perfidy

As in a parting with the flesh. Strip away the Christian/assumption connotations and one is left with the impetus for the single most popular New Year's resolution: leaving about five pounds behind so we can fit into our good pants again. With that most Amurrican of obsessions in mind, I propose a new definition for "carnival."

Carnival- USA colloq., v(i): American for "gee, I really need to get rid of this gut."

Feh. Love your fat, I say! Revel in it! Treasure your five extra pounds of winter fat as a glutinous reward for untrammeled gluttony, your birthright as a member of the class that can afford too eat too much. You belong to the select few, that minute fraction of humanity who are at risk of dying from having too much to eat. Take a minute, look at your new girth, and fricking love it.

Then go check out the new Carnival of the Recipes for some quick and easy ways to further enhance your lardass endowment.

Did you eat your sauerkraut on New Year's Day (or your black-eyed peas, if that's your bag)? Why do foods that make you fart also bring good luck? If that's really the case, I should by rights be the luckiest man alive. (Well... now that I think about it, I am. I love you, honey.)