perfidy

Ran across this today - the Dollar ReDe$ign Project.  In it, many have submitted their ideas for replacement designs for the dollar.  This is a good thing - seeing as the new C-note is trending a little faggoty.  Most of them, sadly, are even more fagotty then what we're getting.  But a couple of them I really liked.

This one, by one Michael Tyznik, is kinda cool.  Oddly, he flips the sides - the face is on the reverse, the picture on the front.  The obverse is nice - a clean design.  The reverse, maybe not so much, but I like the idea of including the full text of the bill of rights on our paper currency.  If the portrait were set off, it might make the reverse a little stronger.

Tyznik feels that the $1 bill is wrong, and should be replaced with a dollar coin. Hmm, that reminds me of something. Take a look at all of them here, and read his thoughts on the design here.

And then this one, well it's a little odd - it imagines a federal union of the US, Canada and Mexico. And all the faces on the bills are bankers.  Cheeky, what?  But I like the layout of the bills - it's not busy, but it keeps the idea of the traditional currency.

You can see some of the imagined back story here, with more pics (in an easier to view format) here. What this reminded me of was this, from the archives (I've included it below because the special characters are mildly hosed over at old.perfidy):

I Want Real Money

Emperor Buckethead I.  That has a nice ring to it, don't you think?  When I become Emperor of the United States, there's a few things I want to change around here.

Last weekend, my mom came out to help celebrate the birthday of my son, who turns four this coming weekend. As part of the bag of gifts that she brought out for greedboy, she included a couple of the new dollar coins, the ones with George Washington's portrait on them. I was underwhelmed with this latest effort from the Bureau of Printing and Engraving.

The coin feels like what Monopoly money would feel like if the game used coins. It's light, as if it had a plastic core. The sheen is distinctly unreminiscent of gold. The quality of the art work is poor, I mean really, from some angles it looks like poor George is missing his eyes instead of his teeth. Zombie George is not what I want on my dollar coin. The fonts are ridiculous. And once again, we have a dollar coin the same size as a quarter.

Now, I am in favor of dollar coins. Ever since I spent time in England, I have been for dollar coins. The pound coin is a nifty thing, and we by rights should have an equivalent. A large value coin that is easily distinguishable from other coins. This, our government has signally failed to provide for us for far too long.

One of the problems, of course, is inflation. Precious metals, the ones that make the best coins, are now far to expensive to use in coins - people would melt them down for the metal rather than use them as currency.  That's why our dollar coins are made of anodized aluminum, and our quarters are made of tin foil.

To make things right, we can't just make better coins.  We must make more far reaching changes to our system of currency. To wit, we must revalue the currency 10:1. That is to say, ten current dollars would equal one new dollar. With this simple change, we can return to decent coins.

A quick peak at the internets reveals some key facts:

Gold= $21.63/g
Silver= $.43/g
Copper= $.008/g

Penny= 2.5g (3.1g before 1982)
Nickel= 5g
Dime= 2.3g
Quarter= 5.7g
Pound Coin= 9.5g

So what does it all mean?

• A ten gram gold coin would be worth over $200 now. But, under the new dispensation, it would be worth $20.  The return of the $20 gold coin.
• A silver quarter would be $2.44, or very nearly .25 in the new order.
• Current dimes in silver would be $.99, or almost exactly ten cents.
• Old half dimes were made of silver, and weighed 1.3g - $.56, or 5.6 cents in the new money. Perfect.
• A 3g penny, made of pure copper, would be worth about 2.5 cents. Double the size, and you have 5 cents current currency, or ½ cent in the new system. (The old large penny was 10g.) Our lowest denomination coin would therefore be 5 cents, and the eliminate the penny crowd would be simultaneously thwarted and victorious.

So, the new coinage:

• Twenty Dollar - pure gold, 9.25g, about the size of a British Pound coin.  Worth $200 in current money.  Obverse: Liberty with sword and shield; Reverse: "Give me Liberty or give me death"
• Ten Dollar - pure gold, 4.75g, about the size of a nickel.  Worth $100 in current money.  Obverse: Eagle; Reverse: U.S. Space Series - Armstrong on Moon, Mercury Capsule, Gemini Capsule, Docked lander and Apollo Capsule, Space Shuttle, Skylab, Voyager, Burt Rutan and SpaceShipOne
• Five Dollar - pure gold, 2.5g, about the size of a dime.  Worth $50 in current money.  Obverse: Gouverneur Morris; Reverse: Seal of the United States of America
• Dollar - gold/silver alloy, 8.75g, about the size of a pound coin.  Worth $10 in current money.  Obverse: Grizzly Bear; Reverse: American warplanes series: P-38 Lightning, P-51 Mustang, F-6 Hellcat, F-86 Super Sabre, F-4 Phantom II, F-15 Eagle, F-14 Tomcat, F-18 Bug, F-22 Raptor, F-35 Lightning II…
• Half Dollar - gold/silver alloy, 4.5g, about the size of a nickel.  Worth $5 in current money.  Obverse: John Hancock; Reverse: Liberty Bell
• Quarter Dollar - pure silver, 6g, about the size of a quarter.  Worth $2.50 in current money.  Obverse: Buffalo; Reverse: American Generals series: Patton, Sherman, Grant, Washington, Sheridan, MacArthur, Eisenhower, Lee, Jackson, no Omar Bradley.
• Dime - pure silver, 2.5g, about the size of a dime.  Worth $1 in current money.  Obverse: George Washington (from current quarter); Reverse: U.S. Capitol.
• Half Dime - pure silver, 1.25g, about half the size of a dime, and the size of the old 19thC half dimes.  Worth 50¢ in current money.  Obverse: Walking Liberty; Reverse: Independence Hall.
• Two Cents - copper/silver alloy, 5g, about the size of a nickel.  Worth 20¢ in current money.  Obverse: John Adams; Reverse: Statue of Liberty.
• Cent - copper/silver alloy, 2.5g, about the size of a penny.  Worth 10¢ in current money.  Obverse: Abraham Lincoln (image of his statue in the memorial); Reverse: Lincoln Memorial.
• Half Cent - pure copper, 6g, about the size of a quarter.  Worth 5¢ in current money.  Obverse: Liberty Head; Reverse: Wreath.

Italicized coins would be relatively rare. The Gold/Silver alloy would be about 4% gold.  Every coin will have the motto "Liberty" and the year on the front; and "United States of America, E Pluribus Unum," and the value on the back.  The value will always be indicated in words, not numbers.  Americans should be literate.  The series of coins is not a bad idea, but we need some new topics.  The idea of the Buffalo is cool, and looks good, too.  So I combined the two.  The Buffalo, the Grizzly and the Eagle each get a coin and a series.

And while we're at it, why not change the folding money?  I think the bills should be a little bit bigger, like the old money before 1929.  Maybe about 7 by 3, instead of the current 6.14 x 2.61 inches.  As for colors, screw the new colors.  We can add enough other counterfeit countermeasures to return to the traditional green for the front of the bill.  On the back, though, we could, conceivably, use other colors.  Some of the older bills had blue, orange or even red in addition to black for the reverse side.  I'm open to change there.

I've never been completely satisfied with the choices on our bills.  Jackson was a terrible president, and doesn't deserve a place on the $20 bill.  Hamilton was important, but he's worn out his welcome.

I think we need really large denomination bills again.  I know that electronic transfers make them largely unnecessary, but the idea is just too cool to pass up.  The new bills should have a portrait on the front, and a painting that is relevant to the portrait on the back.  And the portrait should have a oval border around it, like we used to have.

So, a new order for the paper money:

• One Dollar Bill - ($10 in current money); Obverse: George Washington; Reverse: Washington Crossing the Delaware.
• Two Dollar Bill - ($20 in current money); Obverse: Thomas Jefferson; Reverse: Declaration Signing.  (Same as current $2 bill.)
• Five Dollar Bill - ($50 in current money); Obverse: Abraham Lincoln; Reverse: Surrender at Appomattox.  (Screw the southern prideniks.)
• Ten Dollar Bill - ($100 in current money); Obverse: FDR; Reverse: Engraving of Iwo Jima flag-raising.  (Screw the japs.)
• Twenty Dollar Bill - ($200 in current money); Obverse: Ronald Reagan; Reverse: Engraving of the Berlin Wall being torn down.  (Same to the commies.)
• Fifty Dollar Bill - ($500 in current money); Obverse: Albert Einstein; Reverse: Engraving of the Trinity nuke test.  (Same to the enviro-anti-nuke weenies.)
• Hundred Dollar Bill - ($1000 in current money); Obverse: Nikola Tesla; Reverse: Engraving of a couple Tesla Coils going nuts.  (Same to Thomas Edison.)
• Five Hundred Dollar Bill - ($5000 in current money); Obverse: Wilbur and Orville Wright; Reverse: Engraving of the first flight at Kitty Hawk.
• Thousand Dollar Bill - ($10,000 in current money); Obverse: Werner von Braun; Reverse: Engraving of a Saturn V rocket lift off.  (Screw anyone who says von Braun was a Nazi.  Maybe he was, but he became a good American.

How cool would it be to have a $500 bill with a picture of nuclear explosion on it?  Or pay for groceries at the whole foods store with a Reagan twenty?  Or carry fifty dollars in change in your pocket instead of a reinforced canvas bag, and each coin with a picture of an American warbird?  This new money would kick ass.

So there it is, the Buckethead plan for American monetary reform.

I think either of those bill designs would work well with my scheme.