perfidy

Loyal Reader #0017, EDog, lives in a really messed up place.

Uegene Safken says one of his chickens in his young flock had gotten into a tub of water in the yard last week and appeared to have died. Safken said he swung the chicken by the feet in his attempt to revive it and when that failed, continued swinging and blowing into its beak. "Then one eye opened. I thought it was an involuntary response," Safken said. The chicken's beak opened a little wider and Safken started yelling at it: "You're too young to die!

That's priceless. Imagine the tableau. The barnyard. The milling fowl. The one little yellow puff floating in a tub. The farmer, walking by on his way to feed the hogs, sees the tiny dot of yellow bobbing in the brackish pool and freezes, stricken. He drops his hoe. He gawps. With a yell he sprints with loose limbs toward the unfortunate chick. He lifts it gingerly from the water and begins SHAKING IT BY THE FEET SHOUTING "LIVE, DAMN YOU, LIVE!!!"

Jeezus. What's more, Colorado seems to have a thing for post-tragedian chickens. From the same story comes this heartwarming and gutwrenching tale of headless love:

About 50 miles west of Collbran, residents in Fruita each year celebrate the life of Mike the Headless Chicken, who survived a beheading in 1945. Afterward, Mike could go through the motions of pecking for food, and when he tried to crow, a gurgle came out. His owner put feed and water directly into Mike's gullet with an eyedropper.

University of Utah scientists examined the chicken and theorized Mike had enough of a brain stem left to live headless.

He was a popular attraction until he choked to death on a corn kernel in an Arizona motel.

It's so sad when an artist goes like that, sad and nearly forgotten, hanging onto the tattered shreds of a once-great career. Alone in a dingy motel room, killed by his own success and a wayward kernel of Kansas' best.

Hats off to you, brave chickens!