perfidy

I know that at least two of my cobloggers are big gun guys, Second Amendment sisters bound together by a common love of self-defense and the smell of cordite.

But if you ever -- ever think of taking matters this far, know that you have departed into some gun-nut cloudcuckooland forever and are dead to me.

My wife and I have taken the plunge and are planning to spend a full week at Forest Hills Nudist Resort this summer. We've been to nudist camps twice before, but never overnight. Since these previous trips were to beaches, my concealed carry technique for those situations was to keep my Makarov in a Ziploc bag inside our cooler. This summer's trip, however will include volleyball, pot-luck dinners, and dances. My cooler can't be within arm's reach in those situations. I need some advice. I've become so used to my CCW, I can't imagine being unarmed. Here are my options, as I see them:

1) Go unarmed, because nudists are generally real nice folks.

2) Carry around a leather satchel or man-purse. With a shoulder strap, of course.

3) This one's kind of hard to explain. My wife and I are into a rather unusual type of entertainment, and I've discovered that normal duct tape adheres very well to human skin. You should also know that I'm quite overweight, bordering on obese. In a flash of revelation one fine morning, I realized that one of the advantages of being rotund is that I'm able to conceal a NAA mini-revolver between the two largest rolls of my belly. A bit of duct tape holds it in place. Its completely invisible when I'm standing or sitting upright. It does show a bit when I recline or lie down, however.

Other than those three choices, I'm stumped. Any suggestions?

I say the guy should hide his gun in his fat rolls, because those other options are silly. You never know when you will have to use lethal force against a naked assailant, and a man-purse is always kind of fruity.