perfidy

I've always thought the biggest mistake I ever made was being born in Ravenna, Ohio.

This prank's exactly the kind of thing my smart-and-bored younger sister used to get up to in Ravenna, Ohio no less, when she was in high school. Except that fifteen years ago, the cops were merely overzealous because they were raging pricks, not because they were raging pricks ennobled by their li'l anti-terror crusade. As if, of course, the terrorists who so famously hate our freedom can't pick strategically significant targets, letting their hatred of town squares, hardware stores, pickup trucks, Dairy Queens, and underutilized faux-historic downtowns recently renovated at significant cost overruns on the backs of taxpayers overwhelm whatever other beefs they might have with said freedom &c &c.

In the town of Ravenna, Ohio, five teenage girls, ages 16 and 17, crafted some life-sized power-up boxes modeled after those in the NES classic [video game Super Mario Brothers]. The cardboard boxes were covered in shiny, gold wrapping paper and had the black question marks familiar to most gamers. As an April Fools joke, the girls laid 17 of these boxes around the town in public spaces Friday morning.

The humor was lost on some residents, however. After noticing one package on the steps of a church, a concerned citizen reported the "suspicious package" to local authorities, who called in the county's hazardous materials unit and the bomb squad.

. . . . .

Ravenna Police Chief Randall McCoy told the online edition of the Record-Courier that one girl came into the police department with one of her parents and claimed responsibility, saying it was just a joke.

Apparently, the girls got the idea from the Web site Qwantz.com, which gives detailed instructions on how to make the boxes. The Web site intended the posting to inspire art projects, and several subversive artists have submitted photos of their Mario blocks in action across the country.

. . . . .

The girls face possible criminal charges for their actions. While most in the online community think the authority's actions are a tad extreme, McCoy defends the proceedings of his department.

"The potential is always present when dealing with a suspicious package that it could be deadly," McCoy told the Record-Courier. "In today's day and age, you just cannot do this kind of stuff."

Actually, the real lesson is never admit shit to the Portage County cops even when it seems like the right thing to do. I'm glad the girls are learning now the value of subterfuge and the horrible price you pay for creativity, honesty, and coloring outside the lines.

Here are alternate links to stories in the Akron Reekin-Urinal and to the Portage County Record-Courier, whose site is currently slashdotted. From the Urinal:

Boxes were found at the Immaculate Conception Church on West Main Street, the Portage County Courthouse, Deluxe Pastries, the corner of Cherry Way and Main Street, Reed Memorial Library, Ravenna High School and a residence at Sanford and Main streets.

Clearly, the terrorists know what we value most as a society. Deluxe Pastry make the best cream sticks, which other parts of the country may know as Bismarcks.

The Record-Courier, by the way, had their finest hour the week of May 4, 1970, with a series of triumphalist feature stories about the "dirty piggies" (in the words of several contributors to the letters and even op-ed pages) who got what was coming to them at Kent State. The May 5 headlines ran something like, "STUDENTS RUN RIOT...BURN PROPERTY....." and over to the side "(four people killed)."

But I digress. It's always a little touching when the long arm of Roscoe P. Coltrane reaches out and touches something it plumb don't understand. Omigod, Skeeter!! The terrorists are bombing Deluxe Pastry! They hate our freedom and our maple-frosted cream sticks!

Feh.

[wik] It's stories like this that throw cold water all over my occasional urge to quit Massachusetts for Ohio, to take advantage of lower costs of living.

[alsø wik] Is it wrong of me that I almost put a "Crazy Foreigners" tag on this story?