perfidy

Die!

By My Hand!

I Creep Across the Land!

Killing Firstborn Man!

*duggaDUGduggaDUN-DAH* I'm Creeping De-eath!

... and so on. But for reals. A group of UK adventurers are currently in the Gobi desert in search of... no shit... the Mongolian Death Worm.

Known to the locals as Allghoi khorkhoi (Mongolian for intestine worm due to its resemblance to a length of cow’s stomach), the blood red creature is much feared.

Three to five feet long, the Death Worm is said to lurk beneath the sands, emerging only at certain times of the year to spread fear among the desert dwellers. The nomads insist that the beast can spit a corrosive yellow saliva that acts like acid and that they can generate blasts of electricity powerful enough to kill a full grown camel.... Expedition leader, cryptozoologist Richard Freeman thinks it’s death dealing powers are apocryphal. . . .

What kind of animal is the Death Worm? Freeman has a theory. “I don’t think that it’s a worm at all. True worms need moisture. I think it is a limbless, burrowing reptile, probably a giant member of a group of reptiles known as amphisbaenas or worm lizards. These are a primitive group of poorly studied animals. They are not snakes or lizards but are related to both .I think the Death Worm is a giant member of this group.”

The team plans not only to catch the creatures but bring them back to England alive! They intend to force the Death Worms up from their burrows by damming local streams and flooding small areas of the desert.

It's times like these when I realize that I have made certain wrong decisions in life. Although it's a good life, with a roof, a wife, and this nifty striped tie I'm wearing, well... something is definitely missing. Here I sit in a nice beige office block while a team of Brits and their Mongolian guides streak across the high desert in Land Cruisers in search of a fearsome and deadly creature of legend.

However, it turns out I am lucky in one way. The expedition is sponsored by the

Exeter based Centre for Fortean Zoology, the world’s only full time, scientific organization, dedicated to the study of mystery animals. Past expeditions have included hunts for the Chupacabra, a blood drinking, nocturnal beast from Puerto Rico, the Naga, a 60 foot crested serpent in the jungles and caves of Thailand, and Orang-pendek, an ape man in the unexplored valleys of Sumatra.

I did some digging into the Ministry's archives, and I found out something ve-ry interesting. It seems that the Ministry played a hand in founding the Centre, with funds made available by the liquidation of our Kandahar branch office in the early 1990s (yes... it is vital the Ministry retain a presence in such troubled places to monitor the activities of evildoers, but it's amazing what a few unsuspected Stinger missiles in the hands of fanatics will do to a modest office flat, okay? Lesson learned, moving on.). Given that we have graciously allowed the British Government stewardship of the organization during the CFZ's search for the Chupacabra and the Naga, we respectfully request that any live specimens of Mongolian Death Worms be delivered forthwith to the Ministry Bunker and Castratorium. We need a little something for our moat.

[wik] I might also add... Shai-Hulud!!