perfidy

Back in September Lady Lethal, the Li'lest Lethal, and I went to a coupla local town fairs.

You know, peach harvest festival-type stuff. Petting zoo ("Behold the esquilax!"). Balloons of every shape, color, and stripe *except* pornographic. Cub Scouts hawking some widget or other as they aspire to be Boy Scouts, who in turn are preparing a surprising variety of doughy foods, as they wait to be old enough to enlist at the Army's recruiting booth, and ultimately wind up in one of the sausagenpepper sandwich carts run by opposing factions of veterans groups. There were even rides operated by drifters and gypsies. And sight was overwhelmed by smell, as the competing aromas of deep fryers, hay, body odor, and vomit (from children who ate sausagenpeppers and went on a ride tended by a drifter or gypsy) filled the air and settled in your clothes.

It was as authentic a slice of 21st century Americana as it's possible to cut.

Each fair also had a band. Each singer howled something like, "HELLO TOWN FAIIH-YUH!" every so often (which made me laugh for hours afterward). Each was similarly competent, yet similarly lame, because they played pretty much the same set list. "Brown Eyed Girl"; "Takin' Care of Business"; "Bad Case of Loving You"; and such like.

Not knocking Van Morrison, or BTO, or the other guy.

Mmmm, ok, not knocking Van Morrison.

Just sayin', is all...I mean, if you're going to go through the trouble of getting a rock band together, and learn a bunch of songs, and market yourself, and get paying gigs, how about playing some music that maybe is even better and almost as well known?

If it were me, I would do like this: have everybody in the band write up a dream sheet of 10 standard rock songs they want to play out at, say, oh, the town fair. Then we collect everybody's list, which can yield enough material for at least 90 minutes. You look them over, eliminate any duplication, then burn them- vigorously, enthusiastically. Then you make better lists. With better songs.

Here is my proposed set list for my new project, Generic Town Fair Rock n Roll Revue (the preferred name of the band is Killbot Factory, but for PG-rated gigs we're going with Generic Town Fair Rock n Roll Revue):

-Search and Destroy (Stooges)

-I Want to Take You Higher (Sly and the Family Stone- sax player takes harmonica bits. Did I mention that Killbot Factory has a sax player...?)

-Big City Nights (Scorpions)

-Working Man (Rush- some sort of abridged version)

-Can't You Hear Me Knockin' (Stones)

-One Step Beyond (Madness- we can unspool this and jam for a bit if we need the time)

-Hey Hey, My My (into the black) OR Cinammon Girl (N Young)

-Bloodfeast (Misfits- if we can slip it in without anyone noticing...)

-Nighttrain (James Brown)

-Ziggy Stardust OR Moonage Daydream (Bowie)

-What Do I Get? (Buzzcocks)

Keep 10 or 15 Ramones tracks in your back pocket just in case you need to fill 5 minutes at the end, and we're done.

Now, assume you play in the band- what's *your* dream sheet? Uh, assuming the one you submitted the first time has already been burned.