Highbrowish

Entertainment, music, the finer things in life; and their opposites.

I Am Everyday People

One of the most maddening things about being a student of history (and I use the word student in the loosest possible sense) is the growing realization that not only is the past gone, much of it is unrecoverable. Historians talk about "facts" as though they were each and every one equal, as though the proceedings of a probate court in colonial Massachusetts are exactly as revealing of a sliver of the past as is a shard of pottery from Padua. This is of course absurd. Without rigorous research to establish context, neither one means a damn thing, and even after research two experts may come to diametrical interpretations. If this weren't the case, would we be still arguing whether slavery was the true root cause of the Civil War? (The answer by the way is "yes," with a "but.")

Worse yet, there's the sense that every day is slipping into the past in large part unrecorded, becoming part of a massive void that ought to- but does not- contain the rich and bloody chronicle of human experience. In this age of email and electronics, even the simple things that historians have always relied upon - like letters, diaries, and so forth - are used less and less in favor of electronic or disposable media that in five years -five years!! - may be unreadable to the casual researcher. We know who Samuel Pepys went to visit 343 years ago yesterday, but the preponderance of my extensive correspondence with my coblogger Buckethead is encoded in an email format proprietary to Juno/United Online.

Which is why projects like the Photovoice project of the Nature Conservancy are so wonderful.

That is all.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 1

Dave, I'm afraid

Speaking of movie lists, I found this list of the fifty most significant SF movies of all time over at Texas Best Grok. The list originates with SF author John Scalzi, who has composed a Rough Guide to Sci-Fi Movies.

The list itself is below the fold, where I have indicated those movies that I have seen with italics. You can assume that I want to see any movie that I have not, unless I indicate otherwise.

But first, some commentary on the list itself. Generally speaking, Zombie flicks and Superhero movies do not belong on a science fiction list. Even though the choices he makes are fairly good ones. The Incredibles, I find, is a bit of a borderline case. I can't really pin down a specific reason, but part of me feels that it should be on this list. Also, I think Scalzi has made some missteps in crafting this list. Movies that should have been on the list include:

  • The first Terminator, maybe even entirely in place of the second. The second was no where near as important as the first, and no where near as innovative in terms of story. (It's a sequel, hard to be, really.) The only reason I would include the second would be for the ground breaking special effects.
  • Altered States
  • Andromeda Strain
  • Charlie
  • Gattaca
  • Fifth Element
  • The Time Machine (Early version)
  • Soylent Green

Another recent movie that isn't earthshaking, but only because it got such limited exposure. Prime is a fantastic low budget time travel movie. Rent it at once.

So, on with the list:

  • The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension! - I love this movie. Gonzo garage band style sf.
  • Akira
  • Alien - Classic horror in a thoughtful sf setting.
  • Aliens - Arguably the best action adventure style sf movie ever made. More great lines in five minutes of this movie than in a whole summer of sequels.
    Alphaville
  • Back to the Future - Silly, but pure fun.
  • Blade Runner - Director's cut, naturally. Nothing like the book, really, but a masterful and beautiful film.
  • Brazil - How many directors have two movies on this list?
  • Bride of Frankenstein - A monster flick, but if we can argue that Frankenstein is the first sf novel, then we can legitimately argue that this is an sf film.
  • Brother From Another Planet
  • A Clockwork Orange - Much as I love this movie, I really can't watch it anymore. The violence is more disturbing than hundreds of Matrix showings.
  • Close Encounters of the Third Kind - kind of silly, now, but that catchy little tune…
  • Contact - A lot of people slagged this, but I dig it. Jodie Foster can't make bad movies, and despite Sagan's saccharine notions of alien intentions, much more thoughtful than your run of the mill first contact story.
  • The Damned
  • Destination Moon - Truly groundbreaking. It's actually kind of painful to watch now (though I own it) but this was made in the early fifties with all the tech supplied by Heinlein. More accurate than many movies made half a century later, and they had real space flight to use as an example.
  • The Day The Earth Stood Still - Classic. Must see, if you haven't.
  • Delicatessen
  • Escape From New York - Perfect dystopian shoot em up. Too many dystopian movies and stories are depressingly philosophical. Thing is, if things go bad, they'll go bad.
  • ET: The Extraterrestrial - Not violent enough. Hated the reworked version.
  • Flash Gordon: Space Soldiers (serial)
  • The Fly (1985 version) - Two words: perfect casting.
  • Forbidden Planet - Another classic.
  • Ghost in the Shell - I'm not into anime that much, but this was a good flick. We need a live action version of starblazers.
  • Gojira/Godzilla - The platonic form of sf monster movies.
  • The Incredibles - Pixar's best work to date.
  • Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 version) - You may call it a Cold War allegory. I call it a good explanation for the behavior of some of my coworkers and superiors.
  • Jurassic Park - Magical. Even with the goofy kids. That scene with the velociraptors in the kitchen – imho, one of the best single scenes ever filmed.
  • Mad Max 2/The Road Warrior - See comments for Escape from NY.
  • The Matrix - When Trinity levitated and beat the crap out of those donut eaters, I turned to wife and said, this movie is gonna kick ass.
  • Metropolis – I really, really, need to see this, especially seeing as they've released it with the original score.
  • On the Beach – The book is fantastic, I need to see this one.
  • Planet of the Apes (1968 version) - Seven words: "Damn you! Damn you all to hell!"
  • Robocop - I'll buy that for a dollar. Verhoeven's only good movie. What fucktard, though. Starship Troopers still breaks my heart.
  • Sleeper - The only Woody Allen movie that I unreservedly love.
  • Solaris (1972 version)
  • Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan - You had me at Ricardo Montalban's fake pecks. The best of the ST movies, though they stole the battle scene straight from Run Silent, Run Deep.
  • Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope - Good,
  • Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back - Better, and then shit for the next four movies. Damn you, George Lucas!
  • The Stepford Wives The original is great, the remake was okay.
  • Superman - Great movie, but doesn't belong here.
  • Terminator 2: Judgement Day - See my earlier comments.
  • The Thing From Another World
  • Things to Come
  • Tron - Goofy now, but amazing at the time.
  • 12 Monkeys - One of my all time favorite movies. Brad Pitt's best performance – "Fuck the bozos!"
  • 28 Days Later - One of the best zombie flicks ever, but not an sf movie really.
  • 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - A classic.
  • 2001: A Space Odyssey Except for the last twenty minutes, a truly great film. HAL is one of the best sf film characters ever.
  • La Voyage Dans la Lune
  • War of the Worlds (1953 version) Awesome.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 6

Hemingway Did It. Poe, Bukowski, and Dorothy Parker Did Too.

If NaNoWriMo is the marathon race of the writing/blogging set, then NaDruWriNi is the beer-soaked game of backyard wiffle ball.

National Drunk Writing Night, this year scheduled for Saturday, November 5, is your opportunity to uncork your logorrhea and let loose a firehose of ill-considered and unsteadily libidinous verbage directly from the lizard brain at the top of your spine to glorious nigh-eternal enshrinement on the intar-nets.

There are a few rules:
Rule 1: You do not talk about Fight Club.

Rule 2: You kick without mercy the ass of anyone who cracks that weak and tired old Fight Club joke. (Yeah, you try it!)

Rule 3: You must tell us what you're drinking.

Rule D: You may not edit. You may spellcheck, backspace, and edit on the fly as normal, but what goes up on your webpage must be the sloppy first draft of whatever it was you were.... yeah.

Rule V: You MUST post whatever you write to your web log. Site. Web site. "Blog" is sooooo 2003. You must post whatever crapulous drivel you write to your website.

Rule 42: You DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

Game on!!!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Why do ribs always lose to PB&J with the crusts cut off?

Living the rough and tumble, high adventure lifestyle I do, it's very dfficult for me to sit and watch a little TV at night. I catch a show now and then, but I increasingly rely on DVR to bank what I care to see. Which, alas, isn't as much as I feared it might be- mainly because most of TV sucks so mightily.

So OK, I sit and spend 10 minutes a week scrolling through the menu, finding shows and movies Lady Lethal or I might care about, and set them up to record. It's in that way that it really hits home how just criminally poor television programming is, and the amount of garbage viewers will tolerate.

Case in point: several days ago I was home in the pm, flipping around, and there was Superfly on Cinemax. How I missed it in previous scan/record sessions I don't know, but there it was. Once. One time only, on a random Saturday or Sunday afternoon. I was pissed because I missed it, and an opportunity to conduct a side project I've been considering for awhile now (viewing with a stopwatch to record how much of the film is devoted to showing the front end of Priest's car as he drives around. Seriously.)

What really gets under my skin is that I can catch Top Gun, Major League, and A League of Their Own in any language seemingly at any moment on about any movie channel. Look, we've all seen them. Many, many, many times. And I think each brings their own value or insight to the medium, particularly Top Gun's exploration of gay military aviators. That's super.

But why do choice flicks like Superfly have to get the Shaft every time?

Posted by GeekLethal GeekLethal on   |   § 11

I have watched too many movies

Mapgirl found IMDB's list of the 100 greatest movies, along with a meme to indicate which you have seen and not seen. This I have done, and as an added bonus, indicated with an asterisk which movies on the list I own. I was rather surprised to discover that I have seen every single one of the top thirty, and 43 of the top fifty. That's a lot, I think. My total count was 82 out of 100. My list is below the fold:

I included links for the first fifty, then got tired of that shizzle.

I don't know why the table appears so far down, but scroll a bit, it's there.

Rank Movie Status
1 Godfather, The (1972) Seen *
2 Shawshank Redemption, The (1994) Seen *
3 Godfather: Part II, The (1974) Seen *
4 Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003) Seen *
5 Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002) Seen *
6 Casablanca (1942) Seen *
7 Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001) Seen *
8 Schindler's List (1993) Seen
9 Shichinin No Samurai [Seven Samurai] (1954) Seen *
10 Star Wars (1977) Seen *
11 Citizen Kane (1941) Seen
12 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) Seen *
13 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) Seen *
14 Rear Window (1954) Seen
15 Seen *
16 Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) Seen *
17 Memento (2000) Seen
18 Usual Suspects, The (1995) Seen *
19 Pulp Fiction (1994) Seen *
20 North by Northwest (1959) Seen
21 12 Angry Men (1957) Seen *
22 Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le [Amelie] (2001) Seen
23 Psycho (1960) Seen
24 Lawrence of Arabia (1962) Seen *
25 Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il [The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly] (1966) Seen *
26 Silence of the Lambs, The (1991) Seen
27 It's a Wonderful Life (1946) Seen
28 Goodfellas (1990) Seen
29 American Beauty (1999) Seen
30 Vertigo (1958) Seen
31 Sunset Blvd. (1950) Unseen
32 Matrix, The (1999) Seen *
33 Apocalypse Now (1979) Seen *
34 Pianist, The (2002) Unseen
35 To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) Started
36 C'era una volta il West [Once Upon a Time in the West] (1968) Seen
37 Some Like It Hot (1959) Seen
38 Third Man, The (1949) Seen
39 Taxi Driver (1976) Seen
40 Paths of Glory (1957) Unseen
41 Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi [Spirited Away] (2001) Seen
42 Fight Club (1999) Seen *
43 Boot, Das (1981) Seen *
44 Double Indemnity (1944) Unseen
45 L.A. Confidential (1997) Seen
46 Chinatown (1974) Started
47 Singin' in the Rain (1952) Seen
48 Maltese Falcon, The (1941) Seen *
49 M (1931) Unseen
50 Requiem for a Dream (2000) Seen
51 Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957) Seen
52 All About Eve (1950) Unseen
53 Se7en (1995) Seen
54 Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) Seen *
55 Saving Private Ryan (1998) Seen *
56 Cidade de Deus [City of God] (2002) Unseen
57 Raging Bull (1980) Seen
58 Rashômon (1950) Seen *
59 Wizard of Oz, The (1939) Seen
60 Sting, The (1973) Seen *
61 Alien (1979) Seen *
62 American History X (1998) Seen
63 Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) Seen
64 Léon (1994) Seen *
65 Vita è bella, La [Life is Beautiful] (1997) Seen
66 Touch of Evil (1958) Unseen
67 Manchurian Candidate, The (1962) Seen *
68 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) Seen *
69 Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948) Seen *
70 Great Escape, The (1963) Started
71 Wo hu cang long [Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon] (2000) Seen *
72 Reservoir Dogs (1992) Seen *
73 Clockwork Orange, A (1971) Seen *
74 Amadeus (1984) Seen *
75 Modern Times (1936) Seen *
76 Ran (1985) Seen *
77 Annie Hall (1977) Seen
78 Jaws (1975) Seen *
79 On the Waterfront (1954) Unseen
80 Braveheart (1995) Seen *
81 High Noon (1952) Seen *
82 Apartment, The (1960) Unseen
83 Fargo (1996) Seen *
84 Sixth Sense, The (1999) Seen *
85 Aliens (1986) Seen *
86 Shining, The (1980) Seen *
87 Strangers on a Train (1951) Unseen
88 Blade Runner (1982) Seen *
89 Metropolis (1927) Unseen
90 Duck Soup (1933) Seen
91 Finding Nemo (2003) Seen *
92 Donnie Darko (2001) Seen
93 General, The (1927) Unseen
94 City Lights (1931) Unseen
95 Princess Bride, The (1987) Seen *
96 Toy Story 2 (1999) Seen *
97 Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) Seen *
98 Great Dictator, The (1940) Seen
99 Sjunde inseglet, Det [The Seventh Seal] (1957) Started
100 Lola rennt [Run Lola Run] (1998) Seen
Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 4

T0J0: wtf is nukes?

What if WWII had been a real time strategy game? It might have gone something like this in the early stages:

deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
benny-tow: haha

Stalin runs into some problems with his non-aggression pact:

Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL

Hitler has some interface issues:

paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*

Roosevelt leaves, Truman enters:

*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*

Stalin is frustrated with the outcome:

Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*

Ran into this over at Cold Fury, originally from your source for military humor, the Strategy Page

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 3

Johno's Fun With Beer, vol. 3

Brew #4

Very Special Bitter

6.6 lbs (2 cans) John Bull light liquid malt extract
1/2 lb crystal malt 60L
1/2 lb caramunich malt (~40L)
1 pkg water crystals
1.25 oz Northern Brewer hops (pellet)- bittering
1 oz East Kent Goldings hops (whole)- aroma
1 oz East Kent Goldings hops (whole)- dry hopping
1 pkg dry Windsor yeast

Steeped specialty grains for 45 minutes in muslin bag at 165 +/-5 degrees in 1 gallon filtered tap water, and squoze bag out real good upon removal. Brought 2.2 gallons filtered tap water to boil and added steeping water to make 3.2 gallons of wort, more or less. Added malt extract and water crystals and returned to boil. Added Northern Brewer and started the 60-minute timer. At 48 min added the EKG in a muslin bag and boiled 12 minutes. Removed from heat, removed hop bag and squoze out real good.

Transferred to bathtub with 24 lbs ice plus cold water. Got the wort down to 113 degrees in less than half an hour.

To fermenting bucket added 2 gallons refrigerated distilled water at about 40 degrees. Added wort, filtered out break material and hop sludge, and poured back and forth to aerate. Final temperature was about 78 degrees. A little warmer than I'd like, but I was pinched for time.

Rehydrated yeast in 8 oz water at 90 degrees. Let stand 20 min, and pitched at about 85 degrees. I was worried about the temperature difference beween the yeast slurry and the temperature of the wort, but again... pinched for time. After 24 hours the yeast was working fine, so I know it's not dead. As to whether the high start temperature will affect the final flavor through production of
undesirable byproducts, I won't know until I taste it. I think I should be fine. Ish. Fermentation temperature is between 70 and 72 degrees, again a smidge higher than Windsor reputedly likes, so I might end up with some funny flavors like diacetyl butteriness.

Presuming the fermentation is pretty much wrapped up by Thursday, on Friday I will dry hop the primary with the second ounce of EKG and leave for 15 more days. That will hopefully be enough time for the hop flavor to reasonably fully extract. I paid enough for them, so I want my dang old money's worth.

Original Gravity: unknown. I managed to melt my plastic hygrometer flask trying to take boiling gravity reading. Meh. I'm gonna call it 1.045 for the hell of it. Who cares, anyway, as long as the beer turns out tasty?

With this one I am after something not entirely unlike Fuller's Extra Special Bitter. Even though ESBs can't really be done in bottles, the Windsor yeast and full pound of specialty grains (as well as the John Bull extract, which I'm told tends to be high in unfermentable sugars) ought to result in a nicely malty, very fragrant and estery beer with a balance bitterness. I love the aroma of East Kent Goldings, and my first tasting suggests they play very very well with the Northern Brewers. The only slightly sad part at this point is that the gas coming out of the airlock smells decidedly of EKG, which means that there's not a lot of aroma necessarily staying in the beer. Oh well... that's what the dry-hopping is for. I only hope it doesn't come out too bitter with the curranty bite I dislike in the local microbrew's ESB, which sometimes verges on the undrinkably awful. We shall see.

Other notes: used B-Brite as sanitizer. It's a percarbonate, not a peroxide, which some people argue makes it less effective as a sanitizer (and indeed it's marketed as a heavy-duty cleanser), but I
think it'll be okay. I bottled my brown ale using B-Brite as the sanitizer, and it is turning out fine. Nevertheless, I'll be ordering some One-Step right soon now. With One-Step there is no need to rinse as the hydrogen peroxide residue actually ends up contributing a tiny amount of oxygen to the brew, which might even help the fermentation but isn't enough to risk oxygenating the beer when it's bottled. As if a batch would stick around long enough to go stale. Please.

[wik] Upon bottling, the beer is delicious! Malty and sweet with a nice caramel bite and estery softness from the yeast, balanced with a proportional bitterness and that lovely, lovely EKG flavor. I think if I dry-hopped in secondary fermentation instead, the hop aroma would be even more pronounced. I expect that the hoppiness will fade a little over time as the free oxygen in the bottle (in headroom and the minute amount from the no-rinse One-Step) reacts with the hop oils. That's cool. I will drink it all before that becomes much of a problem. This is one I expect I'll be making again. Oh.... right. Used 4.3 oz corn suger to prime before bottling.

[alsø wik]Finished four of the last five bottles over the weekend of March 10, and this beer is better than ever. In fact, it seems to be coming into its own. I do think that the high fermentation temperature contributed an untoward amount of fruitiness to the flavor, but the basic idea behind the beer is very sound. Next time, it would be interesting to throw even more caramel malt into the mix, maybe 2 oz of 40L and 4 oz of 80 or 90L crystal, and dry hop in secondary for three weeks with 1-2 oz of Kent Goldings. Maybe also up the alcohol by adding a pound of dry malt extract, make this into a Big American Beer... With Tailfins! Also, 4.3 oz of corn sugar was too much. Next time cut it back to 3.5, more in line with how an English Ale should be. Also, next time I will break up the flavoring hops a bit. Instead of 1 ounce of EKG for 12 minutes, I should go with 1/2 oz for 20 minutes and 1/2 oz for 5. I want to get a little more grapefruity flavor out of the hops, and also a little more nose. Basically, I'm just surprised that this beer lasted since Thanksgiving!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 8

But Bulwer-Lytton did write science fiction...

Nothing will ever (in my mind, for that is what we are discussing) match the majesty and towering crudity of this sentence, drawn from the sad but proud ranks of the runners-up of the never to be sufficiently praised and damned Bulwer-Lytton contest:

Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep."

But some of these come pretty damn close:

"A few hours had passed since they had been pulled away from the moon. A few hours and millions of miles. The moon was no longer visible, not even as a star. The whole thing was so crazy, weird and far-out. It was as though they were floating in a giant vacuum." -- Sara Cavanaugh, A Woman in Space

Ya think?

"They shook hands, and Jason set about retrieving his balls." -- Peter Heath, The Mind Brothers

That's some kind of handshake.

"Wearing an aura of rugged-intellectual charm like a plastic raincoat ..." -- Sam Merwin Jr, The Time Shifters

He knows me! Except I would have said rain slicker...

"Her very existence made his forebrain swell until it threatened to leak out his sinuses." -- Nancy A. Collins, Sunglasses After Dark

Speaking of Hilary...

"He lifted her tee-shirt over her head. Her silk panties followed." -- Peter F. Hamilton, Mindstar Rising

That's gotta sting. Atomic wedgie from hell.

Thanks to Cassandra Villainous Company for finding this painful compendium of science-fictional excrescences. All of these (I think) are taken from the middle of books. On the whole, though, it strikes me that most sf novels generally have good first sentences.

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 0

50,000 is such a big number

EDog reminds us that a very special time of the year is approaching. A time when we are encouraged not merely to spew mediocrity into the unplumbed depths of the interweb in a haphazard and random way as we do all the time, but rather to spew mediocrity in a focused and methodical way. The charmingly if cluckily named NaNoWriMo gives us an excuse to vomit forth 50,000 words of moderately crappy to horrific prose in a single calender month. Yes, we are asked to write an entire novel in 30 days.

Last year, EDog participated and crafted a compelling and heartfelt homage to the sword-wielding milkman locked in mortal combat with his eternal enemies the aliens. This year, he will enter the fray yet again with a Roman à clef concerning the existential plight of forklifts. I am tempted to join in myself, if for no other reason than to have an excuse to write something besides long and rambling screeds about the multifarious shortcomings of NASA and our imminent subjugation by inteliigent and ill-tempered robots.

Maybe I'll write a story about flowers...

Flowers with guns and a lust for world conquest...

And the efforts of lichens and pine trees to resist angiosperm domination...

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

Johno's Fun With Beer, vol. 2

For my third brew I went for a semi-clone of the Smuttynose brewery's Old Brown Dog Ale. I think mine will be a little more bitter than theirs, but probably pretty close. The guy I usually buy ingredients from helped start that brewery, after all. Goodwyfe Johno really likes malty American Brown Ales, so this one is for her.

Third brew: Naumkeag Brown Ale

Ingredients:
6 lbs Munton & Fison Amber dry malt extract
Specialty grains:
1/2 lb Crystal malt 60L
1/2 lb Crystal malt 120L
1/2 lb Chocolate malt
Hops:
Bittering: 1 oz Brewer's Gold @7.8%
Finishing: 1 oz Willamette @ 4.2%

1 pkg dry Lallemand (?) Doric yeast

Steeped the specialty grains in about 1 gallon filtered tap water for 40 minutes at 160 degrees, give or take. Actual temperature fluctuated between 153 and 175, but I think I am ok as regards making sure high steeping temperatures don't cause tannins to leach into my wort.

Rehydrated the DME in cold water, according to the instructions of the guy who sold it to me. What a sticky, lumpy pain in my ass. From here on out, I'm using liquid wherever possible. The clear advantage of dry powdered extract, however, is a drastically reduced propensity on my part to nearly sever digits on sharp can lids.

Brought about 3 gallons of filtered tap water to a boil and added the steeping water from the grains. Added the Brewer's Gold at the boil. The hot break took like forever.

Added half the Willamette at 30 minutes and the rest at 45 minutes, for a 60-minute total boil. Cooled the wort in the bathtub with six seven-pound bags of ice in cold water.
It took less than an hour to get down to below 80 degrees. Added the wort to the fermentor (holding back the trub and hop sludge with a strainer) and cooled distilled water to make up 5 gallons and bring the wort to 69 degrees. Poured back and forth to aerate.

Tasted the wort: nice hop flavor that I bet will fade a bit, and jeeeez it was sweet. I'm not sure about this yeast so I can't say how the final will shape up; I expect the crystal to donate a lot of unfermentable sugars and the final beer to end up pretty malty. Given the 8 AAUs of bittering hops and the few more alpha acids donated by the first addition of Willamette, this could end up more to my wife's taste than to mine. Which is fine. I made it for her. (Awwwww!)

Rehydrated yeast in 1 1/2 cups distilled water at 90 degrees for 15 minutes. Pitched, stirred, and sealed fermentor.

OG: 1.048, more or less. Checked three times and got .050, .048 and .046ish, so hey... split the dif.

Checked fermentor at the 24 hour mark and things were bubbling away fine.

--
Update from previous brews:

I tasted my Pale Ale from my first brew after 1 week in the bottle... not so good. A little puckery with a pumpkiny note which I (rightly) chalked up to acetaldehydes that had not yet been reconsumed by the yeast. Five days later, it was excellent and now I can't get enough of it. It was designed
to taste like Bass Ale, and whaddaya know, it does, except fresher and much more smooth. Nice reddish-brown color. Buttery notes from diacetyls thanks to the 72 degree fermentation- very nice and in character, with round maltiness and muted bitterness. Well balanced Not a lot of hops on the finish, so next time I might kick the finishing hops up a little and add some crystal malt to the mix to balance that out. Or, I'll do it exactly the same, since it tastes so good.

I also tasted the Porter from my second brew after a week in the bottle, mainly because I couldn't wait but also because I wanted to be sure that nearly severing a tendon in my dominant thumb had been worth it in some way. Surprisingly, it's already excellent. The recipe recommends a 40-day bottle conditioning period to let the roughness and astringency subside, but the Safale 33 seems to work very fast, because the bottle was not only fully carbonated but most by-products had been cleaned up too. Although it is still a little rough tasting and unintegrated, another three weeks in the bottle will smooth everything out nicely. Very fresh tasting, dry, a little toasty from the black patent malt, and generally exactly what I was after. I am surprised the hops don't show up more. I thought I used a good amount of Hallertau Mittelfreuh for aroma; they've disappeared. They might re-emerge as the beer ages, but I don't know. It's not a problem because the subtle freshness they bring is plenty nice anyway, and too
many finishing hops aren't exactly in character for a Porter. Still, maybe next time I'll use Fuggles and more of them for the softness they bring.

So anyway, that's nearly fifteen gallons of beer sitting around the house in various stages of readiness. I could probably take a month or so off, dont'cha think?

[alsø wik] FG: 1.015. It's going to be good! Bitter, like I thought, but with a nice balancing sweetness and a little bit of esters from the yeast. I think it will really benefit from at least four weeks in the bottle before drinking. There was a surprising amount of hop sludge and break material in the fermentor - my straining technique needs work. I think I love Doric yeast; if I had a little more fridge space I'd ranch it.

[alsø alsø wik] Delicious! It tastes more like Ipswich Brown than Old Brown Dog, but who cares? Color is very dark, ruby with brown overtones, with decent head formation and not much retention. Aroma is 100% Willamette up front, with some nice roastiness and complex sugars from the dark crystal malt. Good flavor, maybe a smidge too bitter this time (next time use Eroica or Northern Brewer, maybe Galena instead of Brewer's Gold, and a couple less AAUs). Complex and interesting. A good sipping beer. I'm curious to see how it develops in the bottle.

[wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?] So now I find that using too many Willamette hops makes a beer taste a little metallic. Which this one does. I'm still done with Brewer's Gold forever in favor of Northern Brewer, Galena, Target, Perle, or Eroica, but the hop woes of this brew stem from the Willamettes. Next time I'll make this one with something else.

[see the løveli lakes...] By the time this beer was gone, it was merely okay. Next time I will have to cut back on the Chocolate Malt and maybe on the Crystal 120L, because they were just too dark-tasting. DEFINITELY use different hops... And the Doric yeast is okay, but the clean flavor made the maltiness too prominent after a while. That will probably be fixed by cutting back on the caramel malt. If I can, I should next time use 4 ounces or so of Biscuit. That's be reaaaaal nice.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

My Price? $8 and a bag of popcorn.

So last week I was made aware of an initiative by the producers of the new movie by Buffy The Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon, Serenity to let bloggers into screenings so we'd get all hepped up and write about it on our weblogs.

Which is cool. I'm a huge fan of Whedon's, even to the point of appreciating the script for Alien: Resurrection even as I consider the movie to be a pile of dog puke. So I sent in my email, and this is the email I got in return:

Congratulations! You are one of the lucky bloggers to be chosen and confirmed for the screening of SERENITY for the time, date and the number of guests that you have requested. Please note, this confirmation DOES NOT guarantee you a seat at the screening.

To significantly increase your chances of getting into the screening, you MUST do the following:

· You MUST include the film’s synopsis on your blog (synopsis below) and you MUST link your blog to the SERENITY website (which has the trailer and production notes) http://www.serenitymovie.com and featured artwork. After you have screened the film, please discuss it on your blog. Please provide us the links to all of your blog posts on SERENITY at serenity@gracehillmedia.com
· Print out and bring a copy of this confirmation.
· Arrive at the theater AT LEAST 45 minutes before the show begins.
· Upon arrival at the theater, please find a UNIVERSAL PICTURES representative and inform him or her that you are part of the SERENITY BLOGGER BONANZA. The Universal rep will then instruct you as to what to do next.
· DO NOT bring in a camera or a cellular phone that takes pictures. They WILL be confiscated, and you will NOT be allowed into the screening.
· Have a great time!

Joss Whedon, the Oscar® - and Emmy - nominated writer/director responsible for the worldwide television phenomena of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE, ANGEL and FIREFLY, now applies his trademark compassion and wit to a small band of galactic outcasts 500 years in the future in his feature film directorial debut, Serenity. The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, Serenity. He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family –squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal.

So, let me get this straight. I have been "chosen and confirmed" for the screening, but this choosing and confirmation does not guarantee me entry to the theater. Huh. And yet, I'm s'posta do all this stuff.

If I, a weblogger, a breed of writer well known for its intransigence, independence, and bullheadedness, jump through all these here hoops, there's a chance that I might get into a screening of this movie. Do these folks actually *know* what webloggers are like, or did this just come up in a marketing meeting as "hey! I know how we can get oodles of ad space, for free!"?

Hei Lun at Begging To Differ has a similar reaction, except much worse:

In other words, if you become a complete shill for them, they just might let you see their movie. Or they might not—sure, they have only 150 seats in the theater, but if they can get 200 bloggers to get down on their hands and knees and beg them for a ticket, who cares if 50 of them can't get in? Mighty tempting (well, not really), but no thanks.

At the risk of sounding self-important, we're bloggers, not fanboys willing to prostitute away their self-respect for a movie ticket (though I see from Technorati that many bloggers are more than willing). I'm not saying that I'm highly principled and not-for-sale at any price, but it'd sure take more than $9.75 for someone to tell me what to write on this blog. Maybe this is standard operating procedure when big media companies give away free stuff, but if it is I want no part of it.

While I already to take a *certain* amount of direction as regards what I write, in that many of my music pieces are cross-posts from blogcritics.org, which maintains certain community standards, I often tart up my posts for the Ministry, which functions much like, as Buckethead once put it, our back porch. However, on our back porch, we keep shotguns loaded with rock salt for when salesmen come knocking.

How about this: it is confirmed that I have chosen to consider attending the screening of Serenity tomorrow night, but this confirmation does not guarantee I will show up, or write a follow-up review.

Kudos to "[my] Friends at Grace Hill Media" for making what felt like a mildly whorish move on behalf of an auteur whose work I like a great deal into something (that feels, at least) much more thorougly shill-ish. Nice job!

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 5

Best. Show. Ever.

Have you ever seen a TV show so intense you thought you were going to puke? I have, now. Battlestar Galactica is the best show on TV, probably the best sci-fi series EVAR, and not back on the air until January. That's a long time to hold it in.

Seriously... does anybody else watch that show? How can you not?

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 10

Pretzel Logic

A few years ago I thought I was on the path to enlightenment. No kidding; it's true. I had just gotten out of grad school with an M.A. that I wasn't sure I'd ever use and was keeping body in soul together renovating apartments for a property-management firm while living in the houses I was fixing up. My food budget was $12 a week and all I had to my name while all my crap was in (free) storage was a bag with some clothes, a Purdy paintbrush, a yoga mat, a blanket, a tiny portable stereo and a dozen cds. I also had Light on Yoga.

Light On Yoga by B.K.S. Iyengar is probably the most influential book on yoga of all time. Iyengar, whose personal devotion to the art helped him overcome severe childhood illnesses, wrote the book in an effort to systematize the ancient discipline in order to eliminate what he considered the confusing, obstructive, or simply pointless accoutrements that had built up over time. Framing yoga as a comprehensive road to enlightment and inner peace, Iyengar presented a rigorous and exacting course of study that focused on asana (yoga poses) and pranayama (breathing techniques) as the first steps on that journey.

Over the course of 500 pages, Light on Yoga presented more than 200 poses ranging from the simple (mountain pose or tadmasana, in which one simply stands perfectly erect and concentrates on the energy flowing between head and floor through one's feet) to the ludicrously acrobatic (Tiriang Mukhottanasana, in which one bends over backward from a standing position and grabs one's ankles - from the back - while touching the floor only with the soles of the feet) to the nearly impossible (corpse pose, or savasana, in which one simply lies on the floor with the mind perfectly still and yet perfectly alert). Each pose was described in short pithy phrases describing the alignment of the body, and the last 50 pages comprised a sample six-year course of study that, Iyengar claimed, would allow the dedicated student to master the contents of the book.

Like many aspiring yogis, I was drawn to Iyengar's no-nonsense approach to the art. But after several years of on-and-off study and eighteen months of intensive daily work, I found myself unable to progress beyond "Week 17." This was somewhat frustrating; Week 17 was highly physically demanding, and I found myself working ever harder at yoga (both poses and meditation) even as I put off the realization that I had no future plans, no prospects, and counted as my "domicile" a post office box in Amherst, Massachusetts. I eventually moved to a new city and a new job and let the change of circumstance be an excuse to let my yoga pratice wither. It turned out that I was not on the path to enlightenment. I was on the long road to an unheated basement apartment in Queens, New York. Much different.

Now, I understand that "Iyengar: the book" is different from "Iyengar: the class." In classes, Iyengar is famous for his energy and fierceness, even going so far as to strike students to (as he has it) stop them from making mistakes that could injure them. Certainly he has been successful- his strenuous and highly precise style of yoga is now taught around the world and he stands as possibly the world's foremost practitioner of the art. His more recent books (Light on Yoga was first published in 1966) find him introducing props such as blocks to help beginning students properly align their bodies while not stretching as far as advanced students, and expounding at greater length about the spiritual foundations of his art. His life's goal has been to help people achieve enlightenment by joining the mind to the body ("yoga" comes from the Sanskrit for "to yoke"), and the physical efforts are, in reality, secondary to the inner journey students undertake. In fact, the first section of Light on Yoga, the part without helpful pictures and such, is really more important to Iyengar's presentation than all the twisty acrobatics. That was something that, for all my serious aspirations and meditation, never sank in.

A former student of Iyengar explains the difference well. In the introduction to his book Yoga, The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness, Erich Schiffman writes,

"His methodology worked. Many people attempt to discredit him by saying his yoga is not spiritual. But here it was! Spiritual in the most practical, grounded, obvious way. And it was equally obvious from what he said to me that his intent all along was to impart the experience of yoga - not just put everyone through the paces, physically speaking. The whole point of this physical, hard work - and it was very physical and very demanding - was to get into a deep meditative state. . . .

It took me a while before I was able to describe what had happened, but as I look back, I can see that this is when yoga finally became mine. I "got" yoga....

In Iyengar's classes, for example, he would say "Move your little finger this way " or "Stretch the skin here" - and I would, and it always felt right.... But I had no idea where he was coming up with all this marvelous information, this detailed insight into how the poses worked. But when [a colleague] taught me to create a line of energy [e.g. down my arm], suddenly all the intricacies that Iyengar had been talking about began happening by themselves.

Although some of my trouble with yoga - why I "failed" - had to do with the fact that I was poor, broke, directionless, and pretty much an untogether cat, more had to do with my inability to read between the lines of Iyengar's pithy words to get at the unhinted intricacies below.

The new Light on Life is probably Iyengar's last book, as he is now by my count 87 years old (though he can still stand on his head for half an hour). It is a hybrid - part inspirational biography, part manual for living, and part philosophical text. In it, Iyengar goes into detail about the philosophical underpinnings of yoga and how students can use yoga to navigate the path to (possibly) eventual enlightenment.

Light on Life is divided into five sections, each corresponding to one of the yogic kosas, or bodies - Stability: The Physical Body, Vitality: The Energy Body, Clarity: The Mental Body, Wisdom: The Intellectual Body, and Bliss: The Divine Body. Iyengar also describes in detail the eight petals of yoga (a subject touched on briefly in the introduction to Light On Yoga); ethical disciplines (yama), internal ethical observances (niyama), poses (asana), breath control (pranayama), sensory control and withdrawal (pratyahara), concentration (dharana), meditation (dhyana), and blissful absorption (samadhi). If this all seems absurdly recondite, well, it does start that way.

But Iyengar is a deep thinker with a lifetime's experience to draw upon and over the course of the book explains the place for all these frankly bizarre concepts within the larger context of the yogi's search for samadhi. Even for someone like me (who is not a particularly spiritual person), Light on Yoga contains some important pearls of wisdom. While reading Iyengar's section on the need for detachment from worldly things, I understood for the first time grief as a selfish feeling - being sad for one's own loss, not for the departed, who are beyond caring.

In short, Light on Life presents, like Light on Yoga, a rigorous and demanding course of action for improving the body and mind of the practitioner. But where Light on Yoga was terse and pithy, Light on Life is circular and discursive, allowing Iyengar to dwell on topics he feels most important to the reader, such as the slippery nature of dharana, dhyana and samadhi.

Those who will get the most out of this book are aspiring yoga students who are prepared to accept the spiritual (or more properly, inner) aspects of yogic philosophy. Without that context, Iyengar's words are, for all their unpretentious charm, just another self-help guide on how to live a richer life. This is not necessarily a bad thing; some people find solace in Chicken Soup For the Soul, some in the Bible, and some in the Baghavad Gita. It all depends on what brand of wisdom your mind is ready to receive.

A notable difference between Iyengar and Chicken Soup for the Soul and Dr. Phil, however, is that Iyengar repeatedly reminds readers that self-improvement through yoga is difficult, indeed often seemingly impossible. When is the last time that the self-help guru of the week told someone honestly, "this is going to take a very long time, and will often suck a ton. But you're going to have to stick with this if you want any reward?" This is a sentiment more often reserved for drug-treatment programs or prison, but Iyengar readily applies it to the simple aim of wanting to live one's current life more completely. This is refreshing, and if the payoff is that at 87 years old you can smile and laugh, share wisdom with joy and humility, and stand on your head for 30 minutes, then there are probably a lot of people willing to try.

Iyengar's love for life is evident in every page, and the rich intellectual and spiritual rigor he brings to the book makes it a fitting companion, even an extended prelude, to Light On Yoga. Although much of the book is beyond me, probably forever, this is a required text for any serious student of yoga. And even if the deeper explorations of yogic spirituality don't resonate, there is a great deal here worth reading. If yogic spirituality does happen to be your path, then there is much here that will smooth the rocky path toward eventual enlightment. Not that you'll probably ever get there, but as Iyengar stresses time and again (in an affirmation of life worthy of Camus), it's not the getting there but the journey that counts.

This review also appears on blogcritics.org.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Johno's Fun With Beer, vol. 1

I recently took up homebrewing as a way to give myself even more burns on my hands and arms; bread baking just hasn't been doing the trick. From time to time I am going to post the results of recent brews as a way for me to archive recipes and procedures.

My first brewing attempt, two weeks ago, was a clone of Bass Ale. Saturday I will bottle it and about three weeks later will know if I'm a hack or a god. Water into wine? Pah! I'm turning water into beer! I didn't bother doing a lot of the usual rigamarole associated with brewing the first time around: I didn't write down how many IBUs (international bittering units... seriously) of bittering hops I used, much less what varieties were used (though I can make an educated guess at East Kent Goldings); I didn't take a specific gravity reading of the unfermented wort (that's "raw beer" to you); and I didn't keep any kind of journal. I mainly just wanted to do a test run and focus on a-b-c procedures so I could work out a system that will serve me down the road.

My second attempt took place this last weekend. (If any of you are brewers, you just said 'wait, Johno... your fermenting bucket is fulla beer... what are you doing? Well, see, I bought two fermenting buckets so I could do two batches at once - I'm wicket smaaht.) I'm a fan of porter in general, but I tend to like drier (less sweet) examples more. My all time favorite is the Edmund Fitzgerald Porter at the Great Lakes Brewing Company in Cleveland, and I'm chasing something like that. Their porter is actually quite sweet with chocolate and various estery flavors, and with 37 IBUs it's pretty darn hoppy. I am after something a little lighter but with a similar hop assertiveness. Details below the fold.

August 28 2005
Brew #2
All Thumbs Porter

2 cans (6.6 lb) Coopers Amber liquid malt extract
1 lb crystal malt, 40L
1/4 lb chocolate malt
1/4 lb black patent malt
bittering hops: 1 oz Eroica
finishing hops: 1 oz Hallertau Mittlefrueh
yeast: 1 packet Safale 33 dry yeast reconstituted in 1.5 cups 90 degree water

Steeped grains in ~3 gallons filtered tap water from room temp to boil, removed grainbag at boil. Added malt extract, returned to boil and added bittering hops. I don't know IBUs... too bad. Boiled uncovered 1 hour. Finished with the Hallertaus for last 5 minutes of boil time. Covered pot and moved to bathtub and waiting ice water. The ice water cooled the wort to about 95 degrees in less than 1/2 hour, and I added cooled distilled water to bring wort to 69 degrees and 5 gallons total volume before pitching the yeast. Removed to the basement to ferment at 73 degrees.

OG 1.048

Now a word about my thumb. I cut the hell out of the back of my right thumb adding the malt extract (can lids are sharp!!!), but managed not to bleed in the wort. Nevertheless, immediate medical attention was required; I could see veins and tendons down in there. I didn't go for stitches, but my ever forbearing wife went to the drugstore for some "steri-strips," which work just fine in a pinch. I finished the brew session trying to use only my left hand for everything, which is a fairly challenging prospect.

After 48 hours there was no evidence of fermentation. I was sure I killed the yeast.

After 72 hours, I popped top on bucket to re-pitch a new batch of yeast and found happily fermenting beer with yeast flocculating happily. Huh. Guess I need a new bucket lid that doesn't leak. Primary fermentation done in 72 hours: check. Drew off a bit with sterilized spoon and tasted- great! Very dry with nice hop flavor and aroma, a good astringency that will mellow with conditioning and good medium body. Detected a fair amount of fusel alcohols that need to condition away but they will. Not sure how final brew will taste... I didn't detect much residual sweetness; maybe that will reemerge as the astringency mellows. As long as I didn't contaminate when I peeked, this should turn out well. I may use some more chocolate malt next time to add a little more body, but I'm very happy with the roasted notes the black malt is providing and the way that plays with the rather thin spiciness of Hallertau hops.

[wik] A note to my compatriots: I am a good shot and a former Boy Scout with a strong survival instinct. I will do what I can when the zombies come to make sure that we get to the Catastratorium alive and well. But I'm thinking in the long term. What good is a secret zombie- and bomb- proof bunker if you can't eat well and get hammered while you're in there?

[alsø wik] Final gravity: 1.014.

[alsø alsø wik] The beer turned out delicious... a good session beer, dry, crisp, malty, maybe a little husky thanks to too-hot steeping? Next time I might use Fuggles instead of Hallertau Mittlefrueh for finishing hops, and juuuust a few more.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 4

It's Like A Big Party In Here! There's Wine and Bread... Anyone Got Some Brie?

Further proof that my nonbelieving heathen ass is as contrary to the mainstream of American culture as can be. Beliefnet has an article, as is their wont, about the reasons people go to church and what they believe about people who don't, in the form of results of a Beliefnet/Newsweak poll. There are some very surprising conclusions, such as the revelation (pun!) that 79% of churchgoing Americans and 68% of Evangelical Protestants believe that all good people have a shot at heaven whether they belong to [the church of yr choice] or not. That's interesting... the Antinomian heresy is clearly alive and well. Among other things, this indicates that Anne Hutchison's exile to Rhode Island in 1637 was to absolutely no avail.

More than that it is a testament to the ability of Americans to tolerate others innately, even when they are instructed repeatedly not to on pain of hellfire & eternal whatever. I mean seriously... hell is a pretty central tenet of especially the Fundie folkways, and for all the rhetoric they sling on Sundays and at demonstrations, it seems the better angels of their natures prevail.

But the really interesting part of the survey is this:

Other results from the poll indicate that the appeal of religion is more spiritual than cultural. Thirty-nine percent said the main reason they practiced their religion is to “forge a personal relationship with God” while only 3% said it was to be part of a community. This would help explain why many people report having a regular prayer life but not attending church. Seventy-nine percent said they pray at least once a week compared to 45% who said they went to worship services during that time. In addition, 40% said they felt “most connected with God or the divine” when they were “praying alone or meditating” compared to 27% who said they had that sense when they were in a house of worship or praying with others.

The poll also showed a more basic point that may be obvious to Beliefnet readers but not others: spirituality is crucial to most Americans. 57% said spirituality was "very important" in their "daily life" and another 27% said it was somewhat important. Their behavior seems to back up this notion. 79% said they prayed at least once a week and 55% said they read a sacred text -- Bible, Koran, etc -- at least once a week.

Only three percent of Americans go to church primarily to feel part of a community. The li'l punchline to this is that my wife and I have kicked around the idea of joining a church for the sake of having a community for our as yet theoretical children to grow up within. If only the Unitarians weren't so darned uptight.... Moreover, I have as yet been unable to maintain a regular relationship with my own navel during meditation, much less any putatative sky fairy whom I've as yet been unable to raise on the great Cosmic Philco. Being on the wrong side of a 97% and a 79% majority means you could probably fit all the other people in this great country who think like me in one Winnebago. A small one.

Rather irritatingly, the Beliefnet/Newsweak poll also includes a teaser at the bottom of the first page: "How Many Of Us Believe in Intelligent Design?" On the second page it is revealed that "We Are All Intelligent Designers," which is explained with a data point to the effect that 80% of respondants believe God created the universe. I'm not sure those two statements are compatible, and indeed it is an annoying cop-out in an otherwise very interesting survey and poll.

Anyway, decent article. Apparently I'm a heathen freak.

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 0

Life is a meaningless parade of pain, and loneliness, and revenuers

Via Pejman, this glorious post. Excerpt:

THEME (By the Kronos Quartet with vocals by ABBA)
Just the good ol' boys
Filled with guilt and ennui
They're bored, racked with discord
Just hangin' by the fjord
Scarred emotionally

Masking their pain
The only way they know how
Just a bit more existentialist
Than their souls will allow

Just them good ol' boys
Wouldn't change if they could
Psychically crippled
Like two planks of Danish teak wood

Yee. Ha.

SCENE 1
Interior shot of a backwoods cabin in rural Georgia. The room is tastefully decorated with Bruno Mathsson lounge chairs, Eero Saarinen side tables, a rebel flag and moonshine still. An old bearded man lies on a vintage midcentury Alvar Aalto death bed.

NARRATOR (Gunnar Biörnstrand)
Just plumb about everybody in Hazzard County has a story to tell 'bout them Duke boys and their existential auto-didactism. This one starts back at the farm, where Bo 'n' Luke are about to find out that Uncle Jesse has a little surprise in store for 'em...

UNCLE JESSE (Max Von Sydow)
Bo, Luke. Come to my side, nephews.

(Cousins Bo and Luke, scions of Uncle Jesse's crumbling moonshine dynasty, enter.)

LUKE (Börje Ahlstedt)
What is it you want, Uncle?

(Bo and Luke exchange long, blank glance; a Hans Wegner clock ticks on a far wall)

UNCLE JESSE
Death.

BO (Ashton Kutcher)
Your despair has shaken our complacency. I shall bring your jug.

LUKE
It is the same Blomvo jug that Aunt Bessie long ago bought for you at Ikea... when you were young and happy.

UNCLE JESSE
Its design is elegant; yet, like life, it brings me no joy. I am compelled to smash it, like my own existence.

BO

But you must live, Uncle.

UNCLE JESSE
Why must I live? Life is a meaningless parade of pain, and loneliness, and revenuers.

(Bo and Luke stare; close-up of ticking clock)

Posted by Buckethead Buckethead on   |   § 1

To be culturally illiterate is to be less than fully human

That's my elitist line in the sand, elicited by a polemical editorial in - of all places - USA Today about how textbooks are making our children stupider. Readers of Diane Ravitch's The Language Police will be familiar with the contours of the argument, and I think everybody out there who reads weblogs at all has lamented at some point the sorry state of our public schooling. It's as easy as poisoning pigeons in the park. But, MAN.

From the piece:

Take the McDougal Littell text that we finally adopted for 9th- and 10th-graders. It starts off with a unit titled "Mesopotamian, Egyptian and Hebrew Literature," followed by sections on the literature of Ancient India, Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, Ancient China and Japan. Then comes "Persian and Arabic Literature" and "West African Oral Literature" — and that's only the first third of the book. There are still more than 800 pages to plough through, but it's the same drill — short excerpts from long works — a little Dante here, a little Goethe there and two whole pages dedicated to Shakespeare's plays. One even has a picture of a poster from the film Shakespeare in Love with Joseph Fiennes kissing Gwyneth Paltrow. The other includes the following (which is sure to turn teens on to the Bard):

"Notice the insight about human life that the following lines from The Tempest convey:

We are such stuff

As dreams are made on; and our little life

Is rounded with a sleep.

Shakespeare's plays are treasures of the English language."

They are? Well goody! And Leo DiCaprio stars!

Allow me to preen for a moment, because I got lucky in high school. Well not lucky in the usual sense; I was a Quiz Team geek and our type didn't have willing groupies, but lucky in a larger sense. You see, my poor backward rural cow-town in the rust flats of Ohio was blessed with one Mr. Speece, an elderly English teacher who presided over Intensive English I-IV. Over four years, the curriculum went as follows:

Freshman year - American writers: Steinbeck, Hemingway, Thornton Wilder, Katherine Ann Porter, etc.
Sophomore year - British writers: Shakespeare, Dickens, Wilde, Hardy, Maugham, Chaucer (unexpurgated), Beowulf
Junior Year - Continental and Russian writers: Dante, Tolstoy, Dostoyevski, Turgenev
Senior Year - More of the same, but Frencher, plus drama: Balzac, Proust, Ibsen, Checkov.

Every finished book required a five-page expository essay explicating some aspect of the work. We were graded on spelling, grammar, clarity, cogency, and concision of argument. Our sophomore-year midterm consisted of memorizing and writing out in class 500 lines of poetry of our choice. The final: 1000 lines.

Thanks to Daniel Speece, I learned what Spanish Fly is, what "do a Cattleya" means in A Recherce du Temps Perdu, and how to fold and tear a calling card to convey to a lady I call upon that I'd like to have sex with her at some future date. Yes, I hated Hemingway and thought Anna Karenina was turgid and dense, but having read and though about those texts prepared me for college and in some very important ways for life. And without getting too snooty-snooty elitist about it, I'm very happy to have had the chance to read all these books and carry away from them a rich sense of the breadth of human experience. Revenge takes so many forms: Othello's betrayal, Eustacia Vye accidental vengeance, Mrs. Treadwell watching herself dispassionately as she beats a pattern of crimson half moons in Danny's unconscious face with her high heel. Ditto love; whether Anna K's final solution, Hamlet's roiling mix of love and hatred or poor Philip Carey's pathetic mooning after his dull and worthless Mildred. None of these things would make it anywhere near most high school English curricula today, and I think we are poorer for it.

Reason mag has a good discussion of this editorial with some great comments including this priceless illustration of what I like to call "the problem:"

When I taught Shakespeare, I was saddened that the kids would laugh at "What ho!" but completely miss the sexual innuendo in something like Mercutio saying, "the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon."

Part of what separates us from dogs and robots is our shared heritage, and without that we become something less than complete. This goes double if you can't even recognize a simple dick-joke. It's why I became a (failed, apostate) historian and it's why I get so exercised about junk like this. I'd rather not homeschool my children; my wife and I both like to work. But it looks like I'm going to have to.

[wik] One of the problems with blogging is that it's so off-the-cuff. Some writers seem to thrive in that format; I don't know if I do. My pieces come out better and more fully formed if I give them time to marinate.

My biggest problem, out of many, with the textbook example excerpted above is that the sentence "Shakespeare's plays are treasures of the English language" is in itself an empty assertion. A person cannot simply read that statement along with two pages of disembodied quotations from larger works and understand in any way why people think Shakespeare is so great, much less how they might think it is so.

I can tell a child that "fire is hot; it burns," or "someday a woman will break your heart; you will want to die" but one of the tragedies of life is that we all have to live it for ourselves. If I could endure every burn and heartbreak for my (future; as yet theoretical) child, I would in a second. If I could open their eyes to the boundless invention and sheer joy of Shakespeare's prose, I would in a second.

But for one thing. To know something, really know it, you have to go through it ready or not. That's what life is all about. And for every burn, for every heartbreak, for every petty cruelty heaped upon an already straining back by the business of daily living, there is a Shakespeare, a Heinlein, a Chandler, a Bible, shit, even a Nightmare on Elm Street to show you there are greater and more wondrous things in the realm of human experience than you ever knew.

A teacher's job, ideally, is to lead students to the point where they can realize this for themselves. For a teacher cannot instill; they can only create the opportunity for learning. But if we don't give teachers even the chance to do that, if we deaden the pleasures and pains in the lessons in the name of 'diversity' or 'moral hygiene,' than we make it a teacher's job to raise intellectual veals.

Shakespeare isn't great until you've picked your wordy way through Othello or Macbeth, gotten inside the language, been smacked in the face with a wet woolen glop of alien-yet-familar genius and come away a little changed. Before that it's just "fain prithee jakes petard; forsooth! bawdy bedpresser, for lo thine shivers I see!"

"Shakespeare's plays are treasures of the English language" in the same way that "it really hurts to break your leg."

Posted by Johno Johno on   |   § 12