You are standing in a 10x10 foot room. There is an orc guarding a chest.

By Mordenkainen's beard, Dungeons and Dragons turns 30 this weekend!! Minister GeekLethal has let slip his true geekliness by notifying me of this fact, and submitted a link to a touching reminiscence from some National Review dude that sounds uncannily like my own teenage years.

Wow. When I got into the game, it was barely ten years old, and the "Advanced" game was still in its first edition. I think my grades in Ohio History suffered because of all the time I spent in class poring over the difference between a glaive and a bill hook in "Unearthed Arcana." (My wife just read that previous sentence as "eatoin shrdlu gibber flark Ohio History dang fang artango mash Arcana." But she knew she was marrying a geek and I love her for it.) From time to time D&D stats still bubble up from my unconscious at inopportune moments, like when I'm trying to concentrate on the real-world implications of changes in Social Security indexing. "The answer is GDP + inflation = a THAC0 of 17, Bob."

Now the game is up to Edition 3.5 (.5???), and is owned by big-time toymaker Hasbro, so I suspect it's neither as geeky or as weird as it used to be (not that geeky and weird are aspects of the old rules I necessarily treasure. Could someone please explain to me why becoming a millionaire made a character harder to kill?)

God help us. As NRO guy says, "I've long harbored a secret notion in the back of my mind: Wouldn't it be awesome to get a game going again?" Yes it would, NRO guy. If that asshole from Columbus hadn't stolen every single one of my manuals back in 1996, I'd do it tomorrow. The more I learn about history, geopolitics, economics, human behavior, war, physics, and, hell, everything, the cooler I find the idea of D&D. The older you get, the richer your imaginary worlds become and the less you have to rely on tired Monty Haul crapola to get your characters through a night of role-playing. I would give body parts to set a D&D campaign in a setting adapted from the France of Louis XIV and the thousand little postmedieval German dutchies, now that I have an idea what they were all about.

Of course, the only spaniard in the works is the time commitment. I suppose I could set aside a D&D night like hepper cats do poker night, but I don't think that would work so good what with the being married and all. I cherish my Friday nights with the spouse, even if we're just having a pizza at home, and Mrs. Johno, having never played D&D, is understandably cool to the notion.

I've got it! Here's my plan, and it's a good one and cunning too. A Dungeons and Dragons retirement community. I'll buy the land now and start a normal "retirement village," and when I get close to retirement age market it exclusively to ex-gamers. Think about it. People will live for decades after "retirement" 30 years from now. That means like 20 years to do nothing but sit around and putter with funny dice, drawing on the infinite knowledge and experience of a lifetime to create the greatest campaigns the world has ever known! And, when someone starts to go a little senile, it's cool. They're already living halfway in an imaginary world already! (Was that crass? I think that was crass.) Who here doesn't think my idea is the greatest idea in the history of ideas? Huh? Huh?

Also posted to blogcritics.org, which you will now go read and enjoy in full. That is not a suggestion.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 22

§ 22 Comments

2

Johno, a "we are all such geeks" might have been more accurate. You - in all seriousness - talked about a D&D campaign set in the *France* of Louis Quatorze.

Although, in the Obi-wan Kenobi, "Who is more the fool? The fool, or the fool who follows him? sense, you may have been right.

4

Aren't you the one who wrote the post we're commenting on?

Isn't orc in that post's title?

Yeah. Shut the fuck up.

PS: Email notification rocks my socks.

6

...Magentics. Beautiful. Pretend that I went into that comment and edited it to spell 'Magnetics' correctly.

7

Dan, don't underestimate the power of super intelligent shades of the color magenta, and the knowledge that can be gained from their study. Another interesting technology is the possibility of creating">http://www.ess.washington.edu/Space/M2P2/theory.html]creating magnetic bubbles and inflating">http://www.spacedaily.com/news/future-00g.html]inflating them to incredible size. Then, they can be used in much the same manner as solar sails, but with no mass penalty whatsoever.

And no one said anything about giant space robots.

ps, comments allow the use of any standard html code.

8

Giant fighting space robots? I'm intrigued. Are they berserker robots, or do they bend to the will of Man?

Also, a really really interesting upcoming piece of tech that may or may not be able to be adapted to space warfare is cold plasma. Try googling it, because linking in comments is beyond even my extraordinary technical skill.

The problem I see with it is, first, how exactly do you cover a ship in it? Magentics? And second, how would it affect a ship's ability to radiate its heat? Would the plasma absorb the heat? Wouldn't that make it *hot* plasma?

Anyway, it was still really fun to read about, and cold plasma shields have definitely made it into my game.

9

Dan,
Ask Buckethead about giant, fighting space robots.

10

Dan, thanks for the praise - and no, I never finished it. I am slowly working on an expanded space series. The first one had some rather stringent limits on the speculation - that there would be absolutely no changes in basic technology. While I don't think we'll have blasters and antimatter technology soon, developments in AI and other areas will make a difference. So, an expanded version is in order. Lots of stuff to think about.

11

GL, anything that diverges from the "real history" can be explained away as changes necessitated by the addition of fantasy elements.

12

Hello. I found the Ministry through an old link to Buckethead's breakdown of warfare in space, which was absolutely incredible (much better than Den Beste's in my opinion). Did you ever write the second half of the battle, Buckethead?

Anyway, I thought it fitting to comment here, since I am a huge fan of roleplaying games (3.5 is quite fun), and I actually found your space theorizing while looking to make an upcoming Sci-Fi game grounded in reality. No anti-matter drives and plasma rifles, thanks.

So now that I've wasted a lot of your time... this is an awesome blog and you are all awesome for having created it. Consider me a regular reader from now on.

13

Morrow Project! Ken, you are the bomb. I actually convinced my friends to play that for a while. They hated teh game system, and took it out on the peasants. Usually with a heavy machine gun mounted on a Commando V-150. It was a cool idea, but poorly developed. They didn't offer enough background for the future game setting, and had too many mutants for the realistic tone of the game system.

Morrow would be a great game to update.

I liked the Chaosium system, I once DM'd a long Cthulhu Now campaign, though we ended up using the Vampire system due to the fetishes of my players. Not that I bothered to learn it.

14

I was into the old Chaosium RuneQuest, along with Morrow Project, wherein you inevitably (because the refereee is a perverse bastage) end up killing the farmers you're supposed to be helping recover from the Apocalypse. Usually with a heavy machine gun mounted on a Commando V-150.

15

B,
Ah, but see that's the thing. Your explanation makes perfect sense to me, and quite reasonable. ere I to have read those titles then though, it would have been very difficult for me to improvise campaigns from them.

That's because I would have felt pressure, of a sort, to get it right. Not from the players, but from within my own peculiar psyche. Sure start with Roland, but then you're left asking about Moors, and geography, and cultures, and eventually those questions are going to land you an underemployed history major.

Caveat matriculus.

16

GL, I never thought of it as a historical setting exactly, just a historical starting point. If you're going to throw dragons, elves, dwarves, and the like into a milieu; then historical authenticity becomes less of a bugbear. If I ever had the opportunity to run that campaign, I'd read a few books and then wing it. All you have to do is keep track of what you've said, so that you maintain at least a little consistency. I might read a couple histories for a broad overview - but the real campaign sources would be things like Le Morte d'Artur, the Chanson de Roland, and other legends. That's where you get the characters, monsters, and adventure ideas.

17

B & J,
I never got that enthusiastic over historical campaign settings. I think that's because it sounded too much like homework, which I would then have to try and not fuck up with dragons and bugbears and such because there just weren't any. Too much history, too little fun to this 10 year old.

As for gaming systems, I was fond of "Twilight 2000", a GDW product. Character generation was fairly complex in the first edition, but any and all character action was resolved with percentile dice, based on the required attributes in question.

18

I remember trying to convince my aunt that D&D wasn't satanic. With moderate success. I mentioned to my father the significance of this last weekend, and he groaned. My family's elder generation never could get their heads around the game.

The White Wolf system is widely touted as an excellent system. Although I once played a year or more of the game, I never troubled myself to actually learn the game system.

Johno, I'm with you on the historical setting, but I think the time of the Third Crusade would be better. All the traditional elements could be woven in - norse dwarves, elves of faerie, little people; the dragons, griffons and whatnot of chivalric legend; a hideously complex social and political system with lots of wars; Saracens, Byzantines, and plenty of other strange cultures to meet and kill; uninhabited and dangerous forests with wolves!; Roman ruins and ancient hoards; secret druid cults, crypto-pagans, heretical sects, monastics, hermetic magic and alchemy; knights Templar, Hospitaler and Teutonic; all this and more.

19

Dude, I'm like totally there and stuff, except there's WAY better game systems than Truncheons and Flagons (and if dat don't start the flames flying, I don't know what will!).

EDog

20

According to hundreds of tele-evangelists, I have D&D to thank for my moral downfall. Can you say SAAAY-TEN!

21

EDog,
Actually, you're right. I like the flavor of the DnD rules a lot, but GURPS and Warhammer are just two systems that come quickly to mind with in-general better systems. That being said, I haven't tried the new 3.5 rules yet and I hear very good things.

22

I like it... DnD is a sweet game(I play 3rd, and I can assure you that it's still quite geeky enough), and you're right, there's enough funky shit in history to keep you going forever. Damn, if I ever get to the point of DMing, I'll have to keep that in mind - rip off history, not my own warped imagination.

[ You're too late, comments are closed ]