perfidy

A third of that? And was that before or after you started eating like a rabbit?

Because, let's be honest - benching what I presume to be about 125% of your body weight is harder if you don't eat much meat, isn't it?

I am relieved that Johno's efforts to become superman are being outpaced by my gluttony. My weight is growing faster than his strength, so I don't have to worry about bean eater boy pushing me around and taking my lunch money.

I tell you though, I can eat a sensible breakfast and dinner, but there are too damn many tasty buffet style lunch places within yards of my office to make it easy to control your weight. Especially wince IT work is not exactly strenuous.

J,
Pounds, baby! Pounds!

That's great news, especially after your bout of ague earlier this year. You've rebounded, re-focused, and, in the immortal words of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, been "born again hard!"

I couldn't bench 200 ell-bees if my life depended on it.

Can I count on you to, you know, help me out with bulllies?

P, actually, I've eaten like a "rabbit" as you so picturesquely put it, for more than a decade now. But let's be clear. I'm not a strict vegetarian so much out of moral concerns (in fact I like my bimonthly steak to be an "event" and as such prefer to know exactly where the meat came from, e.g. that field right there), but out of cheap bastardy, aesthetic concerns (e.g. a distaste for factory-farmed meat which, though it is a blessing in some ways, isn't the best option for eating well and *ugh* besides, so I guess there is a moral dimension to my aversion tho' it's not primary) and for love of my strict-veg wife.

Although I do eat a turkey sandwich a few times a week to get extra protein, I doubt that will be necessary once my winter lunch diet of beans and rice and greens and beans and rice and greens kicks in. I eat a lot of tofu (as Hank Hill once said, "I'd rather die with a burger in my colon than eat tu-fo") and cheese in addition to the bean/rice combo, so nutritionally speaking I get more than enough protein to support all but the most rigorous training regimen.

During the winter I intend to get up to 500 pushups/60 pullups/10 miles per week, and to do that I'll probably just hit the soy harder. It's the cheapest alternative, gram for gram.

Also, eating this way has encouraged me to learn new food vocabularies; most of the stuff I cook at home during the week is Mediterranean or Asian in derivation; beyond Italian there's Arab eggplant and chickpea dishes, Afghani cuisine, Indian and Pakistani recipes, and your basic Thai curries and Chinese stirfries with authentic ingredients from the local farmer's markets and yuppie shops. It's amazing how cheap produce can be.

Fact: Johno loves to eat.

GL, I would love to help you out with bullies but for two things.

First, I'm really small. The guys around the office are always surprised at the gym when they see me lifting because I don't look all hawd n shit just walking around. So, no intimidation factor at all.

Second, I never really learned how to fight. I mean, in elementary school I was in dozens if not hundreds of fights, but they typically ended in me learning how to, um, take a punch or with me, finally provoked to fury, jumping on someone's back and pummeling them ineffectively. (Keep in mind, I was eight at the time.) Although there were a couple better ones in high school, my tactics mainly amounted to block! block! hit'em with the 50-lb book bag!, a strategery which proved ineffectual as it is transportable to other situations.

Ok, so I'm a lot older and smarter now, and I have spent a little time on the heavy bag learning how to throw a punch, so I figure I can rise above my dorky slap-fighting roots. Also, when I'm angry I've got what the Japanese call "the crazy," so I will gladly back you up in a fight and maybe even not be a liability. Just don't expect me to get you out of having to fight in the first place. Buckethead's much, much bigger than me and that scar on his nose is a good piece of theater.

Sadly, that scar on my nose was the result of a losing fight with a glass door, rather than some hooligan in sore need of thumpin'. Like many people of size that I know, I never got in many fights just because I was tall. People tend not to mess with folks as are bigger than them. And I am bigger (according to health department statistics) than over 99% of the population at 6'4".

So while I might be helpful in preventing a fight do to bulk and the scar vrom der duels at Heidelberg ja; I might not be much more effective than Johno the iron-pumper. Although a couple friends who have developed vast skills at hurting people have told me a couple things that might help in a violent encounter. But I won't know until I try...

Oh, and Johno:

Eat Steak

Eat steak, eat steak eat a big ol' steer
Eat steak, eat steak do we have one here?
Eat beef, eat beef it's a mighty good food
It's a grade A meal when I'm in the mood.

Cowpokes'll come from a near and far
When you throw a few rib-eyes on the fire
Roberto Duran ate two before a fight
'Cause it gives a mighty man a lot of mighty might

Eat steak, eat steak eat a big ol' steer
Eat steak, eat steak do we have one here?
Eat beef, eat beef it's a mighty good food
It's a grade A meal when I'm in the mood.

Eat meat, eat meat, filet mignon
Eat meat, eat meat, eat it all day long
Eat a few T-bones till you get your fill
Eat a New York cut, hot off the grill

Eat steak, eat steak eat a big ol' steer
Eat steak, eat steak do we have one here?
Eat beef, eat beef it's a mighty good food
It's a grade A meal when I'm in the mood.

Eat a cow, eat a cow 'cause it's good for you
Eat a cow, eat a cow it's the thing that goes "Mooooo"

Look at all the cows in the slaughterhouse yard
Gotta hit'em in the head, gotta hit'em real hard
First you gotta clean'em then the butcher cuts'em up
Throws it on a scale, puts an eyeball in a cup

Saw a big Bremen Steer standing right over there
So I rustled up a fire cooked him medium rare
Bar-B-Q'ed his brisket, and I roasted his rump
Fed my dog that ol' Brangus Steer's hump

Eat steak, eat steak eat a big ol' steer
Eat steak, eat steak do we have one here?
Eat beef, eat beef it's a mighty good food
It's a grade A meal when I'm in the mood.