremacists. Okay, without the Mormons
• Highest incest rates in the country – eat your heart out Kentucky!
• AhYaht, gott a new Muculick today!
• East Machias, America’s gateway to nowhere
• Please don’t feed the unemployed French Canadian Mill workers
• Damn I’m bored!
• Don’t drive like a Mass-hole
• If you're gonna drive this far, you might as well just go to Montreal
• Go west instead and see Chicago

Khaaaan!

Today the Ministry honors the state of Louisiana, which gets negative kudos for being named after a Frenchman - even if he is a King, but good kudos for being the last place the US Army was allowed to kick British ass.

• No one gets eaten at the superdome
• One Big Smelly Swamp With a Party in the Middle
• One Big Smelly Swamp With Lake New Orleans in the Middle
• The "Show Me Your Tits" State
• Only the Second Most Corrupt State in the Union
• Damn those snooty Dutch, with their soooperior levy system.
• We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
• If the Louisiana Purchase Was So Big, How Come We're So Damn small?
• Welcome voodoo worshipers!
• Swim the beautiful Bayou
• Where Food Is Hot And Crosses Burn
• We don't know how, but we managed to lose a major metropolitan area
• Don't feel bad, we can't understand Cajuns either
• Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will never hurt you
• If only we'd paid for an extra two feet of levy...
• Come for the swamp, stay for the swamp
• You know what to do if you want these beads
• Maybe we shouldn't have located a city below sea level
• Gateway to the underworld
• The Big Sleazy
• Proud Home of Johnnie Cochran, Bryant Gumbal and Master P
• Hell, we wish we were New Jersey

The roll of extra solar planets has reached north of 200 in just over a decade. The vast majority of the worlds we have detected circling other suns are Jupiter sized or better, and quite frequently orbiting very close to their primary – often completing a yearly circuit in a matter of days. The preponderance of large, close in worlds is of course an artifact of the means we use to find them – measuring the wobble in the movement of the star caused by the planet. Planets too small, or too far away cannot produce a big enough wobble for us to discern.

The proof that there are extra solar planets was wonderful news for those who hoped that the universe outside our own comfortable backwater might contain life. Even if the planets that we have found so far would be unsuitable for life as we know it, the fact that we were finding planets everywhere we were able to look seemed to indicate that somewhere, conditions would be right for another Earth.

Back in 2002, astronomers determined that there were several Jupiter sized worlds circling the star 55 Cancri, some 41 light years from here. The amazing thing was that all of these worlds were (compared to most of the planets detected previously) far away from the star. As best we can determine, there are four worlds around 55 Cancri. Three are large Gas Giants, and the fourth a solid object, composed of rock or perhaps ice and about the size of Neptune. Since this star is of the same approximate age and composition as our own sun, astronomers immediately said that this could be the home of an earthlike world.

A recent computer simulation has put that speculation on slightly firmer ground. The exercise took four candidate star systems, each with two or more worlds, and placed hypothetical moon sized objects around them for a 100 million simulated years. The simulation for 55 Cancri consistently yielded and Earth sized rocky world smack dab in the middle of the star’s habitable zone.

"Our models show a habitable planet, a planet with mass, temperature and water content similar to Earth's, could have formed," said Rory Barnes, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Arizona…

"Our simulations typically produced one terrestrial planet in the habitable zone of 55 Cancri, with a typical mass of about half an Earth mass," said Sean Raymond, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Colorado who worked on the project while a doctoral student at the University of Washington. "In many of the simulations, these planets accreted a decent amount of water-rich material from farther out in the disk." …

"In terms of the systems we looked at, 55 Cancri has the largest zone between giant planets in which terrestrial planets may form and remain on stable orbits," Raymond said. "So, I think the chance of other planets existing in the system is pretty good, but it's certainly not definitive at the moment."

Other modeling by Raymond has shown that only about 5 percent of the known giant-planet systems are likely to have Earth-like planets. But, he and others have said, there may well be many solar systems similar to our own, in which the giant planets are all on the outskirts, that simply can't be detected yet.

Next thing, clearly, is to build a honking big telescope that can find other planets visually. There have been proposals for a space telescope that would block the light of a star, allowing planets circling it to be detected directly. We need one of those, and then we can get on with the task of finding an alternate home in case the giant robots take over here on Earth.

We've seen the jetpack in Bond flicks, and at the superbowl. We've all wanted one. But this guy has come up with a new improved jetpack. It has four times the endurance of the original, and is far less likely to singe the hairs on the backs of your legs. The downside is that the new model looks a little goofy with all those teeny, tiny jets sticking out to the sides. But hey, you can be superman for four minutes at a time if you have $200,000 handy.

[wik] For those really interested in rocketbelts and jetpacks, there will be a Rocketbelt Convention at the Niagara Aerospace Museum in Niagara Falls, NY on the weekend of September 23-24. The festivities are, perhaps predictably, being hosted by an energy drink sponsor, but will culminate in a fly-off. That should be something to see, though as cool as it may be, it will not be as cool as seeing 100 P-51 Mustangs all at once. Murdoc pointed this one out, and I think the Buckethead clan will have to attend, as this event is being held at Rickenbacker field in Columbus, Ohio. We have lots of relatives in Columbus and late September is conveniently located halfway between Independence Day and Thanksgiving when we always make the trek east.

Today, we move back to the south. Namely, Kentucky, that whole-hearted supporter of the Union during the recent unpleasantness. Behold, we have a briar patch full of new, improved state mottoes for all them hillbillies in 'Ol Kentuck:

• The wrong side of the Ohio River
• Like Tennessee, but more, you know, Northern
• Home of the Evil Lawn Gnomes
• For the last time, Jack does not actually live here
• So many people, so few last names
• Fried Chicken!
• The New Jersey of the Upper Tennessee Valley
• Go ahead and grow weed. We don't care.
• We don't just love horses. We love horses.
• Yes, we realise that bluegrass is'nt really green
• Down in the Briar Patch
• The Eddjakashun State
• Tobacco is so a vegetable
• Come for the Bluegrass -- Stay for the Incest!
• Gateway to Nashville
• Most of us work in Cincinnati
• We've Heard ALL the Hillbilly Jokes, So Don't Even Bother
• Bourbon and horses don't mix. Unless you're into that sort of thing.
• Shallowest gene pool in the Union, except for West Virginia
• Where the women are so fast you have to put a Governor on them
• Yes, we're all related
• Where the grass ain't blue and what? I forget.