The gathering threat
I am put in mind of Alan Rickman looking bemusedly at a dead comrade in a Santa outfit, reading Bruce Willis' note in that weird stentorian Generic European voice of his: "Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho."
Why?
Because of this article: "Army To Deploy Robots That Shoot." The headline alone should be enough to strike dread terror into the hearts of all good (read:"evil") Perfidians, but the real kick in the all-too-human nuts is the article's blithe assertion that the robots in question, Foster Miller's "Talon" machines, "also can be mounted with a rocket launcher." Oh, very nice. Why not arm them with meatsaws and pain rays too, network them all, and call it Skynet just for shits and giggles?
Moreover, CNet clearly lacks a keen sense of karmic retribution, because the header chosen for the article reads "Next year, the U.S. Army will give robots machine guns, although humans will firmly be in control of them."
The fools! Don't they know the first rule of Robo-Semantic Eschatologoly? To wit: "Any assurances that a given robot is in the control of humans will sooner or later be tragically invalidated by the advent of a superintelligent evil robot made so by one of the following: freak lightning strike; sponaneous software upgrade; sunspots; or co-option by secret robotic overlords."
Just like you never say "so far, so good" in some situations, and absolutely never say "naw, she won't get pregnant" in others, all humans must live their lives by this code or suffer the consequences: never say that the humans are in charge.
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This line made me chuckle:
This line made me chuckle:
"Unlike most robots, the machine gun-mounted Talon won't be autonomous. People will guide it via radio commands or fiber networks and then have full control over the gun."
Cause Lawd knows there's never a communication break using radio or fiber whatevers.
Autonomy for these units might be a good choice. Set up the engagement zone, send in the droids. When thermal and x-ray sensors indicate no remaining life, have a flagbot plant Ol' Glory and move on.
If they're captured, jihadis can't chop off their heads or otherwise torture them. Couldn't even really parade them through the streets for Al Jazeera- whoopee fuck, you collared an armed Mini. Hell, we can rig 'em to blow if one so much as tries CTRL-ALT-DLT.
As a nod to freedom-hating hippies, you could even embed newsbots with them to record every second of mind-stopping, soul-jarring action. You know, for the historical record.
Meatsaws?
Meatsaws?
Yeah-- meatsaws, like the
Yeah-- meatsaws, like the ones they have at the deli. Mount that on a jointed swivel arm and the robot could engage in hand-to-hand combat.
Heck, if you'd like we could rig one up with a rotary toothed sawblade, one of those little Dremel-like bonesaw thingys surgeons use, and a full set of dental picks and drills. Now THAT would be a scary robot.