perfidy

Gary Farber is in a panic. Despite chronic physical ailments, and wrestling with crippling depression, Amygdala has been one of the most consistently excellent blogs I know. In keeping with the Ministry tradition of not linking to anyone, or in fact doing anything that would increase our popularity, I have only linked Gary a couple times. But I read. And the other day, he explained why he has been in a panic. One of the few dependable sources of income he has has evaporated. He needs cash.

Imagine you're a cute, fuzzy deer. You wander onto the highway. You see some lights, you freeze. You think to yourself, "I've got to get out of the highway." The lights get closer. You think, even more urgently, "I've really got to get out of the highway." But you can't move. Imagine that feeling lasting for months or years at a time. People with chronic ailments like diabetes can take insulin or whatever to control their disease. There is nothing about diabetes that actively tries to prevent you from getting help. Depression does. It's five miles of fog between you and reality. It's all the color in your life going away, and not all cute like in Pleasantville. It even makes you like the Cure and the Smiths. And all the while, people tell you to cheer up, or get your shit together, or for godsakes just do something. You feel that whatever talents or gifts you have, which - in the hands of anyone else - would have allowed them to become wildly successful and boink supermodels all day, are really just a mocking curse from a cruel god because you have them, and can't use them for anything.

I think that Gary might be feeling better, thanks to the generosity of those who've already pitched in. Make him feel a little better, if for no other reason than so I can keep reading his blog.