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Noted author, songwriter, raconteur, salsa merchant, barbecue chef, friend to transvestites, and all-around hero to Johno, Kinky Friedmanis running for Governer of Texas. That's right. The craziest Semite west of the Pecos, and genius behind the song "They Just Don't Make Jews Like Jesus Anymore" is running for the same post that bred our currect pars-dent.

"I want to fight the wussification of the state of Texas. I want to rise and shine and bring back the glory of Texas," Friedman said. "I am a writer of fiction who tells the truth."

According to the Houston Chronicle,

"There are no skeletons in my closet. They are all bleaching on a beach somewhere," he said.

You want to know Kinky's stand on gun control?

"I do not carry a gun myself, so if someone is going to shoot me, they better remember to bring their own weapon."

On abortion?

"I am not pro-life, I am not pro-choice, I am pro football."

On the serious side, Kinky would like to establish a Texas Peace Corps where people could volunteer and help the state. He was a member of the Peace Corps in Borneo, where he taught agriculture to people who had been successfully farming for 2,000 years.

He would like to see nondenominational prayer in school and make Texas a state that does not allow animal shelters or pounds to kill abandoned or stray pets.

He has no plans to get a make-over for the campaign. He will smoke his cigars and wear his cowboy hat low over his curly hair.

"I got a straight perm a few months ago. It was so bad that it made me look like Hitler as a used car salesman," he said.

Let's all move to Texas, buy a shotgun, and cast a vote for Kinky!