perfidy

The mind is a curious and terrible thing. One would think, that in the ordinary run of things, your average Joe would at some point prior to a vast scheduling conflict realize that three very big things are happening more or less at once.

But not your favorite Buckethead. For weeks, I blissfully and uncomprehendingly prepared for:

A) The first annual Milblogger Conference, hosted here in DC.
B) A weekend of watching my son while Mrs. Buckethead enters the studio with DMH to record their second album.
C) Pascha, or as you heathens call it, Easter. Which is only rarely on the same weekend as the more famous Easter.

How I managed to so completely compartmentalize my mind as to remain unaware that I was planning and organizing (at Blackfive's request) a post conference pub crawl and helping the wife assemble the traditional Orthodox Pascha basket for the midnight Easter liturgy – two events that were to occur at more or less the same time, and are almost completely contradictory in purpose – is totally beyond my poor power to comprehend. All while simultaneously willfully ignoring the side effects of the wife being in the studio.

So, my weekend looks like this:

10:00 miss work Friday drive over to the studio, drop off Mrs. Buckethead so she can warble into the microphone for ten hours.
11:00 go to Home depot to pick up a large waterproof tarp to cover the 35 Ford that my Dad left in my driveway weeks ago, because Dad isn't sure the top of the car or the car cover is sufficiently waterproof.
12:00 McD's for my little McChicken Nugget addict.
1:00 Get home, read condescending email from Dad about how irresponsible I am to not have already gotten the waterproof tarp I just got.
2:00 Inexplicably decide that rather than just clean the house and then relax, it would really make more sense to completely disassemble and then reassemble my office, Steve Austin style. Better, faster, stronger. Of course, this completely and near permanently trashes a large portion of the rest of the house.
8:00 Look up from the wartorn wreckage of the den, and realize that I am supposed to be an hour away from that room at this very moment, and I haven't showered yet.
8:02 Showered and ready, leave for studio to pick up Mrs. Buckethead and baby Jocelyn.
8:30 Having made the 40 minute drive in 28 minutes, pick up fam and head back home.
9:15 Drive into DC for the pre-conference drinkfest.
10:00 Commence drinking.
2:30 Last call.
3:00 After cadging a few final beers from admiring waitress, am the last warblogger to leave the bar.
3:30 Very carefully drive home
4:00 Collapse into bed.
7:00 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Dora the explorer.
7:30 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Little Einsteins.
8:00 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Dora the explorer.
8:30 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Little Einsteins.
9:00 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Dora the explorer.
9:30 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Little Einsteins.
10:00 Awoken by Mrs. Buckethead, who wonders, isn't the effing Conference starting?
10:30 Awoken by Mrs. Buckethead, who wants me to change effing diapers.
11:00 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Dora the explorer.
11:30 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Little Einsteins.
12:00 Awoken by Mrs. Buckethead, who gently suggests that I should effing get up.
12:30 Awoken by Mrs. Buckethead, who gently suggests that I should effing get up.
1:00 Awoken by Mrs. Buckethead, who not so gently suggests that I should effing get up.
1:20 Showered and mostly awake, I head downtown, and manage to find the conference center.
2:00 Attend the first (for me) or third (for the conference) session on blogging in theater. Fascinating, and Col. Hunt, famous military commentator is even more like Col. Hunt than you thought possible.
4:30 Princess Cat, in an act of stunning generosity, finds an XXL conference tshirt for an XXL Buckethead frame.
4:35 Finally meet Murdoc, who was too wussy to actually come drinking night before, and offered some lame excuse about driving eleven hours.
4:45 Murdoc and I, reconciled, head south to observe as much of the nation's capital as possible in the 45 minutes remaining before all the tourist crap closes. In the pouring rain.
5:15 Like Chevy Chase at the Grand Canyon in Vacation, we stand on the mall and nod at the Washington Memorial and the Capital building. We couldn't see the Lincoln Memorial, really, because of the rain.
5:30 Through increasing rain, we walk to the Metro, and decide to start the pub crawl early.
6:00 We arrive two hours early for the pub crawl, at Finn MacCool's Irish Publick House and Non-Smoking Establishment.
7:00 Murdoc is clearly feeling uncomfortable filling the awkward silences I leave in the conversation thanks to my inability to focus.
8:00 Three beers later, I am beginning to awake. I am interviewed in the rain by an attractive young lady from the conference. I do not know who she was or what she was associated with. Though it had something to do with veterans.
8:30 Milbloggers begin to arrive as the rain deepens. More beer keeps me awake.
9:00 First message from wife about estimated departure time.
10:00 Fourth message from wife about estimated departure time. I decide in the interest of self preservation to make the painful separation from the festivities, and move closer (at least geographically) to God.
10:30 Arrive at home, shower and put on suit.
10:40 Am now ready for Easter. We leave.
11:35 Arrive at Church. All the effing seats taken. Like that matters, though, if you're Orthodox. If you sit through the service they beat you up at the end for being a puss.
12:00 We make the procession around the church. An inspiring and frankly beautiful tradition that means that there is two and half hours of church left.
2:30 Church ends. Feast begins. We eat sausage, cheese, bread and other comestibles that we did not, well, actually quite get around to, not eating during the Lenten fast. Also, our friends Wine and Vodka!
4:00 Leave Church.
5:00 Collapse in the general direction of bed.
7:00 Wake Mrs. Buckethead so she can go to effing studio.
7:30 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Little Einsteins.
8:00 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Dora the explorer.
8:30 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Little Einsteins.
9:00 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Dora the explorer.
9:30 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Little Einsteins.
10:00 In the interest of self preservation, start cleaning up the mess I made Friday.
12:00 Order pizza just so I can get more diet coke, and wheedle the pizzaman into bringing me cigarettes.
2:30 Awoken by John, who wants to watch effing Little Einsteins.
2:45 Resume cleaning.
8:00 Almost done cleaning.
8:01 Mrs. Buckethead calls to say she won't be back for another couple hours, which means I needn't have hurried.
10:00 Mrs. Buckethead arrives.
10:30 Begin ten hours of sleep.