2 men enter; 2 dorks leave
A few days ago Johno and I had a brief email exchange touching on, among other topics, D&D, TSR vs GDW vs Steve Jackson Games products, and RPG character generation and its limitations. Afterward, it occurred to me that Johno might be a bigger dork than I had previously thought.
Now, I did not need any outside help recognizing my own dorktitude, but I sometimes have trouble recognizing it in others. And outside of demonstrable evidence to the contrary, I just sort of assumed I was the bigger of any random pair of dorks. But after this email exchange, I wondered, is that always the case? Which of us is the biggest dork?
And not who HAS the biggest dork, a contest I’d never be competitive in suffering as I do from the limitations characteristic of my ethnicity. It’s who IS the bigger dork.
It is a given that ALL the Ministers are dorks. We write content for a blog, a blog which was just updated and enspiffened, for starters. We fret whether we post enough, or too much. Our imagined Doomsday scenarios guide our purchasing choices at the grocery store, pharmacy, car dealer, and gun shop. We think robots are cool, zombies are scary, and spaceships are kick-ass.
But the question remains: who among us is the biggest dork?
To settle the question, Ministers will compose a post addressing a pastime, hobby, situation, or circumstance demonstrating knowledge of the subject, or the depths of the depraved dorkness you sank to in order to achieve a result. Opponent will counter with a [wik], comparing his own experiences with a similar subject or situation.
Once the post and [wik] are complete, readers will comment. Each match will be decided by readers’ comments; best of 3 moves on to title bout. The winner will be crowned Supreme Victor of the Universe, a suitably dorky title.
Fight cards are: Johno vs. Geeklethal; Ross vs. Buckethead.
The Ministry of Minor Perfidy: where the big winner is the biggest loser.
[wik] Johno vs. Geeklethal: Round 1, Round 2, Round 3.
[alsø wik] Johno vs. Buckethead: Round 1.
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§ 9 Comments
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As I got up to fighting
As I got up to fighting weight for my bout with Johno, I couldn't help but wonder about Buckethead and Ross.
Buckethead has strong sci-fi-fu. But Ross is something of an unknown in this domain; does he have a secret dorky weapon to counter B's spaceships?
I'm not sure I can take you,
I'm not sure I can take you, chief. By very dint of the fact that you took the time to conceive and post this contest in public speaks to your incredible dorkiness.
That being said, I'm pretty sure I can pull out an old comment of mine off blogcritics.org that will put any questions of my dorkiness to rest.
Oh my sweet jesus. What are
Oh my sweet jesus. What are you boys doing? Buckethead asked me to return to these pages to witness the dork-bath firsthand. I asked him, why on earth are you asking an asthmatic with glasses who reads two dead languages, and suddenly I realized he was asking me to judge the fight. Good lord.
Who here wore floods? Tube socks? Forgot what a comb was? Participated on the math or physics team? Who here bored their class to death by doing book reports on the Star Wars novels?
Buckethead, you're a smoker, sorry, that automatically makes you cool. Plus your wife is a hot redhead.
Not only did I participate in
Not only did I participate in the math and physics team, but my li'l backwoods briarhopper school of 400 students had a team that was NATIONALLY RANKED two years running.
Hoo-RAH!
Not only were most of my
Not only were most of my pants high-waters, they were HEMMED extra high so I would grow into them, which I did continually, which meant letting them down a bit, but never enough, which meant a perpetual cycle of visible flood-readiness.
Such quick responses. I can't
Such quick responses. I can't tell by your enthusiasm who is geekier. I mean, only a real geek would be PROUD of being a geek, and that's both of you...
OMG. My posting word was NUCLEAR. Why is my brain using W's voice to read it?
M,
M,
I think...I never thought about it in these terms, but...I think I DO take a certain pride from all this. But I think it's not having been such a huge dork and whiny sissy-ass, but pride in how far I've come, in overcoming my...handicap.
And now, as a stud and man's man, I feel safe enough to laugh at my dorky heritage.
Johno, but were YOU on the
Johno, but were **YOU** on the nationally ranked team?
But of course, milady.
But of course, milady.
And ditto what GeekLethal said. I can't believe the crap I used to get up to.
I wonder if dorks qualify for some sort of disability assistance?