perfidy

B,
Wait a minute, what's "cool" here?

Indiana Jones is cool I guess, inasmuch as he thwarts Nazis and all, but he's an archaeology professor for goodness' sake; what's cool about that?

Well, he never played in a metal band for retards, missed his flight to Egypt because he spent his travel allowance on Magic cards, or stayed up for 38 straight hours playing 2nd edition AD&D, and then another ten hours talking about what never really happened.

Geek, he has a hat!

B,
Now that's hardly a fair comparison. There was no metal, MtG or AD&D for Professor Jones to enjoy in his time. Besides, Indiana Jones is fake. That other stuff is all real.

But, if I picked one character to hang with, it'd probably be Rick from "Casablanca". Guy has his own bar, he's probably cool to hang with.

My first instinct might have been Jules, but he's too dangerous. And Lawrence Fishburne is scary too, since he seems to double in mass every 5 years or so. Brando in "Wild One" is hilarious; today it looks like a horde of gay guys who all want to be the biker from the Village People.

N,
You're right, he does have an awesome hat.

Forgot about the hat.

OK, with his hat, AND his sideline in Nazi-thwarting, he's cool.

I find it just a touch ironic that a guy trying to out-dork another guy questions the coolness of Indiana Jones...

FWIW, I'd add in Jean-Luc Piccard (Patrick Stewart) somewhere, though I'll admit by the time ST:TNG hit the big screen most of the coolness had faded. But in his prime, Capt. Piccard was about as cool as an old, balding European can be.

M,
Well, first I wondered what "cool" meant in the first place, because I don't see a common denominator amongst all the characters mentioned, a single trait that makes each as "cool" as another.

Then I figgered, hey wait a minute, Indiana Jones is a freakin' archaeology professor- nothing cool about THAT. Then NDR reminded me about his hat.

So what makes Picard cool? He doesn't even have a hat. I'm not arguing that he's NOT cool, mind you, I'm trying to get at the essence of his coolness.

Come to think of it, Picard's an archaeologist. What is it with you people and archaeologists?

The coolest movie character of all time is OBVIOUSLY Ash from the Evil Dead films.

Je-sus. You people.

Ok, I'd like to throw in "El Mariachi" from the three Robert Rodriguez movies, especially as played by Antonio Banderas in Desperado and Once Upon a Time in Mexico (in fact, I'd also give Johnny Depp an honorable mention for his character in OUATIM).

And nobody mentioned Bruce Willis? I can't decide whether his John McClane (Die Hard) or his Corben Dallas (Fifth Element) is cooler.

EDog

EDog, I have to say that Bruce Willis is never actually "cool," but more meta-cool. Not to go all postmodern and stuff, but McClane was not so much cool as 'awesome' in a very 80s way, and tenuous to boot. As for Corben Dallas, that character was merely a pastiche of McClane. Don't get me wrong-- it was awesome, and Bruce Willis can do good things in the right role, but he never struck me as "cool."

Not like Crash Davis from Bull Durham was "Cool," and that particular character the giant handicap of being played by the studiously wooden Kevin Costner.

I'll throw in Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs. He's the only one who's right about everything throughout the film, and remember, he ends up with the money. There's an audible hail of bullets at the very end of the film, but I like to believe that Mr. Pink got away.

GL: "you people", indeed!

I hadn't remembered that Piccard was an archeologist...no wonder he was so cool. No one was cooler than Piccard in his ready room.

He was 'cool' in a "cool in a crisis" way, though that isn't the 'cool' being discussed here.

The 'cool' here is probably more of a mental and spiritual state of being, characterized by self-confidence and self-assurance. Sort of a savoir faire manner that everyone else wishes they could pull off.

Now that I've written that, it occurs to me that it's probably not the sort of thing well-understood by rock grods who perform for special needs students... ;]

I thought about adding Mr. Pink in the list, but his whole discourse on tipping ruled him out. Cool people don't freak out about leaving a tip. Also, his name is 'Pink' which kind of ain't all that cool.

Forgetting Ash was a gross oversight on my part. I have all of the Evil Dead/Army of Darkness movies, and I should have oughta known better.

M,
I understand it, but as an abstraction far removed from my day-to-day existence. Like higher mathematics, or disposable income.

Upon reflection and discussion, it seems that the cool we're talking about here is the chicks-want-him, men-want-to-be-him thing, but there is more to it. There is the strength that comes from physical prowess and knowledge, but without bullying.

There is also a vulnerability built into the popular modern hero, a vulnerability that makes him more realistic and accessible. Consider James Dean's character in...well, now I'm not sure if it was "rebel Without a Cause" or "East of Eden", where he basically has a crying sloppy breakdown. And who's cooler than James Dean?

But that's a fine line to tread because vulnerable is good, but no one digs a sissy.

Right. Vulnerable. And cool can't try too hard, either. As great as The Matrix was, Neo isn't cool at all, because he's afflicted with the geek-stink of his screenwriters and directors who put him in the slickestest clothes, baddestest sunglasses, and shitkickingest boots that programming could give him like some kinda dipshit fashion model for a modern day SS. I mean, who fucking does kung fu in a full length leather coat? I don't care who you are, that's like tryin'a have sex in chest waders and a fishin hat. And it's no fun when you get a lure caught in your wife's eyebrow.

Because we're all PC here at the Ministry, we should not forget to ask, 'who are the coolest female movie characters?'

Lucy Liu as the killer Yakuza chick in Kill Bill
Michelle Yeoh as Yu Shu Lien in Crouching Tiger

Those are both contenders off the top of my head.

Johno,
The Matrix universe is a special case.

No doubt Neo tries too hard to be cool. None of the kinky leathers or quirky sunglasses have any immediate utility in asskicking, which means they're an affectation, which means they cannot be cool. Doubly so, since so much of it is all in Neo's head anyway, and he could dress himself in anything, but took a stab at cool. Tsk tsk.

Then there's the asinine philoso-feces that actually, fo' reals yo, made me angry to have to hear. All that exchange between Neo and the Oracle was ridiculous. No one wants sissies OR babblers.

Aside from those sort of problems in Neo's virtual world, it's hard to believe that anyone living in the "real" world of Zion could have much consideration for cool.

My bet is that getting consistent potable water and nutrition would be the coolest fucking things going.

I think Barbara Stanwyck's character in "Double Indemnity" was pretty goddamn cool. IMDB says her name was Phyllis Dietrichson, as if it matters. She got a patsy to knock off her husband, and never got a hair out of place.

Lauren Bacall as Vivien Sternwood in the Big Sleep was pretty damn cool.

For cool, I'd have to enter Nicholas Cage's character from _Leaving Las Vegas_. Sure, it's Nicholas Cage, and he sucks, but on the other hand what could be finer then drinking yourself to death while boning Elizabeth Shue, before she was in _Showgirls_ (the only movie to make full frontal nudity boring...).

And Al Pacino from _Glengary Glenn Ross_. I dream of being able to be phenomenally successful at my job while parked at the bar drinking.

Hm.... I'm starting to notice a trend here....

On that note, I kind of thought Mickey Rourke as "Henry Chinaski" in Barfly was pretty cool.

Cool female characters?

Sigourney Weaver as Ripley from the Aliens movies. Salma Hayek as Carolina in Desperado/Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman in Batman Returns. Jada Pinkett as Niobe in the latter two Matrix movies. Janine Garofolo (sp?) as The Bowler in Mystery Men (who has one of the best entrance scenes ever). Emma Watson as Hermione in the most recent Harry Potter flick (her coldcocking of Draco Malfone was the stuff of which legends are written).

I'm sure I could think of more but I really DO need to go to work now.

EDog