Why it's both! A joke AND a study guide!
Ebonics, recognized as a distinct language by Oakland officials in the '90s, is getting new life in San Bernardino. Educators there are recommending that Ebonics be present in its schools' curricula.
District officials are aiming down two paths: one includes Ebonics in supplemental reading guides; the other treats Ebonics speakers as ESL students. The attitude is that either can only improve those students' academic showing. Judging by the stats in the article, it certainly can't do worse for them.
Not quite willing to roll up my sleeves and wade into a thick, charged discussion of the racial politics and societal chasms afoot in a decision like that, I'd rather go to Gizoogle and imagine the Norton Anthology for OGs. Will Gizoogle continue to be for funnies, or get a new career a serious study guide?
"The bustin' of tha third day dawned fizzle n fresh...Ho, ho! fizzy all yo furthest bounds, pizzy ye now in, ye bold billows of mah whole foregone life, n top this one piled comba of mah death n shit! Towards thee I rizzoll, tizzle pimpin' but unconquer'n whale; ta tha last I grapple wit thee; frizzom hell's heart I stab at thee; fo` hate's sakes I spiznit mah last breath at thee if you gots a paper stack. Sizzay all coffins n all hearses ta one common pool! n since neitha can be mine, let me thizzay tow ta pieces, while stizzill chas'n thee, though tied ta thee, thou damned whale so you betta run and grab yo glock! Thizzay I give up tha spear!"
And while we're at it:
To be, or not ta be- that is tha question:
Whetha 'tis nobla in tha mind ta motherfucka
The chillin' n arrows of outrageous fortune
Or ta takes arms against a sea of troubles,
And by mackin' end tizzle. To die- ta sleep-
No more; n by a sleep ta say we end
The heartache, n tha thousand natural shocks
Tizzle flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummizzles
Devoutly ta be wish'd. To dizzy ta sleep.
To sleep- perchance ta dream: ay, there's tha rub!
For in tizzy sleep of death whiznat dreams may come
Wizzy we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Mizzay give us pause. There's tha respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear tha whips n scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, tha proud man's contumizzles
The pangs of despis'd love, tha law's delay,
The insolence of office, n tha spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
Wizzle he himself might his quietus makes
Wit a bizzle bodkin? Who would these fardels bear,
To grunt n sweat bitch a weary life,
But thizzat tha dread of sum-m sum-m afta death-
The undiscova'd country, from whose bourn
No brotha returns- puzzles tha wizzill,
And makes us ratha bear those ills we have
Than fly ta otha thizzat we know not of?
Thus conscience does makes cowards of us all,
And thus tha native hue of resolizzles
Is sicklied o'er wit tha pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of bootylicious pizzy n moment
Wit this regard they currents turn awry
And lose tha nizzle of action.- Siznoft you now!
The fair Ophelia!- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all mah sins rememb'red.
on
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§ 15 Comments
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Contumizzles. That's pure
Contumizzles. That's pure gold.
Forsizzle! Is that a dizzle I see before mizzle?
Tell you what, I'm a big fan
Tell you what, I'm a big fan of, "enterprises of bootylicious pizzy".
But Ahab telling the whale to grab his Glock made me snort.
Oh, and by the way- it's all for the children.
I mean, um, fo' da sho'ties.
Is this tha region, this tha
Is this tha region, this tha soil, tha clime,
Said tizzle tha lost archangel, this tha seat
Tizzle we mizzy change fo` heaven, this mournful gloom
For that celestial light? Be it so, since he
Who now is sovereign can dispose n bid
Wizzle shiznall be right: furthest from him is best
Whom reason hizzath equalled, force hath made supreme
Above his equals. Farewell, stoked fields
Where joy foreva dwells: hizzy horrors, hizzle
Infernal world, n thou profoundest hell
Receive thy new possessor: one who sippin'
A mind not ta be changed by place or time.
The mind is its own place, n in itself
Can makes a heaven of hell, a hizzy of heaven.
Whizzay matta where, if I be stiznill tha same,
And what I should be, all but less tizzy he
W-H-to-tha-izzom playa hizzay mizzy poser? Here at least
We shall be free; tha almighty hizzath not built
Here fo` his envy, wizzill not drive us hence:
Hizzle we may reign secure, n in mah choice
To reign is worth ambition though in hizzy:
Betta ta rizzle in hell, thizzan sizzle in heaven.
Interestingly, if you feed a
Interestingly, if you feed a pre-hizzled text into the perdidizzle, it gets double-plus hizzled:
"The Bustin’ of tha third day dawned fizzle n fresh...Ho, ho . I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon.! fizzy all yo furthest bounds, pizzy ye now in, ye bold billows of mah whole foregone life, n top this one piled comba of mah death n shit . Boo-Yaa!! Towards tizzle I rizzoll, tizzle pimpin’ but unconquer’n whale; ta tha last I grapple wit thee; frizzom hell’s heart I S-T-to-tha-izzab at thee; fo` hate’s sakes I spiznit mah last breath at thee if you gots a nigga stack. Sizzay all coffins n all hearses ta one common pool! n since neitha can be mine, let me thizzay tow ta pieces, while stizzill chas’n thee, though tied ta thee, thou damned whale so you betta run n G-R-to-tha-izzab yo glock! Thizzay I give up tha spear!"
You know, Ebonics would also
You know, Ebonics would also change the face of Scrabble as we know it.
You'll need a ton more Zs, for starters.
More Zs, and a drool bucket
More Zs, and a drool bucket to catch one's brains as they ooze out until gone.
I'm not into extremism on much of any matter, but I do take my English seriously. As a result, I detest people whose idea of doing a favor for the uneducated is to allow them to use some sort of retarded fuck-speak in their daily lives.
Should there be any readers of this comment whom I've not already lost due to my intemperate opinions, I commend to your attention a recent">http://www.townhall.com/columnists/thomassowell/ts20050720.shtml]recent piece by Dr. Thomas Sowell on the matter.
Patton,
Patton,
First, "retarded fuck-speak" is now my phrase of the moment regarding language, syntax, etc. Your phrase replaces one of Kent Brockman's, who concluded an interview with Homer the Doomsayer by asking whether he had any more "cuckoo yip-yap".
Second, Dr. Sowell's excellent article *begged* to be transzliated. It's a hoot.
All I can say is that before
All I can say is that before there was Ebonics there was Jive. As in the movie Airplane where Barbara Billingsley says she speaks Jive. Best scene in the whole movie.
Maps,
Maps,
That is a good scene. I forgot all about that.
Best line though, is the little boy asking the little girl if she wants cream for her coffee, and she responds, "No, I take it black. Like my men".
I find it's a bit of a
I find it's a bit of a stretch to try picking one line as the best in Airplane. There are so many.
But the two examples above are both worthies.
"I picked a bad week to stop
"I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue."
"No, I'm not joking. And don't call me Shirley."
"I'll never be over Mucho
"I'll never be over Mucho Grande"
"I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines"
Peter Graves:
Peter Graves:
"Timmy, have you ever seen a grown man naked?"
"Have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison?"
"Ya ever... hang around a gymnasium?"
Woman: "Nervous?"
Robert Hays: "Yes."
Woman: "First time?"
Hays: "No, I've been nervous lots of times."
Robert Stack: "Ya know what it's like to fall in the mud, and get kicked, in the head!... by an iron boot?!... 'Course you don't. No one does. That never happens. Sorry, Ted, that's a dumb question; skip that."
And let's not forget:
And let's not forget:
"Do you like movies about gladiators?"
"Put ham on five, and hold
"Put ham on five, and hold the Mayo."
Then there's the whole Hare Krishna ass-kicking scene in the airport.