perfidy

Those of you who are married... what would happen to you if you came home from a long day in the word-mines, hung your nice grey fedora on the peg by the door and said, "Woman.... Fix me a plate!" And what would happen if, after an evening of Ed Sullivan and a desultory game of bridge with the neighbors, you said to your wife, "Woman, it is time to service me! You will get in the bedroom and strip, now!"

Would you even do that? Even in jest? And what would you expect to happen afterwards? In the experience of every married couple I am friends with, joking about this would be like juggling with live grenades, and saying something like this in seriousness would be... well... unhealthy.

Well, how about writing your authority to do so in your pre-nup? Meet Travis Frey, an Iowa man currently up on charges for kidnapping his own wife and for child pornography. The Smoking Gun has a copy of his insane pre-nup draft, unsigned, that his wife submitted as evidence of his crazy-man insanitude, after the break.

Excerpts after the cut:

Hygiene & Self Care: You will shave every third day which includes underarms, chest, legs and pubic area (navel to anus), all areas are to be completely clean shaven. Above your vagina you may have a patch of pubic hair in any shape, that must be centered above your vaginal slit. It will measure no greater than 2.0” x 1.0’ and will maintain a length of less than 1/3”.

Sleepware: I will select all your sleepware for you, and you will find it under your pillow if there is none then you are to be naked. You are to have your sleepware on within 20 minutes of the kids being in bed.

Clothes & Other Apparel: You will wear only thigh highs & garters and only thong panties. The only exception will be during your menstrual cycle at which time you could wear either or both. Half of your shoe purchases will be high heels, 2’ or more. You will wear these high heels more often.

You will give me all non-thong panties and all panty hose, all tights, all knee-high and/ or ankle high nylons. You be able to keep 5 pairs of non-thong panties of your choice for use during your menstrual cycle.

My Time: When we are at home and alone as a family from when you are to be naked until 12:00am or for three hours, whichever is later, will be MY TIME. This time will be time you will devote solely to me, whereas you will be in my service to do Anything and Everything I want, which may or may not be sexual in manner.

Good Behavior: Since there will be no trading, negotiations, or concilations of any kind you are given chances to earn Good Behavior Days (GBDs). TO receive GBD's you are to be totally compliant with everything requested or expected of you, and perform everything with complete and total enthusiasm. In addition GBD's will be given when you do things from the descriptions below when not expected. If you try to perform something not expected and I tell you no you will recieve half GBD's. Specfic GBD info is listed at the bottom right of each description.

I'm not even going to get into the detailed parts about "noncompliance" and "misbehavior" or the lists of do's and don'ts (No complaining to or about me; No whining, crying, sobbing our pouting; Do be loving and devoted at all times). It is very important to read all four pages of this incredible document.

[wik]According to the commentors at Demure Thoughts, Frey sprung this contract on his wife well after they were married, which makes this into a pathetic airing of petty grievances. Somehow that's even sadder, like Hitler in his bunker giving orders to phantom armies as the Russians burn Berlin.