Live to Ride, Ride to Freeze Yer Nads Off
My morning commute is now a solid hour, not including time spent at the daycare where I leave the Li'lest Lethal. Sometimes I hang out there for up to 30 minutes if he's especially needy that morning or I want to work some more on the kickass pyramid of Legos I started there the other day. Well what the eff, I'm there for a half hour!
But we're talking about 60 minutes in the car. It must be said that the actual distance is only about 25 miles. Problem is that...well, I'm not sure really. I just know that the 15-odd mile stretch of interstate highway I utilize is comprised of 3 to 5 lanes, depending, and traffic on all them goes about, oh, 32mph when it moves at all. In such circumstances it is vital that my spawn remain at least nominally occupied, both for his own general wellbeing and to prevent me from opening the driver's side door and hurling myself out of it so I don't have to hear the relentless horrible crying anymore. Although, come to think of it, given that highway traffic is usually crawling, I probably wouldn't get too hurt. But I would look totally stupid. Maybe I could make sure I hit head first or something. THen I wouldn't hear the crying and I wouldn't have to care how stupid I (surely) looked.
The best form of sonic sedation is your basic kids' music, 100 of the songs you thought were played out and lame by the time you were about 4. These renditions are modernized and produced in a real studio by real engineers and real singers, which doesn't really help much, truth be told. And let me tell you, "Bingo was his name, oh" starts feeling like an icepick in my eardrums after awhile, and by the time the CD has restarted with "a tisket (?) a tasket (?) a green and yellow basket", my thoughts wander again to whether the situation might be improved by just jumping out the door.
But what happens is that while the music dominates the interior space and soothes the savage child's breast, I am looking at the exterior world with greater than usual attentiveness in an effort to find something to distract me from the unending preschool jams inside. Today, instead of having to really bear down and pay attention, something came to me: a dude on a motorcycle.
The only reason that is remarkable is that the ambient temperature was about 20. That's 20F, for you non-Amurricans or domestic bedwetters. And that's respectably chilly in these parts. You know, wear-a-hat weather. But this cat was not only on his bike, he was in the fast lane (which, quite abnormally, was actually going fast), where I sat on his back wheel at 75 for about 5-10 minutes, but when there were some openings in the other lanes he weaved and was gone, 90+. I don't have the science fu to calculate windchills and whatnot, but I would think that any micron of exposed skin would be black and necrotic in about 3 seconds. I like to think his car was just in the shop or wouldn't start, because a guy who's that into riding is kinda unsettling to me.
So that gave me enough to think about this morning to keep me from making the leap.
And btw, I learned (not the hard way, thank the Dark Ones) that the Connecticut State Police have at least one unmarked SUV. Couldn't get alot of detail; I was 9 lanes and a concrete divider away, going the opposite direction at about 70, and at a time in the early morning when colors tend to wash out. At a glance, looked like a white or gray Blazer, with heavy tint on the windows.
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Our kids responded well to
Our kids responded well to this Winnie-the-Pooh cassette we had. Also the first Violent Femmes album on cassette.
Ken,
Ken,
Well I have alot of stuff in the car, but I'm not a gamblin' man. Yeah he might dig the dulcet tones of Amon Amarth for 5 or 10 minutes, but not for the long haul.
I figure, it'll be worse if he's ok, then crabby, then working to get him back to ok, than to just go with having him ok the whole time.
Just for the record,
Just for the record, Buckethead and I have exactly zero kids albums. That's right, no sugary renditions of sugary songs for the little buckets. Not that there's anything wrong with playing kids' music for your kids (duh!), but they respond quite well to old time, jazz, and Johnny Cash, so why deny them.
Also, Sir John-the-not-quite-evolved seems to be coming around on funk (he used to insist we turn it off), so we're hopeful with his wide musical background that he will eventually have enough taste to not fall for most of the crap that will undoubtedly pass for music in his teen years. (I say, as every person who has ever had a kid over the age of 12 spews milk out of their nose laughing.)
Anyway, I can certainly understand the keeping the kids happy in the car thing, having spent enough time on the Washington Beltway and vicinity, but parents need to survive the trip too. Also, I don't want to have to re-educate the kids later that the Big Rock Candy mountain is not really about sugar, that teddy bears would be bad to picnic with, and that it takes more than 3 chords and unbounded enthusiasm in place of talent to make the world go around. (Okay, that was harsh. There are some really talented children's performers out there [They Might Be Giants]--they just don't generally [with the exception of They Might Be Giants] ring my aesthetic bell. They also seem to be regional rather than national performers and don't show up on the cheapo kid music compilations I've been given over the years.)
Anyway, GL should be commended for keeping his nipper happy in the car. FYI, I once got through a stressful late-night drive with a teething infant on Kossoy Sisters, though, so I would suggest sneaking in some non-kid music. You might be surprised.
I myself would ditch the kid
I myself would ditch the kid music in favor of 'adult but fun' albums. They Might Be Giants are always good.
Riding a cycle at 20F. Even if his car is in the shop that is hard core.
Johno shared a Flaming Lips
Johno shared a Flaming Lips record that has had some success in the past. At home, he pays attention to whatever happens to be on, whether it's Motorhead, Bowie, Coltrane, or the Wiggles.
In the car though it's more hit or miss; I have learned I can't count on him liking house stuff in the car.
Brian: if you're working toward a segue into how the orbital lifters of the future will be prefectly climate controlled and/or 'nad friendly, go for it.
Well, I bought exactly one
Well, I bought exactly one Kids Bop album for the little ones, now that I realize what that consists of, I definitely suggest a new option. The car DVD player. At least some of the videos today are somewhat funny, for the older watchers (listeners),there are all sorts of derogative comments thrown around in there to actually smirk at. Anyway something got to give, right? Good Luck.
Melissa,
Melissa,
Truth be told, I don't really *need* adult-y comments thrown in.
I have a growing catalog of pornographic or otherwise disgusting lyrics to kids' songs in my head at all times. Everything in regular rotation in my house and auto, be it the theme from Thomas the Tank Engine to everything by the Wiggles, to old chestnuts, is fair game.
One example- I improvised a whole song about Captain Feathersword getting the clap from a Lisbon whore one day. The Li'lest Lethal was doing the Captain's pirate dance in the living room, and I was riffing in the kitchen.
As you say, something's gotta give.