The four most unsettling words I've ever heard

"I heard the heartbeat."

Yep, my forthcoming son and/or daughter is now, inelecutably, fo' rizzle fo' shizzle. Hell yeah!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 7

§ 7 Comments

1

B- we got the CDs, and even now in the twelfth week the missus is starting to school herself in the ways of hyp-mo-birf.

This is quite an adventure, as all three of you commenters know. Guess I better stock up on children's reading.... hornbooks, Tacitus, Thucydides, "Principles of Guided Missile Design," Cormack McCarthy...

2

J,
I'm 35, and I wasn't really mature enough to deal with Cormac McCarthy. Tacitus, Thucydides, even Caesar himself- who better to instruct in the ways of dominating his preschool class than after perusing the L'il Reader edition of "The Conquest of Gaul"- all will come in time. After all, they've lasted this long.

What I do sometimes with books is what I do with music. I inject certain...adult themes into the flow of the narrative. What makes Thomas the Tank Engine smile? Don't even ask. The Wind in the Willows? A fever dream of the hydroencephalitic Toad.

Although that window is closing fast; he will start speaking to express himself pretty quick, and I'd hate for his first verbal expressions beyond "mama" and "dada" as, I dunno, "take it in the coal chute, Thomas" or some such.

3

That's tremendous, bro.

And unsettling, I agree.

Not an abstraction anymore, something that will happen someday like a storm or a rainbow or selling your house or losing that last 10 pounds.

Nope, a real actual living thing that you are at least 50% responsible for.

4

Fo shizzle, my nizzle, indeed.

I hope you don't get subjected to all the stupid bullshit from nurses and wife's girlfriends that I got between time of conception and birth.

I also hope that it's either a boy or a girl, because, really, either is just super.

5

Fantastic, J, now you can be not merely crazy uncle Johno, but crazy daddy. I am so happy for you I... I... just might post something.

I will remind Mrs. B to send the cds we discussed at Festung Fest.

6

I'm glad to hear that things are continuing to progress in a satisfactory manner. Johno, do your old buddy Kate a favor and tell that kid to knock it off with the nausea and weird cravings. Goodwyfe has shit to do, you know.

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