I Vant To Suck Your Vote
Loyal Reader EDog sends along a story about an actual, real vampire who is running for governor of Minnesota.
Check out the testes on this guy:
"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.. . . . .
"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey told Reuters. "I just hate God the Father."
However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.
Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.
Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he's a vampire "just like you see in the movies and TV."
"I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor ... and drink their blood," he said, adding that his donor is his wife, Julie.
Well, we are a representative democracy, and Vampir folk as a voting block are under-represented, so... why not? At least he's upfront about his skimming off the top.
I wonder if he'll let Minnesotans pay their state income taxes in pints of A-negative?
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"Jonathan the Impaler" just
"Jonathan the Impaler" just doesn't have the ring of menace that "Vlad the Impaler" did. I don't imagine that 'ol Vlad had a wife named Julie, either.
Nevertheless, I say more power to him. Although SNL's Weekend Update (I think) had the wonderful crack:
"The impaler is running for the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party - formerly known as the Democrats."
I really dig the impaling bit
I really dig the impaling bit, though. I think we could really take a bite out of crime if all governors personally impaled criminals on the state house lawn. Although I have a hard time imagining Ohio's gubner Taft managing that effectively. Arnold, on the other hand, seems tailor-made for that role.
B,
B,
Check out Andric, "Bridge on the Drina" for a detailed scene in which a prisoner is impaled by a skilled impaling team in the service of the Sultan.
Everything tastes better on a
Everything tastes better on a stick.
Just sayin'.