Police comments
Allegedly taken from patrol car video recordings.
- "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
- "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new, they'll stretch after you wear them a while."
- "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
- "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
- "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
- "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
- "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
- "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
- "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
- "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poo."
- "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
- "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
- "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
- "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
- "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
- "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
via Kenny, my Melbourne, FL correspondent
Posted by
Patton
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Well, officer...
Well, officer...
I'm no expert, but aren't all red lights pretty much the same color?
Yes, I can run faster than 1200 feet per second.
Yes, in that case I do want you to be a fair. Be all fairy for me, officer.
I'll buy you a toaster oven
God doesn't get run through NCIC? Isn't that profiling?
They were 128 ounces each, but it was Budweiser.
In my few run-ins with
In my few run-ins with constabulary I have found that State cops are alot easier to deal with.
Or, more precisely, that they deal with me in an easier fashion than townies. It's all business: this is why I pulled you over, this is the fine, this is the place on the ticket with instructions on how to appeal, have a good day, and we're done.
Invariably with town cops it's all that WITH a lecture to boot. With lots of rhetorical questions for some reason: do you know how many kids walk through here every day?; don't you think you should get a ticket?; etc. MPs split the difference- you're gonna get a ticket, but might be only slightly douche-y about it.
Although it works the other way, too. To date I have avoided, off the top of my head, 3 speeding tickets by town cops and precisely zero (I counted twice) from Staties, including one in TX.
Well, wait- I did outrun a cop in TX one night but to be fair I have no idea if it was a DPS (State) cop or a local; he never got close enough for me to find out.
Where was I? Oh, dodging tickets- yeah I got let off by local cops for the following reasons:
-Was on my way to class; same school cop went to (albeit the non-ticket issuance was prefaced by a rather windy lecture)
-Was wearing Army-issue field jacket (at the time it was the warmest bit of clothing I owned and couldn't afford a real coat); cop actually checked if name tape on jacket matched my license, then let me go
-Was on my way to meet inspectors while buying my house; cop said he was in the middle of buying a house too, that i didn't need any more fees and let me go
-One just didn't feel like bothering with me; I was about 15mph over the limit when cruiser came over the hill opposite; he flashed his roof lights at me as we appraoched- as we passed he shook his finger at me but didn't turn around.
Dumb luck? Possibly. I like to think each had more to do with my limitless fucking charm, but am always quick to recognize the role of fortune in all things.
Come to think of it, I'm not sure how many total tickets I've ever gotten so I can't figure an average dodge factor. Gotta be half decent though.
I was visiting my parents in
I was visiting my parents in my old MA hometown a few years ago. Driving with my sister, I was pulled over pulled over for speeding. Up walks a guy I used to ride the school bus with. I break down laughing at the very idea of him being a cop. He laughs and sends me on my way. Much like the scene in "Garden State."
The Staties and locals here in the Garden State like to pull people over for speeding then write a ticket for something else that does not involve points. I once received a fine for obstructing my windshield with an air freshener. This makes people more likely to pay the fine without showing up in court to fight the points.