perfidy

Let's face it. Metal is dumb. Metal has always been dumb. And hopefully, metal will always be dumb. (I could, however, do without the "Metallica bleating 12-step recovery program slogans over a tin drum" kind of dumb. Because that's just not metal.) And why fight the dumb? Metal is loud; it's obvious; it's incurably theatrical. Dumb is the way of metal, and the dumber the better. Leather! Flames! Swords! Warriors! Skulls! Hot chicks and motorbikes! Hell, yeah!

John Mikl Thor (his real name) was at one time a winner of the Mr. Canada and Mr. USA pageants, a champion bodybuilder with a taste for training to heavy rock. Back in the '70s, when it was still (relatively) cool to wear studded leather collars and sing about the hammer of the gods, Thor stole a page from Alice Cooper and KISS and took his act on the road as Thor The Rock God, blending metal with Norse mythology and epic stage shows (he claims to have been an influence on GWAR and Manowar). Starting in the late '70s, he toured the globe doing mock battle with evil warlords, brandishing sword and shield, and perform feats of strength such as bending steel bars, smashing bricks against his chest, and blowing up hot water bottles until they burst. He has been known to ride onstage in Charlton Heston's chariot from Ben-Hur.

And even though the world has moved on and metal has turned to rap and weepy teen diary excerpts for new inspiration, Thor is still making music. His new album, Thor Against The World is out next month on Smog Veil Records.

So what does the rock god’s new album sound like? Well, it's goofy, it's bombastic, and it's as satisfying to the primitive part of my lizard-brain where the metal receptors are located as anything I've ever heard. Thor Against The World rocks in the finest tradition of AC/DC, Alice Cooper, KISS, WASP, Judas Priest, and all the other great deep-shag acts of the golden age of hard rock. Is it an instant classic? No. But it is one hell of a lot of fun.

Being that Thor seems bent on partying like it's 1979, the album is rife with classic drum sounds, shouted choruses ("Creature! Feature! I wanna meetcha! Meetcha!") heroic guitar solos, and the occasional soaring synth (on "Megaton Man"). The lyrical content mainly dwells on tough love, universal battles, and the glory and power of Thor. As it turns out, all those years of bodybuilding and bursting hot water bottles have given Thor quite a set of pipes. While he's no Ronnie James Dio, he sings the hell out of his eleven sword-sorcery-and-sex tales in a leathery baritone in the finest tradition of the Alice Cooper/Paul Stanley school of bombastic frontmen. And really… how can one not like a record that features a legion of warriors shouting "Thor! Thor! Thor!" and includes songs called "Creature Feature," "Easy Woman," "Serpents Kiss" and "The Coming of Thor?" The cherry on top is a surprisingly affecting ballad ("Turn To Blue") in the finest SWOBHM* tradition.

Thor has dedicated himself to stoking the flame of that primal, stooped, over-the-top school of rock that went out about the time Gene Simmons took off his makeup. If you long for the days of Trans Ams, pop-top beer, and WASP, KISS, and Alice Cooper, there is no possible way to do better than Thor Against The World. As long as you have a taste for the dumb side of metal (and what red-blooded American doesn't?), I can't recommend this highly enough.

*(That's "Second Wave of British Heavy Metal." Geek.)

www.thorcentral.com

Thor circa 1979

Thor circa 2003