Grammatical Animadversion
Those who know me well know that I'm fairly flexible on matters of language. Go ahead, say "ain't" or write a double negative. I don't care all that much unless the context calls for precision. Coin a word! I do it all the time! (I'm personally very proud of "libervasion," as in "Five years in, the libervasion of Iraq has yet to draw to a favorable close for the USA.")
But what really burns my bacon is people who consistently fail to realize that two homophones are different. Case in point: Marshal, and Marshall. One denotes a person of high or ultimate rank in an organization, like Field Marshal or Fire Marshal. The other is a proper given name, like Marshall Mathers or Marshall Fauk. When everyone from high-school dropouts to tenured faculty, plus the guys who enter the scrolling headlines on major news networks, consistently write "Fire Marshal" as "Fire Marshall" I go a little nuts inside and wonder which Marshall it is who has fucked up so badly that his ass needs to be fired on the afternoon news.
That is all.
[wik] (Now, if was "Fire Alberto" or "Fire The Stoner Who Took Two Hours To Deliver One Freaking Mushroom Pizza Light On The Mozzarella To My House And Couldn't Even Put Together A Better Response Than To Cut His Reddened Eyes Away From Me And Mutter "Sorry If It's Late" ("Sorry If It's Late?" You Disingenuous Tool? We Both Know You Were Somewhere Doing Bong Hits, That's Fine, Just Don't Pretend You Don't Know What Goddamn Time It Is When A Stone Cold Pizza Arrives At My House In A Cloud Of Resinous Smoke)" then I'd understand. But Fire Marshall? That poor bastard was just doing his job.)
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Overheard at the drivethrough
Overheard at the drivethrough at the Dunkin' Donuts near where I used to work:
"Maan I gotta stop comin in to work stoned"
As for the grammar bit, for
As for the grammar bit, for me it's fucky plurals.
I don't care if your dictionary says it's acceptable; "aircrafts" sounds so wrong I...I...well, I die a little inside every time I hear it.
And I told you about the time in Atlanta, at the airport, when the man on the intercom was announcing something about passengers' "luggages"-and more than once- I almost had a stroke on the spot.
Well, plurals and-although this is not strictly a grammar problem- putting the suffix "-gate" after any unpleasant political shenanigans.
If anyone reading this does that, for the love of G-d, Gaia, or the Dark Ones, please knock it the fuck off. English speaking humans everywhere will thank you.
Grammargate?
Grammargate?
Or, just to add in a guy who
Or, just to add in a guy who didn't occur to you, Marshall">http://www.nfl.com/players/playerpage/1109]Marshall Faulk.
As to airport mis-pronounce-iations, there's a line I always hear from the stewardesses about my using electronic gear after take-off or before landing. First time I heard it, it struck me as gutter english, and I presumed the stew was freelancing it. Turns out, there's apparently a standard way of making that announcement, used by all of the airlines I fly.
What is that announcement? Good question - some bastard form of a mispluralization. I've heard it so many times, and been bugged thereby, that the part of my brain where it's stored has apparently developed a skip. And I've gotten a twitch, just thinking about it.
MP:
MP:
Not to be confused with Marshal Foch, commander of Allied armies at the end of WW1.
Buckethead: You did that on purpose, you fuck.
Everybody: Even as a kid things like this plagued me. Take the movie "Gremlins", and the instructions that they not be fed "after midnight". Since it's *always* after midnight, that bit always confused me.
So it's my fault if you get little reptoids in your swimming pool or cabinets.
Or the Marshalll Fuck, who
Or the Marshalll Fuck, who intentionally use bad grammars to annoy a righteous.
You're killing me. Killing
You're killing me. Killing me dead.
Although it's usually a good thing when someone can marshal a fuck. But a martial fuck can be bad. Not to be confused with marital fucking- whole other thing.
An old boyfriend from Korea
An old boyfriend from Korea used to say 'fishes' as a plural noun, which I thought was cute. But grammatically it drove me bonkers since it went from a noun to a verb. *sigh*
Homophones make me crazy as do things like made up words like 'irregardless'. It's 'regardless'. Quit adding syllables to make yourself sound smart. grrr.