And then Sledge Hammer said, "Trust me. I know what I'm doing."
How to clean up a hopelessly corrupt Congress, one suffering from a surfeit of greed and venality and plagued by scandal after scandal after scandal such that the actual business of governing is pushed aside?
Who, indeed, could have the probity and experience necessary to cut earmark spending, clean up messy ethical violations, and return Congress to honor and dignity?
What could you possibly do to ensure that the stink of corruption, the taint of self-interest, is washed away for good?
Well, you sure as shit stinks don't put a g-d d-mn Ohio Republican in charge.
You have to be kidding me. John Boehner?
Boner?
A croneyfied, Hammer-huggin', earmark-lovin', backslappin', pork poundin', backstabbin' representative from the most bumbling party in the second most bumbling state (hello, Florida!) in the union? That's your reformer? Meet the new boss, same as the old boss, indeed.
Any way we can ask Parliament nicely if they'll have us back?
[wik] I mean, okay. The guy is better than Blunt, by a country mile. And I know we get the government we deserve, we being the kind of country we are, but by the Flying Spaghetti Monster's noodly appendage what did we do to deserve all this?!?
[alsø wik] Does anybody else remember the long-gone lamented series "Sledge Hammer"? 'Cos I recently had opportunity to watch a few episodes on DVD, and I gotta tell you, it's still funny.
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§ 9 Comments
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He certainly is better than
He certainly is better than Blunt, who even looks like DeLay.
But in asking for a return to a Congress with "honor and dignity" you ask the impossible, not least because it never in its history had honor and dignity. The most we can hope for is a relatively small amount of corrution, and a less than usual amount fo grandstanding, idiocy, and vanity.
Okay... replace with "the
Okay... replace with "the shoddy semblance of honor and dignity that has passed for honor and dignity in that august body since the first time John Adams threw a gavel at Elbridge Gerry."
Or something to that effect.
I propose congressman deathmatches. You fight to the death to get the bills you want passed, passed.
Betcha government'd get a lot smaller real fast, then.
I'd be willing to pay more in
I'd be willing to pay more in taxes for a death match, that's for sure. But only if it's caged, and only if they have big clubs with spikes on the end.
Did either of you, or our
Did either of you, or our other ten readers, read The Dosadi Experiment by Frank Herbert? Thanks to the Puissance of that Dune book, this other great book - one any sf writer would have considered a masterwork - is sadly ignored. Anyways, there is in that book an alien judicial system that involves the very real possibility of lethal violence for anyone involved in a trial. Jury, judge, prosecutors, defenders, even the audience. And, of course, the defendent. The whole point is to remove law - and so if you are proven innocent, you walk out of the courtroom to be killed by the mob. Guilty means you are punished, but live.
Fascinating.
J:
J:
Just home from a trip and late to the party, but I've got to take issue with your characterization of Boehner.
He's not the same as DeLay, because he's not as much of a shameless fixer as DeLay. But he's still enough of one to cause problems going forward, which was, I think, your point.
Here's a simple, probably unworkable suggested solution: No more earmarks of any kind. Fuck the current proposal by Flake, McCain, et al that earmarks have to go before the full Senate. Stop all earmarks dead. Daid, daid, daid!
Earmarks are, quite honestly, the Congress's alternative to deathmatches. They're a gutless and pussified way to let the Congresscritters scratch each others' backs, and I'd prefer that they either agree as a group on what should be allocated where, and why -or- that they should scratch each others' eyes out in the process.
This gentlemanly bullshit of most of our past, but particularly the last 15 or 20 years, is a fiction in which the Congressmen get to walk around acting like it's their money. It is most definitively the NOT their fucking money, and I'd prefer gridlock to the stupidity inherent in the present process, with the attendant lobbyists simul-sucking on the teats of their clients and the rest of us, all at the same time.
As an alternative, however, I'd be happy to support the "third testicle of Congress", or whatever the proper name was for B's proposal from last year on the matter. Really. It can't be any worse than the self-corrupting system we've already got.
"He’s not the same as DeLay,
"He’s not the same as DeLay, because he’s not as much of a shameless fixer as DeLay. But he’s still enough of one to cause problems going forward, which was, I think, your point."
Patton, that's correct. Though, since this is a weblog on the inter-nets, I couched my reasonable point in hype and bullshit.
By the way, "simul-sucking" is a masterful neologism. Run with that!
Perfidious neologisms to date:
"libervasion"
"simul-sucking"
"The Non-Fuckwytte Party"
More, people! More!!
Term Limits for Everyone!
1. Term Limits for Everyone! Amend the Constitution to limit members of Congress. Imagine no Kennedy, Byrd, McCain, Kerry, Biden, etc...
What a wonderful world it would be.
2. Limit the number days Congress actually meets to prevent them from “accomplishing” too much.
If that doesn't work, we can resort to Robert Heinlein solutions.
Of course, we could, instead
Of course, we could, instead of electing metaphorical donkeys and elephants elect actual donkeys and elephants. It would certainly make CSPAN more interesting, though you'd have to remodel the capital building to get the Elephants in.
"Sledge Hammer" and "Max
"Sledge Hammer" and "Max Headroom" -- two classic TV favorites from my misbegotten youth....severly underappreciated by the masses....