Double plus whitening
Norbizness (who I have not linked in some time, to my shame) has a hilarious post up - rap lyrics translated into middle-management speak. Example:
"Law enforcement officials seem intent on confiscating my current narcotic harvest."
"Please pass me the amplification device, so that I may extend my present line of discourse. The alliance of particular Californian neighborhoods is a portent of imperilment."
Fun, fun, fun
Posted by
Buckethead
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"It is a tortuous process to
"It is a tortuous process to craft a verse in a temporaneously favorable fashion, yea, 'tis tortuous."
"Ms. Jackson, please accept my credentials and apology. My actions toward your child were untoward especially considering her pursuant emotional devastation. I am aware that any apology so levelled, no matter how many times proffered, cannot compensate for the injury."
"It is imperitive that you crusade for the liberty to celebrate at will."
"I suppose such a happenstance would make one say 'drat.'"
"My mother inveiged upon me to render you unconscious; please be aware that such action is imminent."
New school!
New school!
"You can locate me in the Salon, with a jereboam of Champagne. Do know, Ma'am, that I am able to obtain 3,4 Methylene-dioxy-N-methylamphetamine should you so desire, and I decidedly prefer copulation to courtship. Please do not hesitate to make yourself proximate to me if you find enjoyment in physical intensity."
How about an old def jam?
"Gentlemen, are you aware, are you watching?
Hey nonny nonny we enjoy a festival atmosphere.
We prefer not to create a stir; nor to molest our neighbors,
We are... merely some gentlemen empowered to speak with amplification,
And when we commence to versifying in this fashion,
We truly versify in this fashion. Verily!"
"To whom belongs this domicile?"
"The preferred method of
"The preferred method of achieving my goals is a Kalishnakov-pattern rifle,
Yet I ask you not cause me to engage in otherwise embarassing or counterproductive behaviors,
You and I would likely grapple in close combat,
And on a consistent basis I am victorious in other such contests,
Using other measures of elapsed time, even the most ignorant of citizens would ideally conclude my city of origin is Compton, California
And those same citizens would most assuredly choose to avoid conflict with me, inasmuch as I am from Compton
When I do leave Compton, and might find myself in your city of origin, do please find a way to place your vital bits out of the immediate danger I may represent,
As I am extraordinarily mentally challenged and, therefore, highly unpredictable."
Sincerely,
Thrice-frozen water
Once more, with translations!
Once more, with translations!!
Bonus points for anyone who can correctly identify the artists responsible for the originals.
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"It is a tortuous process to craft a verse in a temporaneously favorable fashion, yea, 'tis tortuous."
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It's tricky to rhyme on time, it's tricky.
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"Ms. Jackson, please accept my credentials and apology. My actions toward your child were untoward especially considering her pursuant emotional devastation. I am aware that any apology so levelled, no matter how many times proffered, cannot compensate for the injury."
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I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for real. I didn't mean to make your daughter cry, I apologized a million times.
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"It is imperitive that you crusade for the liberty to celebrate at will."
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You gotta fight for your right to party.
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"I suppose such a happenstance would make one say 'drat.'"
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It's just one of those things that makes you goooo, Oh Shit!
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"My mother inveiged upon me to render you unconscious; please be aware that such action is imminent."
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Oh, please.
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"Gentlemen, are you aware, are you watching?
Hey nonny nonny we enjoy a festival atmosphere.
We prefer not to create a stir; nor to molest our neighbors,
We are... merely some gentlemen empowered to speak with amplification,
And when we commence to versifying in this fashion,
We truly versify in this fashion. Verily!"
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You know what, you peep this,
La di da di, we like to party.
We don't cause trouble, we dont bother nobody.
We're... just some men that's on the mic,
And when we rock upon the mic,
We rock the mic (Right!).
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"To whom belongs this domicile?"
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Once again, oh please.
"Tricky"
"Tricky"
RUN DMC
"Billy Jean"...?
Michael Jackson
"Fight for your right"
Beastie Boys
oh oh..."Things That Make You Go 'Hmm"?
"Momma Said Knock You Out"
LL Cool J
"Who's house? RUN'S HOUSE!!"
Best I can do.
First and foremost, I must
First and foremost, I must register my particular consternation with officers of the Police Department. I believe that I am at a particular disadvantage owing to the sub-basement location of my office. Said officers routinely oversee my every action with undue scrutiny, scrutiny based purely on speculation. Indeed this overzealousness has resulted in a misguided investigation of my company vehicle. The officer in charge of said action stated he was of the opinion that I must be in the possession of narcotic contraband. Further, he based his conclusion on entirely irrelevant data as my pigmentation has no bearing on the legality of my actions.
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, I am
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for real. I didn't mean to make your daughter cry, I apologized a million times.
It's actually Outkast. I saw a great parody on SNL. It was when Jesse Jackson admitted to cheating on his wife. Brilliant.
Okay... Trying my hand at this, but I warn you, I'm really bad and I can only really remember old skool stuff..
"Large brightly colored bird desires a flat, dry, lightly salted baked good"
"Returned to the location of action, crunchy-textured and well-bathed."
"In the past on a certain occasion, I fornicated in a chopped beef monarch's fast food restaurant water closet"
Okay. I am really bad at this. I give up now.