perfidy

By way of TL Hines, Writer, we hear of a practical joke of quite monstrous proportions. Yahoo Entertainment News reports that a disgruntled Japanese Tourism Official, known only as M.L. Tanaka has painstakingly created a faux Japanese-English phrase book that gives dangerously incorrect English translations of common phrases.

Among the nearly 2300 incidents reported to the Japanese Embassy:

• A 29-year-old Tokyo man visiting San Francisco for the first time meant to ask a female store clerk, "May I please have film for my camera?" But what he actually said was, "Would you place your copious breasts in my mouth?" He was slapped in the face, then got tossed out by the manager.
• Four family members from Osaka were thrilled see their favorite American singer coming out of a ritzy store in Beverly Hills. While waving frantically, they shouted out what they believed to be, "We love you so much." Unfortunately, what they really said was, "We're here to take your head." The four were arrested and detained for six hours by police.
• A 45-year-old tourist from Okinawa looking for the legendary Apollo Theater in Harlem thought he was asking a group of young men, "I am lost. Which way is uptown?" In reality, he said, "I know martial arts. May I kick your ass?" He was chased five blocks before being rescued by police.

Five blocks. In Harlem.

"The man who compiled this dictionary clearly went out of his way to wreak havoc," says New York hotel concierge Jacqueline Porseman, who arranges tours for many VIP guests from Japan. No kidding. Be kind to the next Japanese tourist who respectfully asks to kick your ass, for he knows not what he does.