perfidy

My friend has a son who is turning 18 and graduating from high school. He wanted to give his son some good advice, and so he started this list and passed it around until it got big enough to stand on its own. Over this last weekend at the burn, one of my personal highlights was looking at, and contributing a bit to, this list. It's a long list, so look below the fold.
Life Advice

From Dad and His Friends

This is dedicated to my son Kyle on his high school graduation. He lives in Iowa and I live in DC. He is an 18 year old young man now, and is coming out to visit me for a little bit after graduation.

There is all sorts of advice I’ve been thinking about to give him, and I get a little distracted sometimes (oooo…shiny). It started when talking about doing car repairs with him on the phone. I decided to start writing down a list of things I wish I had known. I’ve spent 42 years learning (and not learning) these lessons.

While preparing this list, I started sharing it with friends to see what they would add or change. I’m amazed at the interest in it. If nothing else, it can be pretty entertaining (and embarrassing, how do you think I learned some of these lessons? And no, I didn’t learn ALL of them by myself. That’s part of wisdom, learning from other people’s mistakes.).

I love you Kyle!

Most Important

• Mom and Dad will always love you. No matter what.
• Love matters.
• Friends matter.
• Happiness matters.
• Happiness is a choice.
• Follow your passion.
• If you want unconditional love, get a dog.
• If you know it’s going to cause embarrassing questions and people laughing in the hospital, well, just don't do it, no matter how much fun it sounds.
• And for heaven's sake, call your mother!
• I’m always just a phone call away.
• Not one of the rules is absolute.
• All generalizations are false.
• Almost every line here tells a story. Ask me.
• I don’t follow these all the time either.
• I’m still learning.
• Stay away from people that aren’t learning.
• Sometimes we all will jump off a bridge just because everybody else does.

Excuses

• “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
• “I meant to do that.”
• “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
• “It was that way when I got here.”

Living

• Dance like nobody is watching you. I dance like a white boy. I am a white boy and dance like one and everyone knows it. I can be very entertaining.
• The secret is in the hips and listening to the beat.
• If you laugh too, they’re laughing WITH you, not AT you.
• Don’t trust someone that says trust me.
• Trust me on this one.
• Be able to laugh at yourself, it makes life easier and more fun.
• Become a bit of a character. It’s a lot more fun.
• Freaks tend to be more interesting.
• Don’t let your possessions own you.
• You are not your clothes, your car, your computer, your religion, your family, your money, your possessions, your clothes, your ….
• Most of the time you can be both good AND nice but when you have to choose between one and the other, be good.
• It is never too early or too late to do something you want to do.
• The time you have right now is possibly the most precious you will ever have. You will never again be as free as you are right now. Don't squander it by playing it safe....
• Life is an essay question, therefore reject all answers that require you to pick True or False.
• Not everything on the Internet is true.
• Johnny Cash rocks. People that disagree aren’t worth listening to.
• Be eccentric about something.
• Don’t panic.
• Don’t spend all your time on the computer – it’s escapist. Live life in the real world.
• Learn to make small talk – weather, sports, something they’re wearing. Practice! Come up with a good question. Mine is “So what do you do for fun?”
• The best thing to do when you get a nap attack is to lie down and wait for the feeling to go away.
• Figure out your boundaries in advance.
• Learn to say “No thank you” gracefully.
• Don’t be afraid to say no. You can change your mind later. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone (and sometimes it just doesn’t feel right).
• Pay attention to Miss Manners: http://women.msn.com/mannersindex.armx.
• It’s a good thing to be selfish sometimes.
• Most adults make it up as they go along.
• I do.
• Don’t use alcohol as an excuse for doing something stupid, or for doing something you really want to do. Take responsibility. I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.
• Sometimes keeping a journal, or writing things out, can get thoughts out of your head. So can talking with a friend.
• Journaling helped me organize my thoughts better. It’s one thing to have an opinion floating around in your head. It’s another to put it into words. It’s good practice.
• Check out weird rumors on www.snopes.com.
• Life isn’t fair. Get used to it.
• Some piercings don’t set off metal detectors.
• Sit when you get the chance.
• The menu is not the meal. The map is not the territory. The brochure is not the vacation. The ad is not the product. The news is not the event (Neither is the testimony).
• Be careful about teasing people too much.
• Send thank you notes or emails. Always.
• Leave no trace.
• Never buy pre-written greeting cards. Buy lots of blank cards and write. There are lots of cool quotes and poems out there.
• Always check the toilet seat before you sit down.
• Don’t pee on the seat (use your foot if you have to).
• When at a woman’s house, always put the seat back down.
• Some jokes are funny once, some every time. Know the difference.
• Farts are always funny.
• Tattoos are pretty much forever.
• Piercings aren’t.
• Use the best tattoo artist you can find. Look around.
• You can bring in your own drawings.
• Sometimes people that come to your house will steal things.
• Hide or lock up your valuables.
• Especially electronics.
• Never drunk dial.
• When you’re really pissed off and write an email, let it sit overnight.
• Emails can be forwarded.
• Be careful when responding to an email on a list. There can be a HUGE difference between reply and reply all.
• Take off your sunglasses when talking to people.
• Google anything you have questions about www.google.com
• Google him/her
• Never trust a reporter. Many have an agenda, and you may be grievously misquoted and taken out of context. There is a reason why corporations direct all inquiries to a specific media person.
• Publicity can be fun.
• Or not.
• Definition of Insanity: Doing the same thing every time and expecting different results.
• (Unless you’re using Microsoft Windows.)
• Trying is dying.
• Many very sarcastic people are just sexually frustrated.
• Travel.
• If you are considering travel, just do it and stop talking about it.
• Don't cheat, if you cheat and win you are just a worthless son-of-a-bitch.
• You can get really good, cheap speaker wire at Home Depot. Just buy heavy gauge electrical wire.
• Pictures stay on the Internet forever. Someone will see it.
• Cowboy wisdom: don't drink downstream of the herd & never squat with your spurs on.
• It’s not a flame-thrower. It’s a flame theatrical device
• You don’t have to be consistent all the time. No one is. Try though.
• “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.” – Walt Whitman.
• “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson.
• Practice compassion.
• Be kind to animals.
• Run away from anyone who isn’t kind to animals.
• Usually it’s better to make a bad decision than no decision at all.
• No decision is a decision.
• Don’t be a perfectionist all the time. 80% is good enough for most things and takes MUCH less time.
• Don’t procrastinate all the time.
• “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” – Mark Twain
• Sometimes if you put things off long enough, they disappear.
• The perfect is the enemy of the good.
• Anything NOT worth doing is worth doing badly.
• Sometimes there’s never enough time to do something right the first time, but there’s always time to do it over again.
• It’s funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s hilarious.
• ”Comedy is when you fall into a sewer and die. Tragedy is when I get a paper cut.” - Mel Brooks
• All life is politics.
• Everyone gossips.
• High thread count sheets are heaven. She will be in heaven. Buy them online.
• I like feather pillows.
• People do change, but don’t ever expect them to change.
• Take risks.
• Take responsibility for yourself.
• Actions have consequences.
• That sucks.
• Sometimes those consequences can last 18 years, or the rest of your life.
• Being dead broke has improved my personality.
• No one knows what a Hoya or Hoosier are.
• Don’t confuse being good and being lucky.
• It’s good to be good. It’s better to be lucky.
• Have extra keys made and stashed someplace (or with a friend/neighbor/car).
• Live near public transportation.
• Do one thing every day that scares you.
• Forgive (and teach me how).
• Have an email address that you use only for things you might be spammed on.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• Make lots of mistakes.
• SAFETY THIRD!!!
• Consider knowing how to do laundry and prepare food prerequisites for adulthood.
• Be polite.
• Life is harder than you can imagine and can be full of unpleasant surprises. Learn from each.
• Don’t make life harder for other people.
• Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.
• Live like you know you won’t meet your soulmate for 10 years.
• Everyone just wants to be liked.
• Mean people really do suck.
• There are a LOT of mean people.
• Some people lie.
• Some people lie on the Internet.
• Lies are hard to remember.
• If you catch someone lying to you more than once, be careful.
• Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.
• Learn to speak at least one other language.
• Living well is the best revenge.
• Sometimes things just disappear. Don’t worry about it.
• Never fall in love with something that can’t love you back.
• Enjoy your life.
• I have an addictive personality. Be careful about what you do.
• The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. If you go straight in your knife might get caught up on his chest bones.
• When something is repeated often enough, people begin to believe it.
• Don’t believe everything you hear.
• Cities with a big gay population are a lot more interesting.
• Don’t confuse cause and effect.
• Always keep your keys, wallet, glasses in the same place.
• Be curious. The most interesting people I know are curious.
• ADD is not necessarily a disease. Every interesting person I know exhibits these symptoms, and – Oh Look! Shiny!
• Fans in addition to air conditioning will keep you cooler and cost less.
• Murphy was an optimist.
• GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out)
• Don’t be afraid to have secrets.
• Keep secrets.
• It’s OK to have some secret vices.
• My secret vice – I love Cosmo.
• e.g. means “for example.”
• i.e. means “that is.”
• Laptops and other electronic devices like to disappear. Watch them carefully.
• 99% of people don’t like to talk about computers, networking, …. Take time to think about if they really would be interested. Don’t make their eyes glaze over. They will want to run away. And never come back.
• If you find you are the only one talking, shut up and listen.
• If you ask someone lots of questions, they will think you are a terrific conversationalist.
• If it is a sport that uses helmets, wear a helmet.
• Protect your head. Trust me.
• Safety gear is not dorky.
• Love until you burn.
• Find your own spirit, then develop your own spirituality.
• Friendster is so last year. Tribe.
• Trust your intuition. Read The Gift of Fear.
• I’ve never ignored my intuition without regretting it
• Don’t take yourself so seriously.
• Don’t be stupid.
• Sometimes your father really is Darth Vader.
• Life WILL be hard. The best skill you can learn is to cope.
• Grownups don’t always do the right thing.
• That’s so wrong.
• Pain is often a useful signal, it can tell you which direction growth is.
• How you treat others *IS* how you treat yourself, so the most selfish thing is to be considerate.
• If you're grumpy or have a headache, drink some water. Better yet, don't wait.
• If life starts being like a country music song, start a country music band.

Principles

• Don’t start fights, but don’t be afraid to fight.
• Bravery is not lack of fear. It’s being scared as hell and doing it anyway.
• Don’t be too easy going all the time. There are times when you should be furious.
• Use your intuition. Practice. Trust it and follow it.
• Stand up for your principles
• If it feels wrong it probably is.
• You must be better than the people you oppose.
• If you don't fight against the things you think are wrong, you are complicit (teach me this one).
• Labor is not inherently any less corrupt than the owners, but they are the underdogs, and rooting for the underdogs is profoundly American.

Law

• Just because it’s legal, doesn’t make it right.
• Just because it’s illegal, doesn’t make it wrong.
• Don’t argue with the cop.
• Know the rules. If you break them, break them knowingly. Ignorance of the law is not a valid excuse.
• Don’t whine when you get caught.
• Don’t get caught.
• You wouldn’t be the first person to run away when the cops are coming.
• If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.

Police

• By the time lawyers or the police are involved, it's already too late.
• If you are in serious trouble with the police, don’t say anything but “I want to talk to my lawyer.” Don’t make up stories. Don’t engage in any conversation. “I want to talk to my lawyer.” “I want to talk to my lawyer.” “I want to talk to my lawyer.” Trying to talk your way out can get you in worse trouble. Don’t talk.
• Jail sucks.
• If going to jail, wear boots. They WILL take your laces, but boots stay on better than athletic shoes.
• The cop is always right even if the cop is wrong. Be smart. Show respect. Take the ticket or the lecture. Then do your bitching later.
• Lawyers can be reallllllly expensive.
• You don’t have to go to the station with them unless they arrest you.
• You don’t have to let the police search your car unless they have a warrant.
• Don’t show off illegal things to people.
• Don’t leave illegal things out where they can be seen from the door or through a window.
• You don’t have to let police into your house without a warrant.

Friends

• If they’re friends, you trust them. You can wake them at 2AM to bail you out. Acquaintances are different.
• Friends Matter!
• Friendship comes with responsibilities.
• Friends tell friends what they don’t want to hear
• Friends will tell you things you don’t want to hear
• Take care of your friends and they will take care of you.
• Never leave a drunk friend behind.
• A person who is mean to other people is not your friend. Don’t pretend otherwise. Mean people really DO suck.
• Some of my best friends are flakes. I’m a flake. You may not be able to count on them to do things, but they are a lot of fun. Don’t count on them to do things.
• Groups change
• The worst words to hear from a friend are “But I love him…” Love is not enough.
• Be careful what you promise
• Don’t trust people too readily, but don’t distrust everyone either.
• Not everyone is going to like you. Some people will love you, some will think you’re an asshole.
• Sometimes at the same time. They are all correct.
• Don’t try too hard to please everyone. It’s needy behavior.
• Tell the truth (most of the time). It’s part of confidence, people will respect you more.
• Keep an open mind, it may be more useful than you think.
• Don’t be too quick to make judgments.
• Or too slow.
• People that are too sure of themselves all the time really don’t know everything.
• Don’t ever say something about someone that you wouldn’t say to their face. Count on it getting back to them.
• Sociopaths have no conscience. There are more than you think – 1 out of 25 people. And they look like normal people.
• If you want a friend, feed an animal.
• Friends don’t let friends talk drunk.
• Friends don’t let friends beer goggle.

People

• Not everyone is like you
• People can be wired very differently
• Make people smile
• Be nice, but not necessarily all the time
• Assertive is much different than aggressive
• Don’t be aggressive
• Don’t be afraid to be a goof.
• Stay away from crazy people, they are unpredictable, and can get you into a lot of trouble too.
• Women are easy to get along with as long as you remember that they are all insane.
• Men too.
• People tend to be most sensitive to what they’re guilty of. If a person is worried about being cheated all the time, watch yourself around him.
• Learning about personality styles – Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, and NLP – will help you understand people a lot better. Some types will drive you crazy, and some you’ll find yourself attracted to.
• Some people can bring a party to a screeching halt just by being there. Avoid these people.
• You don’t need an excuse not to like someone. Trust your instincts.
• Illegitimi non carborundum (Don’t let the bastards wear you down).

Drinking/Partying

• Never show up at a party empty-handed.
• Drinking and driving is stupid. It can get you (or someone else) killed or jailed. And drunk driving is rarely as fun in real life as when P. J. O'Rourke or Hunter Thompson write about it.
• Make sure you eat before going out drinking (drinking on an empty stomach is bad news). Greasy is better.
• Food makes you get drunk more slowly, and dry heaves suck.
• Gatorade before you go to sleep is a good thing (I like having the powdered around).
• Drinking at high altitude will really mess you up. You’ll get drunk a lot faster.
• Mixed drinks can sneak up on you.
• Drinking beer tends to be easier to regulate.
• Drink lots of soda/water too.
• Spacers: drink at least a small glass of water between every drink. You'll party longer, and feel better in the morning.
• Be very, VERY careful of the punch.
• Be careful when out drinking alone (roofies and/or violence).
• Watch your drink.
• Be aware of your surroundings.
• Leave if you’re not comfortable.
• Tip.
• Don’t drive to parties.
• Alcohol is a LOT more expensive in bars
• If you’re drinking all day, pace yourself.
• Be very careful about mixing alcohol and drugs. There can be LOTS of unpredictable results.
• If you do play tricks and take pictures of a passed out friend, never pass out around friends.

Clothing/Style

• You’ll notice that you get more compliments on some clothes than others. Everybody has a color that makes them look good. Stick with those colors as much as possible.
• Coordinate with those colors so mixing and matching clothes gives you a lot of outfits to wear.
• When buying pants, check to see what your butt looks like in them. Everyone else will.
• Certain brands are going to fit you better than others. Try lots of clothes on, then stick with the ones that fit your body shape best. Same with shoes. You generally only have to do this once.
• Sometimes uncomfortable clothes are worth it if they make you look really good.
• Wear clean underwear (if you choose to wear underwear).
• Hopefully, someone will be seeing your underwear. It’s nice sometimes to have more than just tighty-whities.
• I like silk boxers and boxer briefs.
• Layers.
• If you have lots of matching socks, losing one isn’t a big deal and they are easy to match.
• If you wear glasses, get more than one pair. They will completely change your look, far more so than clothes.
• Pay attention to textures.
• Have a really nice T-shirt. I like silk.
• Heavy cotton, V-neck, white T-shirts.
• If you have lots of underwear, socks and T-shirts, you won’t have to do laundry as much.
• She will look at your shoes and belt.
• Polish your shoes.
• Socks should match your trousers.
• I’m still trying to figure out when white socks are appropriate (for other than exercise). I’m told never.
• Play with different hair styles.
• Play with different hair colors.
• Have at least one really cool costume.
• Have at least one great set of clothes for going out in.
• At least once, buy a bespoke (custom) suit from a good tailor
• High quality clothes might cost twice, but they will last five times as long, are more comfortable, and look SOOOO much better.
• I have really nice shoes I’ve re-soled 4x. They are the best I’ve ever had.
• Think of clothing as a costume, you are always projecting an image.
• If you are stylistically challenged, find a book on style. Read it and pay attention.
• Face paint makes a good costume.
• Yellow highlighters glow under black light.
• Bright colors jump out at you under black light.

Health/Taking Care of Yourself

• Don’t wait to go to the doctor. Most problems are easier solved if treated early.
• Doctor appointments in the morning don’t generally run late. Expect to wait a long time with an afternoon appointments.
• Moisturize your face after you wash it (you’ll thank me when you’re 40). Use something with sunscreen in it.
• Sunburns can ruin your weekend
• You’ll burn faster than you think
• Especially around water
• Use lots more sunscreen than you’ll think you’ll need and apply it before you need it (read the directions). It needs to soak in.
• After you are sunburned, apply moisturizer as soon as possible and drink lots of water.
• Pomade tames unruly hair, or makes that hair look unruly.
• Sleep when you get the chance, it’s easy to be deprived.
• Naps are good.
• Be aware though if you’re sleeping too much and are still tired.
• Keep snacks around. I’m a bit hypoglycemic, and sometimes I just need a little bit of food NOW!
• Popcorn is a great snack.
• Don’t start smoking.
• Don’t slouch when you walk. Shoulders back projects confidence, makes you feel more confident and is good for your back.
• Take care of your feet, wrists, knees and back.
• Don’t sleep with your shoes on.
• When you’re sick, often sleeping it off is sometimes the best thing you can do.
• Try to spend some time, everyday, being physically active. Bodies are really amazing things, so don't
  ignore yours!
• You can take up to 3200 mg of ibuprofen/day.
• Baby Wipes.
• I like using a shaving brush with Neutrogena for shaving.
• Cheap razors really are cheap. Use something nice and you won’t regret it.
• Your eyes will change as you get older. My eyes got worse until I hit about 30 then stabilized. At 40 they started getting better.

Reading

• Reading makes you a much more interesting person
• Alternative newspapers are interesting, tell you what is going on in town over the weekend and have good advice columns.
• Advice columns are always fun
• Libraries and huge book stores are a great place to read magazines.
• If you find you are spending a lot of time reading a particular magazine, subscribe to it.
• If you like reading one of the small, alternative magazines, subscribe to it.
• When you lend out books, know that they may never come back.
• Mainstream media tends to be conservative and, being owned by big business, operates in its own best interest and not in the interest of the people.
• When you find a book you like, note the author’s name and read more of her stuff.
• Always carry a book with you. It gives you something to read during downtime.
• Read stuff you disagree with. It will make you understand other people better.

Exercise

• Get some exercise; you can't think if your blood is all stuck in your feet and butt. Go dancing!
• Weightlifting is like yoga – proper form and breath control count.
• Do yoga. Really.
• Stretch.
• Use your body.
• Exercise can change your metabolism and you’ll need less sleep.

Depression

• It can be hard starting college.
• Don’t be afraid to take medicine. You don’t look down on a diabetic because they use insulin.
• Some of the most interesting people I know suffer from depression.
• It can start with just feeling burned out (like you’ve been studying really hard), and the feeling just won’t go away.
• Some people sleep a lot less
• Some people sleep a lot more
• Some people gain weight
• Some people lose weight
• Thinking and studying can be much more difficult
• More people have depression than you could ever imagine
• For me, it’s usually situational. It means that there is something in my life that I’m not doing right. Change your life.
• Depression is not situational for everyone.
• It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re wired differently.
• A day or three of feeling down is normal and is the blues.
• It’s much, MUCH different than just being blue. It hangs on for weeks.
• Exercise helps.
• Bupropion works for me. So does Ritalin.
• Sometimes you have to try several medications before you find something that works.
• Therapy helps.
• Alcohol makes it worse.
• Just because thoughts run through your mind doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it.
• Talk to me if something comes up. I probably know more about depression than anyone you know.

Work

• I’ve gotten a lot of jobs through www.dice.com.
• Snail mail gets more attention when you send in your resume. Send it to the person you want to hire you (not HR).
• Always be nice to secretaries and admins. They know and talk to everybody.
• When you’re sick, call in sick. Don’t get everybody else sick.
• Keep your resume up to date.
• Network.
• Reverse commutes (or very short commutes) are wonderful!
• Do work that you enjoy, or your life will be miserable. Follow your passion.
• Boring jobs will be a slow, very lingering death.
• Dress for the position you want, not the position you have.
• Companies won’t hesitate to lay you off. Loyalty doesn’t count anymore. Be loyal to yourself.
• The hardest job I ever had I got paid the least for.
• And some of the easiest jobs (for me) paid the most.
• Hard is different for different people.
• Try not to piss your boss off.
• Don’t be afraid to piss your boss off (it’s only a job).
• It’s OK to change jobs.
• Keep your integrity.
• The Peter Principle – People rise to their level of incompetence.
• You don’t have to (or always want to) be promoted.
• First line supervisors take more shit than anyone else. They get it from both ends.
• If you’re an introvert, don’t take a job where you work with lots of people all the time. You’ll be exhausted all the time.

Interviewing

• You write a resume to get an employer’s attention – to get them to call you on the phone.
• You go through the phone interview to get the invite to come in and interview.
• It is during the interview that they will decide whether they want to hire you or not.
• Employers wants to hire someone that will make them look good.
• Employers don’t want to take risks.
• Hiring the wrong person can cost a company a lot of money.
• You should constantly be addressing the question that is in their head – “Why should I hire you?”
• You want the interviewer to be comfortable with you.
• It is better to be over-dressed than under-dressed.
• Get lots of sleep the night before.
• Mirror the person interviewing you (google NLP and mirroring.)
• There are tons of interviewing books out there. Read some.
• These books can prepare you for all sorts of questions.
• Have at least some kind of answer for every question in the book.
• Ask lots of questions. “So tell me about yourself” means give me a 2-minute history of your employment arc and how it applies to this job.
• I’ve had more trouble at jobs because I didn’t heed the warning signs during an interview.
• Remember – some jobs even you don’t want!
• Ask your references if you can use them in advance. Have the information with you for the interview.
• Tell your references what you want them to tell the interviewer.
• Don’t choose sloppy food during a lunch interview. I love BBQ, but it has its place.
• Have the directions to the place printed and in a safe place.
• Get there way early, but don’t show up at the door earlier than 5 minutes before the interview.
• Don’t drink too much coffee before going in.
• Pee first.
• Turn off your cell phone.
• Say yes when they ask if you’d like something to drink.
• Relax.
• Don’t rush.
• They want to hire someone who can show up to work on time. If you are going to be at all late, call.
• Bring something to write with.
• Research them as much as you can before going in.
• Prepare, prepare, prepare!
• Choose your interview time wisely. People tend to be fresher in the morning and more tired in the afternoon.
• If interviewing with several people, remember the questions asked and turn them around to later interviewers. You’ll look brilliant.
• Ask what the pay range is before going in. There’s nothing worse than spending a lot of time interviewing for a job and finding that they are offering you less than what you are currently making.
• You want them to say a salary range first.
• If you have to say something, try “I’m looking for something between x and y, depending on the benefits.” But really, really try to get them to say a number first.
• A couple minutes of this might result in you making $1000s more each year. It’s worth it.
• Remember they will be thinking about the bottom end of the range and you will be thinking at the top end of the range.
• Be careful when they ask a question then say nothing. Some people will babble the worst possible stuff.
• Sometimes questions don’t really have a point – they just want to see what your thinking process is. Share it with them. Buy yourself some time asking additional questions.
• Practice a good handshake.
• Have several extra copies of your resume with you.
• Write each and every person a thank-you note.
• My questions (and always ask open-ended questions). People will say the damndest things if you just ask them.
• Tell me about your management style…
• What is the atmosphere of the company like?
• Ask a potential co-worker to describe the boss’s style.
• Why is the position open?
• How long have you worked here?
• How long have other people worked here?
• Is the company growing? (it’s rough to work at a place that’s laying off or that has a dwindling market share).
• And my favorites to ask:
• What do you see as my weaknesses coming into this job? (it give you a chance to explicitly address any questions they may have).
• What do you see as my strengths coming into this job? (Anytime you can get them thinking positively about you is a good thing)
• Is there anything else you would like to know about me?
• Ask when they expect to make a decision
• Their questions:
• How would your boss describe you?
• How would your co-workers describe you?
• What are your weaknesses? (describe a strength as a weakness, or talk about how you turned around a weakness).
• How do you handle stress?
• How would you describe your boss?
• Have you ever been fired?
• Have you ever had trouble working with someone?
• What was the biggest mistake you’ve ever made, and how did you resolve it? What did you learn?
• What’s the hardest job you’ve ever had and why? The best?
• Why should I hire you?

Money

• If you won't be able to pay off the entire credit card bill when it comes in, don't charge it.
• Pay your bills on time. A credit rating stays with you for a LONG time.
• Use the internet for shopping (ebay, slickdeals.net, froogle), you pay for instant gratification
• Know approximately how much money you have in the bank at all times.
• Late charges really hurt
• Overdraft charges really hurt
• Learn about how money works (stock market, mutual funds, interest rates, taxes, mortgages, …). Money Magazine will provide a lot of the basics.
• A little money saved is sweeter than a hot car. Really.
• Avoid penny stocks.
• Craps and blackjack give you the best odds.
• Systems don’t work.
• Max out your 401K.
• Fold the money so the amount shows and palm it so that when you are passing a tip or a bribe you shake their hand and it slides right out of your hand and into theirs. Do it right and no one knows and the recipient knows you've got at least a little class.
• Track and budget your money. You’d be surprised at how much you spend on coffee, lunches, sodas, ….

Buying Stuff

• Think about what you’re really going to use something for before you buy it. Then think about it some more.
• Be nice to retail and customer service people. They take shit all day long, and have the ability to cut you a huge break. Smoothies can work wonders.
• Consumer research sites.
• Buy online.
• Buy some things used.
• Thrift stores.
• eBay.
• Craigs List (www.craigslist.org.)
• Get advice from friends.
• Having the fastest computer doesn’t make you more of a man. Or the fastest car. Or the hottest girlfriend. Or ….
• Consumer Reports, but it’s not always correct.
• You can negotiate a lot more things than you think.
• Ask for money off if buying the demo or the box is messed up. You’ll probably get it.
• When you spend extra for quality. You’ll remember spending the money for a few days. You’ll live with the quality for the rest of its life.
• Sometimes you get what you pay for.
• Sometimes you don’t.
• Don’t hesitate to walk away if it’s not the deal you want.
• Patience is rewarded.
• Tell yourself you’ll buy it tomorrow, then you probably won’t. But if you do, at least you’ll know you really wanted it.
• Be very careful at Costco. Great prices, but huge quantities. Electronics tends to be a good buy.

Miscellaneous

• Electronic stuff doesn’t like water. Keep water away from electronics. Rain is water. Toilets are filled with water. Pools are filled with water. Showers use water. Coffee is water. Washing machines are water. Sodas are water. Car washes are water.
• When putting things away, think about the first place you would think to go look for it, and put it there.
• The yellow 3M memo pads are invisible to copy machines.
• Refilling inkjet cartridges is a pain in the butt.
• Have all the numbers on your cell phone backed up someplace.
• Back up your computer often.
• I use gmail to back up a lot of my documents, and they are then always available if I have Internet access.
• Save word documents at least every 5 minutes
• Be religious about using your PDA. Back it up.
• www.freewillastrology.com is a great astrology column.
• Craig’s list is cool. www.craigslist.org.

Art/Beauty

• Seek out beautiful places where you can go to refresh and recharge your soul.
• Take the time to enjoy the sunset (or the sunrise after an all-nighter.)
• Give yourself permission to be creative whenever possible - without that extra effort, you might find yourself lost in the shuffle.
• Have an art budget.
• Blow your art budget.
• Have art on your walls.
• Buy flowers.

College

• If you don’t have an education, get a trade.
• Try to take a lighter load your first semester.
• Pick your teachers as much as possible
• Spend time asking which teachers are toughest, as in, which ones will you learn the most from.
• Some teachers are worthless and will just read to you from the book.
• Sit in front
• Take lots of notes and actually look at them from time to time.
• Re-write the notes as soon as possible after class. Use regular notebook paper and put into a notebook. Spiral notebooks are a waste of time for this.
• Make friends with someone that takes good notes in every class. Sit with her. Study with her.
• Don't be late for registration.
• Find a good place to study and always study there. Some people like libraries, some like bars.
• Get good grades.
• Keep up on homework (and don’t procrastinate)
• Drinking/partying during the week will mess up your head. Save it for the weekends.
• Don't skip classes, it's too easy to fall behind.
• Give yourself rewards for keeping up on things
• Don’t sign up for early morning classes – you’ll start missing them.
• Find study partners
• Study old tests
• Save all the notes for all your classes.
• Work through lots of example problems for a test. You’ll be surprised at the ones that you already done.
• It’s OK to write in books
• Books on-line are a lot cheaper, but harder to return.
• Bicycles are a great way to get around. Always wear a helmet.
• Nice bikes tend to get stolen.
• Most locks can be broken without too much trouble.
• Pens are cheaper by the dozen.
• The freshman 20 is not a myth. Exercise and watch what you eat.
• Narrow rule paper.
• Geeks mellow with age
• Whether you realize it or not, you have no idea what you want to be when you grow up yet, relax and don't force the issue.
• There is no such thing as graduating on time. You are preparing for the entire rest of your life, there is no rush.
• Study for things a week ahead of time and you won’t have to worry about remembering
• Talk to your professors. Talk to your advisor. Contacts and advice can take you a long way through life.
• Going to college doesn’t make anyone smart.
• But to get a decent job these days you need a degree.
• Some of the smartest people I know haven’t gone to college.
• College isn’t for everyone.
• The only thing a PhD demonstrates is that the person was good at getting a PhD.
• A Master’s Degree can get open up the cool jobs.
• There is no permanent record (unless the police are involved).
• You can sell back books that are not involved in your major. Keep the books that are in your major.
• You can buy old editions of text books cheap.
• Use your PDA religiously.
• Ruled Engineering paper
• 0.3mm mechanical pencils always have a sharp point, but break easily. 0.5mm mechanical pencils are more rugged.
• I prefer the white art erasers.
• The three laws of thermodynamics can be summed up as: You can’t win, you can’t break even, and you can’t get out of the game.
• It’s a lot like life.

Laundry

• You don’t have to wash everything after one wearing (use the sniff test)
• T-shirts are great for preventing sweat stains and keeping shirts clean
• Hang or fold your clothes. Leaving them on the floor leaves them with lots of wrinkles that make it obvious you’ve been out the night before.
• Shirts can be laundered and hung for $1. It’s a lot easier than ironing and starching.
• Some places will break your buttons all the time. Avoid them.
• Liquid detergent
• Febreze will make dirty clothes smell better.
• Don’t put that bright red shirt in with your whites.
• Check your pockets first.
• If washing other people’s clothes, check their pockets first.

Food

• Ramen noodles, frozen pizza, and other things can be easily dressed up. Don’t be afraid to add veggies, cheese, or other things.
• Smell the milk
• Artichoke hearts
• Cooking is easier than you think.
• Mocha is chocolate milk in your coffee
• At 7-11 you can add hot chocolate to your coffee and have mocha
• If you use lots of cream and sugar in your coffee (like me), the cheap stuff works just fine.
• French presses make the best coffee
• Drip coffee makers are easiest.
• I like the Zone diet. 30% fat, 30% protein and 40% carbohydrates. It works best for me, but not necessarily for everyone. It’s easy to plan meals this way.
• Come up with an easy signature dish.
• Milk, cheese and eggs are great cheap and flexible protein sources.
• Don’t waste time with cheap ice cream.
• Joy of Cooking cookbook
• Baking is a science, cooking is an art
• I ALWAYS use a timer, even with boiling water, and especially when using the broiler. Oh look, shiny…!
• Burning or over-cooking food is painful.
• When she pulls something out of the refrigerator and it is completely gross, don’t smell it, tell her to throw it away.

Cell Phones

• Do you really want everyone else on the bus to know about your love life?
• Don’t abuse your cell phone, it costs.
• Used cell phones are really cheap on eBay. Call customer service first with the serial number to make sure it can be activated (and isn’t stolen).
• It can be really handy to have a spare cell phone around.
• New cell phones are subsidized by the company and are really expensive. You got a good deal because you signed a contract.
• Paying full-price for a cell phone hurts.
• Will you really use all those gadgets?
• Some brands of cell phone get MUCH better reception than others. Ask.
• Many places won’t allow your cell phone inside if you have a camera on it.
• Use judgment when you talk on your cell phone.
• You don’t have to answer the phone every time it rings. Sometimes it’s just rude.
• That’s what voice mail is for.
• Have your long conversations when it’s free.
• Be aware that any changes can change your contract. Ask!
• Many companies offer a discount based on where you work.
• Pay your bill and your phone won’t be cut off.
• Cell phones really don’t like water.
• Don’t be surprised if you talk on your cell phone in the rain and it doesn’t work later.
• If you lose your cell phone, first call your phone number to see if it is answered. They may be waiting for you to call. Do this before you turn off the phone.
• If you find a cell phone, first call the number of the phone and leave a message. Next try calling the numbers in their recently dialed list to have them contact the owner of the phone. They really won’t mind if you use their phone for this.
• Accessories are much, MUCH cheaper on-line than in the company store.
• If your phone goes in and out of roaming a lot, your battery life will be killed. Have a charger or extra battery around.
• If you talk in roaming and don’t have the right plan, your bill will kill you.
• On some phones, you can use your phone as a wireless modem for your computer, if you have the right cables. Your cell phone company won’t like it, so don’t use it very much.

Drugs

• People react differently to drugs.
• Some drugs are a lot worse than others. Talk to me and I will give you the very best advice I can with no judgments. I may not like what you’re doing, but I do want you to be aware of what you are doing.
• The bad drugs are bad (meth, crystal, crack, heroin, PCP, …).
• Some people get addicted much more easily than others.
• Some people react badly with cocaine and other drugs.
• Marijuana should be legalized, but it’s still illegal.
• Never buy drugs from people you don't know.
• Never buy drugs in places where you don't feel safe.
• If you don't know what it is, for God's sake don't put it in your body.
• Junkies care about nothing except where the next hit is coming from. Don’t trust a junkie.

Jokes with a moral

• ”Doctor, doctor, it hurts when I do this.”
  “Don’t do that!”
• A bird decides to fly south for the winter really late. While it’s flying, it starts freezing and falls to the ground on a farm. As it’s lying there, slowly freezing to death, a cow stops, shits on it, and walks on. The warmth of it explodes through the bird. “I’m not going to die!” And it starts singing in joy. A cat walks by, hears it singing, and eats it.

  The moral to the story is that someone that gets you into shit is not necessarily an enemy, and someone that gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.

Troubleshooting

• Is it plugged in?
• Is it turned on?
• Turn it off, unplug it, let it sit, plug it in and turn it on.
• Don’t laugh, these will get you through 25% of life (talk to a customer service rep or help desk person sometime).
• RTFM! (Read The Fucking Manual).

Tools

• Drywall screws are awesome.
• Don’t skimp when buying tools. There is a huge difference in quality. You get what you pay for.
• Craftsman has a lifetime warranty. Just take it to any Sears store.
• Not every tool at Sears is a Craftsman.
• Sometimes, only Snap-On will do.
• Expect to lose tools you lend out.
• Always buy the exact tool for the job, the work will go twice as fast
• Measure twice, cut once.
• Buy a tool every week. Pretty soon you’ll have all the tools you need.
• Righty tighty, lefty loosy.
• Use hearing protection with power tools.
• Use safety glasses.

Auto Maintenance

• Not every car problem needs to be fixed immediately (e.g. an oil leak that makes you add 1 quart of oil every 1000 miles is not worth spending a paycheck to fix).
• If the oil light comes on, pull over and stop NOW! You can destroy your engine.
• If the engine is overheating, pull over and stop NOW! You can destroy your engine.
• The best class I’ve ever taken was auto mechanics. I learned that I wasn’t tool challenged. I tend not to get stuck out on the road anymore. I’ve saved thousands of dollars doing work myself. I’ve saved thousands of dollars not having mechanics doing unnecessary work.
• Running the heat in the car can help cool the engine.
• Learn to work on a car. The hard part is troubleshooting. Replacing parts can be relatively easy.
• If the car won’t start – no light usually means the battery is dead, jump it; a slow rev usually means the battery has a low voltage, jump it; a single click means the solenoid is bad, replace it and the starter. If it cranks and cranks, there is something else wrong. Don’t run the starter over 20 seconds at a time (the battery wears down fast and the starter heats up).
• Sometimes all that has happened is that you’ve run out of gas. You wouldn’t be the first.
• When working on many electrical things, you will want to disconnect the battery first.
• You can push start a car with a manual transmission.
• You can trace most non-start or poor-running problems to either electrical or fuel/air problems.
• Expect banged up knuckles.
• Keep receipts when buying car stuff or having repairs. Keep them in the car.
• Find out the recommended weight oil for your car and use it.
• Change the oil every 3000 miles
• Changing oil is easy. Wal-Mart is easier.
• You can bring a filter with you to Wal-Mart, and they will install it and knock off $2.
• I like Castrol.
• Fram oil filters are cheap (in a bad way).
• I prefer to have a mechanic change my oil. He can check the car out while it is on the lift. You can find out something is wrong before it fails.
• Ask your friends to recommend a good mechanic.
• Hose clamps and a soda can will fix an exhaust leak (Duct tape works too, but it stinks).
• Mechanics work on a flat rate system. A given job has so many hours associated with it. You pay that rate whether the job takes much longer or much shorter than that to do.
• Jobs with a lot of rust and knuckle-busting bolts should go to a mechanic.
• Check your fluids (oil, automatic transmission fluid, brake fluid, power steering fluid, windshield washer fluid)
• Check your tire pressure. Make sure the spare tire has air in it.
• Check your brakes. Replace them when they start squeaking and you can save hundreds of dollars.
• Replace your wiper blades every year. I usually choose spring (winter is rough on blades).
• Radiators can be repaired.
• Duct tape can temporarily fix a radiator hose.
• Radios usually have special tools to remove them.
• Know the anti-theft code for your radio (it will come in handy when you replace a battery). Write it down someplace handy.
• Bolts and screws can be a pain in the ass. Always use a wrench or socket on bolts. Bolts can break. An impact driver can pull out a screw. If it is rusted or too tight, first try penetrating oil (like WD-40). Spray it, let it sit, try it again, repeat. If that doesn’t work, try heating it with a propane torch (be careful of other flammables). If a screw head is stripped, you can always cut another groove into it. Screws can be drilled out. Sometimes it’s better to have someone else do this.
• Vice grips work on rounded bolts.
• Cracked Windshield. Have it repaired right away before the crack gets bigger. Much cheaper than replacing a windshield and a cracked windshield will fail an inspection in many states.
• Jumper cables – red is positive, black is negative. Be very careful in winter. Batteries have been known to explode. They say to connect the red and black to the battery on the car giving the jump, the red to the positive terminal on the jumped car, and the black to the engine block someplace. Rev the running car a little bit, and let it run for a few minutes.
• Be careful jumping a motorcycle. It can blow out the electrical system on the motorcycle. Connect it without the car running or remove the motorcycle battery.
• I usually get flat tires because I’ve run over a nail or screw.
• Know how to install a tire plug.
• Tire places can install a plug for $5 (or free).
• Make sure you have an air source to fill your tire after you’ve installed the plug.
• If your automatic transmission is shifting hard, check the fluid level.
• Have extra keys hidden someplace.
• Graphite powder will make all locks work much more smoothly. Never use WD-40.
• Lube all hinges
• Don’t forget to wash the door jambs
• Never hose down a hot engine, it will do funny things to have hot engine parts chilled suddenly.
• It’s OK for an engine to be dirty.
• Wash an engine cold.
• Keep water out of the distributor (it has lots of cables running to it). Your car won’t start if you get the distributor wet.
• The best ice scrapers have brass blades.
• Exhaust leaks can make you fall asleep on the road and cause carbon monoxide poisoning.
• Have an emergency kit in the car. Some things to include: flares, multi-tool, pocket knife, jumper cables, fix-a-flat, a couple quarts of motor oil, candy bars, water bottles, flashlight, a couple bandanas, a cigarette lighter and an extra battery for your cell phone. All of this will fit into a small duffel bag.
• Sometimes, you can buy pre-made car kits that are pretty handy.
• A more complete list includes (you probably won’t carry this stuff around all the time): Vise grips, fire extinguisher, screwdrivers, pliers, hammer, hose clamps, baling wire, duct tape, WD-40, socket set, wrenches, electrical tape, tire gauge, comfortable shoes, old clothes, fuses, tire plugs, sleeping bag, maps/atlas, blanket, paper towels, graphite powder, electrical wire and connectors, repair receipts, plywood for jack, tow rope, zip ties, air compressor, tire iron, jack, first aid kit, bug repellent, sun screen, tie down straps, bungee cords,
• Add fifty bucks and try really hard to forget that it’s there.
• Keep an overnight bag in the car. Things you might include: a change of clothes, socks, underwear, sneakers, a few toiletries, washcloth and small towel, condoms, a paperback novel.
• If you have a wife, girlfriend or kids, add some things that they might need.
• Baby wipes can make a fairly efficient substitute for a shower.
• It will make your next breakdown, snowstorm, or sudden hookup with an attractive member of the opposite sex that much easier.
• It’s a lot harder to get screwed by circumstance when you’re prepared.
• You can pull a fuse from one slot and use it in another (pull one you don’t need). Make sure the amperage matches.
• Re-wiring around fuses can cause a fire.
• Always use car stands when working under a car.
• Learn how to change a tire, if you don’t already.
• It’s a good idea to put the tire under the car after you’ve pulled it off. If the jack fails, the car lands on the tire and not on the ground.
• Test your tire jack. Know how to use it. Make sure you have all the pieces. Find the proper spot on the vehicle to use it.
• If you get a flat tire in a place where there is no room to pull over, continue to drive until you find a safe place. It will just ruin the tire. Don’t risk your life for a flat tire.
• When a rear tire goes flat your steering will get really squirrelly.
• Low transmission fluid can ruin your transmission. That’s a $1000 (or more) job.
• Carry a small piece of plywood to put the jack on. If the ground is soft, the jack will go straight into the ground and not lift your vehicle.
• You may need a special tool to get your wheels off. Do you know where it is? Do you have your tire iron? Check before you really need it.
• Windshield wiper fluid will freeze in the winter. Use a winter blend when it gets cold.
• The cans of flat-tire repair can explode (violently!) when it gets hot. Don’t keep it in the passenger compartment. Trust me.
• My mechanic recommended using Chevron Techron for cleaning fuel injectors. Use it occasionally.
• Keeping the gas tank relatively full in the winter tends to prevent fuel line freeze.
• Armor All sucks. It will look good for a little bit, but then turn grayish and look worse than it originally did.
• Meguiars makes great car products.
• You feed cars $100 bills and hope they get better.
• Wax your car and it will always look nicer.
• Rubbing compound can remove oxide from your paint.
• Carry the highest liability insurance you can. You have a lifetime of earnings to protect. You’ll be covered at that rate on uninsured motorist as well.
• Don’t carry comprehensive and collision on an old car.
• Don’t waste money on a car – rims, tires, …. It is almost always just for looks. Most performance improvements are in your mind. Performance costs.
• If you do hop up your car, do it right. Begin with tires, suspension and brakes. Then intake manifold and head. Then add the rest.
• It’s much cheaper to buy it from someone that has already done the modifications you want.

Driving

• Pay attention all the time while you are driving. Accidents can be disastrous.
• Police will generally give you about 10 MPH, but don’t count on it.
• If you see one cop, slow down. Sometimes they focus on a piece of road and there will be many more around.
• Always go the speed limit (or slower) in unfamiliar small towns. You don’t want to fund their tax base.
• Be careful when driving out of state. Some troopers target out-of state vehicles.
• Be very careful driving out-of-state with anything illegal.
• Radar detectors help, but don’t count on them 100%.
• Don’t speed if you can’t afford the ticket.
• Don’t speed if you can’t afford the increase in insurance premiums.
• Wash your windows and check your oil when filling up with gas. This isn’t as necessary for newer vehicles, but it is a good practice to have.
• Drive on the right, pass on the left.
• When there are 3 or more lanes going in the same direction, usually avoid driving in the right lane (lot of traffic merging and exiting). Go with the flow, but don’t stick out.
• When your lane is going much faster than the other lane, slow way down. Someone will try to cut in ahead of you.
• Speedometers can be wrong. Figure out what your real speed is (drive a steady speed, use highway markers, figure out how many seconds it takes to go a mile, divide 3600 by the number of seconds, compare to the speed you drove, remember). This number can change as your tires wear down or are replaced.
• When she asks if you have to go to the bathroom, she needs to pee.
• Drive safely.
• Drive smoothly, be predictable
• Go with the flow of traffic, try not to stick out.
• Don’t drive slower than the flow of traffic. That causes trouble too.
• Don’t be a jerk! Everyone else hates the traffic as much as you do, don’t make it worse.
• Don’t tailgate – you lose the ability to have any kind of reaction in time.
• Don’t change lanes all the time – it’s an accident waiting to happen.
• Don’t get really mad about traffic. You’ll drive recklessly, get home about one minute earlier with all the aggressive driving, and be in a really pissed off mood. Just turn up the radio and let the frustrations flow through you.
• Bridges tend to be big choke points around big cities. Avoid them at rush hour if you possibly can.
• Avoid using a cell phone while driving.
• Use a headset when you do.
• When waiting to make a left turn, do not turn your wheels until you begin to make the turn. If you are rear-ended with your wheels turned, you will be pushed into oncoming traffic.
• Check parking signs whenever you park. Towing costs a lot.
• If you do have to park illegally, stay out of the handicapped space. Not only is it bad karma, but the tickets are MUCH more expensive.
• It’s good karma to stop for that person stranded on the side of the road.
• Carry a fire extinguisher in the car at all times. Engine fires can destroy a car.
• Keep extra change in the car.
• Don’t get a parking ticket because you don’t have change.
• The exact change lane at the toll booths is faster.
• If the car is really fogging up inside, make sure you push the button for fresh air and not recirculated air.
• Turn on the air conditioning too. It will dehumidify the air going across the windshield, even if you have it set on heat.
• Keep a trash bag in the car and use it.
• If there is an emergency vehicle behind you with lights flashing and you are stopped at a signal, go through the light carefully and let it through.
• There’s a reason people have locks on their wheels.
• Shop around for car insurance. There is a huge variation in rates.
• Don’t put too much oil in the car either. It can foam up and cause problems.
• Use your turn signals.
• Motorcycles tend to be invisible. Watch for them
• If you get a flat tire someplace where you can’t pull over, continue driving slowly until you do find a safe place to pull over. A flat tire is not worth your life.
• When you do pull over, pull all the way off the road.
• Don’t make really big repairs on beater cars.
• Wintertime – keep a shovel, blankets, a few MREs from the Army-Navy store and a big bag of sand or kitty litter in case you get stuck in the snow in the car. Use the shovel once in 3 years, and you’ll be very happy you did.
• Never put rocks under the rear tires in the wintertime to get traction. Bricks can become projectiles.
• If you do speed (and everybody does), think ahead of time about where you would hide if you were a cop and watch for those places (just over the top of a hill, around a turn, in the trees, …).
• Don’t rubberneck.
• Parking in the shade will make the car a lot cooler.
• If you park under a tree, a bird will shit on it.
• Avoid parking exposed at the end in a parking lot. You are more likely to experience a hit and run there.
• Don’t leave anything out in your car. It can easily be broken into. Junkies will do anything for $10.
• When using the wipers, turn your lights on.
• Premium fuel only works in cars made for it. Using anything else is just wasting your money. Really!
• Name brand gas stations generally carry gas that has more additives to it. Detergent is a good thing for fuel injectors. Sometimes gas is cut-rate for a reason.
• Accelerating fast cuts your gas mileage
• Running out of gas sucks. Fill when you get to ¼ tank.
• Know how big your gas tank is.
• Truckers really can’t see you if you can’t see their mirrors.
• You can still draft if you see their mirrors.
• Be careful when following big trucks or vans. You have a big blind spot directly ahead of you.
• Always carry copies of your CDs in the car, not the originals.
• It can get really hot in a car. Don’t leave albums, cassettes, VCR tapes, chocolate… in the car. They can all melt.
• Cracking your windows helps.
• Cruise control can save you speeding tickets.
• Cruise controls don’t work very well when it’s hilly.
• Don’t use your cruise control when it’s wet or snowy. Your car will have a mind of its own and you can go out of control.
• Keep track of all the vehicles around you all the time. Use your mirrors. Try to look at least 20 seconds ahead. Know that if you have to change lanes at the last second, which way to go.
• When you do have to choose where to crash, first vehicles going in the same direction, then stationary objects. Try to avoid vehicles going in the opposite direction.
• Don’t race a train.
• Gauges can go bad.
• Gauges can be wrong.
• Idiot lights can go bad.
• Don’t necessarily pay attention to turn signals (or lack of). People are stupid. Watch carefully how the drive.
• Especially if you are on a motorcycle.
• When there is a lot of water on the road, you can hydroplane (and lose the ability to steer). Drive more slowly.
• If the rain is coming down in sheets pull over to the side of the road for a while. It generally doesn’t last long.
• Be very careful driving in fog. I generally back off far enough from the person ahead of me to where I can just see their tail lights. If they brake I can see it and have as much notice as I possibly can. Don’t be one of those people that drives blindly in the fog. Slow down.
• Be much more careful driving in bad weather. Most people drive as if the roads are clear, and there are a lot more accidents.
• Give that motorcycle a lot of room.
• When the rear end of the car starts sliding, steer into the skid to keep control. This means that if the rear of the car starts sliding to the right, turn the steering wheel toward the right. Steer to the left and you will spin around.
• Practice skidding, braking and sliding in an empty, wet or snowy, parking lot.
• Black cars, SUVs, and expensive cars tend to be the worst drivers and prone to road rage. Be careful of that black Hummer.
• Guys driving Hummers have a small penis.

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