perfidy

Good God, I feel like I'm a Pop Warner kid suddenly starting for the injured Donovan McNabb...WAY out of my league here. But here goes...

# Philip Glass or Terry Riley?
Who?

# Milton or Dante?
Dante, but only because I blogged about how my job resembles the Nine Levels of Hell.

# Mission of Burma or Gang of Four?
Aren't those bands?

# Buzzcocks or Wire?
Um, I think Wire, but I'm not sure.

# Webern or Berg?
Well...Doc Smith had the Bergenholm...any resemblance there?

# Vico or Spengler?
Definitely Spengler. Who else would have had a successful plan to drill a hole through his head?

# Addison or Steele?
Danielle or Remington? I say Remington.

# What’s your favorite Goethe poem?
He Goethe Slowly Up The Lane. Shit, I don't know!

# What’s your favorite Keats poem?
The Keats in the Heats. Shit, I don't know, Part Deux.

# What’s your favorite de Kooning work?
The first one (makes me sound intelligent, don't it?)

# Art Moderne or Bauhaus?
Which one shows more skin?

# Clarke or Asimov?
Ooo...I know these guys. I think I'll take Clarke.

# Joyce or Pynchon?
Pynchon...didn't he play Balki on Perfect Strangers?

# Dreiser or Dos Passos?
Sounds like beers.

# Lucchese or Gravano?
Sounds like cheeses.

# O’Connor or Welty?
Sounds like judges.

# The New Criterion or The New Yorker?
Option C: The New Battlestar Galactica

# Granta or The Paris Review?
Granta, but only because I'm conditioned to hate things French.

# Ghengis Khan or Alexander The Great?
Alexander the Great (but the original, not the gay Colin Farrell version).

# Jean-Luc Godard or Krzysztof Kieslowski?
Krzyzstof, but only because he has a nine-letter name with one vowel (and a part-timer).

# Nino Rota or Ennio Morricone?
Sounds like Mafia dons.

# The Romance of Three Kingdoms or Journey To The West?
Hmmm. I always liked Nobunaga's Ambition myself.

# Bolshoi or Mariinsky?
I read a Car Wars short story once where a guy said "Bolshoi".

# Alvin Ailey or Jerome Robbins?
Sounds like Chipmunks.

# Laphroaig or Lagavulin?
Sounds like male enhancement drugs.

# Golden Cavendish or cube-cut Virginia?
Sounds like hams.

# Beluga or Savruga?
Which one do they put in sushi? That's what I like.

# My Favorite Things or A Love Supreme?
Oh, I guess My Favorite Things.

# Beethoven: better at Cleveland under von Dohnanyi or New York under Bernstein?
Bernstein.

# Chanson de Roland or Orlando Furioso?
Sounds like out-of-work actors.

# Esalen or Chautauqua?
Chautauqua, because there is an old movie house in Boulder, Colorado, where I grew up, and every summer they'd show movies and I used to go and make out with girls there.

# Grand Crus: Montrachet or Chambertin?
Sounds like manufacturers of fine plumbing supplies.

# Explain the faults in reasoning in act ii, scene three of King Lear.
The faults were mainly due to the fact that Billy Shakespeare was drinking his bong water.

# Guryevich or Tolstoy?
Didn't they write?

# Kepler or Brahe?
Are we talking the astronomy dudes? Kepler all the way, baby.

# Louenhoek or Galileo?
Galileo. Anyone who pisses off a cornerstone of world religion is okay in my book.

# Ruprecht or Heeringen?
Ruprecht was the name of the character Steve Martin's character pretended to be in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. And he had to wear an eyepatch because he kept trying to stick a fork in his eye. Betcha didn't remember THAT!

# Castelnau or Bulow?
Smells like Teen Spirit.

# Best military memoir - Gallic Wars or the Anabasis?
Crisis on Infinite Earths.

# Most literate general - Wellington or Caesar?
Wellington. The other guy is just a salad.

# What, in your opinion, is the single greatest flaw with the new Michelin Guide: New York, and what differentiates it from Zagat?
Not enough titty pictures in either one. Come on, when dudes go to New York, they wanna see titties! Those New York chicks, man, I tell you what...they can go for HOURS...sorry, what was the question?

# Which is the correct condiment for a roast beef on sourdough: aioli or brown horseradish mustard? And what cheese would be most appropriate for that sandwich: farmhouse cheddar or washed-rind tomme?
I'm going to have to say horseradish mustard and farmhouse cheddar.

# For a five course formal dinner, how many spoons would you find to the left of the dinner plate?
Ha! Trick question! Spoons go on the RIGHT, dumbutt! Every kid who's ever had to set a dinner table knows THAT!

# Who’s your favorite Muslim naturalist?
The hottie under the chador.

# Who was more important in the decline of Christianity in the west, Descartes or Newton?
Newton. Nothing throws a wrench into the works of the church like some hard scientific fact.

# Whose Protestantism (Puritanism) do you feel had more of an effect on the shaping of the American politicial and social landscape: John Calvin or John Owen?
(singing)John Stuart Mill of his own free will on half a bottle Chantilles was particularly ill...

# Favorite sophist?
The tall one.

# Who do you feel was more responsible for the development of the Calculus, Newton or Leibniz?
Newton, heading for a hat trick.

# Euclidian or Reimann topology?
Reimann, just because I'm not sure what it is.

# Which Superstring theory is most likely to survive intact if M-theory proves valid?
The one those two guys came up with in the bar and doodled on a cocktail napkin.

# Favorite pre-Revolution Russian mathematician and why?
The Arabic guy who invented the Zero.

# DiBergi or Smithee?
I think I might be related to Smithee.

# Sidd Finch or War Of The Worlds?
Sidd Finch. I heard the WOTW movie sucked big fat hairy donkey balls.

You guys ought to be pimp-slapped for such a damnfool poll. Who did it? Own up, jerks!

EDog

Damn! This will give me a headache (answers tomorrow.)

This is the entire list of ones I can answer sensibly:

- I've read some Dante, so he goes over Milton by default

- Clarke kicks Asimov's ass

- Alexander over Khan

- Kepler over Brahe, since no man who dies from failing to go to the bathroom can earn my respect

- Galileo over crazy-spelled-Dutch-guy, since his non-optic work was better

- Two spoons, I think, but don't quote me on that

- Newton was louder, but Leibniz's methods were far better, so I'll give it to Leibniz

- Riemann over Euclidean, since any question that was answered in totality 2500 years ago is uninteresting

And that's it. Aren't I ever so cultured?

Oh yeah, and I'll give Euler the nod for Russian mathmaticians - if I recall correctly, he did most of his work in Moscow. And if I recall incorrectly, I'll give it to Lobachevsky, because, once again, I like non-Euclidean gemoetry.

# Philip Glass or Terry Riley?
Sorry man, I don't listen to hip-hop.

# Milton or Dante?
The circles of hell thing locks it in for me, plus I really dug him in Clerks.
# Mission of Burma or Gang of Four?
Weren't the Gang of Four the Chinese Beatles?

# Buzzcocks or Wire?
Buzzcocks!

# Webern or Berg?
What's with the composers?

# Vico or Spengler?
Spengler. Great in Ghostbusters. Don't cross the streams! Gozer the Traveler! He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick
supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor....uh, sorry.

# Addison or Steele?
Joe Addison; really dig that wig.

# What's your favorite Goethe poem?
Anything involving guilt, suffering, and punishment. Oh wait, that's everything he's written...

# What's your favorite Keats poem?
Ode on a Grecian Urn. ANd as far as my limited knowledge is concerned, this is the only poem he wrote.

# What's your favorite de Kooning work?
The Women paintings; they look like he threw up on the canvas. Now that's art.

# Art Moderne or Bauhaus?
I just can't get certain scenes from the Big Lebowski out of my head. Giant scissors... Bauhaus.

# Clarke or Asimov?
Fantastic Voyage tips the scale for me.

# Joyce or Pynchon?
Joyce, as he wrote an unreadable masterpiece. And drank alot.

# Dreiser or Dos Passos?
Read Sister Carrie in college. This is the first time I've had to reference it, so I guess my professor was right, someday I would need it --
and it turned out to be here. See, a liberal arts education can pay off.

# Lucchese or Gravano?
Sammy the Bull was a big snitch.

# O'Connor or Welty?
O'Connor, as A Good Man is Hard to Find has spawned numerous variations in the adult section of the local video store.

# The New Criterion or The New Yorker?
Beaver Hunt

# Granta or The Paris Review?

# Ghengis Khan or Alexander The Great?
Alexander, as I eat far more pizza than couscous.

# Jean-Luc Godard or Krzysztof Kieslowski?
I dig that 3 Colors thing, and chicks in Kieslowski's films tend to be naked and hot.

# Nino Rota or Ennio Morricone?
Come on! The Good the Bad and the Ugly! Morricone

# The Romance of Three Kingdoms or Journey To The West?
Any book with a pig-monster character wins.

# Bolshoi or Mariinsky?
I dare you to go to either and yell "Your prick is showing thru your pants!"

# Alvin Ailey or Jerome Robbins?
Alvin Ailey, as you can't ride the T out here without seeing a poster.

# Laphroaig or Lagavulin?
Lagavulin isn't as peaty/less iodine; an easier drink. Neither goes with doritos.

# Golden Cavendish or cube-cut Virginia?
WTF? What are you guys, members of the Skull and Bones society?

# Beluga or Savruga?
Blech. Like a whorehouse laundry hamper on a hot summer day. Vile stuff.

# My Favorite Things or A Love Supreme?
Ever since Julie Andrews flashed her boobs in a movie, I've had a thing for her and her, uh, favorite things.

# Beethoven: better at Cleveland under von Dohnanyi or New York under Bernstein?
Sorry man, my knowledge of Beethoven is limited to Peanuts comics and A Clockwork Orange.

# Chanson de Roland or Orlando Furioso?
Fuck Charlemagne.

# Esalen or Chautauqua?
Hampshire College

# Grand Crus: Montrachet or Chambertin?
Too rich for my taste. Does red wine go with doritos?

# Explain the faults in reasoning in act ii, scene three of King Lear.
To this day I cannot understand why Fonzie was in a Shakespearean play.

# Guryevich or Tolstoy?
Tolstoy, as his is the thickest book I own.

# Kepler or Brahe?
Neither. I actually prefer that wheelchair guy.

# Louenhoek or Galileo?
Here we go again.

# Ruprecht or Heeringen?
-

# Castelnau or Bulow?
-

# Best military memoir - Gallic Wars or the Anabasis?
-

# Most literate general - Wellington or Caesar?
I'd say Wellington, as he could always refer to Caesar, but Caesar could not refer to him.

# What, in your opinion, is the single greatest flaw with the new Michelin Guide: New York, and what differentiates it from Zagat?
You guys are hot shits. I don't know why this one made me laugh

# Which is the correct condiment for a roast beef on sourdough: aioli or brown horseradish mustard? And what cheese would be most appropriate for that sandwich: farmhouse cheddar or washed-rind tomme?
Horseradish with beef. Always. Try some on prime rib. Mmnnnn.

# For a five course formal dinner, how many spoons would you find to the left of the dinner plate?
Well, if five courses includes biggie fries, a Frostie, a coke, bacon cheeseburger, and chicken nuggets, then I guess the answer depends upon how
many utensil packets I grab from the counter.

# Who's your favorite Muslim naturalist?
Cat Stevens

# Who was more important in the decline of Christianity in the west, Descartes or Newton?
My mother, by dragging me to Mass every Sunday.

# Whose Protestantism (Puritanism) do you feel had more of an effect on the shaping of the American politicial and social landscape: John Calvin or John Owen?
uh, I'm at work here...

# Favorite sophist?
-

# Who do you feel was more responsible for the development of the Calculus, Newton or Leibniz?
-

# Euclidian or Reimann topology?
-

# Which Superstring theory is most likely to survive intact if M-theory proves valid?
-

# Favorite pre-Revolution Russian mathematician and why?
-

# DiBergi or Smithee?
-

# Sidd Finch or War Of The Worlds?
Sidd Finch had a fastball, but the Martians had a deathray. War of the Worlds.

The answer to all of those questions can best be sumed up in a question. What is the difference between an orange? And if you seemed puzzled by this there is an answer! I have but I will let you guys mill over it awhile

EDog, Alsadius and Overshoe, it's a little terrifying that you were able to opine on so many of those things.