First Quadrennial Ministry "Guess the end of the Election Contest"
The Ministry is pleased, nearly to the point of emotional trauma, to announce the first quadrennial "Guess the end of the Election Contest." Unlike previous Ministry contests, which really weren't contests at all, this rainbow actually has a pot of gold at the end. A very small pot, to be sure, but more on that later.
Enter your best guess as to the date that the election will be resolved in the comment section - any date, past or future - and the Ministry's dedicated staff of underpaid Moldavian migrant child laborers will record your entry in a great book, which will be consulted as soon as we are informed that the election has been decided. The person or entity whose guess is closest to the actual date will win a prize. In the event of a tie, each contestant will have to answer an election related trivia question from each participating minister. The person or entity answering the most questions correctly will be deemed the winner. In the event of a further tie, the entrant who submits the most humorous or sexy picture of him/her/themselves will be made winner. All judgments are purely subjective, and the Ministry makes no pretense of objectivity, fairness or even sanity. Any smartass who picks Dec 13, just because that's the date that the Electoral College votes, will be summarily disqualified and subject to ridicule.
As for the prize: the Ministry, at great risk to its personal integrity and reputation, will offer the winner posting rights on the Ministry interweb site for a period of one (1) week. If the winner is a Minister, they will get a sloppy kiss on the cheek from Minister Buckethead's loyal but somewhat dim animal companion Bodhi.
The Ministry demands, for the first time, that you link to this post far and wide, so that the contest will have sufficient participants so as to make it interesting. It is your moral duty, as well as in your own self interest to comply. And the Ministry knows where you live.
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§ 12 Comments
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Since you don't mean Dec 13
Since you don't mean Dec 13 (dammit), I'm assuming by 'End of Election' you mean 'when the losers stop being weenies and grow some balls'? In that case, I don't think this election will be close enough to warrant excessive *evil* shenanigans. I'll say, uh, November 4th. Because that's my birthday, and I always wanted my very own President.
...Um, if no one else votes, does that mean I win by default?
Crap - further proof that if
Crap - further proof that if you snooze, you lose. I was going to pick Nov. 4, since it's MY birthday too.
Surely not because the horse shit will have stopped by then, mind you.
So I'll choose Nov. 29, primarily because nobody I know was born then.
As the resident optimist here
As the resident optimist here at Perfidy, I choose Nov. 3.
Side pool: I bet Buckethead
Side pool: I bet Buckethead is actually closest, because I don't think there'll be any contesting at all, just chose Nov 4th because it's almost 3rd and I needed to deprive Patton.
Winner gets a sloppy kiss on the cheek from... uh... me.
Anyone who notices a trend of
Anyone who notices a trend of me kissing Buckethead's ass... it's your imagination, and has nothing to do with his awesomeness. I swear.
Well, I certainly hope B's
Well, I certainly hope B's right, and that even if he's not, I'm wrong only by having been too cynical.
I'm not as optimistic as he is, but that's because I'm not as young as he is.
Patton, I never got the
Patton, I never got the impression that you were that much older than me. I was born in the sixties, but only just barely. I think that there is certainly a chance that we could have an effed up election - but chances of two in a row are fairly slim. It's a safe bet. But there is a sick part of my soul that looks forward to disaster. Its why politics and the discovery channel fascinate me equally.
About 11 years difference, as
About 11 years difference, as I recall. I forget how I came to that knowledge, but I'm sure it's based on one of our prior email exchanges. Not enough to easily explain my excess of cynicism. But enough for me to CLAIM it explains it, until someone challenges me on it.
You're probably right (where have you heard me say that recently?) - the chance of two in a row could be slim, but the Dems got a taste of crawl-on-your-belly-like-a-snake politics in 2000, and for those on the extreme left, it's sustained them through four years in the (relative) political wilderness.
The ability to do so for another cycle, should it come to that, would answer your comment at my site: It could be the manna they need to retain some relevance, when instead they should be purged from the Democrat Party, for the good of the party and the nation itself.
I'm going to say election is
I'm going to say election is settled, ie, victory publicly accepted on all sides, on 15 November.
It has nothing to do with my political saavy, Dickian precognitive abilities, Clarkian insight, Asimovian friendly robots, or Saganian amicable aliens.
It's just my next payday, so I'm kind of counting down to that day already.
Since I like longshots and
Since I like longshots and don't care for doggy kisses (cat person), I'm taking the contrarian approach.
January 2.
Here's my farfetched crazy-talking 3-ball corner shot, based on the presumption of a razor-close election. A.) There will be electoral shenanigans. One of two things will occur: either a) Colorado will pass their split-elector amendment or b) West Virginia will have a rogue elector. Either of these will spark major lawsuits and judicial acrobatics. B) Electronic voting machines will-- will-- malfunction in close races, necessitating painful and divisive battles. C) The Supreme Court will have to step in again, and settle all this shit, again.
November 10. A week for the
November 10. A week for the loons on either side to calm down and realize that it's not going to make a difference either way. I also predict a backlash against this post-election litigation nonsense.
Looking at all the legal
Looking at all the legal teams sent in by the DNC, and all the shenanigans with the voter registration lists, I'll guess... June 23rd. Assuming the result is close.
I'll be optimistic, and say 2005, rather than 2006, but only because the Supreme Court won't let the legal challenge chaos go much further.