perfidy

You would think that, being unemployed, I would have lots of time to devote to blogging. Clearly, you are wrong. Why, you may ask, if I'm not working and not posting, what the Sam Hell am I doing?

Well, scouring the internets for job leads is surprisingly time consuming. So, also, is leaving voicemails for stealth recruiters. And you can spend simply hours and hours trying to find out who the hiring managers are at a large corportation.

And of course, the little Bucketheads demand attention. And need it from me since Mrs. Buckethead is trying to take up the slack, work-wise. And then there's the occasional freelance gig. Throw some seasonal affective disorder into the mix. And best of all, five repeat performances of the most annoying cold I have ever known.

What I'd like to share with you, though, is one of the amusing modern side-effects of conducting a job search. Hidden amidst the emails from Indian recruiters, there was this. Check out the prose stylings:

Dear Buckethead,

You have now received this letter because of the fact that your career profile and personal job-searching information on the recruiting resouces are suitable for our enterprise. Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is looking forward to start the mutually profitable co-operation with an efficient, diligent and reliable figure.

That is why, we would wish to see you a member of our labour collective.

Let us give you some details about PE Inc. Our company is specializing in worldwide escrow performing services. We have been conducting this business for 3 years already, and have achieved great prosperity. Since our activities are international, the clients, we are co-operating with, live in more than 20 countries all over the world (the USA, Canada, Western and Eastern Europe). Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is headquartered in Warsau, but on the US territory, there are a number of subdivisions. As the number of our customers is increasing actively, more prosperous personnel must be hired. If you are interested in apply for a well-paid, secured and fascinating job with the long-term career prospects, flexible schedule and a variety of perks and bonuses, PE Inc. would like you to join the team.

You can find more detailed information about the positions available and read through the company's bio at your earliest convenience. Our support team is ready you to provide you all the nessesary instructions and assistance.

If you want to intiate our business relations immediately or apply for help, please, put in the application mail to us.

The followings are the thorough information to get in contact with us:

- telephone: +1 (845) 704-7542
- fax: +1 (845) 519-1486
- e-mail: douglas.peinc@gmail.com

Our vacant positions are ready to be taken by any resourceful and ambitious person like you.

Best Regards,
PE Inc.

I think I'd feel more comfortable if I knew that aliens wrote that message. Anal probing might be more congenial than being assimilated into the PE Inc labor collective. The gmail account is a sure sign of a prosperous company that I would just die to work for. But, on the plus side, I just resource and ambitious people like me purely love to take vacant positions.

This email hovers right on the edge of self-mockery. It is awkward, but yet comprehensible still. A few changes, and it would be as good as some of the best Nigerian scams. Like perhaps:

Progressive-Escrow Incorporated is being headquartered in Warsau, but on the US territory. There is a great number of subdivisions. As the number of our customers does increasing vigorously, more numinous personnel must in fact hire. If you are interested in apply for a large-paid, secured and fascinating title with the long-term career prospecting, flexible schedule, a variety of perks and bonuses, PE Inc. would like you to join with you.

I think I'll tell them to give me $50 bucks for a complete rewrite.